Loneliness- Being Away From The Isaan Lady

[RY12]

Thanks to the glorious U.S. immigration system, I won't be able to bring my Ubon girl to the U.S. for another 3 years because I'm currently in graduate school and can't show the support necessary for the fiancee visa (no sponsors either and tourist visa, of course, impossible). I've been on a schedule of seeing her in asia twice a year, 4 month long waits apart. I'm doomed to this fate until school ends, and it may continue after that if I find a singnificantly higher paying job in the U.S.

Question: how long of a wait could you tolerate between visits?

4 months is pretty bad, I'm wondering if anyone else here is under that pressure. I think 2 months is breaking point for tolerability (and actually probably healthy for the relationship). Thoughts? comforting words for your humble servant?

(please no cliche wise-cracks about what mischief she could be up to while i'm gone )

Edited April 21, 2008 by RY12

[garro]

A bane of my life is that I find it very difficult to wait for anything. 3 years is a long time, but if something is meant to be etc.

[Jeff1]

I start going crazy after 5 weeks. The first month was rather enjoyable however.

The longest period was 2 1/2 months apart. That was bad.

Thank God for beer.

I think alot of us have been through it before. It does not get better unless you have family and or good friends and still, it does not get

that much better.

As the immigration man told me when I first brought her back to the states " Anything worth having is worth waiting for."

Smartass!

[Thai Chi]

Question: how long of a wait could you tolerate between visits?

I am frequently away from my now Thai Wife and our daughter due to commitments in Australia (family / personal health dramas, not that dreaded 4 letter word starting with W... )

The longest I have been away from her since we met nearly 5 years ago has been 2 and a bit months. That really hurt as I was being stuffed around in Oz waiting for test results. It was all out of my hands.

I do remember about a year into our relationship I went back to Oz to sort out something or other. I had planned a 4 -6 weeks trip. Arrived there on the monday, sorted all the sh5t out in 2 days ....and was back in Thailand that friday.... 4 days turn around

I have always treasured my "time alone"... and I need it like most people. Be it a day away in Surin / Korat or a couple of days in Bangkok, or even the inevitable trips to Oz, but I always miss her when she is not there

In answer to your question...1 day is too long for me....but sometimes we have no control over that.

Hang in there RY 12

[mahtin]

Mine's been in Khon Kaen since end of February for an extended Songkran visit.

Coming back tomorrow!

Yes, beer helps.

[Mike45]

Thanks to the glorious U.S. immigration system, I won't be able to bring my Ubon girl to the U.S. for another 3 years because I'm currently in graduate school and can't show the support necessary for the fiancée visa (no sponsors either and tourist visa, of course, impossible). I've been on a schedule of seeing her in Asia twice a year, 4 month long waits apart. I'm doomed to this fate until school ends, and it may continue after that if I find a singnificantly higher paying job in the U.S.

Question: how long of a wait could you tolerate between visits?

4 months is pretty bad, I'm wondering if anyone else here is under that pressure. I think 2 months is breaking point for tolerability (and actually probably healthy for the relationship). Thoughts? comforting words for your humble servant?

(please no cliche wise-cracks about what mischief she could be up to while i'm gone )

When I had to be separated from my Ubon fiancé it hurt........it really hurt!

I swore once we were back together I would not separate again. Luckily ...so far I have been able to keep that promise.

Mike

[Captain Chaos]

About 2 weeks - anymore than that and I find we tend to run out of things to say to each other on the phone. That's why I try to get back to BKK every other weekend.

Thankfully, we're on the final stretch now as Mrs CC and CC Jnr will be able to move to SG full time by end of this year

CC

[aintravingr8]

It's been two months twelve days already and have just about less then a month to go before I see my wife again. The last time we were together, we had a wonderful engagement party in her village, and made it official a few days later in BKK. Since I've been gone away here in the states working, my wife was sick and was in the hospital for a few days. The worst feeling ever not knowning how your wife is doing, why her mobile phone is off and whether or not she is ok... The last time I spoke with her was a few days ago and now her grandmother is sick. I called the home phone and her brother picked up, exchanged a hello, and he mentioned something about BKK. Not sure if wife and grandma are in the hospital in BKK or not, my Thai is caputo! What can I do ... famous last words..

[RY12]

It's been two months twelve days already and have just about less then a month to go before I see my wife again. The last time we were together, we had a wonderful engagement party in her village, and made it official a few days later in BKK. Since I've been gone away here in the states working, my wife was sick and was in the hospital for a few days. The worst feeling ever not knowning how your wife is doing, why her mobile phone is off and whether or not she is ok... The last time I spoke with her was a few days ago and now her grandmother is sick. I called the home phone and her brother picked up, exchanged a hello, and he mentioned something about BKK. Not sure if wife and grandma are in the hospital in BKK or not, my Thai is caputo! What can I do ... famous last words..

