Devastated By That Brit Boy

[Candyflip]

Hello All, It has been long time since I posted something here 

I am Thai, early 30s, well educated.

I have been going out with Mr. Brit boy for 1.5 year. He is very sporty. He runs marathon and stuff. Most of weekend, if he is not with me , he is out biking around Thailand with his gang. I met some of them occasionally. I never had any problem when he goes away with them, coz I trust him and I know those girls who he always go with.

2 month ago, he went back to England for xmas, he was kinda saying that he would be going to Vietnam for a bike trip. I thought he would go with the normal gang like always. But it turned out that he was going alone with this farang girl who I know nothing about.

He said he was arranging the trip when he was in England. It was spontaneous thing. They had been emailing back and forth for this trip. The special thing about this trip is they would just go biking from town to town, very intimated experience I must say.

I was very sad when I found out all about this.

Then I tried to compromise about this by asking him to set up dinner / lunch with this woman so I know who my bf is going with. He came back and said to me that she did not want to meet me. She thought it was a bizarre idea that I wanted to meet her.

I asked him to cancel the trip coz I could not take it. I was crying and being miserable about it for a week and he knows about that.

He said he could not cancel it because this thing has been planned for month and the girl took the work days off for this. Besides, he really wanted to go. He said it was just another trip, nothing else and I was just overreacted about it.

He left last Friday and will be back on next Sunday.

I am completely devastated.

Advices, comments, comforts … anyone?

[JimmyTheMook]

Why worry so much , you married to him or something ?

[Candyflip]

Put yourself in my shoes, if your gf is going on the trip with another guy alone for a week, wouldnt you be worried?

if you are not, can you spare me how ( not ) to?

Edited January 25, 2009 by Candyflip

[JimmyTheMook]

Put yourself in my shoes, if your gf is going on the trip with another guy alone for a week, wouldnt you be worried?

if you are not, can you spare me how ( not ) to?

Maybe he has more in common with her and he wants to test the waters.

Or he could just want to ride his bicycle with her.

[eek]

Candyflip, he may just be being an insensitive prat about it and really is just a bike ride with another person who happens to be female. He should really have taken into consideration your feelings on this before making arrangements, but well, he didnt, and maybe he genuinely just didnt think how it would affect you.

Only he knows what is going on in his mind regarding this. He will hopefully talk clearly to you later about it. Right now he probably wont want to talk to you because he has his trip in mind, and he knows you are upset so he probably doesnt want to deal with that until later. I think thats a typical male reaction, so dont read into it too much.

Not sure what to say, except that i sympathise. Sometimes men can be so clueless and total jerks!

Best thing to do at the moment is try make yourself feel good and not focus on imagining the worse. Dont fill your time thinking about what he is doing. Most of what you will think will probably be the worse case scenario and just make you feel unnecessarily sick. Pamper yourself, kill any negative thoughts, and do fun things!

Good luck.

[thaicbr]

Candyflip i feel for you. same thing happened to me in the UK. the wife told me she was going on a conference, turned out she was going on holiday with her boyfriend , the bitch.

If the other girl would not meet you, no wonder the alarm bells are ringing.

No real advice, other than talk to him, tell him how you feel BUT don't get angry listen carefully to what he says and how he says it and then decide what YOU want to do.

hug Allan

[GuestHouse]

Ditch his sorry ass.

[grandslam]

A male Brit would not bring a female Brit to Thailand for romance i.m.o. more likely she is one of the few to have the money to travel at the moment. In any case I think you have shown that some Thai ladies have hearts that can break without being accused of chasing money and not the man. At the same time you should not let anyone damage your self esteem - good luck and don't act in haste but consider carefully the situation as others have said.

[Candyflip]

eek - Thanks for your sweet words and the tips. I promise I will pampering myself.

thaicbr - I did tell him how I felt but it seem meaningless. He just watched me crying and said nothing and that scared me. I now questioned how I could go on with this person , who igmored my feeling?

[473geo]

I feel for you, you have voiced your feelings and concerns, he has put the trip, the girl losing her holidays, and himself, all before your feelings.

If the girl was a true friend surely she would wish to meet you? Maybe for him the trip is meant to be platonic...for her???

You are obviously hurting at his attitude....I couldn't allow my lady to suffer like that. I would not expect her to be there on my return if I did!!!

[Dwitch]

eek - Thanks for your sweet words and the tips. I promise I will pampering myself.

thaicbr - I did tell him how I felt but it seem meaningless. He just watched me crying and said nothing and that scared me. I now questioned how I could go on with this person , who igmored my feeling?

Candy,

you sound like a nice girl !!I feel sad for you. I think your Brit boyfriend is just" using you" and feeding you a pack of lies !!!.... He only want's you when his Brit girlfriend is not around!

