Showing Emotion To Thai Girls

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Last time I cried was a couple of weeks ago during a big barney with Ning.

I was run down and very tired and a bit drunk and she was packing her bags but stopped as soon as she saw me get all tearful.

She had been very sympathetic in the past when I had been down and even glossy eyed but to actually break down - this had made her quite angry and the way she reacted was a western equivilent to "Oh pull yourself together you soppy un-masculine big girls blouse!".This really hurt at the time - how could she have had such a black heart when I was clearly so distressed... She later told me that she had been like that to make me stronger but the fact was, I was always there for her when she was in tears and I believe in equality in that department.

The next time we had an arguement I just let her go and she came back and moaned I didn't care about her and that she would go some other time ( ) and the final time we had a row - two days before she was about to leave anyway, I channelled that emotion into anger and ended up scaring her and bruising her (by holding her I might add - I didn't ever hit her, much as I have felt like it).

This was at a time when she was leaving soon anyway and I didn't want it to be on bad terms, not as bad as this anyway, and I ended up pleading with her for hours to stay and not wonder out into Hua Hin at 4:30 AM and wait for mthe 1st Bangkok bus. I was so run down I ended up in tears by the end of it anyway so I couldn't really win either way.

This was out of character for me but I had been told by somebody that Thai women respected a little assertiveness and agression, but she later told me that she thought I was going to really hurt her and that was the style of the Thai man.

In the two weeks since I have learned to be short and two the point and let them do the running (I recently fell out with a Thai friend/ex lover because I went to Phuket and not back to Bkk to see her) because apart from being a waste of mobile credit, talking doesn't work - actions do, but the sort of action that is walking away or hanging up the phone yourself.

Anyway, back to the point - why is showing emotion such a... Taboo almost?

Incedentally, Ning and I are still in touch by phone roughly every other day and are getting along so so as friends - I care about her more than I miss her.

[britmaveric]

Pick/Choose your moments Scampy. I think being emotional all the time seems to be the issue. (based on reading your entries) It deemed a weakness by women, who think you should be harder.

I've cried a few times in my life usually involving death....grand dad died before I was able to say goodbye, loss of two dogs, and few disasterous relationships (felt like death) Chin-up and try to pick your moments- rest assured ladies in general appreciate a strong lad.

[Totster]

Ok... On the last day with my GF I cried, but this was only because she cried first... , she seemed to appreciate that I was comfortable enough with her to show this emotion ( and this is probably why I opened up to her, I don't usually show my emotions )... ... she did not in anyway see this as a weakness .

One thing I will add with regards to crying, it is sometimes a involuntary reaction when a person cannot express their feelings in any other way, maybe the same as frustration ...

totster

[Liverish]

talking to some girls on this issue , they expect a farangs to cry when he gets blown out , normally he has control of the situation because of the financial advantage .

all they have is the emotional advantage .

so do not blub in front of a girl at all costs , they think you look weak .

If you do get blown out , hit back to reverse the situation .

send them an SMS at 3am telling them you are in bed with another girl and having a great time .

this really bugs them badly .

[joinme2leave]

this definitely is not a thai-farang-only-situation. it is world-wide.

men are supposed/expected to be strong, oooh yeah so strong. no tears allowed.

imho, it is better to show tears (even if the lady wouldn't understand) instead of keeping the pain inside your body for years...

as far as I remember this (and some other oooh so strange man behaviours) are told to be METRO-SEXUAL. it works for me and I am proud to do things like crying if I feel like...

[siamruby]

I am a woman and don't have any problem with my guy crying. I think it s the way you guys have been brought up to believe that 'boys don't cry' that why you don't normally cry.But there is time and place for that, no one will like it if you cry in the public or worse ,cry when you are pissed .

But sadly if you are having a row with your partner and start to cry I think it looks like an emotional blackmail. Yes me too will tell my man.. for god sake pull yourself together,stop trying to make me feel sorry for you But other time I will just give him a hug

[RDN]

Does crying at sad films, like "Khun Pen", count against you? Probably explains it.

[siamruby]

If the film makes him cry I will probably cry too. how oh so romantic!

Know nothing about the film,still stuck in the miserable UK

[mango]

Scamp, it seems to me from reading some of your other posts that you are generally unstable and not realy fit to be in a seriouse relationship. You seem to meet a girl and fall in love, out of love, back in love, in denial, in a fight, making up, in afight again, crying, in lust and then all over again, all in the space of a week or two with a stranger that you dont even know and just picked up off the street. Im sorry to be so harsh but other people on here dont and think its funny, well its not. you realy need some help. Dont get me wrong and think im just being a c.unt to you, im not, i genuinly think you should seek counciling before you self destruct.

good luck (and i mean that)

cheers Mango.

[Boon Mee]

Man...I wouldn't cry in front of a Farang chick, let alone in the presence of Thai Pooying! Some things are not done in public...

Scamp~ You gotta get a grip. You're in Thailand now - not back in Farangland where it's all very different. Make a genuine attempt to learn and understand the culture.

