Caucasian Women Dating Asian Guys

[ade100]

I have a question. I was reading in our daily Singapore newspaper an article about Caucasian women being very unhappy in the country because they were finding it hard to find a partner. Apparently most Caucasian guys in Singapore prefer Asian women and will openly state this. What the article didn’t explain, and what I didn’t understand, was why Caucasian women weren’t dating Asian guys.

Is this also an issue in Thailand? And if so is there any reason why a Caucasian woman would not want to get involved with a Thai guy?

The only things I could think of were: 1. Western women may not be over keen to convert to Islam (but the majority of guys in both Singapore and Thailand are not Muslim). 2. Dating a guy that earns a lot less than you might not be appealing. 3. The equality of the sexes in Asia is lagging behind the progress made in EU and US.

But I am just guessing. What are your thoughts?

[seonai]

Ade I am sure you are a lovely, sweet curious chappie but this topic has been done to death here and nearly always ends up in trouble Let's wait and see what happens...

[pampal]

Anyone?

[seonai]

I'll start with a few pointers

A lot of us females on this forum are married to/in relationships with Thai men.

Not all Thai men earn less than us.

The equality thing is a bit of an issue as Thai men (generally) seem to be a tad old fashioned but with a good partnership this can be overcome via talking of course.

I don't know the answer to why more Western women don't marry Thai males... maybe they just don't fancy them!!!

For the record I have married two Thai men and have had several relationships with other thai men too. And before anyone says it... yes I have divorced the first husband

[isabelle17]

I dont really know for sure why that is. Seonai had some good points.

A lot of my female friends, especially in the US tell me that they don't find asian men as attractive. I have found mostly this is because they think asian men are too short or not "manly looking."

I just tell my friends that they should come to Asia then, where they can find plenty of attractive Asian men.

Anyway...besides looks though, I think a lot of western women aren't able, or would not want to, travel to Asia just because Asia is so culturally different from the west. And yes, I do think women are treated less equally in Asia.

I also have found that when I was in college in America, many of the Asian guys would only date Asian girls. I dont really know why this is though. I very very rarely ever met an asian guy who was dating a white girl in America. In Thailand I only met a few white girls dating Thai guys...but it was mostly a small holiday fling.

[Spiny]

I have a question. I was reading in our daily Singapore newspaper an article about Caucasian women being very unhappy in the country because they were finding it hard to find a partner. Apparently most Caucasian guys in Singapore prefer Asian women and will openly state this. What the article didn’t explain, and what I didn’t understand, was why Caucasian women weren’t dating Asian guys.

Is this also an issue in Thailand? And if so is there any reason why a Caucasian woman would not want to get involved with a Thai guy?

The only things I could think of were: 1. Western women may not be over keen to convert to Islam (but the majority of guys in both Singapore and Thailand are not Muslim). 2. Dating a guy that earns a lot less than you might not be appealing. 3. The equality of the sexes in Asia is lagging behind the progress made in EU and US.

But I am just guessing. What are your thoughts?

I think the issue is why would Asian guys bother with the hassle of dating Caucasian girls when they have Asian girls?

[seonai]

Spiny dear what do you mean 'the hassle' of dating white women ??? Do explain...

[Spiny]

Spiny dear what do you mean 'the hassle' of dating white women ??? Do explain...

I think your spouse(s) would be more qualified to comment than me, appologies for the generalization

[seonai]

Spiny are you suggesting that asian women are 'easier' than 'Caucasian' women??? Please explain

[seonai]

Spiny you seem to sound rather insulting actually

[mssabai]

Spiny dear what do you mean 'the hassle' of dating white women ??? Do explain...

I think your spouse(s) would be more qualified to comment than me, appologies for the generalization

Perhaps put this comment to a few Thai male friends who have had experiences of dating both and I think you will find that their opinion differs rather a lot to yours. There is only one set of Asian women who I have ever heard of being 'easy' to date. Most Thai women are considered very challenging...even getting a phone number can take a good few weeks!

[Spiny]

Spiny you seem to sound rather insulting actually

I am sorry for any misunderstanding. It was not meant to be insulting, just an observation

On another matter I just realised that you replied to my query on converting to Islam. Thank you I just found that people had been replying and that the moderator had closed the topic.

I would like to correspond with you a little more on this matter, offline. If I have not burnt my bridges that is

[Spiny]

Spiny are you suggesting that asian women are 'easier' than 'Caucasian' women??? Please explain

What I meant was that Asian guys would find it easier to date Asian women because my perception is that they are less likely to risk alienation in the community and their family by doing something different. They may be more pressured to go with mummy and daddy's ideal of what a suitable girlfriend/spouse is. As someone who married an Asian girl 33 years ago I know it was difficult for my family and friends to adjust and understand someone from a different culture.

When I referred to your spouse(s) situations I was referring to their experiences of the social and family pressures to comform to the social norms.

