Punny Biblical Q+a's

[AltumAngel]

Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A: Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.

Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A: Pharaoh's daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

A: Ruth-less.

Q: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?

A: Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.

Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A: Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.

A: David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.

A: Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.

A: 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."

Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A: Samson; he brought the house down.

Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

A: In the Big Inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second, Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

Q: How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?

A: They were really put out.

Q: What is one of the first thing that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?

A: They really raised Cain.

Q: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A: Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q: How long did Cain hate his brother?

A: As long as he was Abel!

Q: What was the last thing Noah said before he entered the Ark?

A: So long Fellers!

Q: The ark was built in 3 stories and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?

A: They used floodlights.

Q: After the flood, how many people left the ark ahead of Noah?

A: 3 because the Bible says that Noah went forth out of the ark.

Q: Where is the first mention of insurance in the Bible?

A: When Adam and Eve needed more coverage.

Q: Where is another mention of insurance in the Bible?

A: When David gave Goliath a piece of the rock.

Q: Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?

A: David, he rocked Goliath to sleep.

Q: Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?

A: The thought had never entered his head before?

Q: If Goliath is resurrected, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath?

A: No, he already fell for it once.

Q: Why did Paul tell Timothy to take just a little wine for the sake of his stomach?

A: Because it was Paul's bottle.

Q: What is the best way to get to Paradise?

A: Turn right and go straight.

Q: Why won't we drink milk in the new world?

A: Because, at Armageddon, there will be udder destruction.

Q: Why shouldn't Christians watch TV?

A: At the transfiguration, Jesus said, "Tell the vision to no one."

Q: Who was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?

A: Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q: Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible?

A: Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers.

Q: Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A: The area around the Jordan, the banks were always overflowing.

Q: How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?

A: Because Job 16:12, 14, 16 says, "I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up: and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me."

Q: Will there be dogs in the new system?

A: No, 2 Peter 3:14 tells us that we will be without spot.

Q: Who was the straightest man in the bible?

A: Joseph, because the Pharaoh made him a ruler. Q: Which Christian magazine did the apostle Paul command to never throw away?

A: Ephesians 5:18 says to "keep Awake"

[himachal]

Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A: Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.

Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A: Pharaoh's daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

A: Ruth-less.

Q: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?

A: Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.

Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A: Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.

A: David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.

A: Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.

A: 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."

Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A: Samson; he brought the house down.

Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

A: In the Big Inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second, Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

Q: How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?

A: They were really put out.

Q: What is one of the first thing that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?

A: They really raised Cain.

Q: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A: Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q: How long did Cain hate his brother?

A: As long as he was Abel!

Q: What was the last thing Noah said before he entered the Ark?

A: So long Fellers!

Q: The ark was built in 3 stories and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?

A: They used floodlights.

Q: After the flood, how many people left the ark ahead of Noah?

A: 3 because the Bible says that Noah went forth out of the ark.

Q: Where is the first mention of insurance in the Bible?

A: When Adam and Eve needed more coverage.

Q: Where is another mention of insurance in the Bible?

A: When David gave Goliath a piece of the rock.

Q: Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?

A: David, he rocked Goliath to sleep.

Q: Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?

A: The thought had never entered his head before?

Q: If Goliath is resurrected, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath?

A: No, he already fell for it once.

Q: Why did Paul tell Timothy to take just a little wine for the sake of his stomach?

A: Because it was Paul's bottle.

Q: What is the best way to get to Paradise?

A: Turn right and go straight.

Q: Why won't we drink milk in the new world?

A: Because, at Armageddon, there will be udder destruction.

Q: Why shouldn't Christians watch TV?

A: At the transfiguration, Jesus said, "Tell the vision to no one."

Q: Who was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?

A: Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q: Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible?

A: Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers.

Q: Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A: The area around the Jordan, the banks were always overflowing.

Q: How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?

A: Because Job 16:12, 14, 16 says, "I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up: and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me."

Q: Will there be dogs in the new system?

A: No, 2 Peter 3:14 tells us that we will be without spot.

Q: Who was the straightest man in the bible?

A: Joseph, because the Pharaoh made him a ruler. Q: Which Christian magazine did the apostle Paul command to never throw away?

A: Ephesians 5:18 says to "keep Awake"

Completely, totally, utterly and unwaveringly mirthless.

[peter991]

Completely, totally, utterly and unwaveringly mirthless.

As a Buddhist / Athiest I found it 'interesting.' At least AA gave this thread a realistic heading - so if you don't like Biblical jokes, you shouldn't have ventured here. It can't have been too bad, Himachal. You managed to find the time to copy/paste the whole joke.

Peter

[PeaceBlondie]

Q: Who was the shortest man in the Bible?

A: Knee-High-Miah.

[suegha]

Q: Who was the shortest man in the Bible?

A: Knee-High-Miah.

No, no, no, it was "Bildad the Shuhite"!