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Testing Your Thai Lady


ozsamurai

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Why does this topic have to go and become a "I move in different social circles to your social circles" thread?

I think you give this comment an intention who was never there. I think its just paranoia to see it as a kind of moral judgement.

Its like I frequent social circles of stamp collectors and you frequent social circles of model sailing-ship builders.

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MIG, I disagree. Though the scenarios you painted may be motivated by money, they may well be simply motivated by fun, or whatever.

Thing is, as I read your post, you are looking from the viewpoint of someone who starts off with the belief that the only reason younger women want to be with older men is money. It's a fallacy. I can tell you from my own experience, as well as many others I have observed. Older men quite often satisfy many other needs a female may have much better than younger men do, to the acute chagrin of those younger men, I might add.

You start off with this statement:

"and ofcourse the added element of: older farang guy and younger thai woman. cannot be anything but for money."

Throughout your post you view the incidents from that belief.

And you end with:

"(and yes Im aware of the irony of me making general assumption that the girls couldnt have been attracted to the older men in the scenarios described. They could very well be, I have no way of knowing, cos I dont know them. But am using these as examples to illustrate based on the same scenario many have repeatedly posted in terms of the older men with younger women )"

You have no way of knowing, by your own admission, yet you still view the scene in front of you from that belief.

It CAN BE, and quite often is in the West at least, but I'd say here as well - though not to the same degree as the culture is more money-focussed, that younger women prefer older men, even not so handsome :o older men, for reasons that has everything to do with building a stable relationship, or sometimes just a night or two of 'fun'.

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i have only just joined thai visa as i was looking for farang women to be friends with.

after reading some of the messages on this thread, i, as an educated thai woman, i have to question why so many of you are involved with women you do not trust.

Welcome.

Now that is the million dollar question :o

Some men like "bad" girls. The "good" girls can get very boring. "Educated" women? Now that's a whole 'nother story.

I don't need a million, but I could use a couple baht.

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One Thai lady in her early 30s told me that a very prevalent image amongst Thai females is that of a knight on a white horse coming to save them, and make their life better.

Thus, chivalry is not dead but whether this is about romantic love or not is another question.

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olredeyes

I think you miss my point completely

the focus of my post is (although I do tend to get side tracked) - that it is not about whether the women are thai, or farang or whatever ethnicity

within any ethinicity, people can have different motivations for wanting to be with an older or younger man or woman.

in some cases it may be money, in some looks, in others the adventure, the wiseness or sophistication (or lack of if going in the opposite direction).

I cited those 2 examples to say that if by superficial judgement we were to take those 2 situations as being money motivated, all it says is, this happens outside of Thailand too.

if you notice my initial response (although not the most exemplary way to respond) was to comment saying:

Thai women go out with farang men 'cos they think there's money there.

Full stop, no other reason.

I added the reply in terms of the older farang men seen with younger thai girls, as this is a comment/grudge that seems to be brought up many times on the forum.

and ohhh....for the record - I have nothing against older men, or younger girls for that matter :o:D

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i have only just joined thai visa as i was looking for farang women to be friends with.

after reading some of the messages on this thread, i, as an educated thai woman, i have to question why so many of you are involved with women you do not trust.

Welcome.

Now that is the million dollar question :o

Some men like "bad" girls. The "good" girls can get very boring. "Educated" women? Now that's a whole 'nother story.

I don't need a million, but I could use a couple baht.

What exactly is an 'educated' woman? She should have written "well-educated", "university-educated". I think she means "better educated than the 'farang' wife"

Sorry, My Lady, I spent 12 years working as a teacher of English here - I feel the need to correct. I worked in Anubaan, Prathom, Matayom, University, Vocational College, Business etc. I'd say that I educated all these students, therefore they are all educated.

My wife was educated to college level - her friends range from graduating in University, Vocational College, Prathom 3/6, English university, and Pattaya finishing school. The one educated in England is the best-educated one, in my opinion, as she never mentions it.

In our culture, we don't have the bullshit hierarchal system according to the bought bit of paper.

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Why does this topic have to go and become a "I move in different social circles to your social circles" thread?

I think you give this comment an intention who was never there. I think its just paranoia to see it as a kind of moral judgement.