I was not implying that there was a great differences in the characters of Asian and Caucasian women

[sbk]

Good save Spiny

I am married to a Thai man. Before I came to Asia I never dated an Asian guy. Not that I didn't find them attractive but there just weren't that many around when I was not involved and dating. I am not one of those people who looks for certain characteristics in what I find attractive I guess. A good looking white guy is just as good looking as a good looking Asian guy or a good looking black guy. Different but equal

So, that said, I didn't come here looking for a relationship and most of the women I know who are still in long-term relationships with Thai men were the same. It just happened. Whereas I think (IMO and from what I read here on TV) many western guys come to Thailand looking for a relationship. Perhaps that is why you see more of it than you do Thai men with western women.

As for the equality thing, well, the younger guys tend to be better about it but I was fortunate in that I found a man whose family (except for one dinosaur of a brother--the other brother is fine) doesn't subscribe to the women as less than equal theory. My non-dinosaur brother-in-law and his wife worked together, raised their daughter together, consulted each other on big decisions. He changed dirty diapers and did laundry. My FIL washes his own clothes and is perfectly capable of cooking his own food should my MIL be busy. Just as she works alongside her husband doing the coconuts and hard labor (that they don't really need to do but can't seem to stop ).

So, is it possible to find happiness with an Asian guy? Sure, but as Spiny pointed out, the family influences can be difficult (in laws who don't appreciate a farang daughter-in-law for instance), cultural influences that some men find difficult to compromise on, and then there are always the difficulties of any relationship regardless of cultural differences.

Like any relationship it requires hard work, commitment and an ability to see things from the other person's point of view. A trait many people have difficulty with, regardless of their sex or nationality.

[girlx]

I also never once looked at an Asian guy before I came to live in Asia... I just never found them attractive (too skinny, girly, nerdy), and that is how most of my girl friends from the west still feel about it. Even once I was living here it took me some time before I ever noticed any Thai men, and the first one I ended up with (naivete) did not do much to keep me interested in them. Nowadays, I have grown more attracted to them, but I have seen also the plethora of problems that comes from dating someone of a totally different cultural, financial, and philosophical background than mine, and I am losing interest fast in staying long term with anyone from this hemisphere. Still, as people like SBK and Boo can attest, there are some success stories out there.

[mssabai]

For me a hot man is a hot man...regardless of colour, race etc. The one thing I do try and hope for is that they are taller than me but at 5'8 that is a little tough here! Living here though my relationships do tend to be with Thais because a) there are more of them therefore more eligible ones B ) they are staying here permanently and not on 6 month jollies and c) having a boyfriend from here makes life a little easier - going out to eat, getting around, making new friends etc....certainly my last boyfriend here was a godsend in helping me acclimatise - I had his whole family and social network to replace my own.

But I certainly did not come here with the intention of scoring myself a Thai boyfriend as a few girls seem to... cross cultural relationships are always going to be that bit harder so if I could find a suitable farang boyfriend, I would be just as happy!

[ade100]

Ade I am sure you are a lovely, sweet curious chappie but this topic has been done to death here and nearly always ends up in trouble Let's wait and see what happens...

Apologies. I should spend a little more time in the ladies forum to read up on this sort of thing.

However, some very interesting replies so far.

I remember before I left Europe, a friend of mine, a French girl, was saying that she had spent time in India, loved the country and found the guys really cute. However she said she couldn’t live there because she would have two choices: Get married then have to stay home, shut up and have lots of babies or stay single and be regarded as a prostitute and a threat to other families.

Not sure if India is really that bad. From the above posts, it certainly sounds like Thailand is not nearly that bad.

[RueFang]

My Thai husband has told me that a couple of his Thai exgirlfriends were more interested in his money but he didn't really realise this til many months down the line and subsequently ended the relationships.

Maybe he thought going with a farang who obviously wasn't interested in his Thai wage was a winner I was never specifically attracted to Asian men before coming here and have always had boyfriends 6 foot plus and now I have ended up marrying someone a couple of cms shorter then me . Perhaps going for the exact opposite of what you've been with in the past is the key to success?

So, that said, I didn't come here looking for a relationship and most of the women I know who are still in long-term relationships with Thai men were the same. It just happened. Whereas I think (IMO and from what I read here on TV) many western guys come to Thailand looking for a relationship. Perhaps that is why you see more of it than you do Thai men with western women.

I think what sbk says here is really true, from all appearances.

[bina]

i always was attracted to the exotic asian look even in the states (my first and worst nightmare of a boyfriend was a bangkok brat with long hair, drugged up, but my height (petite!!) high cheekbones and super exotic.... i was the mianoi of a thai worker, and now married to a thai man who is missing teeth, dirt poor, strong and chunky but short also... no nerd, for sure-- a total field worker ( i seem to have a weakness for men of the earth/ as apposed to of the book...after all i married my tall blond kibbutz husband who was a field worker also, instead of a yucky white thin yeshiva boy blech!!!! )

definately wouldnt go after any man that was computer nerdy or business oriented shark style.... i like earthy, farmer types.... money certainly wasnt involved (well it was for my first boyfriend, he took all mine for sure)...

perhaps blizzard should read this also after his stupid comments from an other thread...)

having said all that i m not sure i really am a good specimin of western womanhood as i am not career oriented at all, dont care too much about housing/clothing, dont worry too much about roles in life, but am very outspoken and a bit 'masuline personalitied' as some israeli men say although i am physically like a 15 yr old so not sure if i would appeal to hiso asians either...

bina

israel

[isabelle17]

I think women are overall treated better in Thailand than they are in India...my friend went to India and said the men (no offense to anyone who likes Indian men or has been with one) were VERY rude to her. I've heard quite a bit of horror stories from women who went there (my friend was on a student exchange there quite a few years ago.) Anway, I am not saying India is not an amazing place. I really want to go there! Just in regards to how the men treat the women there....

