Advice Needed

[neng1296]

hi all im about to cry my eyes out my thai wife and i returned to uk 18 months ago came home last night she has gone with our 2 boys 800 cash my gold rings chain ive rang police ive found out she is 17miles away she has got her self a house ,dole etc now she is here on a eea family permit im seeing my lawyer this morning but am i right in saying she is breaking the law by leaving the marital home as im her spouce and she doesnt have citizenship yet she has been advised wrongly i think coz she cant make a claim on the state all i want is my boys back can she stay ive just found out she is on probation in thailand which i didnt knowfor attacking a police mans daughter can i discredit her as an unfit mother,ive also found out she has 2 kids in thailand which she walked away from any advice at all would be a help thanks all

[Pushit]

hi all im about to cry my eyes out my thai wife and i returned to uk 18 months ago came home last night she has gone with our 2 boys 800 cash my gold rings chain ive rang police ive found out she is 17miles away she has got her self a house ,dole etc now she is here on a eea family permit im seeing my lawyer this morning but am i right in saying she is breaking the law by leaving the marital home as im her spouce and she doesnt have citizenship yet she has been advised wrongly i think coz she cant make a claim on the state all i want is my boys back can she stay ive just found out she is on probation in thailand which i didnt knowfor attacking a police mans daughter can i discredit her as an unfit mother,ive also found out she has 2 kids in thailand which she walked away from any advice at all would be a help thanks all

That's unfortunate; I would schedule a visit to Citizens Advice Bureau they are usually helpfull in pointing you in the right direction. Also local social services may be helpful in advising you where you stand.

Good luck with the kids

[Boo]

moving this to the visa section as scouse will be the one to know more about her visa status but as Pushit said, get a family law solicitor & speak tot he CAB. Good luck

[the scouser]

In relation to your wife's immigration status, whilst you are still married and you are present in the U.K., your wife is perfectly legally in the UK. Additionally, if when you file for divorce you will have been married for three years or more and have lived in the U.K. for at least one year, your wife will retain the right of residence, providing that she's either employed, self-employed or self-sufficient. Furthermore, if your kids are British and your wife gets a residence order (what used to be called a custody order), she can be permitted to remain in the UK on that basis, too.

I agree with the others that you should see a family lawyer as soon as possible.

Scouse.

[roygsd]

hi all im about to cry my eyes out my thai wife and i returned to uk 18 months ago came home last night she has gone with our 2 boys 800 cash my gold rings chain ive rang police ive found out she is 17miles away she has got her self a house ,dole etc now she is here on a eea family permit im seeing my lawyer this morning but am i right in saying she is breaking the law by leaving the marital home as im her spouce and she doesnt have citizenship yet she has been advised wrongly i think coz she cant make a claim on the state all i want is my boys back can she stay ive just found out she is on probation in thailand which i didnt knowfor attacking a police mans daughter can i discredit her as an unfit mother,ive also found out she has 2 kids in thailand which she walked away from any advice at all would be a help thanks all

Sorry to hear of your troubles, but difficult to understand some of the facts you have mentioned.

You say that you and oyur wife returned to the uk about 18 months ago

1. Where did you return from?

2. Are you a uk citizen?

3. You say that she is in the uk on an eea family permit which sounds odd if you are a uk citizen, how did she qualify for the eea permit?

4. You say you have rung the Police and have found out that she an dthe children are living 17 miles away, who provided you with that information ?

5. Ofcourse it is not illegal for her to leave the marital home.

6. You are quite wrong in thinking your wife cannot claim and recieve state benfits for herself and the children, in fact I would not be supprised if she was not entitled to claim something for the upkeep of her other kids if she has to support them as well.

7. Unless there is good reason for your wife not to have the children in her care then it is unlikely that any Court would agree to remove them from their mother in the short term.

8. You say that you have just found out she is on probation in Thailand and you have only just found this out, who provided you with that information and more to the point what proof do oyu have that it is true?

9. Very sad to learn that having lived with your wife and have children together that now she has for whatever reason left the marital home you wish to try to discredit her as an unfit mother, going up that road is likely to discredit you more than your wife and I urge you to think long and hard before you do so.

