Sorry

[vreemd13]

Have Thai people ever told you: "Sorry, I did wrong to you" or "Thank you, you were right after all".

It is no problem for me to admit I am wrong or apoligize.

However, reading about this "loosing face" thingy, I just wonder if it is the same for Thai people.

What is your opinion, when Thai people say "sorry" to you?

[simcity]

a certain group use :

sorry / hate / pity / brother / sister without sense

i am sure i am missing some

[jumnien]

Love is never having to say you're sorry!

[khunandy]

Have Thai people ever told you: "Sorry, I did wrong to you" or "Thank you, you were right after all".

It is no problem for me to admit I am wrong or apoligize.

However, reading about this "loosing face" thingy, I just wonder if it is the same for Thai people.

What is your opinion, when Thai people say "sorry" to you?

My wife says sorry if it is appropriate, other members of the family just look sheepish and stare at the ground, or disappear for a few days.

[apetley]

Wifey has said sorry twice in the 6 and a bit years we have been together.

She is nearly perfect!!!!

[jaiyenyen]

I agree,

My wife will sometimes say sorry if she see's that I'm very upset over something, but I've never had any other Thai say sorry. Even when I've caught them stealing or cheating me any signs of regret or remorse are kept well hidden.

It is a huge wind up for me and something I don't think I will ever get used to.

Rude and unacceptable behavior really pi55e5 me off, especially when the perpetrator thinks the problem goes away if they avoid eye contact and keep their mouth shut.

[Mobi]

There is an extreme reluctance amongst some Thais never to apologise, because it means loss of face, and also they think it is a sign of weakness - especially if they are inclined to be control freaks.

My ex wife, who I was with for 26 years never once said sorry for anything - even when the whole world proved to her that she was in the wrong.

My current wife apologises fairly regularly, if she is in the wrong, as I do.

But I am sure they are also many farangs who also rarely, if ever, apologise.

[blizzard]

more thai bashing i see!

thais i notice r quick to apologize. im no talkng bout spouses, regular thai people.

[wilko]

You have to be wrong first!......what's that like?

[tijnebijn]

Kgoh Thot !

I hear it all the time , if we are taking about being polite Thai people definitely are .

And can say sorry for every wrong move !

But ! The big BUT! If it is about them being wrong , especially when if makes them look like a moron

never never they will say they are sorry about something like that , they even hate you

confronting them with it , Thais do not like to be confronted !

Its a cultural thing , even if everybody knows they will not confront them quickly ,

avoiding the conflict , not wanting things to get heated up .

After a couple of years I started to understand it , it is actually not a bad attitude ,

letting the things go , why the need to confront , I founded out this is a typical WESTERN thing !

It really is , and most of us living in Thailand or Asia for that matter should learn .

Not everything is so perfect in our western ways , if it was why were we so attracted to the place ?

Got it ?

[Donnyboy]

Kgoh Thot !

I hear it all the time , if we are taking about being polite Thai people definitely are .

And can say sorry for every wrong move !

But ! The big BUT! If it is about them being wrong , especially when if makes them look like a moron

never never they will say they are sorry about something like that , they even hate you

confronting them with it , Thais do not like to be confronted !

Its a cultural thing , even if everybody knows they will not confront them quickly ,

avoiding the conflict , not wanting things to get heated up .

After a couple of years I started to understand it , it is actually not a bad attitude ,

letting the things go , why the need to confront , I founded out this is a typical WESTERN thing !

It really is , and most of us living in Thailand or Asia for that matter should learn .

Not everything is so perfect in our western ways , if it was why were we so attracted to the place ?

Got it ?

There are times thou when confrontation or challenging the person is the best policy. IE someone earlier mentioned that they caught someone stealing or cheating. Why would they get let off with non-action when direct action would put the issue to rest (might lead to heated arguement or worse), and possibly stop future stealing/cheating.

am I wrong? sorry!

[Donnyboy]

You have to be wrong first!......what's that like?

what size are you?

[GuestHouse]

Does 'Solly' count?

--

And that's not a frivelous question given the shared language skills of many expat/Thai relationships.

Edited February 10, 2008 by GuestHouse

[tijnebijn]

Kgoh Thot !

I hear it all the time , if we are taking about being polite Thai people definitely are .

And can say sorry for every wrong move !

But ! The big BUT! If it is about them being wrong , especially when if makes them look like a moron

never never they will say they are sorry about something like that , they even hate you

confronting them with it , Thais do not like to be confronted !

Its a cultural thing , even if everybody knows they will not confront them quickly ,

avoiding the conflict , not wanting things to get heated up .

After a couple of years I started to understand it , it is actually not a bad attitude ,

letting the things go , why the need to confront , I founded out this is a typical WESTERN thing !

It really is , and most of us living in Thailand or Asia for that matter should learn .

Not everything is so perfect in our western ways , if it was why were we so attracted to the place ?

Got it ?

There are times thou when confrontation or challenging the person is the best policy. IE someone earlier mentioned that they caught someone stealing or cheating. Why would they get let off with non-action when direct action would put the issue to rest (might lead to heated arguement or worse), and possibly stop future stealing/cheating.

am I wrong? sorry!

Oh no I am not saying you are wrong , good to do when needing to do .

When not necessary I learnt to shut up , and that works also .

My point is that we foreigners should understand the difference and mostly why

the Thai does not speak out , there are many reasons for that .

Understanding in my opinion will bring us more close to the place we choose to live .

