Living With The Thai Mother-in-law

[a2396]

Is there anyone else in the entire world that lives with their mother-in-law? I have been living with my Thai MIL for 3 years (due to lack of finances to build). I think I have reached my limit...my insides clench up when I look at her. I can't smile or even talk to her any more. In 3 years I have seen her smile about twice and that's only when her daugher visits. She never cleans anything... dishes, kitchen after cooking (which is only about once a week), bathroom, whatever. She critisises everything and everyone. I no longer cook because if I have to hear her complain about what I did wrong one more time I'm going to crack.

All of my father-in-law's family can't stand her, they have never visited in the whole time I've lived here and since we live in a rural village where all the rellies from both sides are within a kilometre of us, this is quite amazing. Renting is not an option because our business is run from the house and in the village, no one rents. I've recently applied for a job in Bangkok so hopefully I can escape soon, but if that falls through I think I have to leave the country just to get away from her .

I used to be such a nice, smiley, friendly person, but lately I feel like I've morphed into a horrible frowning, grouch..it's unbearable. Anyone else tortured by their Thai in-laws? Perhaps give me tips on how to avoid going off my nut at her and her nasty self.

Just needed to rant. Thank you.

Are you a Thai woman or western?? and I assume your husband and Monther-in-law are Thai??

[blizzard]

on the other hand.

maybe momma is a bit disappointed in her daughters choice of husband. all her neighbors see farang pumping baht into rural economy, she has one who is a drain on the economy................lol.

its like she had the first pick in nfl draft and ended up with TONY MANDARICH! FOR U NFL FOOTBALL FANS..............LOL.

[sbk]

Rue is a western female living in the South of Thailand. Given that she is the only farang in the area, I doubt very much mama was expecting her son to marry a rich farang.

As for the living in her house issue, yes I agree. She is living in her house. Does that mean she doesn't have the right to complain about unfriendly behavior?

Regardless, she is looking at moving out, and frankly, if I were you, Rue, even if this job doesn't come through, for the sake of your marriage, find something somewhere else. Even if it means commuting. Buy a motorbike on time, if you must. But move out ASAP.

[blizzard]

gee whiz.

oops. i didnt know there was such a thing as a farang woman going after a poor thai boy.

ohhhhhhhhhhh welll!

SoRrY!

[ade100]

My GF's mother came to live with us for just under a year. At first I was pleased to try to form some sort of relationship with her family but yes the situation did start to to drive me crazy. I remember at one point hurling all my clothes into a suitcase and declaring "I am not breaking up with you, I am breaking up with your mother".

But looking back I think it was great for the mother to see that I am, in general, not a bad guy and not some monster from Planet Farang taking her daughter away to some far off galaxy.

[RueFang]

It's her house! She's obviously pissed off that you are still there.

How can you complain? She let's you live there. If you don't like it get your own house.

On the contrary, she doesn't ever want us to move out, which is actually part of the problem. When I told her about a year ago that we wanted to set up our business elsewhere when we get the money together, she nearly had a hernia at the thought of us moving out. Thai families aren't quite like western independant families. I haven't lived with my parents since I was 17 so this is rough having someone so controlling and treating us like children. Would love to get my own house but as I never planned to fall in love with a local Thai guy on my travels here I didn't have savings enough to be able to build and like I said before no one rents out houses around the village.

Hi Rue, What work do you and hubby do then that keeps you there if you don't mind me asking? I do feel sorry for you. I love my MIL and FIL but couldn't possibly live with them

We have an internet shop. Business rents in town are ridiculously high, hence the reason we stay here.

Are you a Thai woman or western?? and I assume your husband and Monther-in-law are Thai??

Western, Aussie to be exact . Yep, husband and MIL are Thai.

Given that she is the only farang in the area, I doubt very much mama was expecting her son to marry a rich farang. Regardless, she is looking at moving out, and frankly, if I were you, Rue, even if this job doesn't come through, for the sake of your marriage, find something somewhere else. Even if it means commuting. Buy a motorbike on time, if you must. But move out ASAP.

haha, rich farang! That's very amusing MIL was very surprised when hub brought me home! She had no idea how to treat me.. she'd never met a whitey before! She was actually nice to me for the first few months If the job doesn't work out we're going to move back to oz..drastic action is required!

i didnt know there was such a thing as a farang woman going after a poor thai boy.

He's not poor actually. Middle class if you had to put a label on it. Wasn't looking for lurve, but that's how it always happens, right.

.... and not some monster from Planet Farang taking her son away to some far off galaxy.

