No Kissing

[rainx]

it appears that any farang, no matter how fat, old, bald, ugly, rude and intrinsically undesirable, can find a Thai girlfriend, but I guess some forget that the reason is not that farang men are supreme beings, desirable to all, but the reason is that there will always be some (and certainly not all) Thai women who are desperately poor or exceptionally obsessed with getting rich.

Hey! Rainx, good to see you again.

Hi Kat. Good to see you too.

[seonai]

Hi Rainx, good to see you here and thanks for the intelligent post

[britmaveric]

IMHO... most Thai women wouldn't be hanging around alone in a bar in the first place. Most Thai women would come on the first date with a friend. And no decent Thai woman would hold hands with you in front of her parents unless she wanted to make a show of the fact that she's found someone to take care of her. As in the parents won't have to pay for her any more cos you will. Unfortunately this type of behaviour only comes from low class Thais.

Sounds very weird to me OP, sorry

Well its weird to be affectionate, hold hands, kiss in front of my parents, so this is universal in my experience. I don't like that behaviour around my family - makes me uncomfy.

[intumult]

I'm not so sure about men over 50 not being sexually attractive. I have had my fair share of offers. And my fair share of shaggy shaggy since being up here.He_l even the boss of the mini-bus set up introduced me to her daughter yesterday telling me that her daughter wanted to meet me (this happening next door to my ex g/f shop). Delicate and quite sexy little thing down here from Chiang Mai. She told me I look a lot younger too Had a similar incident today. I love it!!! All the flattery makes me feel 10 years younger LOL I realise also that they are often after something

gag me with a copy of Andrew Hicks' novel. I suggest you start keeping a diary of all your dates, cute conversations (cos that will add humour), quirky little stories of things that happen when you're together so that in 5 years you can make a gazilion baht on the sale of your new original novel "Thai Visa Could Have Saved Me". Perhaps one day when you lie down for a nana nap all the blood will rush back to your head and you will realise how absolutely ridiculous you are being.

You obviouisly missed the sarcasm and jest in that

[manutoo]

Taken her to her parents home in the car and then gone on home myself.

Each time we arrive at her parents house it is a quick exit and 'goodnight'.

Now, my confusion is in the fact she will not let me kiss her, I tried twice and have not done so since.

From this, it seems you tried to kiss her in the car. Am I guessing it right ?

If so, then the obvious answer I see is that "classic" thai girls never kiss in places where other people could see them... So kisses only in your room, try to bring her there and let the magic happens...

(sorry if this point has already been brought in the topic, I quickly passed most of answers )

Edited March 10, 2008 by manutoo

[Aries74]

Taken her to her parents home in the car and then gone on home myself.

Each time we arrive at her parents house it is a quick exit and 'goodnight'.

Now, my confusion is in the fact she will not let me kiss her, I tried twice and have not done so since.

From this, it seems you tried to kiss her in the car. Am I guessing it right ?

If so, then the obvious answer I see is that "classic" thai girls never kiss in places where other people could see them... So kisses only in your room, try to bring her there and let the magic happens...

(sorry if this point has already been brought in the topic, I quickly passed most of answers )

She is waiting for you "show me the money" or may be she likes girl and keep you for fun and hang out with.

[rainman]

Here is my opinion. I read the first page of this thread, skipped the second page and read most of the third page. It looks like you're still in need of advice, so here it is.

My wife didn't kiss me until about 4 weeks after our first date. I tried to kiss her on the end of the first date, of course. Forget about it, didn't happen. Neither on the second, third or tenth date. What you're used to is Western girls kissing on the first date or bargirls having sex after 15 minutes of knowing you. 'Regular' Thai girls are rarely like that. I say rarely because there are exceptions in every culture.

So it took about a month for my wife to finally give in to a quick kiss. From then on, it came like a tsunami. I actually had to stop her because she wouldn't stop. It didn't get any more intimate until probably about 5 or 6 months after that. Just kissing (but lots of it). The next step was when we went on holiday together with part of her family. Of course, she had a separate room (right next to mine). Every night when her family went to bed, she would sneak from her room into mine and back into hers before the morning again. The rest is history. Going for holiday somewhere might be an 'ice-breaker'. Make the focus of the holiday her, not your business.

So in my opinion, your girl may just be the right one for you. I doubt she's after your money (but always be careful anyways) and she might just turn out later to be the opposite of what she's now. Remember, it's always calm before a storm

Just my advice, I hope it helps

Edited March 10, 2008 by rainman

[Huahinfarang]

Well,.... to my surprise,my Thai wife thinks this behaviour is perfectly normal and only due to a mixture of shyness and reservations. She is now 36 , formerly married to a Thai rat and both older and wiser. She was aware that to keep a farang interested she would need to be fairly liberal in her behaviour. She dated her first Thai boyfriend for over a year with no kissing and rarely holding hands! Now, she is the most tactile person I have ever met, a fabulous kisser and a wonderfully responsive lover, so maybe it is a case of wait and see. There is a great book you could lend her which is written in Thai and English and puts over the Thai and Western attitudes and expectations, --just can't recall the title right now!

