Marrying A Monk

[Nampeung]

I met my husband when he was a monk in Bkk, we conducted a relationship/courtship without touch or close contact and decided to marry. He asked the head monk and approval was given. When he moved in with me the same day he disrobed it was apparent we were not going to get along unless serious changes were made on both sides. After 3 months I got pregnant with our son ... a wonderful boy.

Anyway now, a thai woman to whom i confessed this story is telling me that to appease my own bad karma from marrying a monk... my son must ordain as a monk for a while and then I will be okay... as in my bad karma will be lifted if my son ordains as a monk.

What do you think?

[cophen]

You didn't marry a monk. You married someone who had been a monk but who had disrobed with the permission of his superior and who was thus no longer a monk. Why should you worry what some anonymous Thai woman thinks?

[Nampeung]

Thanks Cophen, thats what a friend of mine said today too... I just worry as I am sort of between Thai and Western culture and that woman sounded really strong about my Karma. I guess it must be superstition but I do feel worried I have to say

[dr_Pat_Pong]

You didn't marry a monk. You married someone who had been a monk but who had disrobed with the permission of his superior and who was thus no longer a monk. Why should you worry what some anonymous Thai woman thinks?

Agreed.

[Nampeung]

Sorry forgot to add that me and monk husband split up while I was pregnant and he ran away to Cambodia. We now live in the same town but he won't help with bringing up our son

[garro]

Obviously commitment to things isn't his forte. Good luck.

[slapout]

Nampeung; Hold your head up, the thai lady giving all the advice on karma, monkhood for son, etc, could be directed to your exhusband/monk to enlighten him in the error of his ways.

[garro]

If you were a serious Buddhist practitioner then perhaps you might see that flirting with a monk would produce be making bad kamma, but not as bad as the monk who was breaking his precepts. Even if you didn't touch it would still be against the precepts as far as I'm aware. It is all about intention according to the Buddha. If you knowingly began a relationship with a monk it would be far worse than doing it because you didn't know the rules. Only you can know this. At the end of the day what is done is done and it is best to just get along with things.

[Nampeung]

As a Westerner who was beginning to study Buddhism I was aware in a way that having a 'relationship' with a monk was wrong but I was young and I believed he would be the one to tell me the truth

As it happened, he went mad when he disrobed and caused me and my son a lot of trouble

[garro]

As a Westerner who was beginning to study Buddhism I was aware in a way that having a 'relationship' with a monk was wrong but I was young and I believed he would be the one to tell me the truth

As it happened, he went mad when he disrobed and caused me and my son a lot of trouble

I am sorry to hear that he caused trouble for you and your son and it is sad to hear that his decisions have affected his mental health. There is not a lot we can do about the decisions we made in the past. If there are consequnces for our actions than so it will be, but beating ourselves up over things doesn't help in my opinion.

[dave111223]

It's common for many Thai men to become a monk at some point in their life...so i guess most women here are "married to a monk".

My (thai) cousin in-laws b/f was a monk for a week, and they are now married...

[NaiGreg]

Encourage your son to ordain as a monk. Why take chances?

[Nampeung]

Absolutely Garro, this man manipulated me over and over and is still trying to do that right at this minute - 14 years -later I have to have him reported to the police because of his bad treatment... do you think all monks are good men just ecause they wear orange robes? If so you are very wrong

[Briggsy]

How is he trying to manipulate you?

What is his financial situation?

I think there is another story you want to tell here.

[taxexile]

As it happened, he went mad when he disrobed and caused me and my son a lot of trouble

sounds like the thai women that you told the story to was spot on in her assessment then.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

How is he trying to manipulate you?

What is his financial situation?

I think there is another story you want to tell here.

There has to be more to the story. Help us to help her.

[mr_hippo]

My wife married a Friar!

[Travel2003]

I met my husband when he was a monk in Bkk, we conducted a relationship/courtship without touch or close contact and decided to marry. He asked the head monk and approval was given. When he moved in with me the same day he disrobed it was apparent we were not going to get along unless serious changes were made on both sides. After 3 months I got pregnant with our son ... a wonderful boy.

Anyway now, a thai woman to whom i confessed this story is telling me that to appease my own bad karma from marrying a monk... my son must ordain as a monk for a while and then I will be okay... as in my bad karma will be lifted if my son ordains as a monk.

What do you think?

You conducted a relationship/courtship when he still was a monk?

Maybe not fair to women in general, but you as a woman will be blaimed for the monk choosing to end his moonkhood.

You will be blaimed for manage to confuse his mind, and make him lose concentration about what it really is to be a monk.

Again, maybe not fair, as all blaim will go to the woman (you) here.

This makes it correct (according to the culture) that you have now bad carma (if you believe in that), thus something should be done.

[farang prince]

I met my husband when he was a monk in Bkk, we conducted a relationship/courtship without touch or close contact and decided to marry. He asked the head monk and approval was given. When he moved in with me the same day he disrobed it was apparent we were not going to get along unless serious changes were made on both sides. After 3 months I got pregnant with our son ... a wonderful boy.

Anyway now, a thai woman to whom i confessed this story is telling me that to appease my own bad karma from marrying a monk... my son must ordain as a monk for a while and then I will be okay... as in my bad karma will be lifted if my son ordains as a monk.

