OK, I'm a guy asking you girls for some help so please go easy on me but note that I am deeply grateful for your help and I'll consider all that you say.

I've been living in Thailand for quite a number of years and have a small baby with my girlfriend of over 3 years. We've run small businesses over the years which I had before I met her and gradually we've sold these off. Apart from a shared business we are going to keep we sold the last one this month. Largely this was to free up some time for us.

After the baby was a couple of months old my partner started behaving strangely which resulted in her staying out, stealing money and having little interest in the baby. She made bad friends who abused her generosity and we split up a couple of times. For the sake of the baby we've tried again but we fight constantly. She is not the girl I knew before and whilst I am no saint I think I'm more in touch with my home life than before and am certainly around more. She seems obsessed by money whereas one of the things for the first couple of years was her unusual (for a Thai girl) lack of desire to get money at every opportunity. We were and are comfortably off yet I can no longer trust her with anything more than minimal amounts of cash.

She was always jealous of a previous relationship in I had in Thailand and there is a chance that she fell pregnant to "trap" me but that jealousy has been replaced by an on the surface ambivalence to anything I do which turns into anger, limited violence but sometimes destruction of property. I cannot continue in this vain forever but would like the girl I met back, rather than this quasi psycho bitch.

I've suggested councelling but she won't listen. In fact, she often doesn't listen and often assumes things which are totally wrong. She will forget things despite being reminded time and time again and then say she was never told about it. She is better with the baby these days without the businesses to take care of which I am grateful for but we are no longer a couple in the traditional sense. I think we've had sex once when she was pregnant and once since the baby was born when we were a little drunk. Other than that nothing.

I was prepared to change our lives to make things easier but life is harder in many ways. I have to go away on business for a month or so and I do not know whether I can trust her to take care of our baby or not. I feel the urge to go out will return and she will dump the baby and fall in with these bad "friends" and all I will know about it will be either unpaid bills or calls for more money to replenish that she has wasted. I forgot to say earlier that some gold of hers went the way of the pawn shop as well. I took it out once but refuse to do so again as it will only end up back there.

I get the feeling that she is pushing boundaries and when she oversteps them she reverts to anger. I also feel she is just with me for an easy life and the love we had has gone. The baby is the glue I admit as I would have thrown her out a long time ago otherwise.

I've tried to quickly paint a picture of our life and I welcome your comments. I need something to change and I want to help her if help is what she needs. Perhaps there can still be a future, I doubt it but for the sake of the baby I hope so. If she has to go I will not let her keep the baby as the advice from her family was to go sell herself to the first half decent guy. Nice family that.

Personally, I think she did trap me as we were not having a good time when she fell pregnant. Lots of pills for that month were not taken, not like forgetting a day or so. However during the pregnancy we were good together so I wasn't expecting this change afterwards. As it goes on, I begin to resent what she did and as I turned down my ex to stay with her (she wanted to get back together) which ended up with her marrying someone else, I know it becomes harder to still want to keep trying.

Feel free to ask questions and criticise me as I am loking for answers and assistance not absolution.

Not happy then I suggest moving on. Do take care of your lil one, but seems if you aren't happy and she doesnt want to work out whats wrong then what is the point?

Well, seeing as how I am so far the only woman viewing this topic

First off, saying she got pregnant to "trap you" makes me wonder about your attitudes towards her in the first place. It is a common belief in most relationships that the introduction of a little one will somehow strengthen the relationship or fix whatever problems were there in the first place. So, perhaps instead of looking at this as her "trapping you" you might consider the idea that she did this to save the relationship.

Secondly, odd behavior that starts shortly after birth. Have you tried checking out the symptoms of post natal depression? If this is new behavior for her, and not old behavior resurfacing, then the birth of the baby could very well be the trigger.

If post natal depression does seem possible then get her to a doctor.

Hi Goingaroundagain,

No one who has never had a child can understand the possibilities of what happens to the female brain after giving birth. No one.

She may have some kind of post natal depression and therefore need help. Really a decent female doctor who understands her plight may be able to help.

