I Love My Thai Wife, But

[HorseDoctor]

Like the topic says...I love my Thai wife. We've only been married a year. She is young, beautiful, fun to be around, and I think she loves me too. There is only one thing wrong. I miss Pattaya too much. I miss the beaches, warm weather, bar hopping, flirting with the bar girls, looking at all the beautiful Thai girls, getting drunk, and I must say, the feeling of power I get knowing I'm a rich falang (actually, I'm just your average American, but in Pattaya I feel like a superstar). My wife doesn't want me to go because she thinks I will cheat on her and she knows how drunk I get when I'm in Pattaya. I've assured her I will never cheat on her, I just want to go to have fun. Of course, I can go if I want, but it will hurt her feelings. I don't want to hurt her, but I'd like to go again someday. What's a guy to do?

As you love the feeling of power - at such a low level - then you have a classic narcissistic personality. In other words a personality marked by self love and absorbtion; unrealistic views about your own qualities and little regard for others

Yeah! This describes a large majority of foreign men in Thailand as isn't that the appeal of Thai women, " Up to you, Up to you .." and then clean house for them !

Mmmmm... Actually this is pretty much men all over !!

[samuibeachcomber]

dear horse doctor i'm glad you love us so much.

[boarbaboon]

In my humbling experience, I've found that Thai women actually expect their man to cheat of them....no matter how long or strong their relationship After all, this is the land of the mia noi--if you are rich enough to afford a GF in this country, then many Thai men willingly flaunt their wealth and status...the little lady at home doesn't like it one bit, but that's the culture they were born into and they silently suffer for it.

I was in BKK several years ago with my soon-to-be wife. She went shopping with her GF and I remained in the hotel room, ill with a terrible series of migraines that later turned out to be caused by partially collapsed cervical vertebra. When they returned, there was knocking at the door, as my fiance didn't take the only passkey issued to us. I was sleeping and took time to open the door and let them in. Just before doing so, I heard my fiance's GF remark in Thai..."he probably has a woman in the room with him, maybe we go somewhere else". When I opened the door, there stood the two ladies a bit dumbfounded and I hope a bit ashamed for automatically thinking the worst of me. Two weeks after I returned to the States, I underwent a spinal fusion operation and the headaches subsided. Over the years, I have often heard my wife tell me "go ahead...have a mia noi...it's up to you!"...usually followed by a comment that after that I will lose everything we own together in Thailand after she kicks me out. It is always said nowadays in jest, but there is always an underlying expectation that a husband will eventually cheat. Her invitation to me is nothing more than a test. Flunk it and you go back to rock bottom. What the Thai wife fears for and absolutely does not want is anybody to know about it and cause her to lose face. In our case, we have remained true to each other in 11 yers of marriage and several years of courtship prior to that. Before I met my wife, I was a galavanting playboy, living it up high on expense accounts and enjoying everything that the LOS had to offer. But I honestly haven't ever looked twice at another woman since I met my wife in 1994...she is quite a beauty of course...and it took me another 5 years or so to appreciate that her true beauty was inside and unseen. Are you on this same road of growth as a couple...or just marking time?

So where does this leave the OP? I believe that when a man commits to a woman to have a monogamous relationship...in or out of wedlock...that is precisely what you bargained for and you must live up to your end of the bargain. Sure, go out on boys nights and look at the cute menu laid out before you...look, appreciate, but don't taste! If you succumb to another woman's charms, you will have begun unraveling everything you have worked to create with your lady and the process once started is irreversable. Your will have violated that precious thing we call trust and nothing is more difficult to win it back. Men sometimes think they are capable of living some kind of dual lifestyle--shutting a door behind them in their main life and opening another one in their chosen fantasy land. You are only corrupting yourself and believe me, a woman has a sixth sense for BS and can smell a cheat a mile away. Endeth the epistle

Don't do it!

I think what you say is true. Thai women have an expectation that all men will cheat. particularly given their knowledge and experience with Thai men. However, I find the wome are just as likely to engage in the same behavior, if not more so. It is much easier for them to get away with it, if their partner is a foreigner and even easier if he is not living in Thailand with her 24/7.

