Thai Girls Who Suddenly Want Kids

[JimsKnight]

Guys,

Do any of you out there get hassle from your thai woman to start a family.

For me I'm not into the whole 'having kids' deal. It's not my thing. I don't know fully why myself but it is what it is.

I guess I'm not a 'kid-kinda-guy'.

I channel all my energy into the partner, make sure she is alright and happy and feel that really is best than dividing my energy for 20 odd years with a child which needs a ton of care and extra help.

Yes I'm selfish when it comes to this subject, but that doesn't make me a bad person or selfish when it comes to others.

My take is that having children is not THE issue, people have too many and the population is overcrowded as it is. I feel if less people have kids it will benefit us in the long term resources wise as well.

I know in the east that childless couples are not the done thing but times are changing on this. Besides which the sudden global crisis and increased cost of everything just adds fuel to the fire.

Now I'm guessing, unless TV is now full of married family guys who are kid crazy that there must be some other guys in the same boat. I.E not wanting kids but wanting a companion girl / wife etc.

So what is your angle on this? Do you play it off and ignore her suggestions? Do you accept that the womanly instinct is to be obeyed? Or do you just stick your heels in and go your separate ways if it comes to a divisionary point?

I'm not in this boat yet, but I'm coming to the crossroads so to speak.

Thoughts and comments appreciated.

The poll I've added should cover the mindsets and stances typically out there.

[Huey]

Nahh my wife and I talk about it often but neither of us want em right now. She got the lil implant they put in your arm its good for 3 years, which is coincidentally around the same time we both want some. However the pressure from the women in her family is heavy, starting with Grandma and all the way down to younger cousins even friends.

[somchai99]

one should let the girl know he dont want kids when they marry and not after. fact of life most girls want kids!

[sassienie]

Guys,

Do any of you out there get hassle from your thai woman to start a family.

For me I'm not into the whole 'having kids' deal. It's not my thing. I don't know fully why myself but it is what it is.

I guess I'm not a 'kid-kinda-guy'.

I channel all my energy into the partner, make sure she is alright and happy and feel that really is best than dividing my energy for 20 odd years with a child which needs a ton of care and extra help.

Yes I'm selfish when it comes to this subject, but that doesn't make me a bad person or selfish when it comes to others.

My take is that having children is not THE issue, people have too many and the population is overcrowded as it is. I feel if less people have kids it will benefit us in the long term resources wise as well.

I know in the east that childless couples are not the done thing but times are changing on this. Besides which the sudden global crisis and increased cost of everything just adds fuel to the fire.

Now I'm guessing, unless TV is now full of married family guys who are kid crazy that there must be some other guys in the same boat. I.E not wanting kids but wanting a companion girl / wife etc.

So what is your angle on this? Do you play it off and ignore her suggestions? Do you accept that the womanly instinct is to be obeyed? Or do you just stick your heels in and go your separate ways if it comes to a divisionary point?

I'm not in this boat yet, but I'm coming to the crossroads so to speak.

Thoughts and comments appreciated.

The poll I've added should cover the mindsets and stances typically out there.

It depends on each partners situation.

Some questions to the OP:

How old are you and do you already have children from a previous marriage?

How old is your wife and does she have any children from a previous relationship?

For example if the spouse is still quite young, she would probably want children. If the husband is older and has children from a previous marriage, than he may not be considering the needs of his wife.

Edited October 8, 2008 by sassienie

[teacup]

I would like to say something.

However there is not even information to go by based on the OP ‘s info, like….

The age factor - of both partners?

How long have you been married, or dating?

How well you know your partner?

Have either one been married and with or without kid before?

Was it just another one of that “whirlwind romance” before…the Poke Poke?

Or

Even the cramping of your lifestyle, or even the current financial position?

Etcs…..

Well to the OP…

You will get millions of answer or the very skewed result from the poll, if U can’t be more specific.

So the poll will be almost useless any way, me think

And

Not all thai women are the same

Not all women all over the world are the same…..

Just me

[JimsKnight]

I'm 30 and she is 27, she works and is a university graduate from a wealthy family!

She's her own women when it comes to the family pressuring her for kids (thank God!).

No kids (either of us) from a previous relationship.

She is currently undecided on the kids question. But I know it may arise in the future.

Sorry if the poll is skewed but I've presented a broad brush for the sake of brevity from a red-blooded mans perspective.

A sounding board of different answers is welcome though

Edited October 8, 2008 by JimsKnight

[MKAsok]

I'm not in this boat yet, but I'm coming to the crossroads so to speak.