I wish you the very best of luck

was her unusual (for a Thai girl) lack of desire to get money at every opportunity

Firstly this is not unusual and seems you always pay in the end . My ex even paid for me staying at expensive hotels in Phuket and Pattaya (estranged hubbys credit card. I wasn't aware) However when we moved in she went BALLISTIC and wanted a "loan" of 1 million bht so I can understand your confusion.

Just wanted to share that and I wont say anymore as your requesting a females point of view

My very first reaction to reading this was the post natal depression as SBK pointed out already. It happened to my wife after the birth of our second child. It is very difficult to get anyone with a mental problem to admit that they are the problem and seek help.

I do wish you luck with this.

You've got to be kidding

gotta say i agree with the other women who have answered - sounds like post natal depression to me.

Let me be more specific. Not just the OP, but you ladies must be kidding

Let me be more specific. Not just the OP, but you ladies must be kidding

Kidding about what ?????

Let me be more specific. Not just the OP, but you ladies must be kidding

Care to explain yourself? The advice they are giving seems genuine and sound to me.

A lot of reasons,

If the story is true, how many times have you heard about it happening here in Thailand? I have a guy living in my building with his child and his mother-in-law. His wife, the daughter of his mother-in-law, and mother of the child, ran off with whoever.

I know I'll get killed for this, but I don't think there was post natal depression depression until it could be afforded. If they did have it, they dealt with it, and didn't react like the OP's wife. It's sort of like being allergic to milk products. You think anyone in Rawanda takes a pill so they don't get indigestion after eating dairy products?

You all seem to feel he was trapped. Where does PND fit in there?

The first advice he got was the best. Move on. Try to forget about her. Take care of the kid the best you can. We all make mistakes. Trying to justify her actions with PND is what I meant by kidding. I also meant I thought the OP was kidding. Sorry.

One more thing. I'll admit I don't know that much about PND, but the OP said the changes happened after the child was a few months old. Is this symptomatic?

Believe it or not, but some of the ladies are in for the long-term payoff.

"She seems obsessed by money whereas one of the things for the first couple of years was her unusual (for a Thai girl) lack of desire to get money at every opportunity."

One more thing. I'll admit I don't know that much about PND, but the OP said the changes happened after the child was a few months old. Is this symptomatic?

yes it is. all cases are different but it CAN take a few months to show in some cases.

One more thing. I'll admit I don't know that much about PND, but the OP said the changes happened after the child was a few months old. Is this symptomatic?

yes it is. all cases are different but it CAN take a few months to show in some cases.

That was just an afterthought. Not that important.

OK, I'm a guy asking you girls for some help so please go easy on me but note that I am deeply grateful for your help and I'll consider all that you say.

I've been living in Thailand for quite a number of years and have a small baby with my girlfriend of over 3 years. We've run small businesses over the years which I had before I met her and gradually we've sold these off. Apart from a shared business we are going to keep we sold the last one this month. Largely this was to free up some time for us.

After the baby was a couple of months old my partner started behaving strangely which resulted in her staying out, stealing money and having little interest in the baby. She made bad friends who abused her generosity and we split up a couple of times. For the sake of the baby we've tried again but we fight constantly. She is not the girl I knew before and whilst I am no saint I think I'm more in touch with my home life than before and am certainly around more. She seems obsessed by money whereas one of the things for the first couple of years was her unusual (for a Thai girl) lack of desire to get money at every opportunity. We were and are comfortably off yet I can no longer trust her with anything more than minimal amounts of cash.

She was always jealous of a previous relationship in I had in Thailand and there is a chance that she fell pregnant to "trap" me but that jealousy has been replaced by an on the surface ambivalence to anything I do which turns into anger, limited violence but sometimes destruction of property. I cannot continue in this vain forever but would like the girl I met back, rather than this quasi psycho bitch.

I've suggested councelling but she won't listen. In fact, she often doesn't listen and often assumes things which are totally wrong. She will forget things despite being reminded time and time again and then say she was never told about it. She is better with the baby these days without the businesses to take care of which I am grateful for but we are no longer a couple in the traditional sense. I think we've had sex once when she was pregnant and once since the baby was born when we were a little drunk. Other than that nothing.

