How To Get Approval From Family Of Thai Gf?

[farangnahrak]

I'm looking for *specific* suggestions to woo/impress her family, and to get their blessing.

Most of my gf's family and friends are against me for the below reasons . . . her family is wealthy upper class conservative . . . they all act kind and cordial around me, but my girl tells me what they say on the side . . .

examples:

"he looks poor, he won't be able to take care of you"

"he isn't a doctor or lawyer, so you'd end up living a life of poverty"

"he is 9 years younger, you're dating a child!"

Then it gets more complicated . . . she has an ex-husband . . . so her mom is freaking out that she'll lose face to her friends that her daughter could get married again. Her mom refuses to even meet me on the grounds of my age, that Im not a doctor, and she has an ex. The rest of her family was friends with her ex, so it makes everyone uncomfortable around me.

On the bright side, they said nothing negative about me being a farang, nor does it seem to bother them

I'm an engineer and run a successful company, definitely not poor . . . but I don't think Thais hold engineers in high regard - everyone, including the engineers here, tell me all Thai engineers are heavy drinkers.

I've already played the 'speak thai' card, so other than wearing a suit and tie everyday around her family, what else can I do to ease their worries?

ps - I've already done the 'just be myself' thing for the last 4 months, but to no prevail

[pumpuiman]

Impress them by dropping a hint sometime, that your happy you didn't pursue medicine or law as a career, because you would hate to have to live on such a meager salary.

It's all about "face" and yours ain't big enough. You've got to preen your feathers and puff up your chest, drop names, spend money like water and quietly brag about possessions. Of course you must be tactful so as not to seem boastful.

What's your gals advice?..certainly she would know best as to how to go about it.

[So1DoG]

Go and marry a girl from issan then you will look rich

Ps im sure its easy enough.

[HankChinasky]

I'm looking for *specific* suggestions to woo/impress her family, and to get their blessing.

Most of my gf's family and friends are against me for the below reasons . . . her family is wealthy upper class conservative . . . they all act kind and cordial around me, but my girl tells me what they say on the side . . .

examples:

"he looks poor, he won't be able to take care of you"

"he isn't a doctor or lawyer, so you'd end up living a life of poverty"

"he is 9 years younger, you're dating a child!"

Then it gets more complicated . . . she has an ex-husband . . . so her mom is freaking out that she'll lose face to her friends that her daughter could get married again. Her mom refuses to even meet me on the grounds of my age, that Im not a doctor, and she has an ex. The rest of her family was friends with her ex, so it makes everyone uncomfortable around me.

On the bright side, they said nothing negative about me being a farang, nor does it seem to bother them

I'm an engineer and run a successful company, definitely not poor . . . but I don't think Thais hold engineers in high regard - everyone, including the engineers here, tell me all Thai engineers are heavy drinkers.

I've already played the 'speak thai' card, so other than wearing a suit and tie everyday around her family, what else can I do to ease their worries?

ps - I've already done the 'just be myself' thing for the last 4 months, but to no prevail

I'm in the same situation ( except that my GF's family is not "wealthy upper class", but they are conservative)

First time I met them, I got caught by surprise by Thai whisky and ended up completely and incredibly drunk.

Made quite fool of myself, and since then they all hate and look down on me like I don't deserve to be with their daughter.

Tried a few times to repair that mistake, but no way they will change their mind about me.

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

[mrtoad]

Just be yourself, a relationship isn't about your girlfreinds Mum, Dad or friends, it's about the two of you. If you have a strong enough bond then it doesn't matter.

[mgjackson69]

Just be yourself, a relationship isn't about your girlfreinds Mum, Dad or friends, it's about the two of you. If you have a strong enough bond then it doesn't matter.

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

You might want to study Thai culture a bit before making such statements.

Edited December 9, 2008 by mgjackson69

[mmushr00m]

Bring gifts when you visit, things like fruits or dessert. (shows you are being respectful to them)

NO alcohol, they will think you are a drinker.

Bring up conversation about projects you are working on, ask for daddy's input.

Act totally totally jai dee. If they have pets, pretend to like the pets.

Also if the conversation ever comes up, follow their cue and turn your nose up at the unwashed, "unsophisticated" masses.

