Dealing With Bad News From Home.

[kmart]

Sorry to hear about your Dad, garro. I have been in the same situation 2 times, when immediate family members have had serious health scares.

The first time, My Mum had a (very mild) stroke; and I flew home immediately. Second time, my Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer, which was later found not to be spreading, and I stayed here. I will see them on my scheduled holidays later this year.

It's your family, and your own personal set of circumstances, m8. Best of luck.

[dingdongrb]

Nearly 4 years ago I went back home (UK) to see mum at the hospital. She was 79 and very sick with a brain tumour.

I arrived at 10.00am and she died at 6.00pm the same day.

The nurses said she should have died at least a week before I arrived.

Hardened nurses were in tears as they were convinced she had waited for me to get back before she decided to give-in to the horrible disease she had.

Get back mate...stop wasting time on here.

I too am sorry to hear about your father Garro. I wish him the best and my prayers are with your entire family.

Reading cymurambyth1's response I totally agree. It has almost been one year that I received that dreadful call from my brother telling me that I should catch the soonest plane to the states and that my mother had taken a turn for the worst. The doctors didn't think she would last too much longer. Even though she had been in and out of the hospitals there wasn't much help they could provide for her so my brother and sister thought that it would be best if she would just be bedridden at home. There were 24 hr Hospice nurses in and out taking care of her as well as my sister who is a registered nurse.

Needless to say, I jumped the first flight I could back to the states, I spent the night in LAX as I arrived too late to get flight out until the next day. When I arrived at my mother's bedside the following day she laid asleep. I went to her and put my arms around her and told her I loved and missed her so much. She awoke only to tell me that she was glad I was able to make it and how much she loved me. She passed on a few days later. The doctors and nurses seemed to think that she held off long enough for me to arrive and see me one last time. I am so happy that I did make that trip. I would do it again in a heatbeat if needed. I still think about that to this day. My only regret is that my wife and daughter (one year old at the time) could not make the trip.

[cymruambyth1]

Nearly 4 years ago I went back home (UK) to see mum at the hospital. She was 79 and very sick with a brain tumour.

I arrived at 10.00am and she died at 6.00pm the same day.

The nurses said she should have died at least a week before I arrived.

Hardened nurses were in tears as they were convinced she had waited for me to get back before she decided to give-in to the horrible disease she had.

Get back mate...stop wasting time on here.

I too am sorry to hear about your father Garro. I wish him the best and my prayers are with your entire family.

Reading cymurambyth1's response I totally agree. It has almost been one year that I received that dreadful call from my brother telling me that I should catch the soonest plane to the states and that my mother had taken a turn for the worst. The doctors didn't think she would last too much longer. Even though she had been in and out of the hospitals there wasn't much help they could provide for her so my brother and sister thought that it would be best if she would just be bedridden at home. There were 24 hr Hospice nurses in and out taking care of her as well as my sister who is a registered nurse.

Needless to say, I jumped the first flight I could back to the states, I spent the night in LAX as I arrived too late to get flight out until the next day. When I arrived at my mother's bedside the following day she laid asleep. I went to her and put my arms around her and told her I loved and missed her so much. She awoke only to tell me that she was glad I was able to make it and how much she loved me. She passed on a few days later. The doctors and nurses seemed to think that she held off long enough for me to arrive and see me one last time. I am so happy that I did make that trip. I would do it again in a heatbeat if needed. I still think about that to this day. My only regret is that my wife and daughter (one year old at the time) could not make the trip.

Forgot to say that my niece, who lived 10 minutes down the road from the hospital, missed her grandmothers (my mum's) passing by 5 minutes. She was inconsolable.

All in all, a most humbling experience that I am so glad I went through for everyone concerned. Especially the rest of our very close family.

Edited August 25, 2008 by cymruambyth1

[PhilHarries]

This is a tough call only the person involved can make. His father is in a coma from which there are two possible outcomes that might come about tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. Is he going back to sit indefinately waiting for that happy (hopefully) or grim event to occur?