Its like I frequent social circles of stamp collectors and you frequent social circles of model sailing-ship builders.

Actually I move in bird-watching circles. But I get the point.

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It CAN BE, and quite often is in the West at least, but I'd say here as well - though not to the same degree as the culture is more money-focussed, that younger women prefer older men, even not so handsome :o older men, for reasons that has everything to do with building a stable relationship, or sometimes just a night or two of 'fun'.

Maybe you can add that many career women prefer older men because they are less demanding and selfish and therefore most of the times better lovers than younger man.

Is it not so that many financially independent Thai mature career women( many of them more delightful than the younger sisterhood) have an very discrete relationship with older man be it foreigner or not. And they feel very comfortable and satisfied with such no strings attached relationship, because there is no infringement of their freedom. And believe me or not, in such relationships there is never talked about finances.

BTW I don't understand the men who like to hunt some 20 year old where they can not even have an intelligent conversation with.

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BTW I don't understand the men who like to hunt some 20 year old where they can not even have an intelligent conversation with.

It's pretty obvious, isn't it?

maybe they are masochists who like to maintain a whole family and than complain that their darling is regarding them as an walking ATM :o

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BTW I don't understand the men who like to hunt some 20 year old where they can not even have an intelligent conversation with.

It's pretty obvious, isn't it?

maybe they are masochists who like to maintain a whole family and than complain that their darling is regarding them as an walking ATM :o

I'm not complaining.

"Maybe you can add that many career women prefer older men because they are less demanding and selfish and therefore most of the times better lovers than younger man."

I have to disagree with the "they are less demanding and selfish" part, but I do take my time.

I would like to add to the "testing" thing by saying that if you get a sick feeling in your stomach when certain things occur with your Thai Lady, you have all the test you need. This is not restricted to any nationality, race, creed, etc. Now it's a question of what you do with it,

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Being raised in the USA, then married to a Japanese lady for 40 years and now both of us living in Thailand for 15 years is my background. FWIW it seems to me that ALL people in the world are motivated pretty much along the lines of Maslow's hierarchy of needs . . . first - keeping the body alive, second - safety, thirdly - love & belonging, fourth - esteem, and fifth - morality, creativity and all. So, for a Thai young lady to seek some sort of safety and security over "love" is perfectly reasonable, and if she also gains some love out of it, that is an added bonus. I had a Thai lady teacher who told us students (or is it "we students"?) that she had a "five step husband". She said her mother taught her that when her husband was more than "five steps away" from her, to forget she had a husband because she would not want to have to worry about what he might be doing. So her "love" was fulfilled in her life through her children, and in fact she looked upon those children as a source of future security in the event her husband left her. It seems to me that most Thai women are (probably appropriately) more "in love" with their children than with their own husband . . . a somewhat strange concept to my western mind. Anyway, Thai women are just trying to have a life that meets the same needs we all have, per Maslow's hierarchy. My opinion only.

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I've no idea why this thread has been revived after 6 months of dormancy, but still no one has given definative ideas, as usual people just want to use the thread to bash someone or something or other to their own pre-conceptions of how the world is according to them.

I've seen those not as equipped in this game be burned and burned badly, surely there is a method, a pattern that would have appeared by now of a terminally fatal relationship. Some real hard facts of things to watch for.

Oz (OP)

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Being raised in the USA, then married to a Japanese lady for 40 years and now both of us living in Thailand for 15 years is my background. FWIW it seems to me that ALL people in the world are motivated pretty much along the lines of Maslow's hierarchy of needs . . . first - keeping the body alive, second - safety, thirdly - love & belonging, fourth - esteem, and fifth - morality, creativity and all. So, for a Thai young lady to seek some sort of safety and security over "love" is perfectly reasonable, and if she also gains some love out of it, that is an added bonus. I had a Thai lady teacher who told us students (or is it "we students"?) that she had a "five step husband". She said her mother taught her that when her husband was more than "five steps away" from her, to forget she had a husband because she would not want to have to worry about what he might be doing. So her "love" was fulfilled in her life through her children, and in fact she looked upon those children as a source of future security in the event her husband left her. It seems to me that most Thai women are (probably appropriately) more "in love" with their children than with their own husband . . . a somewhat strange concept to my western mind. Anyway, Thai women are just trying to have a life that meets the same needs we all have, per Maslow's hierarchy. My opinion only.

