Omg! My Daughter Works In A Bar

[Mali1964]

I'll get back to some these posts later, real busy today on deck freezzzzzing outside.

Regards.

Must say i think you have balls posting this info on here but generally the response as been good except a few TITs,

Who say's TV members have no compassion hope its not just because of the time of year keep up the good work guys.

Happy new year to all.

[Maigo6]

1. let her get on with her life?

2,Take her to live with me?

3.Talk her out of it?

4.Accept things as they are?

5. Start a thread on an anonymous internet forum which will lead to the usual slagging off of Thai women ?

[Maigo6]

Must say i think you have balls posting this info on here

Why ?

Nobody has a clue who you are, you could never have been to Thailand before and claim to have lived in Thailand for 10 years, we are just names on an anonymous internet forum, I wouldn't take too much notice of it actually.

Do you honestly believe that every poster here tells the truth ?

Many of the Thai bashers must surely be making stories up, cos they're so unhappy yet still they remain in Thailand, if you can answer why they do that, I will applaud you, cos for the life of me , I can't understand it.

If I go into a pub and the beer and the atmosphere is crap, what do I do ? I leave that pub and go somewhere else. !!

Many of the Thai bashers here act like they have been given a life sentence to remain in Thailand against their will with no possibility of parole.

[Insight]

To the OP - Top two reasons women choose to work in bars (IMHO of course):

1. Unplanned teenage pregnancies.

2. Coerced by greedy parents with moral bypasses.

It's not always (in fact hardly) poverty driven with limited options.

Sorry!

Lol. Not all bars involve old men calling out the numbers of girls. There are tons of bars that you would probably not dare enter where drinks cost 300 baht each and the waitresses are knock outs who only go with guys with 5 million baht rides and make 60k a month in tips ---- not saying taht this is OP's daughter cause but the point is that NO, not every bar is like the shit hole you visit in nana plaza

I'll presume by "you" you mean the forum audience in general there and not just me specifically, just like I make an assumption on the type of bar the OP's daughter is probably working.

Please correct me if I'm wrong

[Mali1964]

Must say i think you have balls posting this info on here

Why ?

Nobody has a clue who you are, you could never have been to Thailand before and claim to have lived in Thailand for 10 years, we are just names on an anonymous internet forum, I wouldn't take too much notice of it actually.

Do you honestly believe that every poster here tells the truth ?

Many of the Thai bashers must surely be making stories up, cos they're so unhappy yet still they remain in Thailand, if you can answer why they do that, I will applaud you, cos for the life of me , I can't understand it.

If I go into a pub and the beer and the atmosphere is crap, what do I do ? I leave that pub and go somewhere else. !!

Many of the Thai bashers here act like they have been given a life sentence to remain in Thailand against their will with no possibility of parole.

Some are aware who i am & i have no problem with that as i listern & help if i can, unlike many of your replys which always seem to antaganize a topic i was only thinking a few hours ago were you was on this subject, not like you to mis out on your negative two penny's worth.

[baht&sold]

When first reading the topic title, I was cringing at the potential responses. However, apart from a few usuals, most have offered some refreshing and heart-felt advice (thankfully). The OP sounds like a good guy imho and deserves some thoughtful responses (sounds busy at work too in between biting nails over his daughters situation, can't be easy so give him a break guys).

ALL girls working in bars are someone's daughter of course and if this were ever contemplated by punters, 'maybe' some attitudes would change (ie: what if it were YOUR daughter the guy next to you was fondling?).

So, what (if anything) to do for the OP.

As a teen, got my butt sent to Outward Bound for an attitude correction by my folks. This was summerschool, a kind of boot-camp combined with climbing, camping, canoeing etc. Did a world of good, loved it, opened my eyes and caused me to shun some of the crowd I was starting to hang with the previous school year.

Not suggesting your daughter is about to join such a boot-camp to give her a jolt (there's one in Sarawak tho;) but going back to live in Isaan is probably a non-starter for her. Maybe try and find what interests her, like sailing courses if she lives by the sea, computer classes if that interests her or anything that gets her more time out of the bar and opens her mind to other possibilities. You might also decide to find a rented place in her town (not to hound her or spy but to be near). Pick a fight with her mom on another day - now's not the time and as your daughter is under her presence, it would just drive a wedge between them and you. Try to be supportive (not of the bar job but in attitude) be non-confrontational, show her you care, no matter what.