Having said that - it's a never-ending task to "Kwaw Jai" Thailand. In fact, doubt that it's within the capabilities of any Farang, no matter how long you live in LOS.

But, give it a go. What other choice do you have?

[Erawan]

I think I'm a mix of new and old man. I still agree and try to adhere to some old traits, one of which is no crying. I believe in trying to live up to my image of what a real man is like, a man's man.

Perhaps some think it's tragic, but I'm not alone by any means in this belief in how a man should conduct himself.

[medicinebox]

If you're gonna cry, do it on your own. Prefably in the rain. Life grinds away at even the toughest sorts, and crying is an outlet. Crying alone is good for you.

Think of it as w.a.n.k.i.n.g. when you're chokka blokk. It has to go somewhere or it may damage your testicles. But you wouldn't do it on a packed bus.

But unkile w.a.n.k.i.n.g, crying shouldn't be done in front of your GF/Wife.

Hope this helps.

[Wolfie]

Last time i cried was when i dropped my bottle of chang and only had 49 baht left in my pocket.

Harsh day!

The time before that was when i got a good solid kick in the nuts, beleive me, even you hard-core, macho male types would burst into floods of tears with that one.

Yes i have cried in front of a girl before, but im not telling you any more than that.

[chanchao]

> The next time we had an arguement I just let her go and she

> came back and moaned I didn't care about her

Exactly what I've said before: You're expected to physically restrain her from leaving, whatever it takes, and thus protect her from herself and others. This goes against your Western upbringing of going along with whatever your wife/gf decides out of her own free will. By letting her go you are in fact showing you don't care. Do you son, do you!?? Oh sorry. Carry on.

Of course when you actually don't care, which is entirely possible as well, then you can of course let her leave, or better, take off yourself and go do something fun to take your mind off it. (But don't drive vehicles if you're in an emotional state. )

Cheers,

Chanchao

[Stocky]

The wife once caught me crying at the end of a movie.

......... I explained it was just my eyes leaking.

[rod_kalashnikov]

 

[pop3]

What a bunch of whimp's, just listen to yourselve's, It's not your mother that's just died, it's a problem with your girlfreind, Not only Thais get disgusted with it, it's pathetic.

[Stocky]

What a bunch of whimp's, just listen to yourselve's, It's not your mother that's just died, it's a problem with your girlfreind, Not only Thais get disgusted with it, it's pathetic.

OK Pops!

[Savage]

There is emotion and then there is being emotional all the time. The former is acceptable with good reasons.

Ask yourself how you (honestly) react to situations with well.. Anyone.

Do you react calmly or do you get extreme one way or the other? You know, one minute very happy and joyous and then............

suddenly down lower than the ground. One thing Thais are good at is keeping calm (and I don't mean raving mad, psycho bitches with slash marks on their arms). They view emotional outbursts as a sign of weakness. So when the person that is supposed to be the rock of the family , the pillar of the house is crying like a girl they probably find it a little weird.

Never mind though just tell them you are beered up and like all good alcoholics when you've had a few and feel good and tanked up then it toys with your frail emotions. They love this in a man!

[mbkudu]

What a bunch of whimp's, just listen to yourselve's, It's not your mother that's just died, it's a problem with your girlfreind, Not only Thais get disgusted with it, it's pathetic.

Pop is right. Don't be such a sissy boy Scamp! These trollops are a dime a dozen.

Just get shagadelic and if a good one comes along, grab her. Let the rest go to the wayside.

[tutsiwarrior]

I have to admit that I am a crybaby. Regularly when I see something upsetting on the news I can't help it, like the slaughter of innocents in Beslan...then when the grieving families came on, holy jesus. It was good that my wife hadn't yet joined me in Bahrain. She knows that I get emotional quite easily and regularly flees the room when I get up and start shouting at images of politicians justifying their murderous activities on the news broadcast.

My wife comes from a poor farming family and one has to be quite tough in order to survive as severe hardship and suffering are part of daily existence. She knows that I am a bit of a puss when she sees me get all excited about stuff that doesn't really impact us as a family. Plus after a few vodkas sometimes I get all maudlin about missing California and etc. Other than staying with me in the middle east she has never been separated from her family and is usually in contact with them twice weekly. I did see her cry once when after lengthy unemployment I proposed taking a job where she couldn't join me. She interpreted that as me not wanting to be with her any longer. I was alarmed and rushed to comfort and reassure her.

I always try to control myself in front of the children as kids everywhere become frightened and confused when adults exhibit emotion and excitability...

[Coffee Dude]

I have noticed that emotions in general are not acceptable behaviour in LoS (other than smiles and laughter of course). Even within families, transfer of emotion seems to be generally omitted. As an example seldom will a husband kiss his wife a goodbye peck as he goes to work.

I kissed my girl on the forhead the other day, as I was going to work, in presence of a small neighbor boy (4-6 years old). He got very excited (in a positive way) about this. He told my GF that his dad never kisses him but when his dad goes away sometimes his mom gives him a big hug.