If you made no contact with Social Services or other Authorities prior to your wife leaving to report your concern that your wife is in someway an unfit mother it appears reasonable to assume you were satified with the care she provided for your children before she left, consequently you must appreciate that you will have an uphill struggle to convince the authorities that your complaint is not just Sour grapes on your part.

Put aside your hurt pride for the moment and consentrate on whats best for your children, if you wish to have any chance of a reconciliation with your wife in the future your current thinkng is almost guaranteed to scupper them for good.

As for her leaving her other children in thaland, perhaps I have a strange view of things but it clearly didnt bother you before, get your head together before wasting money on a lawyer that should really be going to suport your kids.

We all mess up at times, ( me more than most I suspect!) and as they say it takes two to tango, the reality is that if she doesnt want to return then there is nothing you can do about it, once you accept that harsh fact then the easier it will be for everyone involved.

Many of us have been in similar situaions to what you ar experiencing right now, and I think most will agree that bitteress is very self destructive, not meaning to be harsh with you but you can overcome these difficulties the easy way or the hard

way, done the hard way years ago myself , take it from me slagging off the wife isnt going to help your relationship with your kids now or in the future and thats what you need to focus on.

Who knows, if oyu handle the situation right things migh improve all around, if it doesnt though, blame is a two edge sword

and nothing good was built on blame.

Chill out, keep out of the pub and do the right thing for your kids, hope things work out for you all

roy gsd

[Mossfinn]

3. You say that she is in the uk on an eea family permit which sounds odd if you are a uk citizen, how did she qualify for the eea permit?

There are several reasons for going for the eea permit if you are a Brit Cit, one is cost and another is you do not have to pass the LitUK test, that is just two reasons.

6. You are quite wrong in thinking your wife cannot claim and recieve state benfits for herself and the children, in fact I would not be supprised if she was not entitled to claim something for the upkeep of her other kids if she has to support them as well.

As it stands if you are on a settlement visa she cannot claim child benefit, but he can for her child.

The children in Thailand cannot be claimed for.

Moss

[neng1296]

just to clear up this mess im irish living in northern ireland thats why she is in on a eea permit

my kids are irish

it states on eea permit i must be working to keep my wife here and she cant make a claim against the state

which she no douth is trying to do

today i got acourt order to stop her taking kids out of country

ive also found she has a probation order in thailand for assalt on a policemans daughter and drug offences (selling class a)

for which im discussed this is why i want custody of my kids this why i want to make a unfit mother

with regaurds to the other kids i didnt know until resently

[roygsd]

3. You say that she is in the uk on an eea family permit which sounds odd if you are a uk citizen, how did she qualify for the eea permit?

There are several reasons for going for the eea permit if you are a Brit Cit, one is cost and another is you do not have to pass the LitUK test, that is just two reasons.

6. You are quite wrong in thinking your wife cannot claim and recieve state benfits for herself and the children, in fact I would not be supprised if she was not entitled to claim something for the upkeep of her other kids if she has to support them as well.

As it stands if you are on a settlement visa she cannot claim child benefit, but he can for her child.

The children in Thailand cannot be claimed for.

Moss

As Both the wife and children are entitled to recieve Income support/housing benefit/council tax, it matters not which pocket it comes from.

But this lady is not here on a settlement visa anyway, She and her children are here on a eea family visa.

Eastern european people in the uk on a eea family visa are entitled to recieve child benefit in the uk for children that are left behind in their home country and I understand people from the Indian have similar entitlements.

I think she may well be entitled to child benefit in the same way as others here on an eea visa.

Families here on an eea visa must be treated equally, if they are not it would seem reasonable to assume they are in breach of eu legislation.

roy gsd

[scotty123456789]

Ey up matey,

Sorry to here about that.

If your Mrs and kids are 17 miles away, why not go and talk to your Mrs, after all 17 miles is about 30 mins drive yes?

Good luck matey

Scotty

[stevebow]

Always sad to hear these stories.

Hope you can talk things through with her and hopefully everything turns out Ok mate.