Save yourself all the worry and heartbreak, ditch him. Has doesn't respect you ,and has no genuine feelings for you. You need to see him for the liar and cheat that he is, "accept it" and move on .

Find yourself another man that will treat you with more respect, as this Brit is Playing you for a fool .

.

[mrtoad]

Makes a change from the usual Farang man being screwed over by a Thai Girl posters.

To the OP that is not a dig.

I'm finding somne of the postings rather interesting in condoning the Brit guy, who as of yet has not proven to have done anything dishonest.

[mrtoad]

Ditch his sorry ass.

On the basis of what? The fact that he is British?

GH, that's lame, and you know it.

[britmaveric]

As I know you quite well Candyflip - the worrisome bit is she didnt want to meet you. I find that out of line especially since he's been seeing you for 1.5yrs. Why wouldnt you want to meet gf of a good mate especially if the offer is on the table?

[cbpword]

Candy...

It is clear as anything that you are not the only girlfriend he has. Not unusual is it for a European man and it's pretty obvious that you tend to have very little or no voice in this relationship. I doubt this other girl even knows you exist, and even if she does know about you he won't be telling her your his serious girlfriend - think about it, if she's his good friend surely she would want to meet you (his girlfriend).

I agree with GuestHouse - Ditch his sorry ass.

- If you are looking for a serious relationship then look further than this guy or someone that comes and goes - its not the answer. In the long term you are going to lose this guy anyway so save him the job of totally humiliating you and tell him to get lost.

If I was you I'd look for something better while he's off ''riding his bike'' !!

Good luck, and, always put what YOU want first. It does not matter what anyone here says... remember this ... If it does not suit you to be left crying while some smart ass guy looks down and then walks away anyway, then quite simply do not put up with anything less than what satifies YOUR soul perfectly. The same is true for him too remember, but it appears he is in control, so now its up to you to take control of your own life - thats your problem, not his.

Yes - go pamper, get ready, go out - and dance

Edited January 25, 2009 by cbpword

[submaniac]

Put yourself in my shoes, if your gf is going on the trip with another guy alone for a week, wouldnt you be worried?

if you are not, can you spare me how ( not ) to?

+1 on Ditching his sorry ass. If I was standing in your shoes, I would not tolerate this behavior. He KNOWS he is out of bounds, just won't admit it. If you are in a relationship, and I don't care if you are married or not, and you are going to do something with someone of the opposite sex, you need to clear it with your partner first. If she's just a friend, then there should be no problem in meeting her. She won't think it's weird, you wouldn't think it's weird. If he's going to pull something that he KNOWS will make you upset, he just isn't worth keeping. And obviously this makes you upset (and if it were me, i would be upset too...so I DO NOT think you are in the wrong here). If you let him slide this time, he'll keep on thinking he can pull whatever he wants because you will still be waiting there at home from him. And in all reality, he should have invited YOU to go on this motorcycle trip. Not some random chick from the UK.

[cbpword]

Here here submaniac!! Bravo on giving it as it is.

+2 on the ditch his ass

Edited January 25, 2009 by cbpword

[submaniac]

Ditch his sorry ass.

On the basis of what? The fact that he is British?

GH, that's lame, and you know it.

No it's not. Being British is sufficient grounds for a dumping in my book (but the topic of "Why exactly the British suck" is a subject for a different thread)...but here he's British AND he's done something out of bounds. If my girlfriend decided to take a week long trip with another man AND I said not to, then I would not take her back when she returns. It's that simple.

P.S. Thank you CPBword

[Mossfinn]

Then I tried to compromise about this by asking him to set up dinner / lunch with this woman so I know who my bf is going with. He came back and said to me that she did not want to meet me. She thought it was a bizarre idea that I wanted to meet her.

As I know you quite well Candyflip -

As Brit knows you I will take it as Red you are sound.

Ditch his sorry ass.

I wouldn't have put it as so forthright, but having thought about it, yes I would.

Ditch his sorry ass.

On the basis of what? The fact that he is British?

GH, that's lame, and you know it.

Well, being a Brit could be one, but going on a bike ride that you have kept the details a little quiet from your long time partner is two and not wanting to meet up could be classed as a three card trick.

the worrisome bit is she didnt want to meet you. I find that out of line especially since he's been seeing you for 1.5yrs. Why wouldnt you want to meet gf of a good mate especially if the offer is on the table?

Quite!!

Good Luck

Moss

[Tyke]

A male Brit would not bring a female Brit to Thailand for romance

Being a Brit, I don't see why not.

Also I think a Brit lass wouldn't think it was bizarre to agree to meet the gf of a platonic male friend if it would put her mind at rest, why not?

I think the guy is an asshol_e if he is so insensitive to his gf's worries and should address them, unless he is covering something up, which I suspect he is.