Anyway, that was a little off topic, sorry! I didn't really notice asian guys until I went to Thailand either. Now even when I'm in America I notice them a lot more than I used to. I really would date a guy of any race though. Whether he be black, Asian, White, Latino, etc. I think men from my own country are certainly easier to date because they speak english fluently and know my culture. But for me, the different culture and different language actually make the relationship more exciting! Also more difficult, but the excitement is worth it for me! I have always been interested in different cultures anyway.

I certainly did not go to Thailand looking for any kind of a relationship. It just kind of happened.

Strange how these thing happen when you least expect it, eh?

[seonai]

Good post as usual Bina I want to start a thread called 'a day in the life of Bina...'

[garro]

I think that women are very complicated no matter where they come from.

Men tend to be much less complicated and so it probably doesn't matter where they come from.

I think it's a shame that more time isn't devoted in school for teaching men how to deal with women.

I know that I wasn't prepared.

[submaniac]

Ladies I don't envy you one bit! I think it must be hard to be a single Farang lady in LOS. First off, there are alot more farang men then women, just because single women in general don't plan on taking off to a foreign country. Lot's of ladies here on this forum do, but I think they are more the exception than the rule. More likely it's a man transferred on business or something like that.

But there are alot of factors involved. One factor may be height, because Western do tend to be a wee bit taller. Another factor is, well I can say this because I am Thai, but I don't think alot of the Thai men make an effort to look real attractive. First off, I am not gay, and I am saying this in a spirit of insight, and openess and all that other stuff. But think about this, in the states, most men will go to the gym, work out, wear nice clothes, etc., and all try to look real attractive to the women. Straight men don't do that as much in Thailand. Just as a mental exercise, think about the vanity of american men, because they really are vain and do care about their appearance. In thailand, I don't think it is as much...alot of the guys I see around just generally dress like slobs. Keep in mind that this is merely my opinion...and I am an idiot.

[isabelle17]

Ladies I don't envy you one bit! I think it must be hard to be a single Farang lady in LOS. First off, there are alot more farang men then women, just because single women in general don't plan on taking off to a foreign country. Lot's of ladies here on this forum do, but I think they are more the exception than the rule. More likely it's a man transferred on business or something like that.

But there are alot of factors involved. One factor may be height, because Western do tend to be a wee bit taller. Another factor is, well I can say this because I am Thai, but I don't think alot of the Thai men make an effort to look real attractive. First off, I am not gay, and I am saying this in a spirit of insight, and openess and all that other stuff. But think about this, in the states, most men will go to the gym, work out, wear nice clothes, etc., and all try to look real attractive to the women. Straight men don't do that as much in Thailand. Just as a mental exercise, think about the vanity of american men, because they really are vain and do care about their appearance. In thailand, I don't think it is as much...alot of the guys I see around just generally dress like slobs. Keep in mind that this is merely my opinion...and I am an idiot.

I thing single women everywhere should experience traveling. But a lot of my girl friends have fears about travelling, especially alone and in countries that are less developed. I cant blame them...but I think they're missing out on a lot of amazing things that you can see in the world....True, I don't see a lot of Thai men at the gym. I have seen Thai guys look in mirrors A LOT though. But maybe thats just me...some of them even care a small comb with them!

[girlx]

perhaps blizzard should read this also after his stupid comments from an other thread...)

I really would date a guy of any race though. Whether he be black, Asian, White, Latino, etc. I think men from my own country are certainly easier to date because they speak english fluently and know my culture. But for me, the different culture and different language actually make the relationship more exciting! Also more difficult, but the excitement is worth it for me! I have always been interested in different cultures anyway.

yeah, i agree with you. we love to hate them and hate to love them.

[BigSnake]

Nope as far as I have seen(20 plus years) that isn't and issue in Thailand.

[JonnieB]

Is this also an issue in Thailand? And if so is there any reason why a Caucasian woman would not want to get involved with a Thai guy?

Don't know about most of the women here but maybe "equipment" issues may be the reason. Trying to find a satisfyingly large one in Thailand can be a real challenge!!

[Boo]

are you a women or a gay man jonnieB?

[JonnieB]

Yes, so I definitely speak from experience.

I have had many a Thai cutie boys that oh so nice on the outside but oh so little on the inside

I am sure for some this is certainly an issue.

[girlx]

are you a women or a gay man jonnieB?

hehe. good point. too bad bangkok's best boys club isn't still open, i would send you there for an immediate dis-credit. although, they may be the exception.

Edited March 1, 2008 by girlx