Steve

[roygsd]

I should have pointed out that I am refering to the situation as I see it in England, as the O.P and his wife and kids are in Northern Ireland who make their own decisions it could well be that the situation is different over in N Ireland.

As th O P has now obtained a court order preventing the wife rom leaving the country with the children I have no doubt that this lady has either already recieved independent legal advice or will be reieving it shortly.

I dont know how they work in Northern Ireland but i twoud be no suprise to me if the wifes legal advisers applied for an interim maintainance order against the O/P with an attachment to earnings order that required his employer to deduct monies at source from the O/P's salary.

With an Order in place requiring the wife to keep the children in N.I. I have no doubt that she is entitled to claim Benefits for herself and the children if the husband does not meet the bills.

I am afraid that if the wife is as sharp as the O/P suggests she could already be aware that if she were to make an allegation of Domestic Violence that is likely to leave her in a very strong position and perhaps open every door for assistance from the various agencies for her and the children, however the Scouser is likely to be far more aware of the implications of this and more importantly the legislation in N.I.

Three are no winners in such situation's but hopefully some common ground can be found soon

roy gsd

[neng1296]

I should have pointed out that I am refering to the situation as I see it in England, as the O.P and his wife and kids are in Northern Ireland who make their own decisions it could well be that the situation is different over in N Ireland.

As th O P has now obtained a court order preventing the wife rom leaving the country with the children I have no doubt that this lady has either already recieved independent legal advice or will be reieving it shortly.

I dont know how they work in Northern Ireland but i twoud be no suprise to me if the wifes legal advisers applied for an interim maintainance order against the O/P with an attachment to earnings order that required his employer to deduct monies at source from the O/P's salary.

With an Order in place requiring the wife to keep the children in N.I. I have no doubt that she is entitled to claim Benefits for herself and the children if the husband does not meet the bills.

I am afraid that if the wife is as sharp as the O/P suggests she could already be aware that if she were to make an allegation of Domestic Violence that is likely to leave her in a very strong position and perhaps open every door for assistance from the various agencies for her and the children, however the Scouser is likely to be far more aware of the implications of this and more importantly the legislation in N.I.

Three are no winners in such situation's but hopefully some common ground can be found soon

roy gsd

thanks for ur comments ill have to get my wages cut down lol she is staying in a womens refuge god know what she told them

cant even talk to her as they dont allow men in a point i want to make a eea permit aint the same as a europen one

[the scouser]

Nong Neng,

Can you please write in something that vaguely equates to English; if only that others should understand your point of view? I wish to be of assistance, but simply can't understand what you write.

Scouse.

[Kiwi/Thai]

Surley your wife would not have left home for no reason what so ever. Maybe there are things at home that caused her to be miserable. Trying to discredit her as an unfit mother because of something you've since learned is a low blow. There are two sides to a story. Loads of Thai ladies I know have children back home, not because they are unfit mothers but for various reasons. It seems that it is acceptable to have the grand parents raise kids. Chill out and try to communicate with her which ever way you can. She may never come back to you. You may end up having to raise your kids together while living apart, better to be on good terms. She will always be the mother of your children.

[neng1296]

Surley your wife would not have left home for no reason what so ever. Maybe there are things at home that caused her to be miserable. Trying to discredit her as an unfit mother because of something you've since learned is a low blow. There are two sides to a story. Loads of Thai ladies I know have children back home, not because they are unfit mothers but for various reasons. It seems that it is acceptable to have the grand parents raise kids. Chill out and try to communicate with her which ever way you can. She may never come back to you. You may end up having to raise your kids together while living apart, better to be on good terms. She will always be the mother of your children.

one of the reasons she left she taught i had a atm machine in my hip pocket i purchased her precription glasses last week @ £379

she was to collect them last monday but refused she wanted to spend the cash on a 3rd pram that we dont need

i know this is not nice to say but would you want a drug/exdrug dealer mum coz if she gets her own place no dought money will run out and get tight whats she going to do to make serious cash ?????????