[samuibeachcomber]

Ditch his sorry ass.

exactly...................play hard to get,turn your phone off.get back some control of your life,are n'tth more than him?

[yabaaaa]

Candyflip, he may just be being an insensitive prat about it and really is just a bike ride with another person who happens to be female. He should really have taken into consideration your feelings on this before making arrangements, but well, he didnt, and maybe he genuinely just didnt think how it would affect you.

Only he knows what is going on in his mind regarding this. He will hopefully talk clearly to you later about it. Right now he probably wont want to talk to you because he has his trip in mind, and he knows you are upset so he probably doesnt want to deal with that until later. I think thats a typical male reaction, so dont read into it too much.

Not sure what to say, except that i sympathise. Sometimes men can be so clueless and total jerks!

Best thing to do at the moment is try make yourself feel good and not focus on imagining the worse. Dont fill your time thinking about what he is doing. Most of what you will think will probably be the worse case scenario and just make you feel unnecessarily sick. Pamper yourself, kill any negative thoughts, and do fun things!

Good luck.

Hey Candy sometimes all is not what it appears. I split with my long term g/f 4 years ago, and moved out of her house, met my Thai wife and married but i still live in the UK and believe it or not I live with my old g/f in the same house in seperate bedrooms whilst i am working here. Suits all of us I get cheap accomodation old g/f gets some money means I can save all for my Thai life. Wife and ex g/f have met and she has stayed here too.

[ShugNorris]

Ditch his sorry ass.

On the basis of what? The fact that he is British?

GH, that's lame, and you know it.

No it's not. Being British is sufficient grounds for a dumping in my book (but the topic of "Why exactly the British suck" is a subject for a different thread)...but here he's British AND he's done something out of bounds. If my girlfriend decided to take a week long trip with another man AND I said not to, then I would not take her back when she returns. It's that simple.

P.S. Thank you CPBword

I agree with the first part but...

Maybe you could enlighten us by posting that thread under that topic, I'd be interested to read it so that I can be made aware of my shortcomings and try to rectify them.

EDIT, more importantly though, not deviating from the current topic, another member for the DITCH HIM club!

- Shug

Edited January 25, 2009 by ShugNorris

[tartempion]

Well we don't know any details on Brit's Boy relationship with Brit girl, candy should have asked?

Myself being male and having one of my best friend being female and living in Montreal I can tell you I have visited her numerous times alone, staying at her Montreal house and sleeping in the guest room. Not one hair on my head that would think sharing her nest!

Requiring Brit girl to stop over in Bangkok and meet Candy? For who's benefit?

He could have lied to you and NOT tell you he was biking with a girl, how would you ever find out?

Being jealous is a dangerous attitude that killed many relationships.

You try to understand more about this biking thing, why it is that important for him or is the friendship with Brit girl, I don't know but you should do that living with Brit boy.

Cheers

[sriracha john]

I was very sad when I found out all about this.

I am completely devastated.

I asked him to cancel the trip coz I could not take it. I was crying and being miserable about it for a week and he knows about that.

He said he could not cancel it because this thing has been planned for month and the girl took the work days off for this.

Advices, comments, comforts … anyone?

He was very helpful in letting you know just exactly where you stand with him.

Your sadness and devastation and crying and misery are surpassed by her not losing a few work days.

It's time to move on to someone else who will have better considerations for something that is obviously very important to you.

Say good-bye to him a final time.

[waza]

Hmmm sounds like this Brit girl has more in common with your guy than you do. He is just displaying the value he puts in your relationship, and you. Read between the lines.......

[snuggzzz]

Learn to cycle with him or tell him bye-bye.......................

[Geekfreaklover]

The fact that he doesn't want the three of you to meet makes it plain and simple want is happening. Personally, I would want my girlfriend to meet all my friends (male or female), particulary if going on holiday with one of them.

He appears quite spineless. Don't torture yourself. Speak to him or send him a message. Tell him it's not working. Then change your SIM and forget about him (hey, that rhymes) .

[waza]

The fact that he doesn't want the three of you to meet makes it plain and simple want is happening. Personally, I would want my girlfriend to meet all my friends (male or female), particulary if going on holiday with one of them.

He appears quite spineless. Don't torture yourself. Speak to him or send him a message. Tell him it's not working. Then change your SIM and forget about him (hey, that rhymes) .

Hey, your a poet, and you dont know it

[GungaDin]

Hi Candy.

The 1st 48 hours after his return should be interesting.

I don't think the aircon will be needed, the atmosphere will be chilly enough.

Give him the cold shoulder, what have you got to lose, it's now a very shaky relationship due to Brit boy's selfishness.

Good luck & keep us posted.

Any friend of Daniel's is ok by me.