I think that's how my MIL looks at me

[bina]

blizzsrd get a grip really

lots of us here on the board with poor and not so poor thai men; mine is poor but then, so am i... dont live with in laws, i have my ex in laws here near me and they are ok with my new man (the thai one); ex is less thrilled....

i have had the in laws for 20 years , ok, not in my house but on same kibbutz which means family meals every friday and saturday; holidays in dining room and at patriarchal home and daily interaction and interference with grandkids; i never got on with my father in law but managed to 'run between the drops' by doing my own thing, selective deafness, selective not understanding certain phrases, plain ornerryness (i am a great donkey-- i can be slow, stubborn and unmoveable when i want to be, a bad trait according to my mother, but great for dealing with <deleted> of the world), blank faced looks, ignoring, and preempting when needed. now the fil is dead poor man and mil is still in connection with me and even asks about anon!! with fil it was like two gai shon (fighting cocks) at family dinners...

run ruefang run......

bina

[blizzard]

u answered yr own question on wot to do.

move to oz and make it there. things not going to change as far as i can see, thai internet shops make thai profits, i guess.

btw y dont you enlighten whta internets shops make. quite a few tink its a moneymaker.

or you can stay with momma and be a role model to young middle class(poor by western standards) girls on showing how its not right to go for the gold. the real prize is lub!

CAN ANYONE CONFIRM BINA SAYING WEST CHICK WITH POOR THAI BOY IS COMMON OCCURANCE. OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited February 29, 2008 by blizzard

[sbk]

Well, my husband isn't poor, but yeah, its pretty common on the islands.

Try not to have a heart attack blizzard

[Boo]

Blizzard you have been told before to stop trolling, if you need attention then go outside naked & get your attention fix from that

[steveromagnino]

CAN ANYONE CONFIRM BINA SAYING WEST CHICK WITH POOR THAI BOY IS COMMON OCCURANCE. OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re-read what she said.

'lots of us here on the board with poor and not so poor thai men; mine is poor but then, so am i... dont live with in laws, i have my ex in laws here near me and they are ok with my new man (the thai one); ex is less thrilled.... '

I can only assume you are english as a 2nd language. Lots of us here on the board (us being women).

AFAIK it is a fairly decent percentage that are in relationships with Thai men of the women here.

But go on....let's hear what you have to say I could do with a good laugh.

There are plenty of english schools here, perhaps you should enrol. You need it more than most.

[blizzard]

jeezus. i never see any thai boy farang girl couples in bangkok.

Edited February 29, 2008 by blizzard

[traveller5000]

My MIL is a saint. Can't read or write but managed to have her 6 daughters graduate from universities.

She came over for a while after our son was born. She drove me nuts within a few days. She'd clean and move stuff around all day long until 9-10-11 pm. We have a perfectly fine kitchen but I'd find garlic and onion peels in the washroom and shower every day:blink: One night she slept on the floor next to our bed, next to me actually and totally forgot she was there, I had my back to her and I let out a record breaking fart. She twitched.

I still lover her very much.

haha, you still lover her. doh.

[pgs]

My MIL (aka mumthai) is great.

Happily, I was accepted as part of the family from the first visit & pretty much as part of the village from the 2nd. Mum & sisters have defended me from ill-speaking locals when necessary (I get told about it later). I'm told mum counts down the days until I get there if she knows I'm coming (sometimes I do a surprise visit) & gets more misrable when she knows the visit is almost over. Knowing how I was when little sister died last year, I hate to think of the effect her passing will have.

Sadly, she doesn't get around very well these days.

[naka]

CAN ANYONE CONFIRM BINA SAYING WEST CHICK WITH POOR THAI BOY IS COMMON OCCURANCE. OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re-read what she said.

'lots of us here on the board with poor and not so poor thai men; mine is poor but then, so am i... dont live with in laws, i have my ex in laws here near me and they are ok with my new man (the thai one); ex is less thrilled.... '

I can only assume you are english as a 2nd language. Lots of us here on the board (us being women).

AFAIK it is a fairly decent percentage that are in relationships with Thai men of the women here.

But go on....let's hear what you have to say I could do with a good laugh.

There are plenty of english schools here, perhaps you should enrol. You need it more than most.

Good Golly

Naka.

[a2396]

Well, my husband isn't poor, but yeah, its pretty common on the islands.