I agree particily with both the above statements but is it really only Thai men which are the root cause of this paranoia? I mean think of the percentage of 'farang' men that come over here just for one thing 80% 90%? No wonder she doesn't trust him when all the the 'farang" men only come here to get drunk and to sleep with as many girls as they can. Its a two way thing as he probaly thinks the same about her as alot of thai girls have a bad reputation too.

Which leaves me to think that some of the comments before saying "If she doesnt trust you, she doesnt love you" are a bit hasty as i think she probaly loves him very much, and he should be more concered if she just said fine go to pattaya.

Really i think she just doesnt want the same thing happening to her, as what all her friends talk about and what is shown on thai tv soap opreas.

[Michaelaway]

She obviously doesnt trust you - and she has, it seems, good reason - therefore she doesn't truly love you.

Read up on philosphy and you will understand that love without trust can not truly exist - FACT

Sorry, I can't agree with this at all, although you seem very self-assured so I'll respect your opinion... But, I believe you're confusing insecurity with mistrust. What's more, as a Thai woman with a farang partner, she has every right, historically, to be concerned; Pattaya is just that kind of (extreme) place.

On the other hand, I took your suggestion and went to philosophy-fact.com/pattayaqueries/, and (therefore) you must be right: "love without trust can not truly exist -" Right there in black & white! Yeeeaaahh, it was right under: "love means never having to say you're whorey..." "love is a many gendered thing..." "love the ones you're with..." and "love me, love my dog..." (Only joking, dude- lighten up!)

[tropo]

Interesting. So I should perhaps walk around with a sign

In Pattaya, a farang male appearance is in itself a large sign--normally. But your ignorance of that fact suggests a severe case of appearance impairment on your part. So here's what you can do, tropo: just pin a B1000 note prominently on the front of your shirt. It will be sufficient to attract more offers than you could possibly accept.

Even this considered, however, the normally friendly ladies do tend to back off if the farang male has an obviously "nice" Thai girl already in tow--for obvious reasons. So you all sit down together, have a nice chat & drinks, and clear up all the misconceptions.

You've taken the whole topic out of context just so you could flame me. Why don't you pin a sign to your shirt "I'm a fool".

[Lix]

In my humbling experience, I've found that Thai women actually expect their man to cheat of them....no matter how long or strong their relationship After all, this is the land of the mia noi--if you are rich enough to afford a GF in this country, then many Thai men willingly flaunt their wealth and status...the little lady at home doesn't like it one bit, but that's the culture they were born into and they silently suffer for it.

I was in BKK several years ago with my soon-to-be wife. She went shopping with her GF and I remained in the hotel room, ill with a terrible series of migraines that later turned out to be caused by partially collapsed cervical vertebra. When they returned, there was knocking at the door, as my fiance didn't take the only passkey issued to us. I was sleeping and took time to open the door and let them in. Just before doing so, I heard my fiance's GF remark in Thai..."he probably has a woman in the room with him, maybe we go somewhere else". When I opened the door, there stood the two ladies a bit dumbfounded and I hope a bit ashamed for automatically thinking the worst of me. Two weeks after I returned to the States, I underwent a spinal fusion operation and the headaches subsided. Over the years, I have often heard my wife tell me "go ahead...have a mia noi...it's up to you!"...usually followed by a comment that after that I will lose everything we own together in Thailand after she kicks me out. It is always said nowadays in jest, but there is always an underlying expectation that a husband will eventually cheat. Her invitation to me is nothing more than a test. Flunk it and you go back to rock bottom. What the Thai wife fears for and absolutely does not want is anybody to know about it and cause her to lose face. In our case, we have remained true to each other in 11 yers of marriage and several years of courtship prior to that. Before I met my wife, I was a galavanting playboy, living it up high on expense accounts and enjoying everything that the LOS had to offer. But I honestly haven't ever looked twice at another woman since I met my wife in 1994...she is quite a beauty of course...and it took me another 5 years or so to appreciate that her true beauty was inside and unseen. Are you on this same road of growth as a couple...or just marking time?

