3 Minute Management Course

[AltumAngel]

3 minute management course

*Lesson 1*

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her

shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in towel

and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the

next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800

to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her

towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her

£800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back

upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband

says, "did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: *If you share critical information pertaining to

credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position

to prevent avoidable exposure. *

*Lesson 2*

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing

her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After

controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,

"Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing

gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said,

"Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the

flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his

arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said,

"Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: *If you are not well informed in your job, you might

miss a great opportunity.*

*Lesson 3*

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch

when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The

Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." Me first! Me first!"

says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat,

without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. Me next! Me next!" says

the sales rep. " I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my

personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my

life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: *Always let your boss have the first say.*

*Lesson 4*

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw

the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The

eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below

the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the

rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: **To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be

sitting very, very high up.*

*Lesson 5*

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the

top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.

They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and

found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of

the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second

branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at

the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out

of the tree.

Moral of the story: *BullSh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep

you there.*

*Lesson 6*

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird

froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there,

a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there

in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was

actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began

to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to

investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the

pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

**(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy**

**(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend***

**(3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!***

*This ends the 3-minute management course.*

[chiang mai]

Very good.