No Kissing

[phulam]

Thai lady 40, me 60. She only kisses when we make love and she is a good kisser. Otherwise she will not kiss even when we are alone. If I try to give her a peck on the lips, she pulls back and then does the nose against the cheek and sniffs. Being a westerner I am use to being able to give someone a peck on the lips in public or alone. It's been this way since I met her and I have known her a year. Tried to talk to her about it on more than one occasion and basically get answers that make no sense. First time I ask her about it she said she thought she was a bad kisser and she also said her ex-husband did not like to kiss. I finally quit asking her about it because she was getting upset. I do not see things changing even those she knows I do not understand.

Rather than get too detailed about the relationship, let me just ask the following question. I will say this is a long distance relationship right now. I've been to Thailand twice, so I'm talking about my experience with her kissing those two times. I am completely convinced this is not a money scam, since she knows I have none other than a fairly decent steady income. Anyway, my question is do many Thai ladies reserve kissing for when making love? If so, why doesn't she just tell me that?

Everything else with her is fine. If she truly feels that kissing is for the bedroom, I can accept that. No problem. Intimacy can be shown in many different ways. But if the true reason she is not kissing reflects negative feelings she has toward me, then we have a major problem.

Thank for any responses.

[retiredusn]

If the ex-husband is in the reason Why.../you may want to look elsewhere

[dreamsignals86]

Did you try to kiss her in public? Right there solves your problem if you did. Thais aren't going to show that sort of affection in public. Try it in your apartment or somewhere away from other people.

Maybe she's dated a westerner before and had bad luck with one who was just trying to get with as many chicks as possible.

[Boatman37210]

She only kisses when we make love. No other time even if we are alone. I understand not wanting to kiss in public. It's when we are alone I do not understand. All I want to do is give her a peck on the lips every once in a while. I'm not talking about tongue in mouth kind of kiss.

Everything else is fine, so I am not sure how much I should worry about the kissing problem. Was hoping to hear from some Thai ladies.

Thanks.

[transam]

Did you try to kiss her in public? Right there solves your problem if you did. Thais aren't going to show that sort of affection in public. Try it in your apartment or somewhere away from other people.

Maybe she's dated a westerner before and had bad luck with one who was just trying to get with as many chicks as possible.

Rubbish.

[trisailer]

The whole thing smells fishy to me. Alone in a bar? accepting a drink from a strange man? Six weeks? This sounds like she is just letting your passions stew. The only reasons for that is she's setting you up for future benefits or she possibly has mental health issues. Either way she has you perplexed and my question is what kind of a way is that to start a relationship?

Either way it doesn't look good for you. I know what anyone here says will not stop you from playing it out.

good luck.

[Cobalt60]

All the time I get.. Joop noi.......oh ok then, if I must

I think we hear from the minority

[homeslice]

Run Forrest run.

She's playing games.Seems a bit odd to me.See how it pans out and hope it works out but many things going against this one.Communication barrier being the number one.

Being Thai/Chinese is no explanation,you are being a gentleman and you can't figure her out because you can't communicate.Maybe she'll hit you to pay for English lessons next.Dunno,for me how can anyone date somone who can't speak the lingo? The basis of any good relationship is communication,the physical passion dies eventually,then what? Hanging around a beautiful doll for what?

She's doing everything else trying for intimacy except the kissy thing.....so if she won't say why or can't say what's next?I wouldn't waste my time.

I concur with Momo. I also raise, and propose the following new rule: "If you have to ask on an internet forum, the relationship probably isn't going to work out."

All kidding aside, the circumstances sound weird to me. 6 weeks? Long enough for a kiss in my book, and even according to conservative Thai standards. Assuming that your teeth are in your mouth, and there aren't any other hygiene issues, a kiss is not asking for that much. If she was really into you, I would think it would have happened by now.

Sorry to bring this up, but I am reminded of something. Prostitution is legal in Nevada, but there is a long standing rule that prostitutes will do anything except this. What is it? Kissing. It is too intimate. And in this case, if she won't kiss you it seems that she just doesn't want to get intimate with you, or maybe isn't attracted to you. You mention that she is 25, but you didn't mention your own age. Maybe she isn't attracted to you but is stringing you along for some other purpose, be it monetarily or out of the novelty of having a farang boyfriend. I am not inside her head, so anything I say is speculation, mind you. But not a peck on the cheek after 6 weeks? That is weird. It is also weird to be holding hands in front of her parents. My cousin is married, and lives with her parents in the same house (with her sister). I can't say I have seen her holding hands in front of her parents--and that is her husband.