Try not to have a heart attack blizzard

"Lots of us" and "common" have quite different connotations and do not necessarly mean the same thing. Both can be quite relative terms. I have never seen such a match, where I live in Issan, but I am sure there are some such pairings. Interesting to hear how it is when the woman is on the recieving end (of the Thai in-laws). Best to put some distance between the happy couple and the relatives, no matter who or what they are.

[sbk]

a2396. Just because you haven't seen such a match in Isaan doesn't mean that they don't occur outside your bubble. Isaan is , believe it or not, not the only region in Thailand and other parts of Thailand are quite different from your own.

Yes, where I live it is fairly common, now. When I came to my little island 19 years ago there were 5 local Thai men with foreign wives, 0 local Thai women with foreign husbands. One non-local Thai woman with a foreign husband, and 2 or 3 non-local Thai men with foreign wives. Now you see more than that, but many are just casual relationships between non-local guys working on the island with tourist girls.

And bina did say, I believe

lots of us here on the board with poor and not so poor thai men

. Which is, in fact, true

Regardless, in law problems, as you state, happen all the time. And then add in mama who doesn't want her little boy to go, and no woman is going to be good enough. Especially the farang who doesn't follow the rules.

[RueFang]

It's great that so many of you have wonderful MILs, I'll just go and weep quietly in the corner full of woe! If I had only lived with her for 6 months I'm sure we would have got along fine long-term and I think the relationship will improve no end when we don't live together. I actually really like my father-in-law ...he's always been super friendly and likes to joke around. Pretty much the opposite of MIL.

As to why you rarely rarely see the farang woman-Thai man combo it's pretty obvious really.. we're happier to be with someone for love rather then the pay check which can't be said for a huge proportion of farang man-Thai woman combos....but that's for another thread which has already been discussed I believe

[waveydavey]

You have my sympathies - she sounds exactly like my girlfriends mother.

Same MO - she never did any cleaning, everytime my girlfriend and I went away for a few days the house was a tip. We couldn't even make any food as all the pots and pans were still full of whatever she ate last. She used to skulk around the house silently, I've been in bed before now and opened my eyes to find her in the bedroom!

We live in a small village. It's a tradition here that when you make some food you make a bit extra and take it round to the neighbours and vice-versa. Very civilised I thought but the final straw was when she started arguing with my girlfriend about doing that, she has to be the tightest person in the world. She still expected other people to give her food of course. After this my girlfriend threw her out (thankfully it's the girlfriends house) and she had to move in with the girlfriends sister, only next door but it's a start.

I think she was expecting moving back after a few weeks but she got the message when the builders came round and knocked out her bedroom to extend the living room

[Boo]

I think she was expecting moving back after a few weeks but she got the message when the builders came round and knocked out her bedroom to extend the living room

[torrenova]

We think it's karmic because she's so horrible so her dreams haunt her

Made my day that did !

[mearkat75]

gee whiz.

oops. i didnt know there was such a thing as a farang woman going after a poor thai boy.

ohhhhhhhhhhh welll!

SoRrY!

some of us like them for who they are ,regardless of how much dosh they have.

and yes i am a farang woman,with a poor thai boy,and a poor-ish luk kreung daughter

[RueFang]

You have my sympathies - she sounds exactly like my girlfriends mother.

Same MO - she never did any cleaning, everytime my girlfriend and I went away for a few days the house was a tip. We couldn't even make any food as all the pots and pans were still full of whatever she ate last. She used to skulk around the house silently, I've been in bed before now and opened my eyes to find her in the bedroom!

We live in a small village. It's a tradition here that when you make some food you make a bit extra and take it round to the neighbours and vice-versa. Very civilised I thought but the final straw was when she started arguing with my girlfriend about doing that, she has to be the tightest person in the world. She still expected other people to give her food of course. After this my girlfriend threw her out (thankfully it's the girlfriends house) and she had to move in with the girlfriends sister, only next door but it's a start.

I think she was expecting moving back after a few weeks but she got the message when the builders came round and knocked out her bedroom to extend the living room

That is completely freaky about her coming into the bedroom! Our bedroom is up a very narrow staircase so she can't get up there easily thankfully...I do notice when we go away for a day or 2 that things have been moved around though so I know she snoops when we're not there.

My MIL is EXACTLY the same about fighting with my husband any time he does anything for free. For example translate one line of Thai into English for a neighbour's kid. "Why didn't you charge for that?" have heard that at least 20 times. My hub does quite a bit of community work for the village and every single time he returns home "did you get paid for that meeting? You shouldn't do it for free." and on and on and on. She never helps out for funeral, monk, house parties but yes, expects people to help her out if she needs it. Every time we leave the house it's "where are you going" "why are you going" "how long will you be" and on and on and on.

