White Girl And Thai Boyfriend

[bigNavySeal]

i'm also only attracted to asian guys..

That's a rather strange statement. I've heard of people preferring a certain race in partners but excluding all races bar one is a first for me.

I can understand it. One of my best friends, a nice boy of Polish decent, has an 'asian fetish', and pretty much only goes out with Asian girls exclusively (though he refuses to admit it). Some girls like black men, some girls like long hair, some girls like mustaches...to each their own, and it's all good.

To the OP,

I would not necessarily worry about it. It could be more of a 'guy/man' thing than a 'Thai/Asian' thing. The reality is that men do not think the same as women. Films such as "Steel Magnolias" and "The Sisterhood of the Traveling pants" are not films most men would want to see. Men also don't like to talk on the phone. From my observations, women can jabber on and on over the phone with their girlfriends over stuff that really has no point. How often do you see a male doing that? Observe a man on the phone sometime. It could be his best friend that he has known for 30 years, but the conversations are short and to the point. This is an example of the conversation I had with one of my close friends today:

"Friend: Hey, how are you. Me: Fine. Friend: How's your bike (my motorcycle is being repaired) going? Me: Fine. Waiting for some parts to arrive in the mail. Should be done this week. Friend: Cool. I'm going to the (car) auction next Tuesday. You want to come? Me: Yeah, probably. Give me a call on Monday, and I'll let you know. Friend: Cool. I'll talk to you then. Bye."

Do you really ever see a man talking for hours on end over the phone? Really. If I knew one of my friends was talking to his girl for hours on end, well I would ridicule him without mercy.

The fact that he is busy may not actually mean anything. He could just really be busy. Like I'm sort of dealing with the same thing. If she asks why I don't like to talk on the phone, my response would be "I'm busy", and it would actually be the truth. When you first meet someone, there is that "newness" to the relationship. Like when you get a new toy on Christmas. After a while the novelty and newness wears off. Doesn't necessarily mean your tired of the person or the relationship, but all the basic information has already been covered.

For specific example, he probably knows all of your stuff already. Who your friends are, what problems you have at work, what your relatives are up to, people you like and don't like, and what your day is normally like. At the beginning of a relationship, all that is great. It's wonderful conversation fodder. After a couple long conversations, meetings, whatever, you already know everything. And then you have to rehash it. And if you want long conversations, the same questions are going to be asked over and over again. It gets kind of boring. A man's mindset is why talk about it, and ask the same questions? Let's meet up, go out, and do something. It's something new and interesting.

I'd rather do that than listen to how much your sister is being a bitch to you and what she did to you now and how your mom always takes her side over you. Yeah, I have this conversation alot. And if it is a choice between having a long conversation about stuff I already know (or don't really care that much about), or getting the things I need to get done/work accomplished, I would do the work. Doesn't mean I don't like you, or don't want to be with you. But business does need to be taken care of.

So just because he doesn't want to do those long, deep, intricate conversations that he did in the beginning, doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you.

But on the other hand, you did mention that you talked on the phone and on the computer until you met. The other possibility is that when he met you, maybe he dig you that much and doesn't have the heart to tell you. I really don't know what the reason is to be honest with you. Even if he still wants you, he may just not want to jabber on the phone. Try asking to go out and meet in person. Maybe he's more up for that. If he doesn't want to see you, maybe he's just not that interested in you.

Good luck.

Christ...you just exactly hit the point. I couldn't explain it better, something men and women differ in in relationships...

[sbk]

Frankly, I think sub's post should be required reading for every woman

[amazojuana]

i am a thai guy who is really into white girls....i live in thailand but i speak english quite well and i have a strong british accent. but the problem is i dont think i'm good looking, so i'm not confident to approach any of them. i dont know if they'll like me or not. i'm afraid that i will repulse them. please tell me what to do!! any tips (especially from any white girl)?

p.s. i got a scholarship to pursue my master's in UK and i really hope to find love with white girl there (or here in thailand)...