If you're really dead set against having kids I'd say prepare yourself for a fairly inevitable shitstorm. Remember, Thais don't ask you if you have kids. They ask you if you have kids yet. I don't want to make generalisations, but unfortunately it's necessary here (particularly as you've stated she's 'currently undecided' about the issue) in order to give you any kind of response as to the likely outcome of your situation. Did you not consider this eventuality before you became seriously involved with a Thai woman?

mk

[JimsKnight]

There will be no shitstorm my friend. Human beings are not animals who HAVE to bear offspring. Animals have offspring as they are creatures of habit and act on impulse with no human factor.

Also we have the free will to do what we want and the whole socialistic / conformist attitude when it comes to having kids doesn't cut it in the 21st century IMO. You choose either A or B out of whether YOU want to do it, not because some social norm dictates to you you HAVE to have kids.

I don't get the whole 'but I want kids cause I'm a woman' attitude. It's a bit selfish against the mans side of the argument. What about his needs, his independence.

I think if a Thai girl wants a farang relationship she's gotta accept some of us are not of the thai mindset when it comes to having kids out of duty.

She's known from the outset I'm not a kids kinda guy so just be cool with it man

[Huey]

Good For You Jimsknight, Take your time and plan them. When the time is right it will all mean so much more. Just try and get started before she turns 35yrs old as there is an increased risk of complications with the pregnancy after this age with women.

Good Luck to You Both.

[MKAsok]

I'm totally cool with it 'man.' You asked for a 'sounding board of different answers' didn't you? No need to get all condescending when someone attempts to give you an honest answer. Your A-level sociology rant about free will, conformism, selfishness and independence is all very nice and groovey (I'm not sure what you mean by 'socialistic' by the way - presumably you're not referring to socialists or socialism, which is what the word means) but it's extremely naive in a Thai cultural context. Good luck explaining all your 'progressive' theories on 'individualism' to your girlfriend and her family. And before you start telling me she'll put your wishes before those of her family, don't even bother... Anyway, if it is indeed the case that 'she's known from the outset I'm not a kids kinda guy,' what exactly is your issue here? You don't want to have kids and your statement implies that she's fully aware of this and has been since the outset and presumably accepts the situation (or arguably has implicitly accepted it), so why bother asking the question 'Replying to Thai Girls Who Suddenly Want Kids' in the first place?

mk

[ClaytonSeymour]

There will be no shitstorm my friend. Human beings are not animals who HAVE to bear offspring. Animals have offspring as they are creatures of habit and act on impulse with no human factor.

This is a good point, I'd also go further in that certainly in western societies, breeding ought to be a privilege, rather than a right.

Also we have the free will to do what we want and the whole socialistic / conformist attitude when it comes to having kids doesn't cut it in the 21st century IMO. You choose either A or B out of whether YOU want to do it, not because some social norm dictates to you you HAVE to have kids.

I don't get the whole 'but I want kids cause I'm a woman' attitude. It's a bit selfish against the mans side of the argument. What about his needs, his independence. Successful parenthood requires many sacrifices, if you are not prepared/ready to make these sacrifices it would be irresponsible to procreate - the woman should show some understanding, but whether she actually does this is an entirely different matter.

I think if a Thai girl wants a farang relationship she's gotta accept some of us are not of the thai mindset when it comes to having kids out of duty. Of course, but they'll be under the influence of others i.e. they'll almost certainly be under intense pressure to provide grandchildren. It's actually much easier to clean/suppress some of their Thai mindset, if you're living outside Thailand.

She's known from the outset I'm not a kids kinda guy so just be cool with it man

This topic is one of my favourite subjects, unfortunately, I'm unable to share any further thoughts at this time (I've to be up for work in a little over five hours, bad enough in itself - even worse if we'd kids to worry about).

[tw25rw]

Mine wants me to come over and impregnate her so she can have a "lucky baby" born 09/09/09. December should be interesting.

[teacup]

In order to have kid(s) you must have 3 things below

U have to be….

-Physically

-Emotionally

And

-Financial…… ready

If at least one of the 3 is missing, then don’t have those little one for all the wrong reason. The kid will be the actual one who will suffer the most here.

Some are cut out to be good parents, and some are not…….this applied for both sexes and in any country worldly.

We all want many things in life.

But sometimes what we want and what we can have is not the same thing, unless you’re living in the fantasy world where U can write up your own dream.

So to the OP - she just has to wake up to the real world of reality, instead of living in her fantasy world.

That is real LIFE here, whether she likes it or not!!!

Just me

Best of luck to the OP

Edited October 8, 2008 by teacup

[somchai99]

There will be no shitstorm my friend. Human beings are not animals who HAVE to bear offspring. Animals have offspring as they are creatures of habit and act on impulse with no human factor.

