Men And Finding Things

[mssabai]

Sparked by the men and meotion thread....what is it with men and looking for things? The amount of times I am asked where something is and within two seconds I have found it. Usually in the most obvious place. My current boyfriend is worse than others for this.

When I was younger I used to do exactly the same thing to my mum, driving her to distraction and getting the age old response "if I have to come in there and I find it in two minutes I won't be happy". And now my bloke does exactly the same to me. Is it because women are better at searching for things? Or is it that men are so used to their mum's finding things that they expect their girlfriend to be able to do the same?

[OlRedEyes]

Dunno, but in my case it is because she is always 'organising' things. (This certainly helps in her finding it in 2 seconds) Somehow she expects me to know where she puts everything....

'Leave my stuff alone' doesn't help either.

Edited July 28, 2008 by OlRedEyes

[desi]

I'll go with a 'mom thing' as in 'caretaker' (of sorts).

But of course, it's totally down to personality types. I've known relationships where it's the man who was the organiser and the women who sat back and asked for assistance. Strange enough, the man was usually an Engineer by trade...

The one relationship I was in where the guy insisted being the finder/organiser made me nervous. It was like he was in my territory, yes? He also wanted to have a major say-so (as in final word) on where the sofa went, what colour, style, etc., of all the furniture and wall to wall carpets (white EVERYTHING? Sofa AND carpets? With little kids around? You've got to be kidding, right?).

No thanks. After that experince, I'm now comfortable with my occasional sighing and eye rolling whenever keys/phones/glasses are misplaced/lost... (or even right beside in plain sight), or when he can't find everyday items (maps/cameras/channel changers/sun lotion...).

But I do wonder why, after two years in a house, a man still cannot find the coffee spoons... especially as I'm logical in my organisation. Tea goes in the tea drawer (right by the kettle), drugs in the drug drawer (closet between the two rooms), spoons and silverware go in the drawer (in the drawer below the cups and plates). Logical, yes? So, why???

Btw - whenever I asked for something, my Mom would wave her arm in some vague direction and say 'over there'. Drove me crazy so I started to horde supplies in my room (scissors, pens and pencils, glue, tape, paper, needles and thread, etc).

For me, I guess it's about controlling my immediate environment. I also know that if I'm forced to have to hunt and hunt and hunt for something I'm going to get peod. Eventually.

...what is it with men and looking for things?

Well, at least they do ask for inhouse stuff. Does your guy ever stop and ask for directions when lost? Granted, mine has an amazing sense of direction (and really, all he ever has to do is ask me what I think, then do the opposite...)

[cathyy]

I read something once that suggested it might be an evolutionary thing. Men were hunters, and women were gatherers. There's no evolutionary advantage in remembering where the animal herd was last time you went hunting, since it moves around and won't be there now. You have to find the herd every time you go hunting. There is an evolutionary advantage in remembering where you saw a patch of bushes that has fruit that will be ripe in another week. If you remember, you can go pick that fruit next week and eat it. So women got a more developed part of the brain that recalls the location of things they have seen in passing.

The putting things away issue is a whole other topic. I recently fired the maid, and one of the lovely bonuses is being able to find things because I put them away.

[Jai Dee]

Off-topic and chauvanistic posts (by males of course) have been deleted from this thread.

C'mon guys... you can have some fun but don't push the limits too far.

[Boo]

oldredeyes raises a good point, is it because (generally) women are the ones mostly tidying up the home??

I admit to being annoyed too by the "wheresmy" question that I have actually started pre-empting it.

If, when tidying up I see something that I know he is gonna want later, like his glasses that he often leaves in reach of our 14month old, then I move them & then tell him I have moved them to xyz place but tbh, he isn't that bad as he has his own room to keep his crap in. I don't clean there & he knows to keep his stuff (guitars, art supplies, music/computer crap) out of the general living rooms & to keep it all in his room therefore, anything he needs, he knows exaclty where it is in his own den, which tbh is a state but I don't see it so don't care

Saves soooo much hassle

[desi]

I admit to being annoyed too by the "wheresmy" question that I have actually started pre-empting it.

Agreed. I've put similar in place to help him out.

There's a magazine rack beside his side of the sofa for the papers he's working on. So if he leaves papers on the sofa, I just move them to the rack (now threatening to collapse). There's also a round container on top of the end table by his side, special for things such as glasses and small pieces of papers and such. So if they are left around, I chuck them into the container and out of sight (where he wanders around even still saying 'have you seen my glasses?). Then in the bedroom, two chairs have been put together for him to throw stuff on (instead of putting them in a closet or in the dirty clothes hamper, men seem to want to throw clothes over something, yes?) The maid goes through that lot and dumps everything into the washing machine once a week whether they need it or not. She also puts everything from his pockets into another container nearby (well, everything except for found money, which all goes into my pocket).