So where does this leave the OP? I believe that when a man commits to a woman to have a monogamous relationship...in or out of wedlock...that is precisely what you bargained for and you must live up to your end of the bargain. Sure, go out on boys nights and look at the cute menu laid out before you...look, appreciate, but don't taste! If you succumb to another woman's charms, you will have begun unraveling everything you have worked to create with your lady and the process once started is irreversable. Your will have violated that precious thing we call trust and nothing is more difficult to win it back. Men sometimes think they are capable of living some kind of dual lifestyle--shutting a door behind them in their main life and opening another one in their chosen fantasy land. You are only corrupting yourself and believe me, a woman has a sixth sense for BS and can smell a cheat a mile away. Endeth the epistle

Don't do it!

hat off to this post.........

[Michaelaway]

She obviously doesnt trust you - and she has, it seems, good reason - therefore she doesn't truly love you.

Read up on philosphy and you will understand that love without trust can not truly exist - FACT

Sorry, I can't agree with this at all, although you seem very self-assured so I'll respect your opinion... But, I believe you're confusing insecurity with mistrust. What's more, as a Thai woman with a farang partner, she has every right, historically, to be concerned; Pattaya is just that kind of (extreme) place.

On the other hand, I took your suggestion and went to philosophy-fact.com/pattayaqueries/, and (therefore) you must be right: "love without trust can not truly exist -" Right there in black & white! Yeeeaaahh, it was right under: "love means never having to say you're whorey..." "love is a many gendered thing..." "love the ones you're with..." and "love me, love my dog..." (Only joking, dude- lighten up!)

So where does this leave the OP? I believe that when a man commits to a woman to have a monogamous relationship...in or out of wedlock...that is precisely what you bargained for and you must live up to your end of the bargain. Sure, go out on boys nights and look at the cute menu laid out before you...look, appreciate, but don't taste! If you succumb to another woman's charms, you will have begun unraveling everything you have worked to create with your lady and the process once started is irreversable. Your will have violated that precious thing we call trust and nothing is more difficult to win it back. Men sometimes think they are capable of living some kind of dual lifestyle--shutting a door behind them in their main life and opening another one in their chosen fantasy land. You are only corrupting yourself and believe me, a woman has a sixth sense for BS and can smell a cheat a mile away------------

_{^{---------WHOA! THAT'S RIGHT!! WELL SAID, MAN!!! I AGREE!!!!!--------}}

[jdinasia]

Like the topic says...I love my Thai wife. We've only been married a year. She is young, beautiful, fun to be around, and I think she loves me too. There is only one thing wrong. I miss Pattaya too much. I miss the beaches, warm weather, bar hopping, flirting with the bar girls, looking at all the beautiful Thai girls, getting drunk, and I must say, the feeling of power I get knowing I'm a rich falang (actually, I'm just your average American, but in Pattaya I feel like a superstar). My wife doesn't want me to go because she thinks I will cheat on her and she knows how drunk I get when I'm in Pattaya. I've assured her I will never cheat on her, I just want to go to have fun. Of course, I can go if I want, but it will hurt her feelings. I don't want to hurt her, but I'd like to go again someday. What's a guy to do?

As you love the feeling of power - at such a low level - then you have a classic narcissistic personality. In other words a personality marked by self love and absorbtion; unrealistic views about your own qualities and little regard for others

Wow!

A philosopher that speaks in absolutes AND a shrink! Is there anything that misterman21 cannot do?

Edited February 9, 2009 by jdinasia

[KamalaLove]

I love my Thai wife.

I think she loves me too.

I send her mom 6000 baht/month and I've spent $2500 on land.

Well if you want her to really love you, you need to send more money than that.

Seriously though, take her to Pattaya with you, try and be a bit more up-market though, i'm sure she doesn't want to get dragged into a short time bar, hit Polo and Club Boesche, then go and by her some sexy riding gear on Soi Buakhow..

Soon enough she'll be begging you to take her back to Sin City.

