mrt273nva Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 What is normal anxiety for a father to be? I'm about to have my first child any time now and i think i'm going insane. i can't sleep because my mind is going 1000mph. Any tips on how to ease my anxiety? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Plan ahead, cover every eventuality you can. Double check. Ask any questions now. Remember your other half who is usually your confident and sounding board who will remind you if you have not locked the back door has far more pressing things on her mind right now. I reverse "engineered" the birth of my daughter last July (first child for both) and went from 24 hours after the birth backwards to at least 24 hours before the birth and then back to a week before to try and anticipate what would be needed and when. Simple but easily forgettable stuff like taking enough things for you to wear (if you are staying over), toothbrushes etc. favourite shower gel (though she'll likely be bed bathed), DVDs for when the TV is crap, chargers for mobile phones and cameras. The list is long but not endless. I did it in Excel as one off, daily and multi time a day necessities and luxuries. Plan your trip to the hospital. Make sure you have contingency plans. If going in your car then make sure it is full of fuel, put blankets in the car as well as the ubiquitous overnight bag. Tyres OK ? You can think of hundreds but you will not have time nor will you remember them when the time comes so get them out of the way now or shortly before if you can. Get rid of things from your schedule. get some help if you need it. If her family are coming then get them there sooner rather than later. As for sleeping (or not) and anxiety then get used to it ! You'll have your hands full after the baby comes home. In the hospital it is a doddle but that first night at home you will not sleep. Just be there for the mother to ease her at this time. Looking back, we had minimal help from the family. Her mother came a day before and stayed for three days whilst she was in the hospital, then she went home, hundreds of KM away ! The best thing I did was when she was about 5 months pregnant and I had to fly to London and Singapore. I went to John Lewis and got all the high quaality (and remarkably cheap) baby things we thought we needed. Wraps, some clothes, swatches, linen cloths, Avent baby sets etc. (see their website www.johnlewis.com even just for ideas). Get something to carry the baby in but car seats (ASAP) and buggies can wait (a while) if they have to as you don't use them. The ultimate necessities are an electric kettle / constant water heater with an electronic dispenser, not manual (sometimes you'll be holding the baby as you prepare) and a microwaveable steamer (4 minutes). Worth their weight in gold. I was nervous as hel_l. I had never been around a baby, ever. However, I haven't dropped her yet and she's thriving. You make the rest up as you go along. Best of luck and congratulations. Hard work, but worth it, even though the little devil will drive you up the wall at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dieter1 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 anxiety for a father to be? normaly, one doesnt have an unspecific anxiety. Normaly, there is something special you are afraid of. Asked yourself: What are you afraid of ? Afraid of staying with the mother the next 16 years ? Afraid of being responsible for someone else ? (today, most arnt used to be responsible for someone else; only have to care for their own. And many times feel, they can not even care enough/good for themself) How was your own kindhood? How was your relationship to your father ?How was relationship of your parents ? If your childhood/relationship was not good, you will expect the same in your own live. Beside to asked what you are afraid of(dont say you dont know. It means: you dont want to know!) asked yourself, what will help you to be a father? f.e: you do have 2 strong hands 2 strong legs 5000 fathers before in you family (history) have managed to be a father. More or less it´s deep in your blood! If you can realy say, you want to care for your child, if you realy can answer this question with "yes I want", it´s the most important thing you will need ! You will find ways to get to know how to do! Most important for a child is, that there is someone who really cares ! Dont forget: a baby needs caring for 24 hours. A baby is totaly helpless (beside: can cry; problem: what does it means :-( ) You will have very happy moments with your baby. Feeling, you had never before! But not all the time ! Most time, it´s realy trying. You are not used to someone crying all the time. Even in nighttime. Dont forget: Thats what most parents experience ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Afraid of staying with the mother the next 16 years ? I remember when she found out she was pregnant and we discussed the issues surrounding having a baby and one of them was cost. I said it would cost Bt20,000,000 at an average Bt1,000,000 per year. I wasn't joking and it will probably cost far more but don't underestimate the psychological effects of that coming nearer and it starts with the hospital costs. If you have a mortgage on your house and you cannot pay then maybe you have some equity and if the worst happens then you lose your house and you have to start again. With a baby you need to put food on the table for the next 20+ years, no questions asked and no excuses are good enough. That is a frightening prospect in its own right and it does hit home. As for staying together then the baby will bond you and at the same time break you. I know that from my experience. You also get nothing put away in the reserve tank (unlike money in the bank). For the first time in your life you are responsible for someone other than yourself and it can scare the shit out of you. I'm not easily worried but you're staring at what you want to be the longest relationship of your life and that is scary enough in itself and forces you to look inwards. The thing is that you just don't know what will happen in 15, 10, 5 or even 1 year's time. You can't live day to day as many Thais do with no thought of tomorrow but you just can't plan that you'll have the resources to do what you want and that you'll still be together with the mother for all time. You just do the best that you can and you learn to accept that that is all you can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dieter1 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 You just do the best that you can and you learn to accept that that is all you can do. !!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gunnyd Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 In a word: YES! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nidge Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 What is normal anxiety for a father to be? I'm about to have my first child any time now and i think i'm going insane. i can't sleep because my mind is going 1000mph. Any tips on how to ease my anxiety? It will get worse every day up until the birth, then when the baby pops out all that anxiety will disappear and you will be the happiest guy on the planet. Good luck. Nidge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polsevogn Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 Jeez. Only thing to be anxious about: Having enough batteries / charger for the camera. That's pretty much your sole responsibility as a father, document the event. Go have a drink, sounds like you need it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaiboxer Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 The anxiety will pass once the little one is here:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 You just do the best that you can and you learn to accept that that is all you can do. !!!!!! What else can you do really ? You can plan all you want and wish all you want but you still have to make do with whatever hand you get and whatever you can do to improve that hand. You'll kill yourself if you keep going on "what if ..." or "if only ....". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EnqueaIstarion Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 (edited) Stop yourself and analyze the feeling of anxiety itself. Focus on: What is the feeling? Where is it coming from? Is it really a part of you or something external? Don't focus on what will it lead to, as you are probably doing at the moment? As you analyse something you distance yourself from it... Or just remember, men for thousands of years have shared your anxiety... Edited March 5, 2008 by EnqueaIstarion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spot Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 I had some anxiety too. I think it's normal, and there's nothing you can do about it. The day my wife gave birth seemed to go really quickly, and before we knew it, he was there. Once it all starts you'll just get on with it (well it's a lot easier for us men). I still get it now and he's 6 months old. But every morning I see his smiling face, give him a big hug and I know everything will be OK, cos I try my best to make him happy and contented. Even when he's crying because he can't sleep, hungry, or just playing up, I'm calm and just do my best. Honestly mate, things will happen naturally. You'll just do stuff without thinking about it. Everyday will be brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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