[bratpack]

May i ask how old you are neng and what job do you do in ireland.Also if your wife is in a womans refuge maybe she has said that you beat her.Thats the traditional way that thais leave their hubbies once they get to uk.

[Kiwi/Thai]

Wow a drug dealer!!!! I'm not sure what she has told the woman's refuge and nor are you however it seems you are saying some pretty heavy stuff with regards to her. It sounds as if you might not have had much respect for her and consequently may not have been easy to live with. Maybe she did think you were a walking atm, did you not discuss money and fianances with her before you married? She could well get a job and make a nice wholesome life for herself and your children. Not everybody stoops to dealing drugs.

[neng1296]

kiwi/brat hi im 36 cctv engineer im awaiting police reports from thailand i seem to think she fell in with the wrong thai crowd as they are all divorced with there british passports even thr bloody translator is divorced

[frankpelagic]

kiwi/brat hi im 36 cctv engineer im awaiting police reports from thailand i seem to think she fell in with the wrong thai crowd as they are all divorced with there british passports even thr bloody translator is divorced

I think he is a proof reader for the Irish Post Brat.

[bKkRk]

kiwi/brat hi im 36 cctv engineer im awaiting police reports from thailand i seem to think she fell in with the wrong thai crowd as they are all divorced with there british passports even thr bloody translator is divorced

The odds of this are just astounding. Excuse me as I have no familiarity with Thai wives living in the UK, but is this type of thing common? Neng's case makes it sound as if this is a racket.

Good luck for a peaceful resolution. This whole thing is quite troubling as you've described it. I for one would like to hear that it works out somewhere down the road. Sorry I can't offer any substantial advice beyond what has been given already.

[garro]

kiwi/brat hi im 36 cctv engineer im awaiting police reports from thailand i seem to think she fell in with the wrong thai crowd as they are all divorced with there british passports even thr bloody translator is divorced

I think he is a proof reader for the Irish Post Brat.

Bit low isn't it?

The man is going through a crisis and you're making fun of his nationality.

Edited June 8, 2008 by garro

[roygsd]

kiwi/brat hi im 36 cctv engineer im awaiting police reports from thailand i seem to think she fell in with the wrong thai crowd as they are all divorced with there british passports even thr bloody translator is divorced

Hi

I dont think these Police reports are going to help you one little bit and I also dont think any thai Official is going to admit to his superiors he/she supplied them to you upon your request.

A police record does not make her an unfit mother and as you stated earlier she refused to spend a large sum of money on herself and insisted that it was spent on something for the children, ok you might consider it unnecesary but it does paint her in a different light for anyone in authority who will be reviewing the facts at some point in the future.

A walking ATM? Arent all husbands?

I dont mean to be offend just being practical but as you have more than one child with your wife it is reasonable to assume that her faults have just not suddenly come to your attention since she left you.

If, as you suggest, she is an unfit mother for your children, when precisely did she become an unfit mother?

As it appears that you took no action to bring this to the attention of the relevant authorities prior to her leaving it is clear that you were satified that she was providing suitable care for your children whilst you were out to work each day, if you were not, then my next question is to ask why did you leave them alone with her and not report it to the Authoirties?

I really dont want you to answer that, I am simply trying to point out to you that a good lawyer is likely to throw far more at you than that.

From experience I can assure you all you are doing at present is adding fuel to the fire and from what you say she has friends who quite possibly will support any allegations she has or may make against you.

I dont know if the child support agency operates in N.I. but if they dont I expect they have an equivilent.

I urge you to forget any thought's you might have reducing your visable income for two very good reasons, the first is that they are your kids and you not the state should take full responsibility for their upkeep, the second reason is that they will check your bank accounts, tax records etc going back several years and not be foole by any sudden reduction in income.

Rejection is abitter pill to swallow, but one way or another swallow it you surely will, you can swallow it now and make the best of a very difficult time not only for yourself but your wife and kids or you can continue to allow yourself to become involved in a lengthy battle which is likely to cost you not only agreat deal of money but further heartache for all concerned.

I suggest you try to establish some common ground with your wife before this snowball gets any bigger, people do sometimes get back together and if that is your objective then you are going the wrong way about achieving it.