Ultimately (like all teens) she's going to do some things you won't like but maybe it's not as bad as you suspect and no matter what always keep the door open. If you handle this with care, one day, she'll walk clear through that door and say 'thanks Dad'.

Hang in there, it'll probably get bumpy for a while but handled right, better days will be ahead.

[typhoon]

Btw its comical that all the middle aged balding fat farang want to know her name and location so they can go and pick her up.

Keep dreaming, you almost never see an attractive young Thai girl with any of you, let alone a luk krung.

Odd - I think we have all seen absolute stunners with middle aged balding fat farang, so your theory is false.

Back to the op - I think working in a thai place is far worse situation than a farang place.

It is a thai place and I think you are right.

[typhoon]

When first reading the topic title, I was cringing at the potential responses. However, apart from a few usuals, most have offered some refreshing and heart-felt advice (thankfully). The OP sounds like a good guy imho and deserves some thoughtful responses (sounds busy at work too in between biting nails over his daughters situation, can't be easy so give him a break guys).

ALL girls working in bars are someone's daughter of course and if this were ever contemplated by punters, 'maybe' some attitudes would change (ie: what if it were YOUR daughter the guy next to you was fondling?).

So, what (if anything) to do for the OP.

As a teen, got my butt sent to Outward Bound for an attitude correction by my folks. This was summerschool, a kind of boot-camp combined with climbing, camping, canoeing etc. Did a world of good, loved it, opened my eyes and caused me to shun some of the crowd I was starting to hang with the previous school year.

Not suggesting your daughter is about to join such a boot-camp to give her a jolt (there's one in Sarawak tho;) but going back to live in Isaan is probably a non-starter for her. Maybe try and find what interests her, like sailing courses if she lives by the sea, computer classes if that interests her or anything that gets her more time out of the bar and opens her mind to other possibilities. You might also decide to find a rented place in her town (not to hound her or spy but to be near). Pick a fight with her mom on another day - now's not the time and as your daughter is under her presence, it would just drive a wedge between them and you. Try to be supportive (not of the bar job but in attitude) be non-confrontational, show her you care, no matter what.

Ultimately (like all teens) she's going to do some things you won't like but maybe it's not as bad as you suspect and no matter what always keep the door open. If you handle this with care, one day, she'll walk clear through that door and say 'thanks Dad'.

Hang in there, it'll probably get bumpy for a while but handled right, better days will be ahead.

Thank you baht&sold a well thought out and sensible reply. I will update members in a few months,as to how things go.

[baht&sold]

I will update members in a few months,as to how things go.

Cheers Typhoon and methinks it best you PM a mod and ask for this topic to be closed until then before the rest of the 'usual suspects' pounce and curl your hair.

Better days ahead and ignore the 'twisters'. Best wishes

[Maigo6]

i was only thinking a few hours ago were you was on this subject, not like you to mis out on your negative two penny's worth.

Jeez, is you life that uneventful ?

[Miserere]

She's 18, she'll do whatever she wants until a better opportunity presents itself.

Working in a bar doesn't necessarily mean that she is renting out her body. You need to trust your daughter, your suspicions may be unfounded.

Yeah maybe she just do washing up and sweep up after, she's a big girl now, maybe she is still recieving private education and this is a part time job for her?...she's a big girl now and old enough to make her own decisions.

[torrenova]

To the OP - Top two reasons women choose to work in bars (IMHO of course):

1. Unplanned teenage pregnancies.

2. Coerced by greedy parents with moral bypasses.

It's not always (in fact hardly) poverty driven with limited options.

Sorry!

I think these are the reasons most customer would like to believe but after employing thousands of girls over the years, they are nowhere near the real reasons for the majority.

1. Laziness. It is easy money as opposed to 6 x 10 hour shifts in the chicken factory for Bt4000 a month.

2. Materialistic desires - this is wrapped in No. 1 as they are not prepared to better themselves or work hard to save and buy what they want. They want it now. They want mobile phones that can do 1000 things even though they will only ever use 3 functions. I will agree that many have limited opportunities.

3. To get away from the village life and experience the bright lights of the big city - this is the main reason they cannot go back to the village. This also encompasses the desire for their own money which is often taken from them by the parents (though talked about as giving) leaving them with next to nothing for their labour.