And the weather we've been having up here in the Northwest doesn't make it any easier. I'm on 3 months two weeks now, have another month to go. I call everyday too, I hope this sickness your wife and in-law have isn't a veil for something darker. Not contacting by phone in a long-distance relationship is the supreme infraction. Do you suspect anything?

[aintravingr8]

And the weather we've been having up here in the Northwest doesn't make it any easier. I'm on 3 months two weeks now, have another month to go. I call everyday too, I hope this sickness your wife and in-law have isn't a veil for something darker. Not contacting by phone in a long-distance relationship is the supreme infraction. Do you suspect anything?

The weather has been miserable! Too much snow, too cold and way to wet!

I suspect that her grandmother is very sick, it's unlike her not to talk to me for longer then a day. I hope her grandma is ok. Just really wish that atleast she would call, send an email or something to let me know the status. I'm going to have to have a talk with her, if I ever hear from her soon.

[hanibal7]

After listening to hundreds of farangs,including good friends of mine,i would never have a relationship with a thai unless i lived here.Not to say they are up to no good but have never felt comfortable with stories i here every day.Many say they go up country and the farang feels safe.they may have thai bf,husband and the farang would never know.

I live here so never suffer problems with my thai gf,in fact we have never had an arguament in 3.5 years,now that is something special lol.

[zorro1]

After listening to hundreds of farangs,including good friends of mine,i would never have a relationship with a thai unless i lived here.Not to say they are up to no good but have never felt comfortable with stories i here every day.Many say they go up country and the farang feels safe.they may have thai bf,husband and the farang would never know.

I live here so never suffer problems with my thai gf,in fact we have never had an arguament in 3.5 years,now that is something special lol.

Goes for me as well. Its truly sad to keep hearing the sick grandmother, water buffalo stories and although some are actually true 1/1000000000000000

As`for turning the mobile phone off? what Thai girl does that? not even at the movies, mine flicks hers over to vibrate and whips it out to see whos calling

[thedi]

Question: how long of a wait could you tolerate between visits?

I am now 59, my wife is 54, we are married for 15 years. I always kept a foot in my home country (Switzerland). My wife never accompanied me to Switzerland. At first the only reason was the money: I still have a part time job there.

But after some time I realized, that I won a second live. I now have a life here in Thailand with my wife and our daughter. This is for about 8 month each year.

But twice a year, each time for two month, I go to Switzerland to work. My family stays here in Thailand - I go alone. There I have a second live with my old friends, my family, speaking Swiss dialect (we speak only Thai in our family and village here in Thailand) interesting work and in a climate and culture where I belong to too.

For me, 2 month of Switzerland is all I need to make the rounds and to come to the feeling: 'now I have enough of it'.

I think that this off-time is also good for the relationship with my wife. When we are together long time - say more than 3 month - I sometimes get the feeling, that she is 'very Thai' again - and vice versa, she may get the feeling that I am behaving 'too farang'. This is a sign for me, that a trip to Switzerland may do us good.

After 2 month of separation we see just the good sides of each other again. Kind of a honeymoon twice every year.

So to answer your question: for us, 2 month apart and then 4 month together seems to be ideal.

Having said that: I am looking forward to the time when I will be retired and do not have to do the boring flights any more. There certainly are disadvantages to have your live split over two continents. But there are good things in it too.

Regards

Thedi

[njpski]

Good question -

I miss my lady and the time away from her makes my heart ache

we email, we telephone, we text - but nothing beats being with her

I have been away from her for 4 weeks now - it is far too long!!!!!!!

[gpdjohn]

After listening to hundreds of farangs,including good friends of mine,i would never have a relationship with a thai unless i lived here.Not to say they are up to no good but have never felt comfortable with stories i here every day.Many say they go up country and the farang feels safe.they may have thai bf,husband and the farang would never know.

I live here so never suffer problems with my thai gf,in fact we have never had an arguament in 3.5 years,now that is something special lol.

Goes for me as well. Its truly sad to keep hearing the sick grandmother, water buffalo stories and although some are actually true 1/1000000000000000

As`for turning the mobile phone off? what Thai girl does that? not even at the movies, mine flicks hers over to vibrate and whips it out to see whos calling

Mine is the same way...but luckly, she can't hear the dam_n thing so never knows when anyone is calling. I'm in CM and sent her back to stay w/ her folks for a week in BKK...it's only Wednesday. She calls twice a day and last night I told her if she wanted to stay there longer, it's alright with me..

I'm enjoying this...

[jfchandler]

To the OP...I have nothing of cheer to say in response to your question...