But otherwise, I'm the major putter-upper of groceries and the rest (backpacks, computer bits, pens and pencils, bills, paperwork, etc). I figure it's fair as I'm also the one who cares about being this tidy this often. Sure, he likes a clean abode, but he could live quite well without my 'everything has it's own place' mentality (until guests arrive anyway).

When I reno'd this condo last year, I went even further with organising as it's the smallest accommodation I've lived in since college. Smaller has the potential of being messier of not contained so I had builtins put everywhere for storage, laying out what'll go where before even moving in. If it didn't fit, it was given away. Now, when new stuff comes in, something needs to goes out to keep the balance. This arrangement also has the extra benefit of keeping spending down (and that, he likes very much).

Which reminds me... does anyone need an Xmas tree?

ps: In reality, I'm a project manager. Fitting, yes?

Saves soooo much hassle

[desi]

note: Apologies for a repeat post... (too late to edit) I remembered a similar post a month or so back.

(( it comes from belonging to many different forums...))

[RakJungTorlae]

Hey ladies sorry to bother did I leave my car keys around here? Cant find them anywhere and its driving me nuts!!

Oh right, cool topic

[villagefarang]

Why bother to do something yourself when you can get someone else to do it for you? At the same time, you are making them feel superior. Sounds like a pretty smart move to me.

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

It starts a very early age. That is why it takes one million sperm to get one to find one egg. If we were good at finding things it would only take one. It is probably the womans fault for making the egg so hard to find.

[wolfmanjack]

Ha ha sounds like my dad and my wife. My dad because my mom was always moving stuff around. In my house it is my wife that is always asking where something is like where are my shoes ?? I used to go find stuff for her but now i just say that it is not my job to keep track your stuff so she has to go look for it. By the way it is always where she left it the day before.

[RakJungTorlae]

It starts a very early age. That is why it takes one million sperm to get one to find one egg. If we were good at finding things it would only take one. It is probably the womans fault for making the egg so hard to find.

hey.. I won that race. And proud.

[desi]

Oh right, cool topic

Well, if truth be known, us ladies save the juicy topics when all you guys are not lurking over our shoulders... and trust me, it's not your ears that'll be burning.

Edited July 28, 2008 by desi

[RakJungTorlae]

Oh right, cool topic

Well, if truth be known, us ladies save the juicy topics when all you guys are not lurking over our shoulders... and trust me, it's not your ears that'll be burning.

I believe that! lol.. Carry on.

[percy2]

Off-topic and chauvanistic posts (by males of course) have been deleted from this thread.

C'mon guys... you can have some fun but don't push the limits too far.

Jaidee ,

There was nothing chauvanisic about my post.

I was agreeing with the OP.

My mother used to say to me "Why don't you look with your eyes instead of your mouth" when I said I couldn't find something.

Too quick on the trigger there.

[Tywais]

Its' never been an issue for me. I'm a neat freak where everything has a place to be. Dishes, glasses, clothes order in the closet, etc. The only problem is when the wife just decides to randomize things and that's when I have to ask where is .....

[Boo]

My husbands all time most annoying habit is when he is standing at the fridge, with the door open, head in there & says, "wheres the.....".

He hasn't actually moved anything to look for whatever he is wanting but obviously needs it to jump out & hit him in the face!!!! Or it will be some vegtable that clearly will be in the draw, labled "Vegtables" He can't be bothered to open the draw to find it without me first confirming that we have it there. He claims he is conserving his energy

[cmsally]

I probably have the worst husband as he doesn't even say "Where is...?"

His is "I can't find the ..."

That translated into normal language means " Drop whatever you are doing immediately and find the ... for me"

If I really want to infuriate him I reply literally " How tragic just keep looking, you will find it"

At the moment I'm in Bangkok and he's at home, I'm getting phone calls " I can't find the.."

Yeah sure, BTS , BKK rush hour and I'm expected to know where his things are!

[wolfmanjack]

Ha ha sounds like my dad and my wife. My dad because my mom was always moving stuff around. In my house it is my wife that is always asking where something is like where are my shoes ?? I used to go find stuff for her but now i just say that it is not my job to keep track your stuff so she has to go look for it. By the way it is always where she left it the day before.

[fred2007]

Sparked by the men and meotion thread....what is it with men and looking for things? The amount of times I am asked where something is and within two seconds I have found it. Usually in the most obvious place. My current boyfriend is worse than others for this.