I was prepared to change our lives to make things easier but life is harder in many ways. I have to go away on business for a month or so and I do not know whether I can trust her to take care of our baby or not. I feel the urge to go out will return and she will dump the baby and fall in with these bad "friends" and all I will know about it will be either unpaid bills or calls for more money to replenish that she has wasted. I forgot to say earlier that some gold of hers went the way of the pawn shop as well. I took it out once but refuse to do so again as it will only end up back there.

I get the feeling that she is pushing boundaries and when she oversteps them she reverts to anger. I also feel she is just with me for an easy life and the love we had has gone. The baby is the glue I admit as I would have thrown her out a long time ago otherwise.

I've tried to quickly paint a picture of our life and I welcome your comments. I need something to change and I want to help her if help is what she needs. Perhaps there can still be a future, I doubt it but for the sake of the baby I hope so. If she has to go I will not let her keep the baby as the advice from her family was to go sell herself to the first half decent guy. Nice family that.

Personally, I think she did trap me as we were not having a good time when she fell pregnant. Lots of pills for that month were not taken, not like forgetting a day or so. However during the pregnancy we were good together so I wasn't expecting this change afterwards. As it goes on, I begin to resent what she did and as I turned down my ex to stay with her (she wanted to get back together) which ended up with her marrying someone else, I know it becomes harder to still want to keep trying.

Feel free to ask questions and criticise me as I am loking for answers and assistance not absolution.

How old are you. And how old is she?

The problem with the just move on comments is that she could be a danger to the child. There are numerous cases where the mother did not get proper treatment and killed all the children. There was always some reason that seemed logical to their crazed mind and some hear voices telling them to do it.

When my wife was diagnosed with PND it scared the shit out of me. I made it a point of never leaving her alone with the kids for a couple of years until most of the symptoms disappeared. I even started seeing a doctor to help me cope with the stress dealing with her caused me.

If you are unfamiliar with the disease then do some net research on it.

The problem with the just move on comments is that she could be a danger to the child.

Sorry again. I only meant, and said, take care of the child, and move on from her. He seemed most concerned with not trusting her to care for the baby when he's away, and I don't blame him. If it's even a real post, there's more to the story. Believe that. Her behavior is in no way related to PND. Disease or not. In no way was it directed at you or whatever your situation is or was. How did it all work out BTW?

Her behavior is in no way related to PND.

what makes you sure of this? PND is a very difficult condition to diagnose and many of the points that the OP makes could be directly related to it.

of course i am not a doctor so i am only guessing from the information provided.

Recently in the UK a young, well loved women who had just had twins ran onto the motorway & infront of a truck & was killed, she was suffering from PND. She had a very supportive if not very clued up family. They didn't really know what PND was about & this women was killed so I suggest that anyone who hasn't experienced PND keep stupid comments about it not existing or only being an "excuse now that people can afford it & in the olden days people just got on with it" off this thread. It is a very real & very dangerous condition & can come along several months affter the birth of a child.

OP I suggest you get your gf to see a counseller or a female doctor, one who has expereince with post natal women. If that wont be possible then can an older female friend whom you can trust with this information speak with her to get tot he root of the issue.

She may have PND, she may just be playing up now that she has "trapped" her farang. Maybe it would be better if you hired a full time nanny to keep an eye on the baby whilst you aren't around, one who understands that they report directly to you & that major descions must be checked with your first. If mum is unstable (for whatever reason) then leaving the baby alone for longer than a day wont be a good idea for now.

I wish you good luck but remember, at the end of the day the baby & it's safety comes first.

Not a really great comparison with the girl hit by a truck. This one seems to have other things on her mind as well

"staying out, stealing money and having little interest in the baby. She made bad friends who abused her generosity and we split up a couple of times".

The question is how much is little interest? And also there are always 2 sides to a story and why hasn't the OP replied to any of this?

The problem with the just move on comments is that she could be a danger to the child.