You guys need to wake up and smell the roses if you think there is honesty involved here. I am in the process of getting screwed monetarily and from my prospective it all just looks like a business transaction to them awaiting the next fish in the barrel to shoot. Whether it be a tourist or a stupid Farang that has moved to Thai, it just a transaction to be completed. Farangs need to look at it the same way.

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I've seen those not as equipped in this game be burned and burned badly, surely there is a method, a pattern that would have appeared by now of a terminally fatal relationship. Some real hard facts of things to watch for.

Oz (OP)

What led me to marry a Japanese lady I did not know very well was that she refused to let me buy her something when I offered early on in our dating. She was definitely not looking for a hand-out (she was managing well enough on her own). So it seems that what others have already said about being leery of those that are eager to accept gifts or bring up "needs" is very good advice as to how to avoid most problem marital relationships.

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Being raised in the USA, then married to a Japanese lady for 40 years and now both of us living in Thailand for 15 years is my background. FWIW it seems to me that ALL people in the world are motivated pretty much along the lines of Maslow's hierarchy of needs . . . first - keeping the body alive, second - safety, thirdly - love & belonging, fourth - esteem, and fifth - morality, creativity and all. So, for a Thai young lady to seek some sort of safety and security over "love" is perfectly reasonable, and if she also gains some love out of it, that is an added bonus. I had a Thai lady teacher who told us students (or is it "we students"?) that she had a "five step husband". She said her mother taught her that when her husband was more than "five steps away" from her, to forget she had a husband because she would not want to have to worry about what he might be doing. So her "love" was fulfilled in her life through her children, and in fact she looked upon those children as a source of future security in the event her husband left her. It seems to me that most Thai women are (probably appropriately) more "in love" with their children than with their own husband . . . a somewhat strange concept to my western mind. Anyway, Thai women are just trying to have a life that meets the same needs we all have, per Maslow's hierarchy. My opinion only.

Its a very sensible contribution, and have a lot of truth in it. Because the love a Thai mother invested in her children has a guaranteed return as we can all witness daily, the many comments of foreigners who relationships with a Thai woman proves it.

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The only bad relationships i have seen in thailand with farang/thai are always the farang fault.

i know this is not always the case but i can only go by my 5 years here and as i say,the farangs go out most nights,smoke heavy,give no repect to the lady,shout at her in public.i could go on more but thats my view.i am not saying the ladies are the best in the world but they are decent human beings unlike what some farangs think.

some of these guys are english/ozzy/welsh/new zealand/danish,so you cant say one race is worse than the other

:o

Thai ladies generally become involved in relationships with farang gents because they have suffered a bad marriage with a previous Thai spouse who go out most nights, smoke heavy, give no respect

I agree to a certain extent,but there are plenty of farang ladies who would disagree on here,and i have a few good thai friends and they are all hardworking business men,police,motorbike taxi drivers etc.married and realy look after their wives.

Unfortunately both here and falang land it seems that the "good guys" end up with the cheating women and the "good girls" end up with the cheating men. Too bad karma can't work it out that the cheating women end up with the cheating men and vise versa. I agree that there are many people that have spouses that don't cheat and that is why the divorce rate in many countries is only around 50% instead of 90%.

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ok Ill bite......

I constantly see remarks about thai women only wanting money, and ofcourse the added element of: older farang guy and younger thai woman. cannot be anything but for money.

Am not going to argue against or for what happens in each of these cases, perhaps its true that majority are based on some financial benefits (but most relationships involve financial securities of some sort anyway)

but the point Id like to contest is the mentality of many that seem so bent on portraying all thai women as being money grabbing selfish people.

here's a recent scenario I witnessed in one of the western country just this weekend:

a group of 3 or 4 very young, very attractive western women..out on a night in the bar. they were seated beside a table of older western men. without wanting to be discriminatory...but lets say they were not Brad Pitt or Daniel Craig or George Clooney or Thierry Henry or Will Smith lookalikes. One of them walked over to the girls table, with a bottle of bubbly. a minute later she signalled the rest of the girlfriends that they should join the next table.