Oh say you play golf too. Seems every succesful or succesful appearing Thai plays golf.

Edited December 9, 2008 by mmushr00m

[britmaveric]

Buy her mum a 10bht gold chain and her dad a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue. (that ought to end any poor chatter)

[mrtoad]

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

I would suggest that you study Thai culture before making such statements.

How many times do you bend over and take it up the glitter?

Edited December 9, 2008 by mrtoad

[HankChinasky]

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

I would suggest that you study Thai culture before making such statements.

Thanks for your suggestion... And I would suggest that you don't generalize about every Thai people.

There is also some modern one's who are actually able to choose their partners even if the family doesn't agree.

If your wife or girlfriend breaks up with you because mom and dad are not happy, her love for you was probably not that strong.

[farangnahrak]

Impress them by dropping a hint sometime, that your happy you didn't pursue medicine or law as a career, because you would hate to have to live on such a meager salary.

It's all about "face" and yours ain't big enough. You've got to preen your feathers and puff up your chest, drop names, spend money like water and quietly brag about possessions. Of course you must be tactful so as not to seem boastful.

What's your gals advice?..certainly she would know best as to how to go about it.

Feels a bit dishonest, but might actually work. I'll give this a try, I have a few ideas. Thanks!

Go and marry a girl from issan then you will look rich

Half her family lives in Isaan, and yet her family is wealthy even at Bangkok standards . . . bad plan

On the bright side, I've already been assured her family will not request a dowry

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

Family means a lot to my girl, and therefore it means a lot to me. When her mom refused to see me, my girl cried for like a day.

[mrtoad]

Just be yourself, a relationship isn't about your girlfreinds Mum, Dad or friends, it's about the two of you. If you have a strong enough bond then it doesn't matter.

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

You might want to study Thai culture a bit before making such statements.

Thanks for your editing, but you are clearly out of touch.

How's your ass these days?

It's about give and take, not take and take.

Thankfully I don't need to study it, I've had plenty of years in Asia.

Edited December 9, 2008 by mrtoad

[britmaveric]

Have your gf arrange lunch at a restaurant for mum/her. Then she tells you where they will be and you make a surprise visit.

Edited December 9, 2008 by britmaveric

[HankChinasky]

Just be yourself, a relationship isn't about your girlfreinds Mum, Dad or friends, it's about the two of you. If you have a strong enough bond then it doesn't matter.

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

You might want to study Thai culture a bit before making such statements.

Thanks for your editing, but you are clearly out of touch.

How's your ass these days?

Probably pretty sore. I heard his stepfather has big needs...

[HankChinasky]

Family means a lot to my girl, and therefore it means a lot to me. When her mom refused to see me, my girl cried for like a day.

I understand and agree with you, but if you are nice to them, clean, polite, and do your best to fit in and adapt and that they still reject you, what can you do more?

Try to talk about different possibilities with your girlfriend see what you could improve or change, but that's pretty much it.

Why should you respect and bend over in front of peoples who look down and are prejudiced against you for no reason?

It's not because you are in Thailand that you have to accept everything.

[farangnahrak]

Also if the conversation ever comes up, follow their cue and turn your nose up at the unwashed, "unsophisticated" masses.

Oh say you play golf too. Seems every succesful or succesful appearing Thai plays golf.

lol so stereotypical yet so true

Have your gf arrange lunch at a restaurant for mum/her. Then she tells you where they will be and you make a surprise visit.

no can do . . . her mom is now retired out in the middle of no where in central thailand . . . i can't just be 'in the area'

i don't think it'd be a good idea anyway . . . (and her father passed away many years ago)

Western parents are soooo much more welcoming and friendly

as for some of the other posts . . . come on guys grow up a bit!

[Tod]

as for some of the other posts . . . come on guys grow up a bit!

I didn't meant to be insulting, but I've seen so many farangs in Thailand bowing down so much to step families and wives...

Things that they would never accept in their countries, are ok in Thailand.

In brief, do your best, be nice, but respect yourself, and don't give in all the bullshit they put you through.

[Aswin]

there's a charm school in bangkok, let me look them up for you. may be they have online courses.

