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Want Some Clues To Help My Relationship With My Thai Girl

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Sorry buddy, not a womans view/reply but i only read this,id say move on,. it wont improve,."After the baby was a couple of months old my partner started behaving strangely which resulted in her staying out, stealing money and having little interest in the baby. She made bad friends who abused her generosity and we split up a couple of times. For the sake of the baby we've tried again but we fight constantly. She is not the girl I knew before and whilst I am no saint I think I'm more in touch with my home life than before and am certainly around more. She seems obsessed by money whereas one of the things for the first couple of years was her unusual (for a Thai girl) lack of desire to get money at every opportunity. We were and are comfortably off yet I can no longer trust her with anything more than minimal amounts of cash."

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Let me be more specific. Not just the OP, but you ladies must be kidding

Kidding about what ?????

well ill answer for me, blaming this behavior on post natal depression, what a crock ! this is way too extreme ,. :o

Edited by mikethevigoman

No one is blaming it on PND but giving PND as one of many other possible reasons. Try to read what is written!!!

I have had to delete posts.

Seeing as how the OP asked for women's opinions and this is the Ladies forum any more trollish responses will not just be deleted but the poster warned. I cannot begin to fathom why some posters cannot grasp that we are discussing possibilities here. And to those who can't, let me strongly suggest that you do not post in this forum if you have nothing constructive to offer.

I'm surprised that one might only think there might be depression with the female. There may also be some depression on the part of the male. I'm out of my league on mental health but there is a ton of stuff now on the male aspect. Some of the observations offered by the male spouse suggest regrets and that in turn suggests second guessing etc. Depression can arise from over analyzing situations. When one partner is having the blues it can tip the other one into that state as well and the environment feeds upon itself.

The OP's suggestion for counseling is excellent, but I note the woman's reported reluctance. There is always the chance of saying, it's for the guy's benefit so she is not thinking, hey he's blaming me etc. It's unfortunate that there isn't a kindly aunt or sister of the mother that can be called upon. (I'm not naive, not every son in law is at war with the wife's family.) It usually takes 2 people to cause a relationship to hit a roughspot, so perhaps the OP might want to start first with the factors that he can influence and contol. The issue of your ex is a red flag. Maybe it's the manner in which you have discussed the ex in the past that is causing some insecurity. I'd also suggest that the woman have a good physical exam by a physician, preferably by one that understands such situations. Sometimes there can be an underlying organic issue. My intent here is just to keep the discussion from falling into the assumption that because the female is reported to have a problem that it has to be either her alone or that it is mental health. Good luck, and whatever you do, please remember to not argue in front of your child.

Well said GC, and thank you for saying it.

Sorry to go back to the same topic but I really think it is so sad that there is still such an outdated view of depression, particularly post natal depression in the world. It is not that people were not depressed before there was an official PND diagnosis. My grandma had ten children and was known for days on end to lie in her room. It was blamed on a malaise (an old fashioned word for feeling off colour) but my mum has now worked out by the timings and the symptoms that it was most likely PND. My best friend's mum has recently had a psychotic episode and a break down caused, they have now realised, by unidagnosed post natal depression (which she would have had for 26 years!)- if untreated it can result in much worse metal disorders or worse, self harm.

It is not that PND did not exist before, only that women had to suffer in silence. Thailand still has a very backwards mentality towards mental health and I am sure there are many women still suffering in silence here. With views such as some of those that have been given, it is no wonder people feel like that they cannot confide when they have these kinds of feelings for fear that they will not be believed, or perhaps worse, that their child will be taken away. Please research issues more thoroughly before making sweeping judgements.

I have seen this over and over again. I am sorry for my opinion that may sound heartless. get far away from her as possible. It only gets worse from here. If the family is advising your girlfriend to prostitute herself i can garantee you they have big plans already for your kid. I am so sorry. I truly feel bad for you. Get away from there and start all over again mate.

Topic moved to Health Forum under PND.

Troll or not, it's good info on PND. Remember the poor lady in Texas who drowned her 5 kids because the doc hadn't got the meds for her PND figured out yet. It's like all other mental illnesses, the right med and dosage makes all the difference in the world.

Anyway, it may also be a newly acquired drug use habit. The staying out late and bad group of friends are more typically symptomatic of that than PND. Of course, the treatment is similar enough in that she needs to be diagnosed properly first.

Remember the poor lady in Texas who drowned her 5 kids because the doc hadn't got the meds for her PND figured out yet.

Er, I'm sorry but I don't think PND is a sufficient excuse in that case. Surely meds help, but also surely she could have figured that out herself before resorting to murder.

I also agree that the OP's girl may have acquired a drug habit.

I don't even remember how PND came up here. In this case. Given the facts as stated. Nobody should be arguing about what depression can do. I don't like acronyms. That's all I meant. Especially here. In this case. If it's even real. I think he/she posts it every year just to see what comes up.

Perhaps there can still be a future, I doubt it but for the sake of the baby I hope so. If she has to go I will not let her keep the baby as the advice from her family was to go sell herself to the first half decent guy. Nice family that.

Hi

I know your asking for ladies views on this & I am not a woman but.............

I did see your post in the email Recent postings at ThaiVisa

Anyway I am very sorry to hear of this problem you & your wife are having.

This one paragraph really stuck out for me. Made me re-read your post & for the most part it just sounds like you both just made a mistake.

Unfortunatley it now involves a innocent bystander....your child

Hopefully you both can put aside everything & remember that. Perhaps move on with your lives & find happiness elsewhere but remember the child & both care for your new family member.

When I read that line about her family thinks.............