My GF verifies that it is rare for emotion to be shown between family members ESPECIALLY in public. Not just crying.

Coffee!!!

[bina]

guys guys, its the WAY you cry....

i've watched many a thai man cry when drunk and 'kit tung baan' (these are immigrant workers) while watching the karoake dvd's they so love; i've watched them cry during their string tying ceremonies when they do the 'blood brother for life' thing (maybe only issan men? do this) and i've seen them cry while watching a particularly sad thai movie....

BUT they do not burst out weeping and howling....

they have a few tears roll down their face and they put their hands over their eyes or forehead and two seconds later, you couldnt even be sure they did cry....after having rows with thai boyfriend in past, i learned that my tears and yelling were ineffective....jai yen yen and carrying on as usual but with slight coldness got his anger over with fast, crying exacerbated his anger.... thai women seem more apt to get up and go home to sister, momma etc and really quickly their man shows up at in laws with some food to sit and eat with them or 'nam hoom' and its over for the time being, but maybe falang men expect a 'scene' so thai women do the scene for them....

here in the volatile middle east i'm considered 'cold' as i am not a crier, here, men women and children cry all the time , at sports losses, deaths, births, here, everyone is jai ron...

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Scamp, it seems to me from reading some of your other posts that you are generally unstable and not realy fit to be in a seriouse relationship. You seem to meet a girl and fall in love, out of love, back in love, in denial, in a fight, making up, in afight again, crying, in lust and then all over again, all in the space of a week or two with a stranger that you dont even know and just picked up off the street. Im sorry to be so harsh but other people on here dont and think its funny, well its not. you realy need some help. Dont get me wrong and think im just being a c.unt to you, im not, i genuinly think you should seek counciling before you self destruct.

good luck (and i mean that)

cheers Mango.

I'm not in a position to be in a relationship - I agree, and I do not feel stable either because I'm still struggling in life, still trying to get settled in myself first.

Regards to Ning, I don't miss her, I don't resent her, I don't want to get back with her, but being as sentimental as I am then I would hate never to see her again as a friend, but to an extent you are right in that when I am in a relationship - I rely on that to much for my happiness.

I was never in love with Ning - she never gave me the chance, and I have never had my heart broken by a Thai girl, just got upset when it hasn't worked out... Like I said, I'm an emotional, sensitive guy who hates goodbyes* and always has done.

I am sensitive at times but I your post is a good observation, not a criticism.

I'm a guy who hasn't found his way quite yet, I have oodles of potential but have trouble seeing it or even what I want to do or where to go with it.

I don't need councilling or therapy, I need a job I can settle in, security, good friends around me and in an enviroment I'm happy with... I have the latter two, when I have the former two then I can start thinking about a relationship - though I doubt I'd feel I needed one if everything was hunky dory and when I'm realistic with myself I'm not looking for one anyway.

It is possible I could self destruct but I believe that is the case with many in Thailand.

Many do.

I also believe that Thailand makes a farang more emotional than he would be back home in certain situations.

*This may go back to subconcious infant memories.

[theviking]

I cry all the time....dont you see?...

Seriously guy's...baby's and older ladys at funerals cries.

Get a hold of you'rself.

I never yet seen a thai girl cry (expect from bg's), they are really strong to put the emotions away...so, try to follow up, or , you can allways go back to you're homecountry where crying is a sport...

[LadyinRed]

...why is showing emotion such a no-no

Because it looks weak to the girl (or to me), especially if it's 'affairs of the heart'.

We expect men to get a grip since we are more emotionally bound.

If the relationship is getting to the point like yours.. you shouldn't cry. Definitely makes you look weak IMO.

[duke69]

just a suggestion, go back to UK the day you will find yourself crying from a Balcony on the 10th floor in Pattaya ........

In that case keep crying as much as you can, much better ......

[Insight]

I never yet seen a thai girl cry (expect from bg's), they are really strong to put the emotions away...so, try to follow up, or , you can allways go back to you're homecountry where crying is a sport...

I have!

Had a few cases in the office where the girls have been in tears, sometimes over the smallest of things.

I've (been an ars3hole and) made my girlfriend cry.

I reckon Thai girls with all their demure could crack the toughest of men up (should they get attached), but still, hold it back and do it in private - not in front of her, and certainly not in public.

Saying that, I've also seen a few Thai guys crying over girls in a public place, but alcohol is also a big factor here.

In my experience, Thai people can spot how "strong" you are emotionally as a person in moments without any tears, so I guess there wouldn't be any suprise if you were to break down in front of somebody.

[Johnny Moron]

Anyway, back to the point - why is showing emotion such a... Taboo almost?

Incedentally, Ning and I are still in touch by phone roughly every other day and are getting along so so as friends - I care about her more than I miss her.

"treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen".

And why care about someone who's just dumped you???

[pnustedt]

I've seen many a Thai man cry when my wife is dealing with them!

Her brothers do anything to avoid getting into confrontation with her - you should have seen Kum Sing when he dented her pick up - a poor slobbering wreck.