[Martian]

There are certain Thai cultural aspects you cannot ignore in this situation but all the other crap...forget about "trying to win them over".

1. You must be sure your girl is in this for love of you above everything else (this doesn't mean she has to choose between you and the family, if it does come down to this, make sure it is her family putting her in the position and not you).

2. Always, always show the appropriate respect for her parents and family elders...no matter the situation.

3. If you can achieve the first two then accept no BS from anyone in their family. You must take a stand with your girl and the family, albeit in a respectful manner. I did this with regard to money receipts from the wedding and they learned very quickly not to try and push me over for money....never had a problem and they know that I respect the family, love their daughter and am a good honest man. If that isn't good enough for a family...then time to go fishing for another life mate....or get married and you and your wife live a life away from the rest of the family....the rest of the family will either come around or not...you'll be happy in either case (if your wife is honest about #1).

Good luck!

Martian

[Misplaced]

Also if the conversation ever comes up, follow their cue and turn your nose up at the unwashed, "unsophisticated" masses.

Oh say you play golf too. Seems every succesful or succesful appearing Thai plays golf.

lol so stereotypical yet so true

Have your gf arrange lunch at a restaurant for mum/her. Then she tells you where they will be and you make a surprise visit.

no can do . . . her mom is now retired out in the middle of no where in central thailand . . . i can't just be 'in the area'

i don't think it'd be a good idea anyway . . . (and her father passed away many years ago)

Western parents are soooo much more welcoming and friendly

as for some of the other posts . . . come on guys grow up a bit!

Her father is dead, her mom is far-away, so who exactly do you need to impress? who cares what her friends thinks anyway!

[sassienie]

Buy the mother a heap of gold and the father a merc for Christmas, train to be a Doctor for the next 8 years and ask your G/f to wait for you while you`re doing this.

If this fails, you can have my sister in law who after a couple of cans of beer, is anybodies.

[WilliamCave]

I'm looking for *specific* suggestions to woo/impress her family, and to get their blessing.

Most of my gf's family and friends are against me for the below reasons . . . her family is wealthy upper class conservative . . . they all act kind and cordial around me, but my girl tells me what they say on the side . . .

examples:

"he looks poor, he won't be able to take care of you"

"he isn't a doctor or lawyer, so you'd end up living a life of poverty"

"he is 9 years younger, you're dating a child!"

Then it gets more complicated . . . she has an ex-husband . . . so her mom is freaking out that she'll lose face to her friends that her daughter could get married again. Her mom refuses to even meet me on the grounds of my age, that Im not a doctor, and she has an ex. The rest of her family was friends with her ex, so it makes everyone uncomfortable around me.

On the bright side, they said nothing negative about me being a farang, nor does it seem to bother them

I'm an engineer and run a successful company, definitely not poor . . . but I don't think Thais hold engineers in high regard - everyone, including the engineers here, tell me all Thai engineers are heavy drinkers.

I've already played the 'speak thai' card, so other than wearing a suit and tie everyday around her family, what else can I do to ease their worries?

ps - I've already done the 'just be myself' thing for the last 4 months, but to no prevail

Hello Farang, Maybe you cold try a different aproach with out the money, gold etc approach,,,,My wifes family was a bit concerned about some of theses issues. My reply to them about theses things were. That they were not a big concern to me..The one thing I guaranted to them through a interpeter was that I would look after her mental, emotional and spritual well being and love her very much and would take care of these needs above all others first, This won my wifes family over very fast,because these things over come all other things espically the love part. After offering this the other things were not menchened again.And also even if not menchoned is the mia noi thing, on the side I talked to my brother in law about that and I stressed my dislike that part of thai culture and he told my mother in law about that. That really won my mother in law over, believe it or not it is always on the minds of thai women, she will understad believe me.

good luck and remembe showing love and concern for your wife will over come anything, with her family, because love can over come anything.

keep us updated

[dumball]

Very good post by William Cave , Marriage is an agreement between TWO people , THEY should discuss that which is most amicable for THEM , it is after all their lives that will become entwined . The most important aspect as far as i am concerned is COMPATAPILITY , both partners need to compromise and come to agreable terms somewhere in the middle , maye one has to give ground more than the other , but neither one should concede to the demands of the other . Marriage is the begining of the rest of your lives , if you cannot reach agreament now , you never will , parents need to be listened to of course , but only as guidelines , sort possible problems out now or the rest of your journey through life together could be "A hel_l of a match ".