4. They do not want to be like their parents or particularly their mother - meaning a baby machine with a drunkard, cheating, wife beating husband who then abandons her.

5. They are young. Village life is for old people. They want the life they see on the TV with cars, mobile phones, clothes, etc. and nightlife !!!

You can throw a few more in but the pregnancy thing is not the real reason. Many do have kids I agree but there are also thousands in the scene who do not. That argument falters at that point.

The parental thing does exist but again it falls by the wayside when you know that irrespective of how much the girls earn in a month, very very few send back more than they could have contributed from a local paying job. For most it is a couple of thousand. Most girls have no idea of how much money they have gone through during the month or where it has gone.

I agree that it is not poverty with limited options though a bright girl who sees or hears about a large house being built for a girl who went to Pattaya to work as a "waitress" is often an overpowering motive.

[MSingh]

falang punters dont appreciate white skin half breed beauty - i wouldn't worry too much if it is a falang bar

on the other hand if it is frequented by thais, japs or chins then you should worry

This statement has left me absolutely speechless.

That's not the only one thta's left me speechless..

All of the " Working in a Bar isn't necessarily a bad thing " etc comments on Page 1 can only i assume, be written by people who are not Fathers/Mothers to Daughters..

[Livinginexile]

I can't understand how a father could leave his daughter in Thailand with a mother who oviously doesn't give a shit about her in the first place?

How could you do that?

[typhoon]

I can't understand how a father could leave his daughter in Thailand with a mother who oviously doesn't give a shit about her in the first place?

How could you do that?

If you read back you will see that I have said that I work at sea often away for months on end. I do not have a house in the uk, finish work fly out.

Many times I have asked her to come and stay at my home in essan, always says no so far.

She grew up where she is now and has her large extended family in the area.

What do you want me to do?? kidnap her and force to the uk??

[Livinginexile]

I can't understand how a father could leave his daughter in Thailand with a mother who oviously doesn't give a shit about her in the first place?

How could you do that?

If you read back you will see that I have said that I work at sea often away for months on end. I do not have a house in the uk, finish work fly out.

Many times I have asked her to come and stay at my home in essan, always says no so far.

She grew up where she is now and has her large extended family in the area.

What do you want me to do?? kidnap her and force to the uk??

So what are you saying?

Everything in YOUR life was far more important than anything HER life?

You ask what you should have done? I can only tell you what I would have done.

She would have come first from day 1!

I would have done everything in my power to get her as far away from that enviroment as possible.

Anything and all in my life would have been put on hold untill I had her sorted.

...'Do you want me to go on? I could give you dozens more things I would have done for her.

It's probably far too late for you to do anything now, the damage is allready done.

No wonder she treats you like a punter, because thats all you have ever been to her.

And what's just as sad is that you think you have done nothing wrong! Unbelievable.

I feel truely sorry for her.

[Martian]

A father's job is to be there to pick up the pieces when everything falls apart. Everything else is the mother's domain.

Sad but reality and not most fathers' choice.

Martian

Edited January 1, 2009 by Martian

[torrenova]

I can't understand how a father could leave his daughter in Thailand with a mother who oviously doesn't give a shit about her in the first place?

How could you do that?

If you read back you will see that I have said that I work at sea often away for months on end. I do not have a house in the uk, finish work fly out.

Many times I have asked her to come and stay at my home in essan, always says no so far.

She grew up where she is now and has her large extended family in the area.

What do you want me to do?? kidnap her and force to the uk??

So what are you saying?

Everything in YOUR life was far more important than anything HER life?

You ask what you should have done? I can only tell you what I would have done.

She would have come first from day 1!

I would have done everything in my power to get her as far away from that enviroment as possible.

Anything and all in my life would have been put on hold untill I had her sorted.

...'Do you want me to go on? I could give you dozens more things I would have done for her.

It's probably far too late for you to do anything now, the damage is allready done.

No wonder she treats you like a punter, because thats all you have ever been to her.

And what's just as sad is that you think you have done nothing wrong! Unbelievable.

I feel truely sorry for her.

I think you are being quite unfair to the OP and by the tone of your post I'm going to hazard a guess that you haven't been through bringing up a half Thai child, having a job (and yes, people do need to bloody well eat) which took you away for periods of time and perhaps you don't even have any kids of your own.