Good luck.

[burman]

I doubt she's after your money

Overall a good post Rainman, but seriously you doubt she's after any money? You do know he is 53 and she is 25 and they can barely communicate right?

[camerata]

I do feel there is more to this than meets the eye. Maybe something in the background that I do not know about. Maybe in a week or so it will be all over. Only time will reveal all, or I hope it will reveal some.

From what you've said here, my guess is she's either got you sized up to be her husband but isn't physically attracted to you, or she's like one or two Thai women I've met who are disgusted by the idea of exchanging body fluids. Either way, it doesn't look particularly good.

[rainman]

I doubt she's after your money

Overall a good post Rainman, but seriously you doubt she's after any money? You do know he is 53 and she is 25 and they can barely communicate right?

Well, like I said ..I doubt it but you never know I've seen more indications in his responses that she's not than that she is, but hey, I could be wrong. You never really know until it's too late. I do know of a couple that met when they barely could communicate and she is quite wealthy be Thai standards, has several paid-off condos, 2 houses and drives a Benz (also paid-off) while he gets a pension of 20,000 Baht per month. She's 30 years younger than he is and she obviously supports him, but they're happily married. A more extreme example of love than what we usually see, surely. But it happens.

As always, be careful. So far it sounds good. Keep us posted

[clausewitz]

And when you two are alone, in a confined space, like a taxi...or even better yet, an elevator, just rip a big loud fart too. Sexy!

hence the dutch oven. (letting one go under the sheets, then pulling them over her head)

this type of degrading behavior may produce a positive response in many "proper" girls. they feel more relaxed around you and can drop their guard. they may even join in the flatulence fun.

you'll be kissing in no time at all.

Hard to find this level of quality advice anywhere.

I had a GF who I used to see every couple of weeks. She kept if fully platoinc for 6 months. I would have given up except that she was so beautiful. Finally let me kiss her after I got a phone call from another lover while she listening...must have got worried. It was two months after that (now 8 months in all) before we finally did the act - she was a virgin. We stayed togther for 4 years and almost got married.

[submaniac]

And when you two are alone, in a confined space, like a taxi...or even better yet, an elevator, just rip a big loud fart too. Sexy!

hence the dutch oven. (letting one go under the sheets, then pulling them over her head)

this type of degrading behavior may produce a positive response in many "proper" girls. they feel more relaxed around you and can drop their guard. they may even join in the flatulence fun.

you'll be kissing in no time at all.

Hard to find this level of quality advice anywhere.

I fart on your post.

[micksterbs]

So come on then, Intumult; what's the latest?

[Momo8]

Great posts Kat and Rainx great read.

Mickey,the OP has obviously found a girl more receptive to his advances,assuming of course that he wasn't trolling in the first place.Or maybe he took Sub's advice and farted on her.

[LucMee]

OK... OP = 53.... g/f? = 23... Been hanging out for weeks and she got a book or two long ago... No mention of english -thai dictionary for him... But still no efficient communication regarding a little kiss?... But can communicate well enough to settle up a cheque?... Been to Mum & Dad's for din-din and got through that ok with no apparent communication.... Met her friends and no english speakers among them? ... Been together for weeks and still the problem is how to communicate a kiss?.. But... We could negotiate a trip to BKK and separate rooms!?!

Sorry guys... Doesn't add up to anything except:

TROLL

[BigSnake]

[Ave]

Since you are in this now and don't seem to be able to get out easily for obvious reasons why not treat this as an experiment. Just wait and wait and wait and wait and see what happens.... Alternatively I'd try the complete opposite. I'd tell her that I need a break, I'm not sure about they way things are going, etc.. and then give her the cold shoulder for a while to see how she behaves. Sorry, sometimes I just take things as fun games to learn from...whatever you do or can't do it shouldn't be something you don't want.

[pop_corn]

oh my god.. disgusting... a decent girl of 25 years old will never ever dat a man of 53. Im telling you this having 26 years old.

if she havent kiss you yet is cuz she dont really want. think with your head not with...

[intumult]

After some gentle probing and difficulties with language I have at last found out why she would not kiss using her mouth. As a youngster she went to nuzzle up to one of the families dogs and the dog bit her on the face, mainly on the mouth and nose, where she does still have some scar tissue that was well disguised by make-up. With the resultant infection and pain etc that came as a result of the bite she has an inherent fear of something similar happening again and her natural reaction is to recoil or turn her head away in defence. So she has never been kissed on the lips before. It is going to take time and patience, but that is no problem.

As for the more inflammatory posts, I’ll ignore those and put them down to ignorance alongside those intended to goad a reaction.

To those that offered constructive posts, that brings you well above the level of certain others and you are thanked and to be commended for your input

For me the matter is now closed as the question is now answered.