The reality is that your wife will almost certainly be allowed to remain in the uk with the children, do you really want to give her any reason for relocating herself and your childen 100's of miles elsewhere in the uk far from where you are working, or possibly further?

She is holding all the cards,she knows it and I suspect so do you really, good luck to all concerned

Roy gsd

Women

[mrdome]

neng, did you not have a feeling about her when you got to know her that maybe she'd be best forgotten?

Has this all just come to light recently?

Not my business but you do wonder how fast some people turn from declaring their love to writing something like this when the fecal matter has hit the fan.

i know this is not nice to say but would you want a drug/exdrug dealer mum coz if she gets her own place no dought money will run out and get tight whats she going to do to make serious cash ?????????

[Mossfinn]

At present there are 15 readers + 5 guests perusing this thread alone and I don't recognise one!! Where do people get wind of a thread like this?

Good Luck

Moss

18 + 6 now!!

Edited June 8, 2008 by Mossfinn

[neng1296]

sorry if im causing a stir taught long and hard text her yesterday she said i could ring her was nice on phone told her i didnt care about money just want to see the kids told me she ring me in a hour ?????????????? getting advice text back said she will onlhave contact by text so that was that

[OldenAtwoody]

Oh my brother.

It is obvious that you have an unending love for your children and that you have had – until now – a fairly good relationship with your wife. However, let's be honest. Something you are doing is not working, and as they say, "If you want more of what you're getting, keep on doing what you're doing".

I strongly suggest you find counseling opportunities, be sincere and approach her to attend with you. Go to her temple and seek advice from the Priests – she will respect this gesture deeply.

TIP: Thais believe very strongly in fate, and in the inevitability of certain events. Be the man she was fated to be with in this life. Understand, respect and utilize this belief to help resolve your current situation.

You want your kids and your wife back, and, indeed, there's nothing worse than an unhappy Thai wife, and nothing better than a happy one.

I have seen, in personal experience, that Thais tend to walk away - quietly - from untenable situations. It is a basic Buddhist principle of non-confrontation. They say you will never see a Thai truly angry with you - they will hide it until you leave.

I would not necessarily blame her for leaving her first family - she probably realized that the kids were better off with the Father, at least in Thailand, under the prevailing social conditions. Children living with a divorced Mother are severely ostracized, in the neighborhood, in school, in life – coincidently, much like in the UK. I've seen this before with my own eyes. A family friend in BKK "walked out" on a bad marriage, took nothing, left the husband the house, cars, the kids, etc. – all for the benefit of the kids. And she still sees the kids on the weekends, and gives ½ her pay, while living with relatives to save money. Thai women? There is method in their madness.

Whatever you have to do - talk to her dispassionately and listen to - really hear – her complaints. Find a way to examine your own behavior, and move forward. Whether anger management, alcohol control, or sensitivity training (were you really making her feeling you cared for the spiritual "her"?), your boys know everything. You can do the best by them in showing them, first hand, that loving couples are not perfect, but loving couples also work to resolve issues.

Your boys will be stronger men for your example.

I hate to sound like Auntie Emm, but you can fix this.

Go get your wife and children - in good time - and rebuild your family, with patience, trust and love.

Bill

Edited June 8, 2008 by OldenAtwoody

[roamer]

just to clear up this mess im irish living in northern ireland thats why she is in on a eea permit

my kids are irish

it states on eea permit i must be working to keep my wife here and she cant make a claim against the state

which she no douth is trying to do

today i got acourt order to stop her taking kids out of country

ive also found she has a probation order in thailand for assalt on a policemans daughter and drug offences (selling class a)

for which im discussed this is why i want custody of my kids this why i want to make a unfit mother

with regaurds to the other kids i didnt know until resently

So its only me that is considering troll ?

A High Court order on a Saturday in NI ?

Probation in LOS for selling Class A ?

Honestly don't know, just raising the possibility.

