People Offering You Help

[elkangorito]

THANK YOU Lannarebirth, exactly what I was on about

What were you on about?

[Nampeung]

Read the link

[elkangorito]

Have you experienced this, where someone around you or your circle of friends offers you help and you may not even know about it... and that person offering help says they are doing it out of the goodness of their heart... and someone (maybe a mate of yours) accepts the offered help. Boom, then the person who offered help wants to hold you to ransom for the rest of your life even if you did not ask for help in the first place!!!

Happened to me in Thailand, how about you?

you have just defined kreng jai

I've just had a Thai friend from next door, visit me whilst I was reading this thread. He is half Thai half farang & speaks fluent Thai. I showed him this post & he told me that this has absolutely nothing to do with Kreng Jai.

When I asked him what it was all about, he said that he had no idea except that he thought that someone was being dishonest.

He also told me the basic meaning of Kreng Jai. He said, "It is the concept of saying 'thanks but no thanks'."

This obviously works both ways i.e. "Would you mind if I ......."

In any case, I do not believe that you are being subject to or a part of kreng jai. I believe what my Thai friend tells me (he read the thread) & that is someone is being dishonest with you & trying to manipulate you. Of course, I'm saying this with respect to the information that has been presented by yourself so far

Perhaps you could, since you seem uncomfortable about revealing the detail of your situation, present us with a hypothetical situation, which goes into detail?

Edited November 25, 2008 by elkangorito

[elkangorito]

All is quiet on the western front. Maybe the situation isn't that important after all?

[Nampeung]

No it's just that Bangkok is erupting into what might lead to civil war and my son has been taken into A&E with a fractured ankle mate !

[elkangorito]

I patiently await your return.

[endure]

I patiently await your return.

I find it slightly surprising that someone who works in Thailand is ignorant of one the societal drivers that keeps the country running,.

[elkangorito]

I patiently await your return.

I find it slightly surprising that someone who works in Thailand is ignorant of one the societal drivers that keeps the country running,.

Perhaps I am ignorant. Please feel free to enlighten me.

[ozzieovaseas]

I agree with the previous posters who find your situation a little confusing,however i will say this word "gaereng jai" sounds suspiciously like another thai word ive heard.hmm

A thai friend states that it is rude and impolite to refer back or even remember a favour that you did for someone else if you've willingly offered to do it..especially if you are still paying for it!!

[Mossfinn]

Nam Jai >>>> Boon Koon

Hey Lan, enjoyed reading the link, but can I ask do you agree with the content? I will ask the wife to read it later for her comments, but I would welcome yours on its accuracy.

Good Luck

Moss

[Mossfinn]

And to two of my friends

Please

Good Luck

Moss

[lannarebirth]

Nam Jai >>>> Boon Koon

Hey Lan, enjoyed reading the link, but can I ask do you agree with the content? I will ask the wife to read it later for her comments, but I would welcome yours on its accuracy.

Good Luck

Moss

Yes , I believe it is accurate from my observations.

[Mossfinn]

Thanks Lan, I appreciate the swift response.

Good Luck

Moss

[a2396]

I never encountered any such problem in 4 years living in LOS & I have quite a few Thai friends. Of course, some of them have asked to "borrow" money, which I refused.

[Martin]

I have just noticed this topic on the list of 'Recent...'.

Getting back to the OP, doesn't this behaviour exist in every culture?

In every group of humans, isn't there a range from 'congenitally-exploitive' through 'merely selfish' to 'mixed' or 'neutral', to 'generous, to 'congenital givers'?

And don't some of the 'congenitally-exploitive' try to pretend to be 'congenital givers' in order to entrap their prey?

Isn't it so much a part of the range of human natures that the Romans said: "Caveat Emptor"?

[Beachbunny]

I couldn't get the link referenced to open....so don't know what it said......

However, according to the way my husband and my thai friends use greeng-jai ( เกรงใจ )

it means not wanting to hurt someone's feelings, even if you don't like what they are doing.....which by the way

my thai husband says is a bunch of crap!

Anyway, the definition for greeng-jai is: to have consideration for, be reluctant to impose (upon), be disinclined to disturb

or offending, be afraid of offending.

It doesn't seem to apply to Nampeung's situation, unless she is the one being greeng-jai toward the ones that helped her out

behind her back so to speak. If the people that helped them out is family or close friends of the family....a touchy situation to

say the least......but irritating none-the-less, especially if help was offered and not asked for.

Beachbunny