When I was living in the USA, and making 4 times a year visits to Thailand, I tried to make a go of long distance relationships, but they never worked out. For the ladies in question, I don't really think they were cheating....tho I can't say for sure... But, it's hard to maintain intimacy, especially in a new relationship, when you're physically apart for 3, 4, ? months at a time. The telephone and Internet only go so far...

Now I live here full-time, and all of those past problems are distant memories. I don't envy your situation, and would suggest the odds of keeping your ship afloat over that long long long period of time may be pretty slim... But..I don't know you and the lady involved.

I do concur, though, about Thai ladies and their mobiles. They can be doing virtually anything, and will in a heartbeat stop that activity and check their phone when it rings, and leave it on for ringing even at the MOST inconvenient times. I had one lady in the past who not only let it ring in the middle of romance, but then went ahead and wanted to answer it while we were engaged.... Happily, not together with her anymore.

Yesterday, I was having a long talk with my current Thai GF here in BKK, who tends to be a bit insecure about our relationship (for no good reason).... She was talking to me about feeling nervous when SHE goes away to work during the day and I'm staying at home alone doing my own work. When we later got to talking about my annual upcoming two-week "visit the parents" trip back to the USA, she nearly went into a coma.... Dunno what I'm going to do about that...when the time comes.

But I surely know...my first night back in Thailand upon returning will be a dam_n fine one...

[dumspero]

Sorry she can't get a tourist visa--did she try? One never knows.

Anyway, at least you live in a country with a relatively open immigration system, and think about all those in the service away from their significant others for a year or more at a time. Everything is relative.

Plus, you come from a rich country, have a bright future and chose to have a partner from a different country. Not all are so fortunate. I live here in a place with hundreds of Issan people separated for years from their Isaan partners. So again, everything is relative, and to us, you're the guy at the doctor's office waiting room with a bruised elbow complaining to the guy with two broken legs...

[ozzydom]

Inappropriate post removed.

Take care not to let this thread degrade to a Thai female bashing exercise.

ozzydom

moderating team

[colino]

for me a month is too long

my neighbor has to stay in Switzerland and only comes back twice a year , to visit his Thai wife and 3 kids , you can guess there age gaps lol

[aintravingr8]

Spoke to my wife last night and this afternoon, I knew she was going to call as I had that feeling. Her cell phone has seen better days, a victim of Song Kran apparently. Good thing the SIM still works. Time to buy another cell phone I guess.

She has been staying in the hospital for several days now with her grandmother and she is not getting any better. Grandmother is in ICU in Buriram hospital. My wife had a dream last night of teeth going on holiday. Last time she had this dream, her mother passed away. Not good. I may need to take off to Thailand earlier then expected.

My wife was very apologetic today about being a "bad wife" in her words, not calling, no email, no SMS but I told her I understood, and that her primary responsibility at this time was to take care of her grandmother. She understood. I'm not by any means upset or angry with her, just a bit worried as we always talk everyday and it's uncommon for us to go a day without talking.

She is the best woman a guy could ever ask for and I'm lucky to have a wife as amazing, sincere, faithful and loyal as mine.

Edited April 24, 2008 by aintravingr8

[blue eyes]

I would say as long as she is away. That would be how long.But I can not.You see, we are married and she is around all of the time.

[Dave the Dude]

Spoke to my wife last night and this afternoon, I knew she was going to call as I had that feeling. Her cell phone has seen better days, a victim of Song Kran apparently. Good thing the SIM still works. Time to buy another cell phone I guess.

She has been staying in the hospital for several days now with her grandmother and she is not getting any better. Grandmother is in ICU in Buriram hospital. My wife had a dream last night of teeth going on holiday. Last time she had this dream, her mother passed away. Not good. I may need to take off to Thailand earlier then expected.

My wife was very apologetic today about being a "bad wife" in her words, not calling, no email, no SMS but I told her I understood, and that her primary responsibility at this time was to take care of her grandmother. She understood. I'm not by any means upset or angry with her, just a bit worried as we always talk everyday and it's uncommon for us to go a day without talking.

She is the best woman a guy could ever ask for and I'm lucky to have a wife as amazing, sincere, faithful and loyal as mine.

Hi aintravingr8

Im glad to hear your minor communication 'fears' are sorted. I hope all turns out well for you and your wives family.

Your worries remind me of times when I was back home working in the UK and now every night that I say to my Thai wife 'Goodnight, see you in the morning', that reminds me of how lucky I am and how unhappy I was.

I hope things turn out good for you

Dave

[aintravingr8]

Spoke to my wife last night and this afternoon, I knew she was going to call as I had that feeling. Her cell phone has seen better days, a victim of Song Kran apparently. Good thing the SIM still works. Time to buy another cell phone I guess.

She has been staying in the hospital for several days now with her grandmother and she is not getting any better. Grandmother is in ICU in Buriram hospital. My wife had a dream last night of teeth going on holiday. Last time she had this dream, her mother passed away. Not good. I may need to take off to Thailand earlier then expected.