I will admit that I don't quite get what has happened over the last 20 years or so between the OP, his wife (can't remember if married or not) and his kids. Sure as hel_l my missus would not be operating a Thai knocking shop whilst bringing up my kids even if I was around 24/7 nevermind if I was away at work. I also feel that the OP is very much 2nd place in a two horse race between his missus and himself and perhaps downright naive but nowhere do I get the impression that he's ran his life for him and bugger the missus and kids.

I've a kid in Thailand and it is often a bloody nightmare what with the mother, family and friends and trying to balance things and no, I won't end up where he is later in life because I won't let things develop like that but he is there and bashing his head with your holier than thou crap is not going to help is it ?

The poor guy doesn't need to be told he is a punter and his daughter a whore. Bloody easy to say you would have done things differently, I guess the OP wishes he had too, but perhaps, just perhaps, he did the best with what was available at the time. Easy to say what you would have done, the fact is that you have never hd to do it.

[typhoon]

I can't understand how a father could leave his daughter in Thailand with a mother who oviously doesn't give a shit about her in the first place?

How could you do that?

If you read back you will see that I have said that I work at sea often away for months on end. I do not have a house in the uk, finish work fly out.

Many times I have asked her to come and stay at my home in essan, always says no so far.

She grew up where she is now and has her large extended family in the area.

What do you want me to do?? kidnap her and force to the uk??

So what are you saying?

Everything in YOUR life was far more important than anything HER life?

You ask what you should have done? I can only tell you what I would have done.

She would have come first from day 1!

I would have done everything in my power to get her as far away from that enviroment as possible.

Anything and all in my life would have been put on hold untill I had her sorted.

...'Do you want me to go on? I could give you dozens more things I would have done for her.

It's probably far too late for you to do anything now, the damage is allready done.

No wonder she treats you like a punter, because thats all you have ever been to her.

And what's just as sad is that you think you have done nothing wrong! Unbelievable.

I feel truely sorry for her.

I think you are being quite unfair to the OP and by the tone of your post I'm going to hazard a guess that you haven't been through bringing up a half Thai child, having a job (and yes, people do need to bloody well eat) which took you away for periods of time and perhaps you don't even have any kids of your own.

I will admit that I don't quite get what has happened over the last 20 years or so between the OP, his wife (can't remember if married or not) and his kids. Sure as hel_l my missus would not be operating a Thai knocking shop whilst bringing up my kids even if I was around 24/7 nevermind if I was away at work. I also feel that the OP is very much 2nd place in a two horse race between his missus and himself and perhaps downright naive but nowhere do I get the impression that he's ran his life for him and bugger the missus and kids.

I've a kid in Thailand and it is often a bloody nightmare what with the mother, family and friends and trying to balance things and no, I won't end up where he is later in life because I won't let things develop like that but he is there and bashing his head with your holier than thou crap is not going to help is it ?

The poor guy doesn't need to be told he is a punter and his daughter a whore. Bloody easy to say you would have done things differently, I guess the OP wishes he had too, but perhaps, just perhaps, he did the best with what was available at the time. Easy to say what you would have done, the fact is that you have never hd to do it.

Things don't always work out as you intend,we want the best for our kids. Me and the ex split 7 years ago trying to do the right thing has not been easy being away so much taking on the ex ment taking on the whole extented family! I felt livininexile was a bit harsh, but he's entitiled to his opinion it's not a perfect world is it???

[Maigo6]

it's not a perfect world is it???

These simple words say it all.....

[MrHammer]

falang punters dont appreciate white skin half breed beauty - i wouldn't worry too much if it is a falang bar

on the other hand if it is frequented by thais, japs or chins then you should worry

I have met before the daughter of bars from upstairs before and they were quick to talk and take drinks, but not so quick to go home. hope that makes you feel better.

I appreaciate white skin half breed beauty very much thank you

[MrHammer]

To the OP - Top two reasons women choose to work in bars (IMHO of course):

1. Unplanned teenage pregnancies.

2. Coerced by greedy parents with moral bypasses.

It's not always (in fact hardly) poverty driven with limited options.

Sorry!

I think these are the reasons most customer would like to believe but after employing thousands of girls over the years, they are nowhere near the real reasons for the majority.

