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Having A Thai Boyfriend...how To Deal With Thai Tradition...

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I'm in my 30's, farang, single mother with 2 yr old boy...living in CM and have a thai boyfriend for a couple of months...

There is the difference of culture, mentality....and the respect-thing to the family....

My boyfriend used to live in Bkk with his ex, after divorce he came back to CM and lives with his mother (his father died). He's building his own house at the moment.

In the West, you live together after a while or you at least talk about it...you meet eachother frequently, go out together...build up a life together....

Is it really that hard to have a life together if I'm farang and he is thai...is it true, he must be careful with spending time with me or the night because I can lose respect from his family when they know....I wonder where this is going...do you need to get married first before you can be together as a couple??

I am moving this to the ladies section as it will get more reponses from women with thai bf's/husbands.

  • Author
I am moving this to the ladies section as it will get more reponses from women with thai bf's/husbands.
  • Author

Okay...thanks!!!

Sounds like you have an old fashioned man who respects you. Nothing wrong with that.

I would agree with sbk, also as he is living with his family they will be well aware of his nocturnal habits & therefore if he was out all night (staying with you) they may think you have low morals & would therefore be opposed to you.

When I met my now husband he was free to come & go as he pleased as he lived far from his family & we shacked up faily quickly compared to western terms but on my first trip to visit his family we were both concious of being distant (physically) from each other so as not to offend his mum & aunts & even though they set us up a bed together, it was in the same room as them so they knew what we were up to. :o

I would say take it as a compliment that he is considering your reputation within his family but be smart, if he is also not wanting to be seen oiut with you or is sneaking around in some ways then listen to your instincts but in this case (the staying together) he is being traditional if old fashioned.

Also be aware that for many many thai families, living together is paramount to marriage so he may not be wanting to give that impression as the relationship is still quite young. Go slow & enjoy the novelty :D

neither of my thai boyfriends' families were bothered by my staying/living with them or even sleeping in the same room when we visited the family. they were always very respectful and understanding.

to play devil's advocate, maybe there is another reason he doesn't want family to know about you?

would say take it as a compliment that he is considering your reputation within his family but be smart, if he is also not wanting to be seen oiut with you or is sneaking around in some ways then listen to your instincts but in this case (the staying together) he is being traditional if old fashioned.

Not the only one there girlx :o

My husbands mum was also aware of us living together but as we weren't doing it on the doorstep then it was not such a big problem. As I understand it, the op's bf lives with his family in the same area as the op so it would be a lot more visible to people who know them & would gossip.

  • Author

Thanks for your replies!! He's not sneeking in and he likes to take me out from time to time, he even invites me in his village (though not with his mum yet), I went there several times so...about that I feel comfortable..it's just different from the west...that's what I was a little concerned about. I think I'll try to beleive he's just old fashion. Don't want to think about all the writings that all thai men have more than 1 woman....

Thank you!!

D.

i think he's being old fashioned and a gentlman; moving in = marriage... also, he may not be sure aabout family's reaction to farang woman (potential wife, with kids!! i.e. u arent a virgin which for some thai males and their families could be problematic... also, he may be the 'man of the house' now for mom if dad is dead, so he may be not too sure of what he wants to do if he has to support both him, mom, and u (as a thai male would want to do)... -- no comments about the lazy thai male bs that people will start with. the thai men that i know support their families, mothers being first, wives and children second.

i know of two thai + thai marriages that didnt happen just because the wife to be (thai) came from previous marriage and parents refused to accept her... so try to talk to him or if he has sisters (not brothers, talk to sisters or girl cousins/aunts) to feel out the subject (if u can)... rely a bit on thai girlfriends if u have them, to suss him out.... remember to keep the separate bank account/salary/dont give him money routine also...

bina

  • Author

Thank you all for your replies...I think time will bring some advice..I hope so....

Daphne

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