Doctor, Doctor

[AltumAngel]

Doctor, doctor, my wooden leg is giving me a lot of pain.

Why's that?

My wife keeps hitting me over the head with it.

Doctor, doctor, my hair's coming out. Can you give me something to keep it in?

Certainly - how about a paper bag?

Doctor, doctor, people keep ignoring me.

Next, please!

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.

Pull yourself together!

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bridge.

What's come over you?

Two cars and a bus!

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a spoon.

Sit there and don't stir.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a billiard ball.

Get back in the queue.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pack of cards.

I'll deal with you later.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking there's two of me.

One at a time, please.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.

Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.

I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture.

Doctor, doctor, I've lost my memory.

When did it happen?

When did what happen?

Doctor, doctor, my little boy's swallowed a bullet. What shall I do?

Well, for a start, don't point him at me.