Also we have the free will to do what we want and the whole socialistic / conformist attitude when it comes to having kids doesn't cut it in the 21st century IMO. You choose either A or B out of whether YOU want to do it, not because some social norm dictates to you you HAVE to have kids.

I don't get the whole 'but I want kids cause I'm a woman' attitude. It's a bit selfish against the mans side of the argument. What about his needs, his independence.

I think if a Thai girl wants a farang relationship she's gotta accept some of us are not of the thai mindset when it comes to having kids out of duty.

She's known from the outset I'm not a kids kinda guy so just be cool with it man

mabe she thought you would change to her point of view.

be prepared to asK tv for good divorce lawyers! YOU APPARENTLY NOT A GOOD MATCH FOR EACH OTHER!

[somchai99]

In order to have kid(s) you must have 3 things below

U have to be….

-Physically

-Emotionally

And

-Financial…… ready

If at least one of the 3 is missing, then don't have those little one for all the wrong reason. The kid will be the actual one who will suffer the most here.

Some are cut out to be good parents, and some are not…….this applied for both sexes and in any country worldly.

We all want many things in life.

But sometimes what we want and what we can have is not the same thing, unless you're living in the fantasy world where U can write up your own dream.

So to the OP - she just has to wake up to the real world of reality, instead of living in her fantasy world.

That is real LIFE here, whether she likes it or not!!!

Just me

Best of luck to the OP

REAL LIFE TEACP is its not necessary to have all 3 to have kids. if all 3 were required man would be on the verge of extinction now

[teacup]

In order to have kid(s) you must have 3 things below

U have to be….

-Physically

-Emotionally

And

-Financial…… ready

If at least one of the 3 is missing, then don't have those little one for all the wrong reason. The kid will be the actual one who will suffer the most here.

Some are cut out to be good parents, and some are not…….this applied for both sexes and in any country worldly.

We all want many things in life.

But sometimes what we want and what we can have is not the same thing, unless you're living in the fantasy world where U can write up your own dream.

So to the OP - she just has to wake up to the real world of reality, instead of living in her fantasy world.

That is real LIFE here, whether she likes it or not!!!

Just me

Best of luck to the OP

REAL LIFE TEACP is its not necessary to have all 3 to have kids. if all 3 were required man would be on the verge of extinction now

And most likely U will be on the verge of extinction anyway, If you let those girls "HUMP U to death", just to multiply…..HAHAHA

U can say “NO” all U want, but let me tell you……

Umm…some of these thai girls can be quite “hungry” and can be like a “Wonder Women” also, …when it comes to the bedroom, or laundry room or bathroom, or where-ever….as long as she gets the RESULT!!!……just joking here…hehe

Seriously,

What is your prerequisite anyway, when it comes to muliplying?....huh...Pray tell....Teacup wants to know

Edited October 8, 2008 by teacup

[0Mix1up]

tic tic tic boom

by 30 usually most girls have the clock exploding in their heads

you've got 3 years to understand/decide if you want to stay with her you will have to have kids.

all imo, but i have experience

[somchai99]

its not what i think is necessary to have kids

just look at the real world miss cup. do you think most go by your standards.

op needs to undrerstand its the girls way or he must leave! he can comprimise she cant!

Edited October 8, 2008 by somchai99

[JimsKnight]

Guess I'll leave if it comes to the crunch, who blinks first? Me, or the babe?

I always have one hand on the reins anyway.

We are suited to one another and this phase will likely pass if it gets brought up in conversation.

There have been no raging arguments or plates flying on this one.

LOL. The wonderwoman remark is quite funny.

Might get me tubes tied just as insurance

[teacup]

its not what i think is necessary to have kids

just look at the real world miss cup. do you think most go by your standards.

op needs to undrerstand its the girls way or he must leave! he can comprimise she cant!

Don’t call me “miss cup” ! ----it sounds errr….too sexy…hehe

Anyway…I didn’t say that….my words should be set in the stone

I just said….at the bottom………….”Just me” and what it’s making sense to ME

Well the op is asking for “opinions” here, and I'm giving mine

However I think it’s all silly and stupid, for any girl …to be forcing her partner/or others to “also” be responsible for any consequences from her own decisive choice of decision.

To me having kids will always take …….2 YES, not 1 Yes only, ….

This way there won't be any "blame game" later on, during one of those future arguments

Me think

[teacup]

Guess I'll leave if it comes to the crunch, who blinks first? Me, or the babe?

I always have one hand on the reins anyway.

