Telling Family, Friends, Co-workers About Plans.

[asdsrfr]

I have been to Thailand three times over the last three years. Each time I get a more suspicious look from friends and co-workers as to what my motives are in going there. Let's face it, to alot of people, for a single male traveller to visit Thailand regularly implies he is going there for sex.

I actually do enjoy the people, food, and temples--as well as the nightlife.

This trip I am thinking about just telling people that I am going to Hong Kong or some other place without the reputation that Thailand has. Of course the downside of this is that I really don't like to lie to people--not to mention if I got sick or injured while over there.

I really shouldn't care so much what other people think, but I am sure that I am noit the only regular traveler there who has gotten those stares when heading off to the LOS.

Maybe I just "tink" too much.

How do you guys handle this issue?

[Ijustwannateach]

Well, I live here, so there aren't any issues about "visits." That said, a lot of people who only know the "bad" side of Thailand's rep. do have over-vivid imaginations- which usually reflects more on *them* and what *they* would do here. One of my friends sometimes jokes with me that he'd like me to get away from the poolside and the houseboys to write him email more frequently- of course he's well aware that I have a bedsit, a fairly hard job and only date one guy at a time.

As long as you're not really up to anything dodgy, why worry? Show your friends vacation pics of your trip.

One thing that can cause trouble sometimes is if you're dating younger guys they can look (by Western visual guessing) TOO young. I had a friend once who got harrassed returning to Australia because he had a formal picture of his bf at the time (a 21 yo) in his wallet- the immigration spooks were implying the guy was obviously underage! If you have friends like that, guess you have to either educate them or leave them in the dark. Just remember, it's *their* guilty conscience and envy speaking.

"Steven"

[Ijustwannateach]

Oh, and I'm assuming they already know you're gay- one good point about coming to Thailand that it's hard for straights to understand is the lack of homophobia. Give them a bit of a culture shock- tell them that it's more accepted in Thailand for people of the same sex to be seen publicly holding hands (as friends) than for people of the opposite sex (under any circumstances!) and that 4-5 guys will stay together sleeping on one mat in a room and nobody thinks they're gay [and that they aren't]. Of course, Thai-farang couples get more attention, but the atmosphere here is still a lot better for us- not accepting necessarily, but not so homophobic as just about anywhere else.

The only homophobic comments I've heard so far in Thailand have been from non-Thais.

"Steven"

[ChrisP]

I'd like to bring this Topic to the top of the list for discussion again...

I've had similar "raised eyebrows" about my trips to LOS... Many people here still think it's a 24-hour party country.. and that the "sex industry" is everywhere.

Now when I tell them the bars and "Entertainment Areas" are strictly controlled and close at 1.00am.. (and they Govt wanted 12.00!).. their eyebrows go even higher!

But the US also HAS Las Vegas... 24hour party city with SEX (and legalized prostitution...!!), and they use the sexual content in ads to SELL the place..... You sure don't get raised eyebrows if you tell people you're going to Vegas for the weekend..! In fact the response is usually "Can I come too?!"

Btw, the US also has a VERY strong Puritan Streak going right now... ANYTHING that smacks of enjoying yourself AND sex is condemned by the Relgious Right maniacs. Even Las Vegas is becoming "sanitised sex"...

I also have a pic of my (beautiful) Thai bf in my wallet.. who is 21.. and, like most asian guys, sure looks younger.. I love him, and he loves me..

They don't "know" him at all... and have no right to judge just by appearances. I am still proud to show it to my friends here in the US.. in spite of what people might be thinking. I don't care. Their problem. I know I'm not doing anything wrong.

Cheers!

ChrisP

Edited January 23, 2005 by ChrisP

[Ijustwannateach]

^True words, Chris, and good on you- but the hysterical ageist homophobic anti-sex crowd are making things scary these days. "Thought crimes" in America are become more legally punishable. People confuse a simple age difference in adult partners, which should be none of their d*** business, with pedophilia, which is a specifically diagnosed psychological condition, distinguished yet again from underage sex, which is a legal proscription not entirely related to the psychological one, and all of these have nothing to do with prostitution, another legal proscription- but people will think the worst of you if they can (usually because of their own desires and demons). Ignorance is dangerous; what they don't know can hurt you.

A perfectly intelligent colleague was recently trying to convince me that one of our mutual colleagues was somehow warped or perverse because he was dating a 21 year old. I told him he needed to get out more.

"Steven"

[ChrisP]

I told him he needed to get out more

LOL....!

I bet that went down well.

ChrisP

[Ijustwannateach]

Yeah... I think the age difference was only about 15 years, too. Another colleague became visibly upset during the discussion because it became apparent *his* Thai wife was 20 years younger than him! Then the weirdo went off about how it was "different" when the younger partner was "that young," without ever specifying what it is about being 21 that prevents you from choosing your mates as you wish- kept hinting that the older man was being "exploitative"- which was a laugh because the younger guy and his family were far richer than the older guy. Obviously this fellow has some issues.

"Steven"

[ProThaiExpat]

When I was in my twenties, I had occasion to spend time on the issue of "what people think" and see how some people live such lives of confinement trying to please their neighbors and worrying all the time about what people think and acting accordingly.

When you really think about it and get your own ego out of the way, how long do you really think a passerby spends thinking about you and your companion and what your doing. Seconds? Change my life, mode of behaviour or who I associate with inorder to conform to what a unknown passerby might think for a second. Ridiculous, huh.

Sure we can extrapolate the example to make the consequences greater if the person who raises the eyebrow is the boss or a customer who can deny you worldly goods, but giving up youself to please others is a form of enslavement. Being a closet case for most of my life, I can attest to the harm it can do to your happiness and well being. Act appropriately for the occasion and to ###### with what people think!!! Not always easy to do, but quite liberating when accomplished.

[britmaveric]

Could tell them you are going to Cambodia instead? (that should solve your problem)

[ChrisP]

I decided a long time ago that I wouldn't date anyone who wasn't "Out" in every aspect of their life... Just too stressful.

Since then I've turned down a couple of VERY sexy Asian guys... but... !

(Sigh)

ChrisP

[asdsrfr]

I just returned from my trip and had a great time. I have decided that I could really care less what other people think--and I am quite comfortable with that.

A few days after my trip I ran into a psychologist friend that I had not seen for a few months. He looked terrible, and wasn't really making alot of sense to me when he talked. I finally asked him what was up and he told me that he had been diagnosed with advanced gastric cancer. He is in his 40's, as I am, and has always lived a healthy lifestyle.

I guess the impact of seeing him reenforced my view. If you are comfortable with yourself, and enjoying yourself between consenting adults then live life to the fullest. Forget what other people think!

[ChrisP]

I guess the impact of seeing him reenforced my view. If you are comfortable with yourself, and enjoying yourself between consenting adults then live life to the fullest. 

Yep.. That's why I'm moving there soon..! If I wait.. who knows what will happen.. and.. what am I waiting FOR..??

ChrisP