ermm excuse me, without knowing the facts - I wonder what motivated them?

another occasion - at an art gallery opening night, again in one of the western countries. a very old man introduced himself to me and starts being really friendly. initially polite. informs me he is expecting a couple of friends to join him. they turn up..being very young very attractive females, who display lets say a very affectionate disposition for him. he later tries to take me out on a date - by offering fancy dinners and parties. I dont think it would be too presumptous to say he had the other women on some sort of "arrangement"

these are what seem to be educated, capable of providing for themselves financially. (in the first case - these girls are out in a CBD location of a big city - so I would say they are not broke or starving. in the second case I had the chance to speak to the other women, and would say they are educated and have a career). Yet, they dont hesitate to enter into a financially beneficial arrangment with men that they cant be attracted to (first case they had not spoken, barely exchanged words)

none of these 2 scenarios involved thai women.

my point is - there are people that are motivated by different things in every nationality and every ethnicity. stop making general sweeping statements about people based on their race.

(and yes Im aware of the irony of me making general assumption that the girls couldnt have been attracted to the older men in the scenarios described. They could very well be, I have no way of knowing, cos I dont know them. But am using these as examples to illustrate based on the same scenario many have repeatedly posted in terms of the older men with younger women )

Good post. I do know girls in the west whose mothers told them it was just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is too fall in love with a poor man so choose to fall in love with a rich man instead. I think this applies the world over.

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i have only just joined thai visa as i was looking for farang women to be friends with.

after reading some of the messages on this thread, i, as an educated thai woman, i have to question why so many of you are involved with women you do not trust.

and if you are talking about security checks on them, how would you feel if she were to do the same to you?

im not provoking an argument, just asking the question here.

Who said it is a bad idea?

Men are inheritly unfaithful and if that is something that bothers you, try your new man out.

"Men are as faithful as their options."

The percentage of women that cheat is just as high as men who cheat but the women get caught less.

"If you’re a female, like most other females, prior to cheating on your partner you always proclaimed yourself to be "not the type" who would ever cheat. However, also like most other females, after they have cheated, you're shocked and appalled by your behavior; but at the same time you can't stop cheating.Currently, women are initiating 70 - 75% of all divorces

Later, through my own research, I discovered that what I was experiencing was quite normal. In fact, women are the most likely to divorce in their late twenties and thirties after an average of 4 years of marriage. During this time, it's quite common for women to experience a pre-midlife crisis, which is similar to the male midlife crisis, only with an important difference - a difference that can actually make women more likely to cheat than men. "

i am not sure your summary quite adds up to be honest. you say that 70-75% of divorces are initialised by the women. that may be the case, but that doesnt say that 70-75% are cheating. maybe a large proportion of that number are initiating the divorce because because THEY were cheated on! i am not married, but i can tell you that if my husband cheated on me, i would be wanting a divorce for sure.

and why do you think that women are MORE likely to cheat? what kind of research brought you to that conclusion?

i am not saying that women dont cheat. they do. (these men have to cheat with someone dont they?). but i cant agree with you when you say that women are more likely to cheat.

I was posting this in response to TAWP saying men are inherently unfaithful and was mostly interested in the statement "The percentage of women that cheat is just as high as men who cheat but the women get caught less" since I was looking for a poll that i had read in the past that said the same thing. I agree that this person that wrote the book should have said just as likely instead of more likely but they both illustrate the point that i want to make that women are just as likely to cheat as men. As to the divorce % I did not read it as ALL of the 70-75% were due to the woman cheating nor that the divorces are due to cheating by either spouse. I have been reading sites that have the % of people that cheat vary all the way from 14% to 49%. Some are supposedly scientific most are just polls.

here is one that I found interesting.

"In one unscientific yet telling poll at WomanSavers.com (the self-proclaimed “world’s largest database rating good and bad men”), women were asked if they had ever cheated. Of the more than 9,400 women who responded, 49% said they had. Another 26% said that they’d have no problem stepping out on their partners if they knew they could get away with it."

While i do not think that 49% of all women have cheated on their husbands nor do i believe that 49% of husbands have cheated on their wives. I want to point out that these polls are in the western world not thailand.