[tropo]

I send her mom 6000 baht/month and I've spent $2500 on land.

Well if you want her to really love you, you need to send more money than that.

Yeah, he's definitely not over generous, but maybe that's his way of finding out if his wife really loves him.

[Cuban]

The fact that the OP needs to remember is that Pattaya bars and other places of 'entertainment' runs almost entirely on non-Chon Buri based staff, all the girls and boys come from other parts of the country. If you have been to Pattaya even for a few times you will now people remember your name and face. Playing around without someone that knows your wife will be difficult. The network of eyes is difficult to elude.

[notisis]

Put it this way - I suggested my husband might like to visit his father in Pattaya by himself but he declined saying he would rather go with me. Yes know (experienced!) the bars thing and yes the 3sum thing - even spoke with a Thai wife with her English hubby on hols in one of the go go bars so definitely know/experienced the score after comparing notes (me English wife). Look not all Thai (or other nationality) wives are that stupid from what I've seen (some are after what they can get of course) and sincerely do want to make a good lasting marriage. Enough said - poster obviously does not love his wife or at least not enough to make a long marriage - certainly not at the moment anyway giving him the benefit of the doubt. His wife probably knows him better than he thinks! Put it this way - if a guy is happy at home why does he want to go and get rat arsed and laid (whether home or abroad?). OK spice the marriage up and take said wife on hols as suggested earlier and with her consent; realise he either doesn't love said wife or is too immature to be ready for marriage or that wife is a b!tch. From this post wife is not the problem - he is.

Oh and I did notice in Patters not all the lovely ladies are so lovely - particularly close up! Beer goggles me thinks or they are just more willing! But I do agree there are more georgeous ladies there than in say, Warrington or Brighton on a Friday night!

[enemedin]

i have made it clear to my wife from the beginning. we tried roiet, and i did not like it at all for six months, so i came back to pattaya.

what is love ? that was an old ancient word that had some value years and years ago. now we should call it complicity.

complicity and understanding is the only reality of this century.

wives should be in their places and with positive feelings, not trying to take decision for the man.

What is love NOT?

Possessiveness is not love

Jealousy is not love

Lust is not love

Fear is not love

Keeping people all to yourself is not love

Expecting something from someone is not love

http://www.themeaningoflove.net/

lets come back to the source.(The pre-history) the woman was in the cave, cookig and taking care of children, and the man used to go out hunting for food.

now in the modern century the purpose of the hunting might be slightly changed, however its still hunting, so the man has not forgotten about its role.

the women tend to forget their own role very soon, because of all these tv programs, who are trying to make the woman a superstar.

women are lovely when they are real women ... and what is a real woman ? is one who cannot be defined, but can be felt.

love nowadays is just convenience and comfortability, then there is affection, but never love.

[sharecropper]

i have made it clear to my wife from the beginning. we tried roiet, and i did not like it at all for six months, so i came back to pattaya.

what is love ? that was an old ancient word that had some value years and years ago. now we should call it complicity.

complicity and understanding is the only reality of this century.

wives should be in their places and with positive feelings, not trying to take decision for the man.

What is love NOT?

Possessiveness is not love

Jealousy is not love

Lust is not love

Fear is not love

Keeping people all to yourself is not love

Expecting something from someone is not love

http://www.themeaningoflove.net/

lets come back to the source.(The pre-history) the woman was in the cave, cookig and taking care of children, and the man used to go out hunting for food.

now in the modern century the purpose of the hunting might be slightly changed, however its still hunting, so the man has not forgotten about its role.

the women tend to forget their own role very soon, because of all these tv programs, who are trying to make the woman a superstar.

women are lovely when they are real women ... and what is a real woman ? is one who cannot be defined, but can be felt.

love nowadays is just convenience and comfortability, then there is affection, but never love.

Happy anniversary (almost). Is it really worth resurrecting this year-old thread?

For this?

[Tolley]

Lots of silly moralising advice on this thread.

Edited February 10, 2010 by Tolley

[webfact]

The time has come to close this1y old topic

//CLOSED//