When I was younger I used to do exactly the same thing to my mum, driving her to distraction and getting the age old response "if I have to come in there and I find it in two minutes I won't be happy". And now my bloke does exactly the same to me. Is it because women are better at searching for things? Or is it that men are so used to their mum's finding things that they expect their girlfriend to be able to do the same

Ok listen to me, my wife never ever finds anything even if she has it in her hands she ask me all day where is this and where is that

[alaina]

I read something once that suggested it might be an evolutionary thing. Men were hunters, and women were gatherers. There's no evolutionary advantage in remembering where the animal herd was last time you went hunting, since it moves around and won't be there now. You have to find the herd every time you go hunting. There is an evolutionary advantage in remembering where you saw a patch of bushes that has fruit that will be ripe in another week. If you remember, you can go pick that fruit next week and eat it. So women got a more developed part of the brain that recalls the location of things they have seen in passing.

I've come up with the same explanation after noticing the phenomenon that the OP mentions. I read an old article in Time magazine that talks about neurological sex differences with certain basic skills. (IIRC, men are supposed to be better at rotating shapes in space.)

There's really no need to get up to help someone find something... especially after teaching primary for enough years. (And in the rare case that I do have to come over there, Og help you.) It can be very irritating to hear the answer to, "Where's the..." from a teacher. The answer is usually, "Where is it supposed to go? Is it in the right place? Where did you see it last? Did you check the pile of stuff that I piled up because it was found in the wrong place? Don't know? Okay, it's in that pile closer to the top, towards the back, next to the socks."

I don't mean to be this annoying to anyone over twelve , but answering the same dam_n question all dam_n day is even more annoying than getting that answer. I know because my mother taught primary too, so I've been on the other end enough times.

[lannarebirth]

Dunno, but in my case it is because she is always 'organising' things. (This certainly helps in her finding it in 2 seconds) Somehow she expects me to know where she puts everything....

'Leave my stuff alone' doesn't help either.

OlRedEyes has hit on the answer exactly. A wife and maid that like everthing in it's place, even if thry don't know what "it" is or that the place is the wrong place. I've begged them to stay out of my office but I'm not willing to go to blows over it.

I take full responsibility however for those things I hide away so I'll know where to find it when I need it, and then forget where that was exactly.

PS: And we cannot be expected to know where you have put "your" things.

Edited July 28, 2008 by lannarebirth

[RueFang]

I always assumed it was a laziness thing or as Boo points out (lol!) they don't do more then quickly scan the general viscinity of where they think the item is without touching a thing or moving from the doorway before exclaiming "where is.."

My husbands all time most annoying habit is when he is standing at the fridge, with the door open, head in there & says, "wheres the.....".

He hasn't actually moved anything to look for whatever he is wanting but obviously needs it to jump out & hit him in the face!!!!

[sbk]

I don't know that it is always an organizing putting away issue. My husband called me up last year, when I was visiting family back home, and asked me where the bank book was.

"In the bank book bag in the drawer with all the other bank books" was the answer.

Sure enough, he went and looked (for the second time he claimed) and sure enough, there it was.

Man vision, along the lines of Boo's husband in the fridge, perhaps?

(BTW, my dad, my two nephews and my sister's boyfriend all do this too.)

[justcruisin]

I lived on a boat for a long time,just amazing how much stuff was on board.

Was living alone always took me ages to find/remember where I had stowed the item.

Maybe a genetic thing,but maybe not related to gender,just laziness in some cases.

I know in my situation I can't remember what i had for breakfast,let alone where I put something 6 months ago.

[mssabai]

Its' never been an issue for me. I'm a neat freak where everything has a place to be. Dishes, glasses, clothes order in the closet, etc. The only problem is when the wife just decides to randomize things and that's when I have to ask where is .....

You didn't happen to have an ex girfriend called Desi did you?

[mssabai]

Well, at least they do ask for inhouse stuff. Does your guy ever stop and ask for directions when lost? Granted, mine has an amazing sense of direction (and really, all he ever has to do is ask me what I think, then do the opposite...)

Sooooo true. I have been laughing so hard at these answers. I love Boo's "standing in front of the fridge looking for something" - that they know is in the fridge! Arrrgh!

But I would say that I do also get a bit of a sense of superiority when I can stroll in and pick up in 2 seconds what has taken him 5 minutes. I wouldn't want the roles swapped I don't think - not least because I know his gloating would be unbearable!

[markuk]

Sparked by the men and meotion thread....what is it with men and looking for things? The amount of times I am asked where something is and within two seconds I have found it. Usually in the most obvious place. My current boyfriend is worse than others for this.

We are just lazy, that's why we have women - to find things for us.

[sbk]

Sparked by the men and meotion thread....what is it with men and looking for things? The amount of times I am asked where something is and within two seconds I have found it. Usually in the most obvious place. My current boyfriend is worse than others for this.

We are just lazy, that's why we have women - to find things for us.

the truth will out, I guess