Really i think that accurate data does not exist but there are enough polls that have been done to show that the women cheat just as much as men do in the western world where these polls are taken. Amongst my friends in the USA I know of 4 wives that have cheated and only one husband. The 4 marriages where the wives cheated all ended in divorce and the 1 where the man cheated they are still together 15 years later. In all of the divorces the cheating wife was the one that initiated the divorce.

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i am not sure your summary quite adds up to be honest. you say that 70-75% of divorces are initialised by the women. that may be the case, but that doesnt say that 70-75% are cheating. maybe a large proportion of that number are initiating the divorce because because THEY were cheated on! i am not married, but i can tell you that if my husband cheated on me, i would be wanting a divorce for sure.

and why do you think that women are MORE likely to cheat? what kind of research brought you to that conclusion?

Its not his research Lady Penelope. Its the research of someone trying to sell a book that never made it into any kind of serious sociological research but rather pop psychology designed to, well, sell books. :o

and I note he failed to comment on this part of the survey reported in the Manchester paper:

A fifth of women with a long-term partner (19%) say they have cheated on him by having an affair, while 30% of all women have had an affair with a married man.

hmmmm......

I have no problem commenting on this if i knew what part you want me to comment on it would be easier but here goes. The 19% were in a long term relationship and they cheated on their long term partner. The 30% were either in a long term relationship or not and had an affair with a man that was married. These 30% did not necessarily cheat on their long term partner.

By googling i have seen percentages that are all over the place as the numbers of men and women that cheat and i still maintain that the % of women that cheat is about the same as the % of men that cheat even though in my personal observations the % of women that cheat is higher.

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i have only just joined thai visa as i was looking for farang women to be friends with.

after reading some of the messages on this thread, i, as an educated thai woman, i have to question why so many of you are involved with women you do not trust.

and if you are talking about security checks on them, how would you feel if she were to do the same to you?

im not provoking an argument, just asking the question here.

Who said it is a bad idea?

Men are inheritly unfaithful and if that is something that bothers you, try your new man out.

"Men are as faithful as their options."

The percentage of women that cheat is just as high as men who cheat but the women get caught less.

"If you're a female, like most other females, prior to cheating on your partner you always proclaimed yourself to be "not the type" who would ever cheat. However, also like most other females, after they have cheated, you're shocked and appalled by your behavior; but at the same time you can't stop cheating.Currently, women are initiating 70 - 75% of all divorces

Later, through my own research, I discovered that what I was experiencing was quite normal. In fact, women are the most likely to divorce in their late twenties and thirties after an average of 4 years of marriage. During this time, it's quite common for women to experience a pre-midlife crisis, which is similar to the male midlife crisis, only with an important difference - a difference that can actually make women more likely to cheat than men. "

i am not sure your summary quite adds up to be honest. you say that 70-75% of divorces are initialised by the women. that may be the case, but that doesnt say that 70-75% are cheating. maybe a large proportion of that number are initiating the divorce because because THEY were cheated on! i am not married, but i can tell you that if my husband cheated on me, i would be wanting a divorce for sure.

and why do you think that women are MORE likely to cheat? what kind of research brought you to that conclusion?

i am not saying that women dont cheat. they do. (these men have to cheat with someone dont they?). but i cant agree with you when you say that women are more likely to cheat.

I was posting this in response to TAWP saying men are inherently unfaithful and was mostly interested in the statement "The percentage of women that cheat is just as high as men who cheat but the women get caught less" since I was looking for a poll that i had read in the past that said the same thing. I agree that this person that wrote the book should have said just as likely instead of more likely but they both illustrate the point that i want to make that women are just as likely to cheat as men. As to the divorce % I did not read it as ALL of the 70-75% were due to the woman cheating nor that the divorces are due to cheating by either spouse. I have been reading sites that have the % of people that cheat vary all the way from 14% to 49%. Some are supposedly scientific most are just polls.

here is one that I found interesting.

"In one unscientific yet telling poll at WomanSavers.com (the self-proclaimed "world's largest database rating good and bad men"), women were asked if they had ever cheated. Of the more than 9,400 women who responded, 49% said they had. Another 26% said that they'd have no problem stepping out on their partners if they knew they could get away with it."

