How Do Thai Courts Determine Father Abandon Child?

[ILovedogs]

Hello all,

I have been taking care of a half Thai, half farang little girl for a long time now, with the goal of adopting her. Her mother seems to be the typical bargirl/con artist with complications of also being a serious drug addict, of the opium type, and while being quite pretty and skilled in English, this must complicate her relationships.

She got a very young farang guy (5 years younger than her) hooked on her, got pregnant, got all his money I suppose, mostly before the baby was even born, and he took off, her family told me, he was afraid she would kill him. But it turns out he never even lived here, just sent her money, blah, blah, who knows what lies I have been told. The mother never took care of the baby, not one day, but I suspect she IS getting money from the man because his info is staying top secret of course, with all the typical excuses, delays, and lies. (Other than I have their marriage cert and the baby's birth cert.) But she claims she has no info about the father, no phone number no nothing, and I know that is total BS!

To get married in Thailand you have to fill out a form with a bunch of info and no bargirl here is stupid enough to have a kid with some guy she has no info about. If she is smart enough she can speak English better than most doctors here, and she can be a successful opium addict w/o going to jail, I think she can manage to get this guy's phone number! Anyway, I am just venting.

However, I can not get the adoption people here to tell me WHAT do they actually do to FIND the father? Because I want to know if it is just some crap job, and so if this mother can continue to get her money, while I take care of the kid, OR, if the father will find out, because in that case the adoption will not work out I am sure because then Mom will make some problem. And I don't really want to steal this kid from the father, however, the kid was living with really nothing, so none of his money if he is sending it, was benefiting the kid ...but maybe he would take her back to his country ...but maybe some very bad things will happen to me for cutting off the girl's meal ticket.

Also, in order for me to take her back to my country, and I want to get the hel_l out of here as soon as possible, they will not just accept any crap job that the Thai courts said they did to notify the father, so I am back at square one. I also have other concerns that this is a con job, however the kid being the main concern and trying not to screw up her life and her mind forever, I am trying to do the right thing but not end up killed because of it. But I am getting quite paranoid as I own some stuff in Thailand.

They have some strange laws here, like if I die, after I have adopted her, she reverts back to her mother, so if she has inherited anything from me, I guess her mother would control that. OR she might just BELIEVE that she would get a lot of money and things, and that would be enough ...as we know, Thai people don't always check things, follow through, they just do things based on rumors. I guess I missed the news last year about a Brit guy who got killed by his EX-wife, even though he was paying her money every month AND taking care of their son, she killed him because she BELIEVED she might inherit things and she had gambling problems.

I just never know if the translator is telling me lies, or the person I am speaking with doesn't really know the answer, but it seems odd, that every question I have regarding this adoption, that has anything to do with the father, someone "doesn't know" or "can't translate" or "doesn't have the information" and nothing can get started, month after month, after month. Again, the same Thai stategy of delay, delay, delay while the farang does every single thing they said they would do to the letter.

Of course there have been the blackmail attempts, buy the motorbike, rent her an apartment, pay her drug bills, try to kidnap her own kid to get the money from me ...but unsuccessful for her. When I said, come get your kid and F' off, they "couldn't be reached for comment" for several months. I already have a letter from the police to protect me in case they try to say I kidnapped her or some crap like that.

Anyway, I suspect there must be some of you out there who may have tried to adopt a wife's kid with a missing husband or something and have some experience to share with me? Any help?

[jimmi]

I don't have any experience in matters like this. It sounds like you need expert help. I would recommend you find a good lawyer for professional legal advice. Thai laws, as you probable know, can be tricky. Get a lawyer. Protect your self and good luck.

[toasted]

Definitely find a good lawyer. Sounds like this woman wouldn't have given birth to the child unless there was something in it for her - presumably money. You'll probably need to show that she's unfit to look after the child, which sounds simple from what you've said, but may be more difficult (and dangerous) in practice. Don't do anything without a lawyer or you could open yourself up to all kinds of nasty possibilities in terms of charges she could bring against you. A Thai court will doubtless support the Thai mother unless you can give very good reason not to. If you up the ante in this way, I'm sure the father will appear on the scene one way or another. If he won't take responsibility, I presume you can try to legally adopt. Good luck; you're doing a noble thing - but do it right!