I can't believe I'm still here . Must be said though, if it wasn't for her, life in the village would be dandy. I love the views, the fresh air, the community feel, the cheapness of everything, the laid back lifestyle, but having her so involved in my life has just turned it all sour and pretty much not caring if I ever see this place again Although I'm sure a month in Bangkok may cure me of that!

[meme]

gee whiz.

oops. i didnt know there was such a thing as a farang woman going after a poor thai boy.

ohhhhhhhhhhh welll!

SoRrY!

some of us like them for who they are ,regardless of how much dosh they have.

and yes i am a farang woman,with a poor thai boy,and a poor-ish luk kreung daughter

I am also a farang women with a loso husband.. and my MIL is a gem. But then again I dont live with her and no matter how much Thai i speak she can't understand me(dont have the think Southern accent yet!) so all communication is through my husband. I see her once/twice a week.

[Boo]

there does seem to be a lot of obsession from some posters about a thai partner needing money to be a good husband or wife, my husband ( & family) wasn't rich when I met him, not dirt poor either, just getting by same as mine, what they did & do have is kindness, generosity & good manners. So pretty much like my family but hang on, my husbands family does have a lot of land so they are, on paper, much better off than mine

Oh & sorry Rue, my mil thinks the sun shines out of my behind & I can do no wrong, I have though deliberately put off speaking too much thai to ensure our continued good relationship. The less I understand her jabbering the more I like her

[Andiamo]

Regardless, she is looking at moving out, and frankly, if I were you, Rue, even if this job doesn't come through, for the sake of your marriage, find something somewhere else. Even if it means commuting. Buy a motorbike on time, if you must. But move out ASAP.

Totally agree with Sbk on this one Rue.

I hope Bangkok works out, otherwise methinks a motorbike and commuting is the only other option. (Unless you go back to Oz instead...).

Good luck!

[bina]

u can always pitch a tent or a leanto .... get a few dogs;

i had two boxers indoors so inlaws never came around; i had to visit them... my male boxer in particular loved to stick his snorfely slobbery boxer nose up mom in law's whoozoo... and fil would become the haughty hungarian snob and ask why i need those monsters in the house...

...to keep the in laws away....

bina

[hp8000]

I've read the entire thread and I'm scratching my head trying to understand why a married couple would like to live in the same house as their MIL, FIL or S(B)IL. I wonder if any of the poster will agree to live in the MIL house abroad, so why here ?

Considering the ridiculous price for renting a townhouse or appartment in this country, why don't you go in any other thai city (the farer from the family is the better) and make a life on your own without the MIL dragon on your back all the time. Explain to your husband that he is not the 10 years old mamaboy anymore and he can leave his beloved mum in her own dust. And it's not her farang's wife job to be the house's slave. Anyway, it's to your husband to tell her mother to shut up and respect you (his wife), or you have the choice to becoming mad, living a nightmare and maybe finally lose your job, your husband and your dreams.

I'm not a woman, married in Europe 10 years ago with my chinese-thai wife and I've never met MIL, FIL and BIL. <deleted>, her father is divorced from her mother and even if she go to Bangkok she don't visit her. And she told me I would kill her after less than one hour if I meet her, so better to stand as it is. We have a nice house near Chiangmai and she will never be allowed to enter in it.

[isabelle17]

Wow. Thats a tough situation...

I have met my boyfriends thai mother once. She seemed nice enough. Though..I really don't know her but I do know that my boyfriend really respects and admires her. The father on the other hand...from what my boyfriend has told me, he's not the most pleasant person to be around. I havent met him yet...but sooner or later I will and it will be..interesting, to say the least. I think in-laws, in any country, can be a problem...some in-laws can be so controlling.

Anyway, I say the only way you can become sane...is to move out. I couldn't handle what you have to put up with, so kudos to you! But I would say your sanity and your life is more important than saving face at this point....and it's more important than keeping your mother in law happy. You deserve happiness (and sanity) too!

[blizzard]

its not about a thai spouse needing to have money to be a good spouse. its that ythey are in a different place in life. now you get both parties with little money and this thread is what happens.

to all of you who say she should

move out. you do realize her has no money and her job prospects are slim(as for western salary package). she should be grateful mil lets her live there..............lol. its not mums fault son and daughter r economically challenged.

los is a place to have money and live happily live 4ever or howevr long you want to. its not a place to make money and grow! you better be already grown b4 you get here.......................lol.

Edited March 1, 2008 by blizzard