I'll probably get slagged off for this but his prime responsibility is to his wife and child and I don't know how long his current employer would be willing to hold his post open for. If his father were concious then there'd be a purpose to going back to see him and chat one more time. But he is not therefore he'd have no interaction and, if the worst comes to the worst, his last memory of him would be in that ICU bed wired up to all those monitors. So he is spending money to achieve no tangible purpose and risking his, and his family's, livelyhood. Better to put that money aside and save it for, hopefully, a more joyous trip back to see him out of hospital and on the mend.

Against that is the reaction of the rest of the family who little doubt would see it all in a different light and he'd be open to accusations of preferring to live the high life in a tropical paradise rather than come home to visit his dad when he was sick.

As I said it's a tough call but here's hoping for a happy outcome.

Best wishes Garro, to you, your dad and your family. I think you have already made the decision which of course is the right one for you.

[PeaceBlondie]

garro, I guess you are going, and I wish you godspeed. My father started having serious strokes in his 80-s and I saw him when he was barely conscious, made a long trip to see him. After that he went unconscious and I waited until he passed on, so that I could be with my stepmother. When she got cancer five years later, I still lived cross country then (but no longer in southernmost Mexico). I rode 15 hours to see her before she passed away. She was hysterically overjoyed to see me. I left before she died, but said my farewells

Not to get off topic, but this is a problem for many of us here. My sisters are around 70 now, and I doubt I will get to rush to their bedsides before they die. I doubt I would be expected at the funerals.

[Scott]

Best of luck to you Garro.

[Boo]

Garro this nearly same situation happened to me this year. My father died in March this year also aged 60 of a hemmorage but he was dying anyway of liver cancer which had moved from his pancreas. When we were told he was terminal at the end of Feb & that he only had a few months left I spoke with him on the phone (he lived in Spain) & said that I even though I had a 3 week trip to LOS booked leaving that week I would pospone it & come see him first.

He said not to bother & that he was fine, he didn't want me to waste money or ruin my families trip, so, devestated at the news anyway, I arranged with work that I would not return for another week so that I could take my son to see him & assess what care he might need till the end (there was no question of him coming back to the Uk to die & his good freinds & neighbours were keeping an eye on him already).

The day before I flew out to los I called him to let him know that I would be over in 3 weeks & we finished the coversation with the words "see you as soon as I get back then, love you"

He died on the same day my flight arrived back in Heathrow & I am still cut up that I didn't just delay our trip to los & go see him instead. It woudln't have stoped what happened & it would have probably annoyed him (secretly he would have been chuffed) that I rearranged my plans but I just can't get over not going to him when I had the chance. We had thankfully seen each other in the September for a few days & he got the chance to meet his first grandson but I still feel regret the choice I made & go through alot of what if's in my mind.

[IssanSaint]

You've made the right call Garro . I had the same decision to make last August , following a call from my 12 yr old daughter in the UK expressing her concerns for my dad's health . Spoke to my parents right away and they told me it was not " too " serious and not to worry . Something inside didn't feel right - so I got the next flight back . Best decision I made . He lasted for 5 more weeks , before the cancer overcame him . It was an awful time but I was there for my mum . You only get one dad ...... go see him . All the best buddy.

[mrt273nva]

the one guarantee in life is that everyone will die. so make the moments while you are alive last. go see you dad, he would love that probably more than you know.

edit: sorry Garro, i didn't read thee whole thread. I am sorry to hear about your dad. Gook luck to you, and my regards.

Edited August 25, 2008 by mrt273nva

[Neeranam]

Sorry to hear about your dad, Garro.

I don't know the correct thing to do, if there is one.

15 years ago my grandmother was very sick and I decided not to go and see her - I saw her 5 years later. 5 years after that, she was at death's door and I decided that she would want me to stay and take care of my family here. Anyways, I've seen her twice since then and she is as fit as a fiddle.

I'd stay here and if the worst happened, I'd go back for the funeral. Where are you of most use?