Aw - you are too sweet! I am a girl from the uk. i am very tall - 6 foot. And so many times I look at thai guys who i think are beautiful, and am too shy to approach them as I feel the same as you. I honestly thought I would be repulsive to them because of my height and that I have blonde hair. But I eventually got the courage to talk to a guy I'd had my eye on and I couldn't believe it that he liked me too! There is no way you would be repulsive to anyone. Just be yourself and be friendly. I think us british girls can be quite cold & frosty if we think you're only wanting one thing but you will never know if you don't talk to anyone. She may like you back and be just as shy as you.....

I don't think the race is the issue here, i think maybe you need a confidence boost. Good luck!

[redfish44]

I don't know if its the "norm" or not but of the successful Thai man/western women relationships I know, almost all of them take place between two people of fairly equal status. In general, the successful long-term relationships I know of, the Thai man is not poor, earns his own living and has a decent social status among the Thai community.

I am sure there are many other relationships that don't follow this, but I don't know any personally.

sbk, you get me thinking out into another sphere again - love it!

My first read of this I thought - no way - me & my man totally distinct "status"; my man is from rural small rice farming family and didn't finish school, only now getting the reading/writing thing, whereas I went (was forced) to uni, educated parents, middle class blah blah blah.

But then I thought about it, and although econimically and formal education-wise we seem to be from totally different "status" (or planets sometimes it seems), if I think about the place we both are in our lives the last few years and they are actually quite similar: we both work jobs of a transient nature (diver vs offshore oil), always leaving one place to work in another, never really sure where the next job is though both work with boats and spend a lot of time at sea, both have too many immigration/border/customs issues on a too regular basis compared to "normal people", and we both try to "go home" to where our parents are every few months and catch up with old freinds - all of which have no concept at all of what we do for a living (although they do try to understand it seems like we are from a different planet).

Maybe we do have a similar status - transient kinda style where only your co-workers really comprehend your life (as opposed to mates/family where you are originally from). Its kinda like we don't belong anywhere in the "normal world" everyone else seems to be part of. Had never thought of "status" like this. May not be what you meant by status - but I like thinking about it in different ways as opposed to simply class/economic.

Thanks! I think you've given me a new insight into my relationship - maybe the key to why we are still going in spite of all the craziness we each end up with (and hopefully still keep going).

Love TV for its informative posts that make me think.

(... but then again maybe I've got cabin fever and have gone boat-mad from not enough sleep and will read what I've posted next week at home and have no clue what I was thinking... even if this is so, thanks for letting me think outside the mental cage I am currently in on my tin can in the sea.)

But getting back to the orginial post:

...Is there something i should know about asian/ thai guys?

I'm not saying he is bad, and maybe nothing is whrong but it just seems odd to me that they would contact you first and after a while it seems like they get bored of you or something..

Anyone can give me tips or idea's what to do to make a Thai man happy or what they are really like?

Lotusflowergirl (lovelly name): take your time and find out what your guy likes, but don't go too full on too fast.

Just stick to simple conversations and hang out and let things develop gently and naturally.

If your fella is like mine and his mates they kinda hang back and observe a lot before making up their mind. But then if he's like mine he could have made up his mind he likes you and be so dumb struck with emotion he can't actually say much even if he wants to - just comes over and says a few words but internally is paralysed then after a while says "have to go do..." (and he wonders why it took me so long to figure out he was interested in me - although am not the sharpest pencil in the box: miracle we got together really).

And like the others say - he could actually be busy. While I am at work I struggle to find the time to call, let alone chat for ages, and my man always wants to stay on the phone longer than I really have time for - even though to me we don't seem to be saying much when I say "honey I really have to go".

Being in the same physical place would be the key there - finding the time to do that is another thing though.

i am a thai guy who is really into white girls....i live in thailand but i speak english quite well and i have a strong british accent. but the problem is i dont think i'm good looking, so i'm not confident to approach any of them. i dont know if they'll like me or not. i'm afraid that i will repulse them. please tell me what to do!! any tips (especially from any white girl)?