[Heng]

Be yourself. If your level of success/accomplishment isn't enough for them, then you're probably not going to be able to act or fake your way through to getting their "approval."

[Chaimai]

If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

REALLY ?? I don't think so, this is Thailand and the family will always come ahead of the Falang.

[fredfromalaska]

knowing very little about thai culture....lol

it seems money was the first 2 issues on your list.

easy if you want to calm their fears. SHOW THEM THE MONEY! buy ma and pa a car, 2 in total.

you sound like u can afford. face for farang is solved by generousness!

[geriatrickid]

William Cave is right.

That being said this has fun written all over it;

"he is 9 years younger, you're dating a child!"

Then it gets more complicated . . . she has an ex-husband . . . so her mom is freaking out that she'll lose face to her friends that her daughter could get married again.

Her mom refuses to even meet me on the grounds of my age, that Im not a doctor, and she has an ex. The rest of her family was friends with her ex, so it makes everyone uncomfortable around me.

I'm an engineer and run a successful company, definitely not poor . . . but I don't think Thais hold engineers in high regard - everyone, including the engineers here, tell me all Thai engineers are heavy drinkers.

You're an engineer and you are wondering about the reputation for out of control drinking??? On any uni campus the place to find the folks passed out stewed to the gills is at any where engineering students are. I'm sorry, but in the science faculties, engineering students are synonymous with and we always tried to limit them at our events. If you want to upset the MIL you could point out that Dentists have the highest alcoholism rates of all professions and that physicians have disturbingly high rates of drug addiction and financial failure. In fact, more doctors as a whole blow cash on poor investment choices than other professional classes.

I don't get it though, her daughter is divorced and the mom is worried about the impact? Like hello?? The girl is damaged goods. How many men in Thailand are lined up to marry a divorcee? Guys that sleep around, and have earned the coveted title of manwhore, still have problems considering such a woman for marriage. The mother should be thrilled an educated man would take her daughter off to a potentially happy life. (Yea, yea I know, sexist comment, but men are hypocrites when it comes to divorce.)

They think you are a baby? Yowza. Do you shave yet? 9 years? Double yowza. This girl has hit paydirt especially if she is past 35. If mommy can't see that you are there for what's inside the girl, buy her a pre-arranged funeral and tell her that you hope she can use it as soon as possible. I don't know why people put up with inlaws and such. If they are unhappy, they don't have to visit.

[tmd5855]

You only get one chance to make a first impression (so they say)

You are fighting smoke and mirrors here owing to (Thai) face.

Trying your best to be accomodating actually loses you face since being accomodating can appear weak.

(Some Farangs say "Farangs have no face to lose" they are wrong we start off with none/zero)

You have got to appear indifferent (not too sure if that's the right word) in public to them whilst showing you have the ability to do what they believe you cannot do. (Make sense?)

You need to display all the subtle attributes a well to do/well off/rich guy. If you can do, they get face.

Any son of a well to do family, will expect any prospective bride to raise their son's and families face when they marry. In return the bride and family gain face also.

You have already admitted, mama is concerned she and family will lose the face they gained by your GF first marriage.

You have to be better than the ex.

All the best to you, hope it all works out in the end for both of you.

It will take time if your going to succeed without a mama daughter conflict

[fredfromalaska]

are there any undamaged thai girls around?

[Pierrot]

Find someone your in-laws respect to talk on your behalf. A lot of Thai conservative families are afraid by falangs, we have very bad reputation, meet the girl, get her pregnant and move back home.

An advise given to me, at the beginning don't meet the family alone, always with a group of friends that are appreciated by the family. They will get used to have you around, so you will be less a stranger when they learn the "good" news.

And never go again the family. Even if you win it will make your wife life miserable and then yours too. If you don't get along, allow your wife to have quality time with her family from time to time, they will be thankful of that and it will help a lot making you an "acceptable" choice.