While i do not think that 49% of all women have cheated on their husbands nor do i believe that 49% of husbands have cheated on their wives. I want to point out that these polls are in the western world not thailand.

Really i think that accurate data does not exist but there are enough polls that have been done to show that the women cheat just as much as men do in the western world where these polls are taken. Amongst my friends in the USA I know of 4 wives that have cheated and only one husband. The 4 marriages where the wives cheated all ended in divorce and the 1 where the man cheated they are still together 15 years later. In all of the divorces the cheating wife was the one that initiated the divorce.

And your point is ? How does this relate (If it does) to Thai marriage performances ?

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You made a very good point , over the years I cannot recall just how many times I have been propositioned by married ladies in what appeared to be a sound relation ship , on becoming single , the occurances dropped to almost nil , have to prove a point or what ? :o

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BTW I don't understand the men who like to hunt some 20 year old where they can not even have an intelligent conversation with.

It's pretty obvious, isn't it?

maybe they are masochists who like to maintain a whole family and than complain that their darling is regarding them as an walking ATM :o

I'm not complaining.

"Maybe you can add that many career women prefer older men because they are less demanding and selfish and therefore most of the times better lovers than younger man."

I have to disagree with the "they are less demanding and selfish" part, but I do take my time.

I would like to add to the "testing" thing by saying that if you get a sick feeling in your stomach when certain things occur with your Thai Lady, you have all the test you need. This is not restricted to any nationality, race, creed, etc. Now it's a question of what you do with it,

Before I met my Thai wife, I met many young Thai ladies. I always marveled at how many had fathers that were in the hospital and needed money. My wife had moved away from her parents 10 years earlier to go to college in Chiang Mai. She was self-sustaining - and one HUGH quality - she wanted to remain in Chiang Mai - not go to the US. That was major for me. When they are very eager to leave Thailand (especially while daddy is in the hospital) - well, you get my point.

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My first experience with a Thai g/f was good but i went bonkers in the head for a bit and stopped the relationship, but she was from a poor background sent half her 16,000k per month to mom and dad and brothers... still does!

I let her look after my money for a year and she did nothing but save and spend a bit on essentials, she never once took a dip for other people etc.

But, i did end up paying for things like new motorcycle for mom and dad and a never to pay back loan to brothers wife for a business etc.. but i didnt mind at the time

BUT It was this sort of thing that made me go bananas in the end, and i had to escape... i wanted equality for her but knew it would never happen in the money stakes......

You will be expected to dip into your pocket, its only natural....

-------------------------

Now current g/f and to be wife is opposite.. she gives me money ! when we go out she says its important that i pay in front of her friends, not share like westerners... then on the way home she always gives me the money back, sometimes she gives me money before we arrive...!

i go along with this... it makes me laugh....

but i still have a nagging suspicions about this behaviour!! suspicions about what i dont know! "think too much!"

You cannot win, go with the flow and see what happens...

That's odd when my wife's out with her friends from her old company they always share the bill and the same if they all go on a trip together.

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BTW I don't understand the men who like to hunt some 20 year old where they can not even have an intelligent conversation with.

It's pretty obvious, isn't it?

maybe they are masochists who like to maintain a whole family and than complain that their darling is regarding them as an walking ATM :o

I'm not complaining.

"Maybe you can add that many career women prefer older men because they are less demanding and selfish and therefore most of the times better lovers than younger man."

I have to disagree with the "they are less demanding and selfish" part, but I do take my time.

I would like to add to the "testing" thing by saying that if you get a sick feeling in your stomach when certain things occur with your Thai Lady, you have all the test you need. This is not restricted to any nationality, race, creed, etc. Now it's a question of what you do with it,

Before I met my Thai wife, I met many young Thai ladies. I always marveled at how many had fathers that were in the hospital and needed money. My wife had moved away from her parents 10 years earlier to go to college in Chiang Mai. She was self-sustaining - and one HUGH quality - she wanted to remain in Chiang Mai - not go to the US. That was major for me. When they are very eager to leave Thailand (especially while daddy is in the hospital) - well, you get my point.

I met my Thai wife on the internet and at the same time whilst chatting with her I chatted with 4 other Thai women. I met them all only one asked me for money. Oh and she paid it me back after her husband left her with two babies..........Farang husband!!!

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