I dodn't think this guy was trolling - but then, as above, am not the sharpest pencil in the box at times.

oan, if you really are struggling with the confidence thing - forget about your looks for a start, women can be attracted to the most insignificant physical features (but not to us) and not notice what seems blatant to others.

Example 1: I didn't notice I was taller than my first love until my friends pointed it out 6 months after we broke up - I didn't believe them and called his mum to check: it was true.

Example 2: was seeing a guy that actually had one of those eyes that doesn't quite look in the same direction as the other - when I stopped being interested in him I was intrigued with his eye. I had vaguely registered it when we first met, but had completely not even noticed it in the months we were friends and then together. [reading this back: gosh I'm clueless - how did I survive this long and be so unobservant so often...]

Beauty is truly on the inside, and as my thai man says about a lot of people - it is "a good heart" that you can see the most, and that matters the most too.

[Socratis]

"... but after we met in real life he doesnt call me that often anymore and he claims to be very busy ..."

As a Thai guy who has spent over 50 yrs in Thailand, I would suggest that you take that as a hint that he's less interested in you. Most Thai wouldn't talk straight up if it will hurt the other's feeling. So they will just back away as quietly as possible while giving the other party a notion that the relationship is still normal and coming up with excuses for not being the same. The best way to test and see if I'm right or wrong is to back away yourself and see what happens. You can then judge for youself how you should deal with this.

I understand how you feel for the guy. But it's useless to pursue the relationship if he's no longer interested in you. I wish you all the best.

[lannarebirth]

"... but after we met in real life he doesnt call me that often anymore and he claims to be very busy ..."

As a Thai guy who has spent over 50 yrs in Thailand, I would suggest that you take that as a hint that he's less interested in you. Most Thai wouldn't talk straight up if it will hurt the other's feeling. So they will just back away as quietly as possible while giving the other party a notion that the relationship is still normal and coming up with excuses for not being the same. The best way to test and see if I'm right or wrong is to back away yourself and see what happens. You can then judge for youself how you should deal with this.

I understand how you feel for the guy. But it's useless to pursue the relationship if he's no longer interested in you. I wish you all the best.

Many wester men will take the same approach, but usually it is not assigned such an altruistic motive. Basically its because they're spineless.

[sbk]

"... but after we met in real life he doesnt call me that often anymore and he claims to be very busy ..."

As a Thai guy who has spent over 50 yrs in Thailand, I would suggest that you take that as a hint that he's less interested in you. Most Thai wouldn't talk straight up if it will hurt the other's feeling. So they will just back away as quietly as possible while giving the other party a notion that the relationship is still normal and coming up with excuses for not being the same. The best way to test and see if I'm right or wrong is to back away yourself and see what happens. You can then judge for youself how you should deal with this.

I understand how you feel for the guy. But it's useless to pursue the relationship if he's no longer interested in you. I wish you all the best.

Many wester men will take the same approach, but usually it is not assigned such an altruistic motive. Basically its because they're spineless.

[Soulwy]

Hoi, ben je al wat wijzer geworden?

How you described Thai/Asian men, could be also referred to Dutch or other Western men. Meeting men online can be even more

superficial. Many men (and women) just want to have fun, nothing serious from the start. If you are the serious type, be very selective and take it easy.

Western women liking Asian men: I always find this very special. The other way round, is very normal, almost cliché. But when I see a Western (or even African) woman with an Asian man, I can't keep my eyes of them. I like this very much, because it so rare. Stupid eh?

@Redfish44: Liked your story!

"it is "a good heart" that you can see the most" = A wise man's language.

Edited February 13, 2009 by Soulwy

[Bangkokbang]

Sorry, but I always find that men and women who are attracted to people on the basis of race to be a bit shallow.

here here Garro. couldnt agree more with you on that one.

The Thais are not faithful generally. They love to play around. It would be great if your one is a great one.