Probation

[smileah]

hi all im about to cry my eyes out my thai wife and i returned to uk 18 months ago came home last night she has gone with our 2 boys 800 cash my gold rings chain ive rang police ive found out she is 17miles away she has got her self a house ,dole etc now she is here on a eea family permit im seeing my lawyer this morning but am i right in saying she is breaking the law by leaving the marital home as im her spouce and she doesnt have citizenship yet she has been advised wrongly i think coz she cant make a claim on the state all i want is my boys back can she stay ive just found out she is on probation in thailand which i didnt knowfor attacking a police mans daughter can i discredit her as an unfit mother,ive also found out she has 2 kids in thailand which she walked away from any advice at all would be a help thanks all

Save your kids!!! Citizen's Advice, Police, Child Protection Services.

Good luck. Just focus on your kids, and it will all be good.

[Jintanmanis]

I am not sure if I am making a posting in the correct thread but I am in a hurry to seek for advice from anybody for my friend who is a Thai national married to a Malaysian man for more than 20 years.HSe left the country and went to a friend in Bangkok when she found out her husband was having an affair with her good friend and neighbour. Hardly has she been to Bangkok for 2 days and she received a call from her eldest son that there was a letter from a law firm to requires her attendance on the 19th June to sign some divorce papers.

What can she do? She does not want to sign the documents. She wants to be with her chidren.She has not got PR yet after 20 years of marriage.She does not have money for legal help or advice and does not know English. She is afraid the law in Malaysia will go after her for working illegally as a florist earning a meagre sum of RM1,700 cos her husband did not give her money for many years already. Her husband does not have a permanent job. He earns money by being a part time 'medium' ( temple medium) and an illegal football bookie.

Please. please I need advice for my friend. Is there a legal aid in Thailand for people like her cos the Women's Aid in Malaysia cannot help her cos she is not a Malaysian PR or citizen. I was just surfing around the internet for some legal aid bureau who can give her free legal advice when I chanced upon this site.

From,

A homemaker who knows next to nothing about the marriage laws but wanting to help but don't know how.

[Clive sorts]

Oh my brother.

It is obvious that you have an unending love for your children and that you have had – until now – a fairly good relationship with your wife. However, let's be honest. Something you are doing is not working, and as they say, "If you want more of what you're getting, keep on doing what you're doing".

I strongly suggest you find counseling opportunities, be sincere and approach her to attend with you. Go to her temple and seek advice from the Priests – she will respect this gesture deeply.

TIP: Thais believe very strongly in fate, and in the inevitability of certain events. Be the man she was fated to be with in this life. Understand, respect and utilize this belief to help resolve your current situation.

You want your kids and your wife back, and, indeed, there's nothing worse than an unhappy Thai wife, and nothing better than a happy one.

I have seen, in personal experience, that Thais tend to walk away - quietly - from untenable situations. It is a basic Buddhist principle of non-confrontation. They say you will never see a Thai truly angry with you - they will hide it until you leave.

I would not necessarily blame her for leaving her first family - she probably realized that the kids were better off with the Father, at least in Thailand, under the prevailing social conditions. Children living with a divorced Mother are severely ostracized, in the neighborhood, in school, in life – coincidently, much like in the UK. I've seen this before with my own eyes. A family friend in BKK "walked out" on a bad marriage, took nothing, left the husband the house, cars, the kids, etc. – all for the benefit of the kids. And she still sees the kids on the weekends, and gives ½ her pay, while living with relatives to save money. Thai women? There is method in their madness.

Whatever you have to do - talk to her dispassionately and listen to - really hear – her complaints. Find a way to examine your own behavior, and move forward. Whether anger management, alcohol control, or sensitivity training (were you really making her feeling you cared for the spiritual "her"?), your boys know everything. You can do the best by them in showing them, first hand, that loving couples are not perfect, but loving couples also work to resolve issues.

Your boys will be stronger men for your example.

I hate to sound like Auntie Emm, but you can fix this.

Go get your wife and children - in good time - and rebuild your family, with patience, trust and love.

Bill

Excellent advice from Olden if the OP is not a troll.

The " taught " in place of " thought " got me as I am Irish descent but hope I am wrong as he'll be wasting alot of peoples time.