A Question Of Heartache And Morality

[Docklander]

Please believe me but I am not a troll but I have registered another user ID to ask this.

I had a relationship with a Thai girl whilst I travelled to and from Thailand before retiring early. That continued after I went to live there. Some 18 months into the relationship she cheated on me and though I forgave her, I finished the relationship shortly afterwards. I never stopped thinking about her or wanting to know what she was doing. We talked regularly and met on many occassions afterwards.

On the rebound, I met someone else. She never ignited the spark of the previous Thai girl but she was company, certainly when I needed it. The relationship died after about ayear and a half but we stayed together and through her laziness in taking the pill, she fell pregnant. We decided to keep the baby as she would not get rid of it anyway and I thought I could be a better father in situ rather than in absentia. We carried on much as before and the baby is now one year old.

For the last year, we have been like sister and brother rather than lovers or a couple. Rows ensued often. We realised that we should seperate but we kept trying because of the baby, my hoping things would improve. Improve they did not. She began stealing money, she met new friends who are not really friends at all but merely seek to drain money for her. Some gold went to the pawn shop and her spending went out of control. She almost forgot our baby, coming home in the early morning or even the following afternoon.

Still, I continued to try and patch over the relationship thinking that perhaps it could still come good.

During this time I was in occassional contact with my ex. Sometimes when having a night out I would bump into her and her friends. we exchanged SMS often and had the occassional hour on the beach. I felt so much for her but I was committed to the current relationship.

The last couple of months have been hel_l. I feel as though I can take no more and I want out, preferably amicably with an agreeable decision over custody and access etc.

Two weeks ago I hear that my ex is getting married or is thinking it is her time. She has a boyfriend I know about but I do not know him. I know from our times together that she still has feelings for me and she did say once that he was "not bad man" rather than she loved him.

My heart went racing. Here I am in the middle of a disasterous relationship with a woman I remain with who has done far far worse than the woman I still love ever did. I tried to block it out of my mind but I cannot. For right or for wrong I need to tell my ex my feelings and let her decide whether she gives up what she has to come back to me. Her boyfriend saw a totally innocent SMS about one of her friends and told her to stop contact with me so that access channel is closed.

This is not something I am happy with myself about nor too proud I admit, potentially breaking up a relationship which may be sustainable though from her words it lacks passion and burning desire. I get the feeling from her that it is the "best of a bad bunch" and "he'll do" type of thing.

I don't know why I'm asking for your "advice" but I don't have many other outlets from which to draw support or criticism.

I know I'll take some flak here but the option to just put up and shut up with the current situation is not available. I know, I've tried. My son has to remain the top priority without question. I am not trying to save her, I am trying to save me from spending the next few years or many years wondering "what if" and cursing myself for not acting whilst there was still a chance.

If I can get the opportunity, I just want to lay my cards out on the table and let her know how I feel and let her know that I am not unavailable if not easily available until some matters are resolved. If she decides to pass on me then I have to accept that and walk away.

Am I so wrong ?

Edited February 12, 2008 by Docklander

[IMChris]

You think with the wrong head Your only concern at this time is YOUR CHILD and only your child and forget the rest. If sex is the only thing you want then keep in the bars and dingy hotels.