What do you think?

Troll alert!!!!!!!

[Boo]

wrong, I know this story is true.

[garro]

wrong, I know this story is true.

Did you tempt a monk too Boo?

[farang prince]

wrong, I know this story is true.

Please tell us how you know this incredible, crazy saga is true.

[Boo]

because I know the op, her ex monk ex- husband & their child.

And Garroo, nope, I've never really beein into the religion/man of the cloth thing, I prefer my men a bit less holy

[joskydive]

I met my husband when he was a monk in Bkk, we conducted a relationship/courtship without touch or close contact and decided to marry. He asked the head monk and approval was given. When he moved in with me the same day he disrobed it was apparent we were not going to get along unless serious changes were made on both sides. After 3 months I got pregnant with our son ... a wonderful boy.

Anyway now, a thai woman to whom i confessed this story is telling me that to appease my own bad karma from marrying a monk... my son must ordain as a monk for a while and then I will be okay... as in my bad karma will be lifted if my son ordains as a monk.

What do you think?

I don't understand why your son should pay for the sins of others just because a woman says so. At the end of the day, you married the man, you and he had this child, so what the heck has the child done wrong?

This woman, for all you know, might be giving you this advice on behalf of your ex-husband to appease his bad karma. Who knows for sure?

Do what is in your heart. Do what you think is right for you and your child. Who cares about what other think anyway?

[Nampeung]

Well we met this Thai woman a few weeks ago at a market and she just went very serious when I told her my story and said that the reason I am ill is because of that!!! I just wondered what you all thought. And to the sceptics... it IS a true story! Thanks to Boo

[Mosha]

You have to be aware how superstitious these people are. I have stopped telling my wife about bad dreams, after being dragged down to the Wat on several occassions. The averaage for being a monk around here is about 3 days, it is usually a sign that marriage is around the corner. Most Thai males will spend time as a monk in their early 20s. It's also known for maried men to become a monk. My wife's cousin was married with a child when he went for 6 months.

[garro]

Well we met this Thai woman a few weeks ago at a market and she just went very serious when I told her my story and said that the reason I am ill is because of that!!! I just wondered what you all thought. And to the sceptics... it IS a true story! Thanks to Boo

Nampeung, worrying about things which are our of your control can make you ill, certainly. I don't believe that punishing yourself can make up for past offenses that you may or may not have made. That is more like Janism than Buddhism.

I remember when my son was born a neighbour telling us that it was unlucky to have pups in the same house as our new baby and we should terminate our dog's pregnancy. I just ignored her. I remember when my wife's mother wanted him to wear an amulet at night for luck, but I said no because of the risk of cot death. Thailand has a wonderful culture which has been influenced by Buddhism, but somethings go against my own beliefs and I have to say no.

You seem to be interested in Buddhism so perhaps you should think about this in light of the Buddha's teachings. Did he want people to cause themselves suffering because of past mistakes? Did he want people to use their children to make merit for them?

[h90]

I met my husband when he was a monk in Bkk, we conducted a relationship/courtship without touch or close contact and decided to marry. He asked the head monk and approval was given. When he moved in with me the same day he disrobed it was apparent we were not going to get along unless serious changes were made on both sides. After 3 months I got pregnant with our son ... a wonderful boy.

Anyway now, a thai woman to whom i confessed this story is telling me that to appease my own bad karma from marrying a monk... my son must ordain as a monk for a while and then I will be okay... as in my bad karma will be lifted if my son ordains as a monk.

What do you think?

There is no such thing as a bad karma as long as you don't believe in it yourself. Noone else than yourself can judge about that and for sure no other Thai woman.

If you believe in such things (what I think else you wouldn't post here) go and try to ask the head monk there (or if not possible another higher monk) for his advice and not just one thai woman who has nothing to do with that.

[dumball]

I met my husband when he was a monk in Bkk, we conducted a relationship/courtship without touch or close contact and decided to marry. He asked the head monk and approval was given. When he moved in with me the same day he disrobed it was apparent we were not going to get along unless serious changes were made on both sides. After 3 months I got pregnant with our son ... a wonderful boy.

Anyway now, a thai woman to whom i confessed this story is telling me that to appease my own bad karma from marrying a monk... my son must ordain as a monk for a while and then I will be okay... as in my bad karma will be lifted if my son ordains as a monk.

What do you think?

There is no such thing as a bad karma as long as you don't believe in it yourself. Noone else than yourself can judge about that and for sure no other Thai woman.

If you believe in such things (what I think else you wouldn't post here) go and try to ask the head monk there (or if not possible another higher monk) for his advice and not just one thai woman who has nothing to do with that.

Maybe you should have taken a lesson from 'Normal ' Thai men who get married until a baby arrives,then leave for some excuse or other,only to keep bothering the wife for money and/or sex because it is 'Her duty '.Forget the karma bull,live your life for you and your son and tell the Thai lady where the door is and that it only works one way OUT!!!

[Mossfinn]

Thank Heavens I am a good, innocent, Catholic boy.......

I just have the Sins of the world on my shoulders

Or so the Christian Brothers kept telling me...........

Good Luck

Moss