So no sorry for your example .

[astral]

My wife and children do say sorry, when necessary.

[vreemd13]

more thai bashing i see!

thais i notice r quick to apologize. im no talkng bout spouses, regular thai people.

Neither was I am talking about bashing Thai, nor spouses, nor "regular people" (which you have never met before; f.e. who bump into you on skytrain and friendly apologize) thus nor quick innocent apology mentioned by me.

I was talking about people as friends (in this case Thai people), who tell "sorry" by themself, even the occasion has occured many months before and I never pushed (or had the intention) to receive an apolgy.

[vreemd13]

You have to be wrong first!......what's that like?

Sure, in that case everybody would immediately answer "Sorry, I don't understand you"

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

Don't know about sorry but our Thai contractor who is remodeling our condo, quite often says he does not know something and will find out the answer. That I really appreciate. Is that common?

[vreemd13]

a certain group use :

sorry / hate / pity / brother / sister without sense

i am sure i am missing some

I understand what you mean with people who are using "sorry / without sense" (most probably quick apology, in case individual parties don't know eachother),

However, please, elaborate "hate / pity / brother / sister without sense"

Especially "brother / sister without sense" I don't understand in this case. Is there any example to explain to me why this could be mentioned?

[Pierrot]

I find that "just looking sheepish and staring at the ground, or disappearing for a few days" is an acceptable way to apologize. Sometime people use other way to apologize than words. I recently found out that among young people in Hong Kong a kind of military salute means "sorry".

Also, please don't flame me for that, it's just a personnal feeling, Asian societies are very heriarchicals. If people have the feeling to be superior to you, they won't apologize. In this regard, I have sometime the feeling to belong to a dog pack. You have to establish very early your place in the hierachy and sometime to "bark and bite" to put contestants back in their place. Then apologizes will come in confirmation of your status.

[vreemd13]

Don't know about sorry but our Thai contractor who is remodeling our condo, quite often says he does not know something and will find out the answer. That I really appreciate. Is that common?

Is that common? I don't know? That is kind what I am asking here for explanation to understand!

But I certainly would appreciate his honest answer at the moment, as long as he does return with an answer in the near future.

Edited February 17, 2008 by vreemd13

[peter991]

Don't know about sorry but our Thai contractor who is remodeling our condo, quite often says he does not know something and will find out the answer. That I really appreciate. Is that common?

Unfortunately it is not common. The behaviour of your contractor should be encouraged and praised.

Peter

[vreemd13]

Have Thai people ever told you: "Sorry, I did wrong to you" or "Thank you, you were right after all".

It is no problem for me to admit I am wrong or apoligize.

However, reading about this "loosing face" thingy, I just wonder if it is the same for Thai people.

What is your opinion, when Thai people say "sorry" to you?

My wife says sorry if it is appropriate, other members of the family just look sheepish and stare at the ground, or disappear for a few days.

I have experienced "look sheepish and stare at the ground, or disappear for a few days". I do accept this kind of teliing "sorry". Let it pass, let it go, don't mention and problem solved in short-time period forever.

However, this short-time "sorry" solution does not explain (thai) people motives for telling "sorry" after 6months.

[intumult]

I've even been told 'Sorry' when a lady has been late for a date. Heard it on other occasions too. So, yes, Thais do say sorry in my experience.

[wilko]

So does anyone think Thai people are physiologically different from "westerners" and incapable of saying "sorry"?

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anyway lots of countries have a problem when it comes to saying sorry......Australia for instance?

Edited February 17, 2008 by wilko

[WeekendWarrior]

I have said sorry to some girls after sex.

But they never say sorry to me, but then they rarly come first.

Australia has said sorry and I think that was wrong, why should we say sorry for something we did not do.

I had to apologies to someone a few years ago for sending them the wrong contents in a box. But they never sent it back nor said sorry for not.

I have neever had a Thai person say sorry to me.

[wilko]

I am inexorably glad you are in a minority on that.

[wamberal]

So does anyone think Thai people are physiologically different from "westerners" and incapable of saying "sorry"?

\

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anyway lots of countries have a problem when it comes to saying sorry......Australia for instance?

Nothing like an ignorant generalisation to add quality to the discussion.

There has been considerable debate in Australia about the merits of the Australian Government and/or the Parliament saying "sorry" to indigenous people who were removed from their parents in past decades.

The present Government has in fact said "sorry", and virtually the whole parliament has acquiesced. The debate has largely been about the merits and demerits of a current Government apologising for the perceived wrongs of previous Governments - wrongs which were in fact legal at the time, and, sad to say, largely accepted by the population as a whole.

Even the previous Prime Minister, the very conservative John Howard, gave a personal apology - but his view was that he should not apologise for actions of previous governments. A substantial minority of the population agree with him.

Edited February 18, 2008 by wamberal

[Jai Dee]

OK, let's keep this Thailand related please, without slagging off at Thai people.

Australian politics do not belong on this forum.

[TheDon]

I find they say sorry just as much as Aussies, must be a different group of Thai people I know then others but face is not an issue with the Thais I know.

Also the Thai's that drink water.

I find people on here seem to think Thais are so different to the rest of the world and magnify anything they do, and they look at everything they do alittle different, but most of the times its not different to back home but they dont go looking for it at home.

For eg. Farang crosses the road nearly gets hit by car alot of farangs would think "that was close" but if it was a Thai they would think "why dont Thais look before they cross the road"