[torrenova]

As a non relative (I presume), I think you will have a hard time achieving your goal unless the parents can be pursuaded to sign some papers adn then would you still be classed as the best choice ?

For sure get some legal advice but I think somewhere down the line there will come the issue of a cash payment.

[ILovedogs]

Hi torrenova,

Well, I have had some papers signed, but there is no private adoption in Thailand so these papers have little effect I think other than showing original intent. However, is being classed as "best choice" a legal standard? Or just something you decided to say? Because none of the adoption people in this country have discussed this legal standard with me, and yes, I am not a relative, but supposedly, the kid's relatives are on my side.

It doesn't do me a lot of good if I can get through some bullshit Thai standards also, that don't really notify her father, and then cannot adopt her in my country, the USA, so can never leave here, as I want to leave here.

In fact, it may harm me if I adopt her here, and nowhere else, because then her mother might feel the need to kill me to get my things, to pay her drug bills, and then I guess the story will end there. I would be happy if her father is a good guy and comes here and takes her back to the UK. That might be one good end to the story. I do not 100% need to have her, I just need her to have a good home and happy life. I need her not to become a sex slave to pay her mother's bills later.

[Goinghomesoon]

Have you been to the adoption section at Dept of Social Development and asked about the process? If the child is not a blood relative you may need to go through the full assessment including having the social worker visit at home. As part of that process the adoption dept does a search for the birthparents.

Edited June 22, 2008 by Goinghomesoon

[ILovedogs]

Yes, I have done that, and will have to do all of the normal things from the government for an adoption. But they seem unable to tell me how do they search for the birthparents? Since this process is rather long, the birthmother could be very happy to let me take care of the child for 2 years, while she collects child support, then change her story to "oh, the father did not abandon me". Or maybe she thinks she can get her child adopted and get child support forever. Or maybe he really did abandon them, but I don't know why all his info is so top secret then.

I would like a chance to be able to determine, on my own, if they will find the father or not, which might help me figure out if this is a scam, or not, and this info is needed for my own country apparently. I heard mention of putting an ad in a newspaper. I don't think a guy in England, who doesn't read Thai, will have a good chance of seeing that.

Also, when I have talked to lawyers, for the people who suggested that, they really don't know anything, because there is no private adoption in Thailand, and I guess it comes up so rarely, they don't have any experience. Of course they can give you basic information, but when it comes down to "how does this really work in practice" they haven't done it. I'm sure some lawyer, somewhere knows, but I don't have unlimited resources to spend on this, and have consulted several good lawyers.

[think_too_mut]

All she has to do to get hold of the father is to go to the UK embassy and report him.

Better, engage a lawyer to do it (who might like the idea of traveling biz class to UK to meet with his lawyer).

She could be enjoying his money, according to the OP description of her I can't believe she would let him off the hook just like that.

The OP, however noble cause he might have, is just a total stranger in this family affair. Even he was himself the biological father of the girl he would have difficulties (probably succeed in the end) in getting custody and taking the girl to his country.

[ILovedogs]

Hi think-too-mut: Do you know if you can really do that? Go to a UK embassy and they will take up your cause? That doesn't seem to be part of their job, and the relatives of the little girl claimed they tried to do this already ...because they were taking care of her while the mother was off doing her thing (and maybe getting child support anyway.)

[rodski]

Hi

I live in Thailand and we work with children and people like the mother. If you have a real marrage and birth cretificate he can be found. I have never joined on one of these forum sites and had to sign up to write this to you. We have a Foundation and do Charity work here. We are working on some adoptions now in the south of Thailand. Easiest just to call me. cell in Bangkok 0897014518 Rodney from MN. We are not an adoption agency.