My wife was very apologetic today about being a "bad wife" in her words, not calling, no email, no SMS but I told her I understood, and that her primary responsibility at this time was to take care of her grandmother. She understood. I'm not by any means upset or angry with her, just a bit worried as we always talk everyday and it's uncommon for us to go a day without talking.

She is the best woman a guy could ever ask for and I'm lucky to have a wife as amazing, sincere, faithful and loyal as mine.

Hi aintravingr8

Im glad to hear your minor communication 'fears' are sorted. I hope all turns out well for you and your wives family.

Your worries remind me of times when I was back home working in the UK and now every night that I say to my Thai wife 'Goodnight, see you in the morning', that reminds me of how lucky I am and how unhappy I was.

I hope things turn out good for you

Dave

All sorted out, I'm very lucky to have a wife like her, but very unlucky that she is 8000 miles away from me. 14 days and counting.

[RY12]

18 days and counting for me, who'd ever thought sea-tac would be a place of hope?

[gpdjohn]

18 days and counting for me, who'd ever thought sea-tac would be a place of hope?

Well, I sure thought it was when I left Ft. "Jerry" Lewis for good!

That place sucked....

Oh yeah, my wife has since returned from BKK. I'm checking prices on Nok to see when she can go back. ( It sure was a nice quiet week with her gone..)

Yeah, I would sure miss her if she was gone for along time, but like the other poster has stated, she's with me 24/7 and the seperation sometimes sure is a blessing.

[RY12]

18 days and counting for me, who'd ever thought sea-tac would be a place of hope?

Well, I sure thought it was when I left Ft. "Jerry" Lewis for good!

That place sucked....

How dare u insult the base and the sacred city of lakewood! with its wet, dirty strip malls and decaying geo metros. ...agreed, mortal beings are not meant to inhabit such places for long.

Edited May 3, 2008 by RY12

[ttthailand]

I lived in Thailand for 13 years doing international business and making an Ok income. My GF and I have been together 10 years but never married. I left Thailand 11 months ago for a visit in America before some one month projects were to start. The projects fell through and I did not want to return to Thailand with low funds in the bank. My business over the years has been slowing down so my GF and I decided to make the move to America so I can have an income and she can find something ( has college degree ). Well.....She is waiting for her visa to come to America so we can get married and start out new life. It has been 11 months since we have been together and we are almost finished with all the paperwork, interviews etc for her to come. I am guessing another month or two before all is finished. So, how long can you wait....I would say, If you are in love a year or more is possible, hard but possible ! We do talk almost everyday ( Jajah.com ). I think I pay about 4 cents US a minute. We send emails, pictures and I send her some cash to live on. One thing for sure is that it is a good test of your love for each other. It will be a happy day when we are back together.

Good luck

[RY12]

I lived in Thailand for 13 years doing international business and making an Ok income. My GF and I have been together 10 years but never married. I left Thailand 11 months ago for a visit in America before some one month projects were to start. The projects fell through and I did not want to return to Thailand with low funds in the bank. My business over the years has been slowing down so my GF and I decided to make the move to America so I can have an income and she can find something ( has college degree ). Well.....She is waiting for her visa to come to America so we can get married and start out new life. It has been 11 months since we have been together and we are almost finished with all the paperwork, interviews etc for her to come. I am guessing another month or two before all is finished. So, how long can you wait....I would say, If you are in love a year or more is possible, hard but possible ! We do talk almost everyday ( Jajah.com ). I think I pay about 4 cents US a minute. We send emails, pictures and I send her some cash to live on. One thing for sure is that it is a good test of your love for each other. It will be a happy day when we are back together.

Good luck

Thanks. I think we're going to apply for the US tourist visa this summer even though I know there's a 90% chance she won't get it, just because it's better than doing nothing and they let you apply again if circumstances change. I'm hoping they few multiple attempts with tenacity rather than suspicion, and there's always the possibility of the fiancee visas when I get out of school.

[Carnwadrick]

Why fool around with a Fiancee visa if you love the woman just marry her and apply for immigration visa

I can't understand what it is about this wanting your cake and eat it too attitude..you are travelling to Thailand to see her 2-3 times a year so if you don't have enough feelings to marry her quit complaining about US Immigration

[ChiefBEM]

Thanks to the glorious U.S. immigration system, I won't be able to bring my Ubon girl to the U.S. for another 3 years because I'm currently in graduate school (please no cliche wise-cracks about what mischief she could be up to while i'm gone )

The one thing that you could do is work harder at finishing graduate school or change schools.

Most US Universities have graduate programs that can be completed in 18 months.

What graduate program are u in?

Regards,

ChiefBEM