Something is up, I don't know what. But "Run, Forrest, Run."

I agree! She is probably using you in some way. I was told when I first got here by a Thai woman that one of the tricks they use is to get you emotionally involved and then do not "put out", so they can get more material goods from you. If she is not working you for money maybe she is a closet lesbian and needs to let her parents see her with a man so they don't suspect, just a thought.

Run Forrest run.

[[email protected]]

I think her being chinese/thai might have to do with it...partly? Dont take my word for this though because I am not really sure on this, just from what I have heard. First of all, I think that hand holding, if you are a boyfriend or girlfriend with someone, is perfectly okay. But I think kissing, in their minds, leads to sex. I am not saying they dont believe in kissing before marriage...but that they regard it as a very intimate thing, unlike us foreigners do. I think chinese/thai are a bit more...conservative? I dont know if that is the right word though....also, does she come from an upper or middle class family?

It also may be a personal thing for her. Who knows, maybe she just has really high standards and makes all her guys wait a long time before they can kiss her. I really think that the only way you are going to truly know why she wont kiss you is by asking her (of course, not in a pushy manner.) There could be more of a reason behind it, because I agree it's odd that you already met her family, and she still wont kiss you. But...many "good" thai women might wait a long time before they kiss someone. Not really sure about this though. Has she had any previous boyfriends?

Good Thai girls will wait. The western kiss is to Thai's sexual. I suggest you try buy giving her a "Sniff Kiss" on her upper arm and see if she reciprocates. If does not give anything back. Run

[sarahsbloke]

Sounds like either the

I'm a good girl, you need to pay me a lot of money to go any further game.

or the

I already have a lover but if you outbid him, you're in game.

or the

I can't stand you, but you appear to have a lot of money and maybe I can get some out of you game.

Don't waste your time with a girl that plays the 'hard to get' for whatever reason games.

(unless you want to play the 'my wife never has sex with me' game, a game many western men seem to enjoy)

Edited May 15, 2011 by sarahsbloke

[sarahsbloke]

It's not rubbish. Men and women are at times from different worlds.

It was very interesting reading your posts, thank you.

As a man, if I were to go somewhere with a woman (pleasure trip, just me and her), I would assume bed and sex had already been agreed.

If the lady suggested a separate room before the outing, we wouldn't be going on a trip (Que: polite excuse).

If the lady wanted a separate room after departure, she could have her wish, I would just leave my room during the night and be somewhere else next morning (Que: polite note at reception, sorry sick mother).

Why else would ANY MAN go on a trip alone with a woman?

(unless she were paying for all my expenses, in which case I would be happy to accept her choice in everything)

Edited May 15, 2011 by sarahsbloke

[IMA_FARANG]

Okay so I'm a male...just so you ladies know that in advance.

Hopefuly, I won't ruffle anyone]s feathers here too much.

To the O.P.....if you're imterested you have to politely make your intentions knowm..discretely...and see what results you get. Why should that fact be surprising to you?

Yes, many Thai-Chinese women will NOT like kissing, especially in public. It's just not done.

For one thing, bargirls will kiss their "customers" in public, and for that reason many "decent" women don't want to kiss their foriegn boyfriend in public...because that isn't 'polite". This is especially true of a Thai-Chinese girl from a "good" family...any more than a well taught Euopean girl wold pick her nose in public. It's the same type of a social no-no.

The fact that she is willing to hold your hand, rest her head on your shoulder, etc. is probably evidence that she is at least intereted. You're not being rejected outright, are you? For that reason, I would assume there is a least some interest there, at least she has probably considered the possibility.

The fact that she doesn't seem to want to invite you in to at least meet her parents may simply mean that she thinks THEY wouldn't approve. A Thai-Chinese family can be very strict and dissaproving of non-Chinese boyfriends for their daughters, even their fully grown daughters. Perhaps you're dealing with that in her case.

Anyhow, all you can do is...discretely...indicate your interest and see what happens. Compliment her on her dress, tell her her perfume smells nice, or even put your arm around her and gently kiss her on the neck. Let the results of that be your guide...you an never really be sure how she will respond.

Eiher way, unless she's totally inexperienced or definately not interested at all, she will probably respond one way or the other.

It's up tp YOU to be aware and alert to how she does respond at that time to get your answer. When you're sure either way, you need to decide what you will do further about her "answer". Either way, let it be her choice.

Most likely she will decide one way or the other, in her own time.

But I suppose you already are aware of that.

Good luck.

Edited May 16, 2011 by IMA_FARANG

[cdnvic]

The OP hasn't logged in for 3yrs so if there's more to say, start a new topic. :jap: