Merit-making Costs 3-4 Years After The Funeral.

[lifeisrandom]

10,000 baht? Ever think that she plans to hold it at at 5 star hotel in Bangkok with a 5k to 10k/head fee? You guys are throwing around alot of accusations about OP's wife and comparing her financial situation to your own. It seems many of you are implying that OPs wife thinks he is an idiot.

[mizzi39]

10,000 baht? Ever think that she plans to hold it at at 5 star hotel in Bangkok with a 5k to 10k/head fee? You guys are throwing around alot of accusations about OP's wife and comparing her financial situation to your own. It seems many of you are implying that OPs wife thinks he is an idiot.

No., but I would like to imply that you are an idiot and a world class troll!

[mrtoad]

10,000 baht? Ever think that she plans to hold it at at 5 star hotel in Bangkok with a 5k to 10k/head fee? You guys are throwing around alot of accusations about OP's wife and comparing her financial situation to your own. It seems many of you are implying that OPs wife thinks he is an idiot.

No., but I would like to imply that you are an idiot and a world class troll!

Maybe ifeisrandom paid more than 500k for the merit making ceremony.

Edited August 9, 2008 by mrtoad

[mizzi39]

10,000 baht? Ever think that she plans to hold it at at 5 star hotel in Bangkok with a 5k to 10k/head fee? You guys are throwing around alot of accusations about OP's wife and comparing her financial situation to your own. It seems many of you are implying that OPs wife thinks he is an idiot.

No., but I would like to imply that you are an idiot and a world class troll!

Maybe ifeisrandom paid more than 500k for the merit making ceremony.

That's assuming that lifeisrandom even knows what merit making is. Check out this chumps other posts.

[Chaimai]

10,000 baht? Ever think that she plans to hold it at at 5 star hotel in Bangkok with a 5k to 10k/head fee? You guys are throwing around alot of accusations about OP's wife and comparing her financial situation to your own. It seems many of you are implying that OPs wife thinks he is an idiot.

No., but I would like to imply that you are an idiot and a world class troll!

Maybe ifeisrandom paid more than 500k for the merit making ceremony.

That's assuming that lifeisrandom even knows what merit making is. Check out this chumps other posts.

An interesting and familiar style - I sense a re-birth

[denboy]

This is going to the top of my list of 'Unbelievable Cons from Thailand'.

There is no way a handful of candals, a pack of joss sticks, a pigs head and a crate of Thai whyskey costs the same as a new pick-up!

Merit making is a deep rooted part of Issan culture, when you become seriously involed or married to an Issan lady. it's all part of the give and take when two different cultures hava relationship.

Price wise I would say you are being really ripped off. I held the same ceromony for my long standing Issan lady 3 years ago, the whole village was invited (about 250 turned up ), in the evening we had the full stage and various artists for entertainment. The whole including food, drink, donations to the monks cost around 120.000 thai baht.

Further to that almost everyone attending makes a donation of whatever they can afford.

If you keep down to family it shouldn't cost more than 50.000 Baht. Of course your Issan lady having a falang spouse or boyfriend has to display her ( wealth ) to enlarge her standing in the village.

Good luck in your efforts for restraint.

[GuestHouse]

Merit making is a deep rooted part of Issan culture,

Can one make merit with someone else's money - Or is the lavish expendature of someone else's money another one of those Isaan culture things we keep hearing about?

What's going on here - Making Merit or making 'Big Face'?

[F1fanatic]

Thanks for the laugh!!

If you weren't there, would she spend that money? Suggest she pays for it herself and see what happens.

I'd be genuinely interested to learn though whether the Thais believe merit making works when someone else is paying. I assume they do as the whole concept is so ridiculous, but I'd love to hear I'm wrong.

Edited August 9, 2008 by F1fanatic

[mizzi39]

Merit making is a deep rooted part of Issan culture,

Can one make merit with someone else's money - Or is the lavish expendature of someone else's money another one of those Isaan culture things we keep hearing about?

What's going on here - Making Merit or making 'Big Face'?

I can't believe that i am agreeing with you guesthouse, but you make a very sound point, and this point should be absorbed by all!

[ronz28]

Several years ago for an upcountry funeral we contributed 10,000 baht to my wife's mother's funeral. Her mother had paid into a funeral account for a couple of years prior at the Wat. Wife's brothers, sisters and other relatives also contributed. Friends also contributed 200-500 baht each.

I would guess you are not the only one that will contribute and there is probably an error with the decimal place as a small town funeral would be closer to 50,000 than 500,000. Its probably just a translation error and no one trying to take advantage of you.

There will be additional contributions and luncheons at the Wat periodically thereafter but not near as much as the funeral cost.

[lifeisrandom]

10,000 baht? Ever think that she plans to hold it at at 5 star hotel in Bangkok with a 5k to 10k/head fee? You guys are throwing around alot of accusations about OP's wife and comparing her financial situation to your own. It seems many of you are implying that OPs wife thinks he is an idiot.

No., but I would like to imply that you are an idiot and a world class troll!

Maybe ifeisrandom paid more than 500k for the merit making ceremony.

my brother's wedding i went to last week cost 150k USD... i dont throw parties that cost less than 25K USD to be completely honest.

how much is a head at any 5 star hotel in bangkok?

not everyone is out there in the paddy fields.

no need to hate

[Shotime]

Did they promise to bring him back to life?

"No one has mentioned the "T" word yet?"

What's the T word?

[whatsoever]

10,000 baht? Ever think that she plans to hold it at at 5 star hotel in Bangkok with a 5k to 10k/head fee? You guys are throwing around alot of accusations about OP's wife and comparing her financial situation to your own. It seems many of you are implying that OPs wife thinks he is an idiot.

No., but I would like to imply that you are an idiot and a world class troll!

Maybe ifeisrandom paid more than 500k for the merit making ceremony.

my brother's wedding i went to last week cost 150k USD... i dont throw parties that cost less than 25K USD to be completely honest.

how much is a head at any 5 star hotel in bangkok?

not everyone is out there in the paddy fields.

no need to hate

Merit making for deceased Issan relatives doesn't usual take place in 5 star BKK hotels my yankee friend.

Must get a lot of othere idiots at your 25k parties

[cmsally]

Merit making for deceased Issan relatives doesn't usual take place in 5 star BKK hotels my yankee friend.

I bet you it does, if someone else is paying

[GuestHouse]

i dont throw parties that cost less than 25K USD to be completely honest.

You mean you don't throw parties.... ?!

[lifeisrandom]

we (me and 5 other friends) spent 30k USD for our college grad party

we threw a friend an engagement party and then bachelors party that cost easily $50k USD

don't be silly OP said she went to a good school we do not know all details its not uncommon for wealthy people to have nice parties even if you arent invited

[GuestHouse]

The OP has also said he thinks he's about to be Royally Fleeced - What should we make of that?

[mizzi39]

we (me and 5 other friends) spent 30k USD for our college grad party

we threw a friend an engagement party and then bachelors party that cost easily $50k USD

don't be silly OP said she went to a good school we do not know all details its not uncommon for wealthy people to have nice parties even if you arent invited

Lifeisbordom, what are you doing here if you can afford to pay for parties in excess of 50k USD? It's Saturday nite!

[lifeisrandom]

im smart enough to be rich but dumb enough to tie myself down to one girl

go figure

[lifeisrandom]

btw you really just depressed me mizzi.

any good excuses i can give my girl so that i can go to rca tonight?

[lifeisrandom]

sorry all my relationships with thais have not had me getting ripped off so i guess i am not naturally used to it like yuo guys whats the point in having a wife if she cons you?

[mrtoad]

sorry all my relationships with thais have not had me getting ripped off so i guess i am not naturally used to it like yuo guys whats the point in having a wife if she cons you?

I believe that is what most people are actually saying, it's a rip off and they wouldn't fall for it. Nice try though.

[MiG16]

Im going to ask people to keep this on topic. no flaming, no trolling will be tolerated.

there have been some reasonable opinions provided. (unanimous I think that the cost is over the top, by any standard)

OP I suggest you read and take these in (but ignore the trolls), and tread wisely.

my personal experience is, the amount is unrealistic. there may be some families (very very few) who would spend that much...and even then it will be donated towards some charity or towards construction of a new building in the temple. (the actual day itself - which includes food and offerings to the monks (cash) will NOT be that high

good luck.

any more off topic posts and flaming and I will be forced to close this thread, and also give out warnings

ohh by the way - some off topic posts have been deleted

[alantheembalmer]

I think you answered your question with your first sentence. Someone is definitely pulling the wool over your eyes!

[SamsSauce1949]

Well, thank you for all your replies, I haven't posted back earlier because I have been feeling really lousy. Yes, the amount quoted was 500,000Bt, and I have had words with her about this astronomical cost. My wife is obsessed with saving money, (In the bank, not in Gold!) and I know she has been hankering about getting enough money to buy a house in Bangkok, where she works ... I've suggested she seeks advice from her Mother, who would make a Scotsman called Scrooge, positively Philanthropic! I'm guessing one of her two brothers has put her up to this, he's an alcoholic waste of space and I know he's tried on a number of occasions to wheedle my money out of her

as 'Loans' ... I'm guessing this money is all about showing 'Face' to other people in the village, because she is married to a Falang! I still haven't got to the bottom of this need for such a large amount of money, but I'd bet both of the above have a lot to do with it.

The tactic I have used and it seems to have worked, is asked her would her deceased Father be really happy with her spending soo much money of some kind of event like this, when he was spending all his money on her, (She also has a heart condition) so she had a really good standard of education (Redemptionist School in Pattaya) and therefore live to a much better standard of life than he ever did.

[lannarebirth]

Well, thank you for all your replies, I haven't posted back earlier because I have been feeling really lousy. Yes, the amount quoted was 500,000Bt, and I have had words with her about this astronomical cost. My wife is obsessed with saving money, (In the bank, not in Gold!) and I know she has been hankering about getting enough money to buy a house in Bangkok, where she works ... I've suggested she seeks advice from her Mother, who would make a Scotsman called Scrooge, positively Philanthropic! I'm guessing one of her two brothers has put her up to this, he's an alcoholic waste of space and I know he's tried on a number of occasions to wheedle my money out of her

as 'Loans' ... I'm guessing this money is all about showing 'Face' to other people in the village, because she is married to a Falang! I still haven't got to the bottom of this need for such a large amount of money, but I'd bet both of the above have a lot to do with it.

The tactic I have used and it seems to have worked, is asked her would her deceased Father be really happy with her spending soo much money of some kind of event like this, when he was spending all his money on her, (She also has a heart condition) so she had a really good standard of education (Redemptionist School in Pattaya) and therefore live to a much better standard of life than he ever did.

Maybe there's a way to make merit for the father while honoring his sacrifice to create scholastic opportunity for his daughter. The best way I can think of to do both is to pay it forward for another worthy recipient in his name. Give whatever feels right.

http://www.thaistudentcharity.org/

You know, for that kind of money, he could be making merit in perpetuity, which might have a certain appeal for your wife.

Edited August 10, 2008 by lannarebirth

[KhaoNiaw]

The tactic I have used and it seems to have worked, is asked her would her deceased Father be really happy with her spending soo much money of some kind of event like this, when he was spending all his money on her

I don't think that this line will ultimately prove effective. If she uses it on her family, it's likely to be turned around that she should be making a show of her gratitude for her father. Even if you put it off this year, the same problem will arise next year.

The main point here is that the family, including your wife, seem to think that she can afford this amount of money, meaning that they believe you can afford it. Assuming you can, you still need to draw some kind of line - this is probably the time. As your wife has her education and a decent job, what could she afford without you? Let her know that as this is a family event you'll be happy to help out, and then you could add half again, or double, or another 10,000 baht, to whatever the family can raise. That in itself should represent a good gesture. If it's not appreciated, then you really are in for problems in the future. If your wife is really trying to save for a house, build a future etc. she should/would be knocking back these kind of expectations from the family.

[thaihome]

Ok, I’ll bit on this one, which I suspect is a troll anyway.

6 years ago we did a 100 day ceremony for my wife’s father. This was the person that she idolized her whole life and when he died prematurely because due to cancer she was devastated. We had about 400 people (about 50 tables at 8 to a table), the entire village, most the next village, all the local politicians and police, 9 monks chanting for two days, a 5 piece band with 8 dancing girls on huge stage, killed 6 pigs, probably 50 cases of whiskey, at least 100 of beer Chang, kiddy rides, freelance carnival games, you name it, it was there.

Whole thing (7 years ago) was about 200k. That party is still talked about to this day. Indeed it may be as much about face as merit making, but what is wrong with giving your wife face in her village?

Edited August 11, 2008 by MiG16
part of comment deleted. keep it civil people: MiG16

[a2396]

Ok, I’ll bit on this one, which I suspect is a troll anyway.

6 years ago we did a 100 day ceremony for my wife’s father. This was the person that she idolized her whole life and when he died prematurely because due to cancer she was devastated. We had about 400 people (about 50 tables at 8 to a table), the entire village, most the next village, all the local politicians and police, 9 monks chanting for two days, a 5 piece band with 8 dancing girls on huge stage, killed 6 pigs, probably 50 cases of whiskey, at least 100 of beer Chang, kiddy rides, freelance carnival games, you name it, it was there.

Whole thing (7 years ago) was about 200k. That party is still talked about to this day. Indeed it may be as much about face as merit making, but what is wrong with giving your wife face in her village?

Did it ever occur to you that the guy may not have that kind of money to squander? Chumps made every day here in LOS.

Edited August 11, 2008 by MiG16
removed part of deleted comment from earlier post: MiG16

[MiG16]

alright, I think the OP has received some good practical advice, and in the end its a question of how much you are willing to, and can spend. once you have that sorted, then you need to work out the how and where it goes.

if OP or wife's family wants to spend a large sum, there have been suggestions of how it can be put to use that will have long term impact. (rather than spend such a large sum on just food and drinks EVEN IF they can afford to).

Im now closing this thread

by the way some comments and replies to them have been deleted