Spiritual Enlightenment

The Road to Enlightenment through The Teachings of Zen:

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>1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead

>of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, for the path is

>narrow. In fact, just p*ss off and leave me alone.

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>2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt

>and a flat tyre.

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>3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you're going to

>steal your neighbour's milk, that's the time to do it.

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>4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't

>getting any.

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>5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't

>be promoted.

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>6. No one is listening until you fart.

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>7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

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>8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

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>9. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try

>missing a couple of mortgage payments.

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>10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in

>their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away

>and you have their shoes.

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>11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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>12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how

>to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

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>13. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it

>was probably worth it.

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>14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

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>15. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

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>Continued?

>16. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that

>comes from bad judgement.

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>17. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half

>and put it back in your pocket.

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>18. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

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>19. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark

>side, and it holds the universe together.

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>20. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one

>works.

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>21. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips

>are moving.

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>22. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

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