[pop_corn]

Awwwww.......... how innocent.. anyways, so... 25 v/s 53.... you think everything is cool, eh? uhm... thats an interesting point of view, and yeah as a 26 yrs old woman, I could have any excuse to avoid kissing a man who is that old, I would... Well I guess thats me.. and your 25 years old girl is deeply in love with you, you are her everything, and for sure! she dream about your kisses great!!

good luck!

[intumult]

pop_corn

Sooooooo .....

[pop_corn]

So, dont worrie be happy.. !

[submaniac]

intumult, so you didn't try the fart thing like I said?

[torrenova]

Whilst I think 6 weeks or longer now is "forever" the OP has some form of answer from her though how she equates being bitten by a dog to being kissed is a potentially worrying psychological problem. As for the hand holding then yes, you can read that Thais don't do that because it means this and this and this but things are changing, even here. She might just come from a progressive family. You could equally say that her not having a Thai guy was progressive.

To the OP. If you are still interested in her then fine. Just be prepared to probe where you are going with this. I don't care where she comes from or what social rank she is, I'd have expected to have either been to bed with her or a dam_n site closer than holding hands within a couple of months. No, I would not be following her around like a lap dog for 6 months before I got a kiss. Relationships are a two way street, both parties have to give and take. She is not an 18 year old virgin, though she may be a virgin. By 25 you have been around the block a bit and if you can go to nightclubs and flirt with foreign men then you know where it might be going.

I'd give her a month and perhaps invite her for a trip away for a couple of days, making it undestood that you would be sharing a room and see what she says. Either she'll say yes or she'll throw a wobbly. Whichever, it will bring into the open discussion of where you are going with this "relationship". best of luck.

[kat]

Whilst I think 6 weeks or longer now is "forever" the OP has some form of answer from her though how she equates being bitten by a dog to being kissed is a potentially worrying psychological problem. As for the hand holding then yes, you can read that Thais don't do that because it means this and this and this but things are changing, even here. She might just come from a progressive family. You could equally say that her not having a Thai guy was progressive.

To the OP. If you are still interested in her then fine. Just be prepared to probe where you are going with this. I don't care where she comes from or what social rank she is, I'd have expected to have either been to bed with her or a dam_n site closer than holding hands within a couple of months. No, I would not be following her around like a lap dog for 6 months before I got a kiss. Relationships are a two way street, both parties have to give and take. She is not an 18 year old virgin, though she may be a virgin. By 25 you have been around the block a bit and if you can go to nightclubs and flirt with foreign men then you know where it might be going.

I'd give her a month and perhaps invite her for a trip away for a couple of days, making it undestood that you would be sharing a room and see what she says. Either she'll say yes or she'll throw a wobbly. Whichever, it will bring into the open discussion of where you are going with this "relationship". best of luck.

For many women and especially some young women in Thailand, six weeks is really not very long. I agree that sex should not be used as a weapon of manipulation, but there is nothing worse than a male that thinks he has earned rights over my body as a matter of course. I am the one to decide when it is time to share my body, and if a male I was dating made "it undestood that you would be sharing a room", I would make it understood that I would be nowhere to be found, in a heartbeat. Any kind of controlling behavior is offensive, but that kind of arrogant attitude of entitlement over my body would be toast. You should just leave if it gets to be too much. End of story.

[burman]

and if a male I was dating made "it undestood that you would be sharing a room", I would make it understood that I would be nowhere to be found, in a heartbeat. Any kind of controlling behavior is offensive, but that kind of arrogant attitude of entitlement over my body would be toast.

Is suggesting a trip away and saying you will be sharing a room considered controlling behaviour? Why?

The woman is not forced to go on the trip or share the room. The option has been laid out for her to either take or not take. She has been given a choice no?

[kat]

"The option has been laid out for her ..."

We are from two completely different worlds. In your world. her option is your way or the highway. In my world. we would've discussed and named the options together, and if we were not sleeping together yet, could have a second room as an option. Or, we would not make an overnight trip together completely on his bill in which he dictates where and when I sleep with him. Talk about manipulation.

*typos

Edited April 4, 2008 by kat

[burman]

Ok Kat, understood your point better now, its late here sorry.

Can we have a little less of the 'in your world' rubbish though as I was only asking a question based on something you said.

To be fair, in that situation I would offer the separate room as well, I'd hope she didn't take it (!) but the offer would be there.

But she does have the option of not taking a trip though? So hardly would call it controlling unless you are a very easily controlled person. She just has to say 'no' doesn't she?

Edited April 4, 2008 by burman

[kat]

Not carried away, simply reading your words back to you and some of the implicit or perceived attitudes therein. I love how on this forum, a definite and unapologetic female point of view is always "carried away." Perhaps that's because you're not accustomed to how we really think.

At any rate, this is a discussion about a discussion. And as I stated, in a discussion with someone with whom I was interested, the approach would be much different than someone coming to me with two options, go or not go. The discussion would begin with both of us, not "laid out" by him.

This is not an attack, but merely an expression of our differences on the above scenario. And it is instructive, because I am female and you are male. Take of it what you will.