Gays, Marriage & Buddhism

[phetaroi]

It is worth noting that the Buddha explicitly discouraged his followers — men and women, alike — from dwelling on their sexual identity (AN 7.48). Although in this particular sutta he was describing heterosexuals, the message clearly applies to everyone. (accesstoinsight.com)

One would hope that gays would lose their gayness on the road towards enlightenment. This clinging to sexual identity is most painful and self-wounding. When one sheds the bounds of one's sexual identity one is on the road to great freedom and happiness.

I found your answer very interesting, and it reminds me of a similar line of racial thinking.

There is a world of difference between thinking (for example), "I am a Black man" and "I am a man who happens to be Black." In the former, a person is identifying himself from a racial standpoint, while in the latter, a person is identifying himself as a man."

It seems to me that this would also work in terms of being gay or straight.

"I am a straight man" or "I am a gay man" seems to be saying that the person identifies himself by his sexuality.

On the other hand, saying "I am a man who happens to be straight" or "I am a man who happens to be gay" puts a different light on how one identifies himself (or of course herself) in the greater world.

I think it is more than semantics, although in a casual conversation it may differ than in a philosophical conversation.

One thing that was difficult for me to get used in Thailand at first were the statements some Thais would casually make to me in public. Any number of times I have had Thais say to me, "You are fat," or "You are bald." In America this would be seen as a criticism. I ultimately learned that in Thailand this was often just a conversation starter or a way for a Thai to show they could speak English. Almost always there was no positive or negative connotation to the comment...it was just a factual statement.