Sorry again. I only meant, and said, take care of the child, and move on from her. He seemed most concerned with not trusting her to care for the baby when he's away, and I don't blame him. If it's even a real post, there's more to the story. Believe that. Her behavior is in no way related to PND. Disease or not. In no way was it directed at you or whatever your situation is or was. How did it all work out BTW?

It all worked out okay so far. She got to point where i knew i had to get her help and i took her to the mental hospital by force. That is where they diagnosed her as PND. She got her medication and started doing pretty good. Then she decided she was well and stopped taking the medicine. Of course she went back to the way she was. It has been off and on for her taking medicine until now 6 years later she has finally admitted that something is wrong with her and she started taking the medicine on a regular. Now the problem is that she has friends that tell her that taking any medicine every day for a long time is not good for you so she stops. I try and tell her that the doctors know more about it than her friends do but what can i do. At least now when she starts getting these irrational feelings she knows what it is and starts taking her medicine again.

You're right. This is a ladies forum anyway. Never again. Promise. Funny how there hasn't been boo from the OP. Stupid wouldn't have been the word I would have used.

The problem with the just move on comments is that she could be a danger to the child.

Sorry again. I only meant, and said, take care of the child, and move on from her. He seemed most concerned with not trusting her to care for the baby when he's away, and I don't blame him. If it's even a real post, there's more to the story. Believe that. Her behavior is in no way related to PND. Disease or not. In no way was it directed at you or whatever your situation is or was. How did it all work out BTW?

It all worked out okay so far. She got to point where i knew i had to get her help and i took her to the mental hospital by force. That is where they diagnosed her as PND. She got her medication and started doing pretty good. Then she decided she was well and stopped taking the medicine. Of course she went back to the way she was. It has been off and on for her taking medicine until now 6 years later she has finally admitted that something is wrong with her and she started taking the medicine on a regular. Now the problem is that she has friends that tell her that taking any medicine every day for a long time is not good for you so she stops. I try and tell her that the doctors know more about it than her friends do but what can i do. At least now when she starts getting these irrational feelings she knows what it is and starts taking her medicine again.

Wow. You went through a lot, and, again, I didn't mean to trivialize anyone's condition. It's never easy.

The discussion of PND wasn't really relevant to this post anyway. Do they moderate these things? Maybe Boo's the moderater.

yes i am the moderator of this forum & I wont have people trivalising something that is very releant to any women who has had a child. Unless you have suffered from pnd then you could have no idea how it manifests. The op asked for advice & was given it, you are not in a position to then slate people for giving valid reasons as to why she may be acting this way. Much better to just say, "ah well, she's a thai girl, she couldn't actually have a mental illness so it must be cause she is after some money or to rip off a farang", right???

yes i am the moderator of this forum & I wont have people trivalising something that is very releant to any women who has had a child. Unless you have suffered from pnd then you could have no idea how it manifests. The op asked for advice & was given it, you are not in a position to then slate people for giving valid reasons as to why she may be acting this way. Much better to just say, "ah well, she's a thai girl, she couldn't actually have a mental illness so it must be cause she is after some money or to rip off a farang", right???

Wow! Never again. I won't say that if you're the moderator, and you don't see this as the OP's attempt to tivialize (I think that's how you spell it) whatever you want to call it. Then stupid might be more appropriate here. Look at the OP's name. Not to get off topic, but I like your lipstick.

Edited May 22, 200818 yr by Shotime

if the op is a troll who cares, it is a valid subject that may, in future, help some poor person who is going through PND to understand what is happeneing. What are you, self proclaimed troll hunter general? It isn't your place to try to take things off topic with your own views on the op. Either contribute something worthwhile or stop trying to take subjects off on your own agenda. Simple really.

Edited May 22, 200818 yr by Shotime

Well perhaps I am reading into, but the lad didnt seem to impressed from the beginning hence the trapped comments ect. If she isnt willing to be counseled and deal with her issues whether its PND or something else??? Also possibility is use of narcotics - total personality change certainly would explain this sort of behaviour.