I do not see this going well for you & also the way you describe it makes me think

you have many regrets of your own which she may or may not have felt you giving off & it did not help things.

Comments like being trapped or passing up a chance with a previous gf is saying something.

Again sorry for you & your wife & babies sitiuation. Hope it all gets sorted out.

Also not to discount what others have said about depression. Here it is called

Postpartum

But reading your post if it is in fact that I still feel it is only one part of it.

Hope you both can part as respectfully as you came together & find a way to both let the baby know it is loved.

Good Luck !

I think a DNA test would be a good idea, to get the facts straight about father ship.

Just to be sure before planning future steps & responsibility, excluding other possible traps.

After the baby was a couple of months old my partner started behaving strangely which resulted in her staying out, stealing money and having little interest in the baby. She made bad friends who abused her generosity and we split up a couple of times. For the sake of the baby we've tried again but we fight constantly. She is not the girl I knew before and whilst I am no saint I think I'm more in touch with my home life than before and am certainly around more. She seems obsessed by money whereas one of the things for the first couple of years was her unusual (for a Thai girl) lack of desire to get money at every opportunity. We were and are comfortably off yet I can no longer trust her with anything more than minimal amounts of cash.

yaba?

yaba fast facts

Edited by Lancashirelad

OK, I'm a guy asking you girls for some help so please go easy on me but note that I am deeply grateful for your help and I'll consider all that you say.

I've been living in Thailand for quite a number of years and have a small baby with my girlfriend of over 3 years. We've run small businesses over the years which I had before I met her and gradually we've sold these off. Apart from a shared business we are going to keep we sold the last one this month. Largely this was to free up some time for us.

After the baby was a couple of months old my partner started behaving strangely which resulted in her staying out, stealing money and having little interest in the baby. She made bad friends who abused her generosity and we split up a couple of times. For the sake of the baby we've tried again but we fight constantly. She is not the girl I knew before and whilst I am no saint I think I'm more in touch with my home life than before and am certainly around more. She seems obsessed by money whereas one of the things for the first couple of years was her unusual (for a Thai girl) lack of desire to get money at every opportunity. We were and are comfortably off yet I can no longer trust her with anything more than minimal amounts of cash.

She was always jealous of a previous relationship in I had in Thailand and there is a chance that she fell pregnant to "trap" me but that jealousy has been replaced by an on the surface ambivalence to anything I do which turns into anger, limited violence but sometimes destruction of property. I cannot continue in this vain forever but would like the girl I met back, rather than this quasi psycho bitch.

I've suggested councelling but she won't listen. In fact, she often doesn't listen and often assumes things which are totally wrong. She will forget things despite being reminded time and time again and then say she was never told about it. She is better with the baby these days without the businesses to take care of which I am grateful for but we are no longer a couple in the traditional sense. I think we've had sex once when she was pregnant and once since the baby was born when we were a little drunk. Other than that nothing.

I was prepared to change our lives to make things easier but life is harder in many ways. I have to go away on business for a month or so and I do not know whether I can trust her to take care of our baby or not. I feel the urge to go out will return and she will dump the baby and fall in with these bad "friends" and all I will know about it will be either unpaid bills or calls for more money to replenish that she has wasted. I forgot to say earlier that some gold of hers went the way of the pawn shop as well. I took it out once but refuse to do so again as it will only end up back there.

I get the feeling that she is pushing boundaries and when she oversteps them she reverts to anger. I also feel she is just with me for an easy life and the love we had has gone. The baby is the glue I admit as I would have thrown her out a long time ago otherwise.

I've tried to quickly paint a picture of our life and I welcome your comments. I need something to change and I want to help her if help is what she needs. Perhaps there can still be a future, I doubt it but for the sake of the baby I hope so. If she has to go I will not let her keep the baby as the advice from her family was to go sell herself to the first half decent guy. Nice family that.

Personally, I think she did trap me as we were not having a good time when she fell pregnant. Lots of pills for that month were not taken, not like forgetting a day or so. However during the pregnancy we were good together so I wasn't expecting this change afterwards. As it goes on, I begin to resent what she did and as I turned down my ex to stay with her (she wanted to get back together) which ended up with her marrying someone else, I know it becomes harder to still want to keep trying.

Feel free to ask questions and criticise me as I am loking for answers and assistance not absolution.

After reading all the comments I have several questions. 1. what nationality are you? 2. where did you meet her? What socio-economic class does she come from? Did this behavior start as there was less for her to do in the businesses? How involved in those businesses was she and for how long was she working with you? How well do you speak Thai and how well do you comprehend the cultural conditioning of her generation's culture (sub culture)? Is she light skinned or dark? What are the supposed to be's of her generation? I sense more that one problem. Did the dr do the "marriage stitch"? There is a very good hospital that has world wide cliental I suggest a complete work up including gyn,and hormonal. However, I think that it is not all medical. What does she say she wants? Remember you are dealing with a new culture that you are an outsider! They may be some other reasons for her behavior.

Remember the poor lady in Texas who drowned her 5 kids because the doc hadn't got the meds for her PND figured out yet.

Er, I'm sorry but I don't think PND is a sufficient excuse in that case. Surely meds help, but also surely she could have figured that out herself before resorting to murder.

Fully agree GirlX (and I don't say that to you much :o ).

Has this world become so PC that we are now allowing people to mass murder children because of PND?

I also agree that the OP's girl may have acquired a drug habit.

Disagree here though. I personally don't think she a drug habit or PND to excuse her behavior.

I would say the baby has given her the proverbial 'inch' to take the extra 'mile' though.

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