1. Laziness. It is easy money as opposed to 6 x 10 hour shifts in the chicken factory for Bt4000 a month.

2. Materialistic desires - this is wrapped in No. 1 as they are not prepared to better themselves or work hard to save and buy what they want. They want it now. They want mobile phones that can do 1000 things even though they will only ever use 3 functions. I will agree that many have limited opportunities.

3. To get away from the village life and experience the bright lights of the big city - this is the main reason they cannot go back to the village. This also encompasses the desire for their own money which is often taken from them by the parents (though talked about as giving) leaving them with next to nothing for their labour.

4. They do not want to be like their parents or particularly their mother - meaning a baby machine with a drunkard, cheating, wife beating husband who then abandons her.

5. They are young. Village life is for old people. They want the life they see on the TV with cars, mobile phones, clothes, etc. and nightlife !!!

You can throw a few more in but the pregnancy thing is not the real reason. Many do have kids I agree but there are also thousands in the scene who do not. That argument falters at that point.

The parental thing does exist but again it falls by the wayside when you know that irrespective of how much the girls earn in a month, very very few send back more than they could have contributed from a local paying job. For most it is a couple of thousand. Most girls have no idea of how much money they have gone through during the month or where it has gone.

I agree that it is not poverty with limited options though a bright girl who sees or hears about a large house being built for a girl who went to Pattaya to work as a "waitress" is often an overpowering motive.

They want a 'better' life like everybody else, which in Thailand often means more money.

[Insight]

To the OP - Top two reasons women choose to work in bars (IMHO of course):

1. Unplanned teenage pregnancies.

2. Coerced by greedy parents with moral bypasses.

It's not always (in fact hardly) poverty driven with limited options.

Sorry!

I think these are the reasons most customer would like to believe but after employing thousands of girls over the years, they are nowhere near the real reasons for the majority.

1. Laziness. It is easy money as opposed to 6 x 10 hour shifts in the chicken factory for Bt4000 a month.

2. Materialistic desires - this is wrapped in No. 1 as they are not prepared to better themselves or work hard to save and buy what they want. They want it now. They want mobile phones that can do 1000 things even though they will only ever use 3 functions. I will agree that many have limited opportunities.

3. To get away from the village life and experience the bright lights of the big city - this is the main reason they cannot go back to the village. This also encompasses the desire for their own money which is often taken from them by the parents (though talked about as giving) leaving them with next to nothing for their labour.

4. They do not want to be like their parents or particularly their mother - meaning a baby machine with a drunkard, cheating, wife beating husband who then abandons her.

5. They are young. Village life is for old people. They want the life they see on the TV with cars, mobile phones, clothes, etc. and nightlife !!!

You can throw a few more in but the pregnancy thing is not the real reason. Many do have kids I agree but there are also thousands in the scene who do not. That argument falters at that point.

The parental thing does exist but again it falls by the wayside when you know that irrespective of how much the girls earn in a month, very very few send back more than they could have contributed from a local paying job. For most it is a couple of thousand. Most girls have no idea of how much money they have gone through during the month or where it has gone.

I agree that it is not poverty with limited options though a bright girl who sees or hears about a large house being built for a girl who went to Pattaya to work as a "waitress" is often an overpowering motive.

Thanks for a far more reasonable re-buck of my post. My opinion is based on the fact that - again, in my experience - a lot of girls working in bars have been "encouraged" by their folks into finding a foreign partner. This might not translate directly into bar work, but when somebody new from the countryside has been tasked with this, the most obvious route which will initially present itself is...

Another fact which I feel backs this up slightly is the often ridiculous amounts asked by the parents often requested by parents of bar girls reported by those brave enough when the dreaded dowry issue arises.

[Huey]

falang punters dont appreciate white skin half breed beauty - i wouldn't worry too much if it is a falang bar

on the other hand if it is frequented by thais, japs or chins then you should worry

I have met before the daughter of bars from upstairs before and they were quick to talk and take drinks, but not so quick to go home. hope that makes you feel better.

I appreaciate white skin half breed beauty very much thank you

As do the vast majority of African and Arab punters that come here as well, you hardly ever see them with the skinny tanned waifs that white punters seem to prefer.

[DP25]

As do the vast majority of African and Arab punters that come here as well, you hardly ever see them with the skinny tanned waifs that white punters seem to prefer.

Yeah, you normally see them with fat Russians.

[BigSnake]

Let her get on with her life. Offer all the assistance and support you can, keep in mind you can only help if she is will to accept your help.