We are suited to one another and this phase will likely pass if it gets brought up in conversation.

There have been no raging arguments or plates flying on this one.

LOL. The wonderwoman remark is quite funny.

Might get me tubes tied just as insurance

Good idea - RUN to the dr. now - while she's doing her shopping!

And

The word here is ....... "NOT YET" ......ja ---about the flying saucers, that is....hehe

chok dee in advance ...na ja

Edited October 9, 2008 by teacup

[Martian]

one should let the girl know he dont want kids when they marry and not after. fact of life most girls want kids!

This is spot on, as you say in the UK. I made it very clear to my wife that if she wanted kids, don't marry me because I have had the operation and I am done having kids. I included a bunch of other "if you", then don't marry me. I didn't want any misunderstandings about important subjects. I did everything to convince her not to marry me.....didn't work and we are very happy after 8 years!

Even with this understanding, she was always under pressure from family about "when are you going to have children, Thai and farangs make beautiful children". Yea but however beautiful they might be, they still cry, burp, poop, and require love and attention, not to mention financial support.....for a long, long time.

In the USA, as it is probably everywhere in the world, many women want to have your child because it means they have their claws deeply embedded for a long time, even if you don't stay together. In the USA women benefit greatly and unjustly through kids and divorce so you better be sure you want kids and are ready to love them and support them even if you only see them on Wednesdays and every other weekend.

This is not to in any way intended to cut down women but reality is what it is and you better be sure you can be happy with whatever reality comes your way. Being a deadbeat parent is no good either and there are many of them in the world, male and female.

Regards,

Martian

[jfchandler]

Based on personal experience, I'd guess the lady's instincts to have children, and her insistence that you consent, will get stronger and stronger as she gets older -- unless she has already ruled out having kids at the outset, which it sounds like she has not.

I'm of the same feeling as the OP, in terms of wanting to be married, but not wanting to have children. But finding a suitable Thai woman who doesn't want to have children seems a bit like finding the proverbial needle in the haystack...

Maybe it's a cultural difference, but I'm also amazed at the number of Thai women around BKK who have no current husband, are working here in the city, and yet have their kid or kids (from a prior BF or husband) trundled away living with their grandparents in some other place...sometimes for years at a time.

If a couple are going to have kids, I agree with the prior poster who offered that they need to be sure they have all the necessary support elements in place. Otherwise, indeed, it is the children who suffer the neglect. Unfortunately, modern society and economic pressures increasingly make it more difficult for parents to be real parents, especially here in Thailand...

[TopDogger]

When this topic of conversation comes up, theres 1 sure fire way to shut em up for the time being... "Strech Marks"...

[sylviex]

My view is simple: nobody should have kids unless they are very firmly committed to all it entails.

Some folk do seem to let parenthood happen rather heedlessly.

[buffcoat]

Being Thai or not does not really matter I think.

My first wife (English) did not want kids until she hit 28 and then she was desperate to have them. There was no change in our life at this time but I believe the 'need' to have kids was suddenly overwhelming for her and was simply biological programming.

We can take decisions about our breeding but I firmly believe that the majority of women will feel the desire to breed and it will not be the subject of rational thought.

Social pressure has an impact too but at the root is the basic drive to reproduce and nature likes to win the games it plays

[kangeroo]

i told her she can have all the kids she wants , personaly i think we should all have about five kids keep just one you love the most and use the rest for parts .

[sgtpeppers]

the OP sounds like he is really not interested in kids, so he announce to his wife he is getting a vasectomy. freezing some sperm if you are not 100% sure.

end of story.

But should be prepared to offer something very attractive in return, as most ladies especially asian ladies want kids and their life will not feel fulfilled without children.

[myfriendyou]

I'm 30 and she is 27, she works and is a university graduate from a wealthy family!

She's her own women when it comes to the family pressuring her for kids (thank God!).

No kids (either of us) from a previous relationship.

She is currently undecided on the kids question. But I know it may arise in the future.

Sorry if the poll is skewed but I've presented a broad brush for the sake of brevity from a red-blooded mans perspective.

A sounding board of different answers is welcome though

I know how you feel currently, I had 39 years of feeling the same until an accident caused a pregnancy, we talked things over for a while and I now have a 9 year old son, something I would not change for the world, if you are financially secure you can still lead a good life and be a good parent, this is one of the advantages of living here in Thailand,

My advice, never say never

[Maigo6]

I'm 30 and she is 27, she works and is a university graduate from a wealthy family!

Yet another one.

Are there any rich Thai girls from wealthy families who are not married to ThaiVisa members ?

Edited October 9, 2008 by Maigo6