How Long In The Closet?

[yabbit]

Hi everyone

i would be intresting to know some people experienes, how long were you closet? why and how did you come out?

also when hiding did people suspect you were gay and what makes you think they thought you are gay?

Edited July 24, 2008 by yabbit

[PeaceBlondie]

I was in the closet at least until age 53. If anybody suspected I was gay, they never mentioned it to me or to my wife.

[popshirt]

I "came out" to myself at about the age of 11 or 12 and began having sex with my mates not long afterwards. At that time there was little information about homosexuality and somehow I found two gay friends in the 7th grade and we stuck together until we graduated high school. By then I was off to a very progressive university and it was relatively easy to come out, so much so that I stayed in academia for most of my adult life.

I do remember at around the age of 7, well before the onset of puberty, lusting after some construction workers who were building an addition to our house.

I did, however, live with a wonderful woman for a year while I was at university. We had sex every day and I enjoyed it. But I enjoyed it with men so much more! And I've never looked back.

[Scott]

I guess you need to decide what you mean by 'in the closet.' If you are referring to going public, then I am not totally out of the closet--some people may suspect and may ask, but I don't tell them anything. It depends on their motives.

I knew I was gay from the time I was very small, but growing up in a conservative area, 'coming out' meant a trip to the local mental institution.

By the time I was in my 20's, I was very selectively coming out to a few friends--generally after we had finished having sex! Interesting the number of them who said they weren't really gay, though!

[Ijustwannateach]

Knew I was attracted to guys: Age 14

Started doing things with guys: Age 15

Started to realise what doing things with guys might mean: Age 17

Stopped trying to avoid the inevitable: Age 27

First real boyfriend (more than a fling): Age 29

(Slow learner)

[Ijustwannateach]

One model of coming out includes a four-stage process (where the stages are not always in the same order for everyone):

Attraction towards guys

Actions towards guys

Affection towards guys

Assuming a gay identity

The last stage is assumed to be the critical one, but all are pretty important for balance. Quite a lot of men get through the first two, and a large number even get past the third, without reaching the last one.

[bluemanna]

Knew I liked guys from early primary school, had a fling early high school. Came out of the closet at aged 33 when I started living with my partner, been together 7 years now. Generally I dont advertise the fact, but if asked have no problems letting someone know.

[joe552]

Hi, Ijustwannateach, I would have answered exactly the same in terms of age. For me, though, growing up in Ireland in the 1960s, I had no words for what I was feeling or doing. I'd never heard the word homosexual, had heard the word queer but didn't know what it meant, and only knew that what I felt wasn't 'normal' or 'common' among my friends. Never had any shortage of friends, who also wouldn't have had a concept of homosexuality, who were prepared to fool around!

Now I'm private, rather than closeted. People who are important to me know I'm gay, but I don't talk about it. I'm single, so don't have a partner to bring to family occasions, though I could (I think I would feel quite uncomfortable doing that, though!).

I do envy a lot of young guys for whom being gay is no big deal, but I'm aware that, here in Ireland at least, it's not like that for many (perhaps most, in rural areas?)

[Rionoir]

Come out and play with us You will wish you did it sooner!

[frodo77]

Knew I was gay at 14, in 1959 in the UK. Kept it to myself as the atmosphere then was very hostile to gay people. You were labelled as sick and perverted etc. Also I had no one of the same ilk to talk to. Drifted through life pretending to be straight and dating girls but no sex. At age of 39 and still a virgin (yes, really!), I said to myself life begins at 40, so lets do something about it. Had my first sexual experience with a young Chinese man - just wonderful. Since then I have had 2 previous relationships, and now am in a 8 year relationship with a Thai man.

[onni4me]

Hmm. I was 13 when I realized I was interested in boys. Had an experience with a guy from same class.

When I was born I was still a criminal in my country (Finland). The law was abolished 1971 but after that homosexuals were treated as mentally ill or sick. The psychological labelling was later removed around 1984 (if I remember the year correct). Nowadays the whole matter is rather different and we can "marry" and get some rights as in partnership. They are considering adoption laws that would permit gays adopting under the same rules as heteros.

As my birth town was rather conservative - which it still is today - I never came out of closet there. I made the mistake marrying a nice lady and we divorced last year due to me finding a thai partner 2 years ago. I was married nearly 15 years. Lately, I've told my parents the truth and their response was as I expected. My father couldn't 'understand' but didn't seem to be bothered so much and my mother replied that it was something she had been pondering about as it didn't come out as a surprise. Next January-February they are going to meet my boyfriend. Interesting to see how it goes. However, in fear of social effect, they have decided not to talk about anyone how everything really is in my new situation. I agreed with them that it might be wise at least for timebeing.

Now I am happy. Its quite different what comes to living openly in gay relationship but I consider it easier in Thailand than it would be in my home country. Being gay is leagal now but the attitudes have changed just a little what comes to being outside bigger cities in Finland. I have thought moving to Finland with my future husband but still wondering would that be a good choice. Have to consider the pros and cons.

To the original question. I came out of closet when I was 38 yo.

[orchis]

Came out at 16. 1977. First to my mother.

She said 'yeah I wondered why you had many

friends who were girls but never a girlfriend.'

And that was that. I have a gay uncle and my great aunt

was very butch. I had a lot of support and protection

from my family and friends.