Devastated By That Brit Boy

[RakJungTorlae]

You want to go back to your original OP in discussing your BF riding around Asia? And shacking up with some brit chick? They must be on a tight budget and have to shear some cheep hotel room or a tent.

I thought they exported beck and posh to Spain !

[samuibeachcomber]

Being British is sufficient grounds for a dumping in my book (but the topic of "Why exactly the British suck" is a subject for a different thread)...

Well subby, lots of us are waiting for that thread. Don't just talk about it, post it.

the USA not bailed them out during WWII, they would be speaking German right now.

This is a myth. In both World Wars, the USA waited until it had bled the UK dry of reserves and extracted as many concessions in its empire as it could and then it came on the scene to 'save' europe. A bit like Iraq in that what the USA is brilliant at is war profiteering in the guise of 'saving the world', 'freedom' and 'democracy'.

so bl--dy true!

[samuibeachcomber]

You want to go back to your original OP in discussing your BF riding around Asia? And shacking up with some brit chick? They must be on a tight budget and have to shear some cheep hotel room or a tent.

I thought they exported beck and posh to Spain !

its italy now!

[sbk]

Candyflip, so sorry your return is over something awful, you have been missed.

The two ringing bells for me are 1. planning this trip without any reference to you and 2. her (apparent) refusal to meet you.

I have male friends I do not sleep with, but neither would they hide me from their girlfriends and never would I refuse to meet their girlfriends. That alone is enough cause for concern.

I can't say that I am of the ditch him brigade, but I do think that when he gets back you need to tell him that his apparent total lack of concern for your feelings is giving you second thoughts on the direction of this relationship. Guys don't like to hear these things and the dreaded "serious conversation" is like a silver bullet for a werewolf but it must be done. If you don't tell him how you feel then it will sit and fester inside of you until you are full of resentment and anger. And frankly, your mental and emotional well-being is more important than his unwillingness to confront basic facts about the relationship.

[submaniac]

you guys are so funny!!

how the hel you got my thread into world politic / history discussion?!

Come back !!

Darling, no need to come back. I think from the opinions that have been expressed on this thread, it has conclusively been determined that

1. You should dump him.

2. The British suck.

Don't worry. It's all good. Check your PM, I'm sure that you will find many available men contacting you now.

I am sorry to say that this thread cannot be salvaged. Once RakJungTorlae enters the mix...well it's all downhill from here.

P.S. RakJungTorlae-->I thought you were busy leading your Burmese military insurgency to come around here.

P.P.S. I see SBK has something wise to say. She is more gentle than I am. But I still agree that it shows a complete lack of respect for you, and it needs to be addressed. Whether by dumping or by serious conversation. If you are that hurt by what he did, do not just sit there and take it. You deserve better. And even though we have been going a bit off topic, if we made you laugh and you feel a little bit better than that is all that matters.

Edited January 26, 2009 by submaniac

[Maigo6]

you guys are so funny!!

how the hel you got my thread into world politic / history discussion?!

Come back !!

LOL....

That's true Candyflip. threads to tend to go off course...

It's also the nature of real life too, try starting a discussion in a bar with someone and for instance talk about the price of rice, I guarantee that after 1 hour you will not be talking about the price of rice, it's human nature.

That's why it's so infuriating on internet forums when moderators who are not even involved in a thread close a thread cos it has nothing to do with the OP, threads are a progression, they take many turns and can still be informative, yet too often they are closed at a whim, leaving the people who are actually active in that thread somewhat purplexed.

So Candyflip, what is your final desicion, what are you gonna do, what have you done ? .....just to keep it on topic !

[Maigo6]

Questions for candy

1. If she agreed to meet you and she was ugly would be still be so jealous about the trip?

2. If she agreed to meet you and she was beautiful would be still be so jealous about the trip?

3. If you met her and she denied any romantic involvement would you believe her?

4. Do you really think if there was any romantic involvement she would admit it if she met you?

5. If she met you would you still be jealous no matter what was said?

6. Do you think that meeting you would be an ideal situation to hide romantic involvement by lying to you?

7. What questions were you going to ask her, were you going to interrogate her and how would you know if she was being honest?

8. would you still be jealous about him spending time alone with another woman if you were 100% certain it wasn't sexual?

The point I am making is that meeting her would solve nothing, you have no trust anyway. Personally I would object to some insecure person interrogating me about an innocent trip and would not be prepared to go through some jealous persons interrogation so I could meet or travel with a friend. It is not your decision to make who he can travel with. He made a decision and you either trust him or you don't, don't look for excuses about her not wanting to meet you.

he could have lied and said he was going with guys but he was honest with you and you still doubt him.

I think you have trust issues that you need to deal with.

Good post by the RedScouser.

[jayjayjayjay]

To RedScouser:

Could not disagree more.

You know little about a woman's instinct to have asked questions like this.

I'm a guy so I appreciate how mechanical you point is, but it is nieve. 1 + 1 = 2, no, to a woman it 11!

Edited January 26, 2009 by jayjayjayjay

[Maigo6]

I asked my GF about this same scenario.

Would she object to me going on the bike trip ? Answer = No.

Would she think because its a female going with me I am automatically gonna be shagging her ? Answer = No.

When I asked why, she replied, " I trust you, and I am secure enough in our relationship to feel confident you wouldn't hurt me " ( she speaks good English )

I said, of course I wouldn't hurt her and her trust in me is well founded.

So now I'm planning a trip with some 18 year old crackerjack that I met on the internet,

Sod the bikes, we're flying, cos we're both into aircraft !!!

[eggomaniac]

This guy, if he was cheating on you, why would he be stupid enough to tell you he was travelling alone with a farang girl? He could have said anything and you would have never known, that he was alone in VN, or back in Britain, even.

This guy, if he was NOT cheating on you, why would he be stupid enough to tell you he was travelling alone with a farang girl? He could have said anything and you would have never known, that he was alone in VN, or back in Britain, even.

Message to the guy. Women say they want an 'honest' man, NOT true!

[submaniac]

I asked my GF about this same scenario.

Would she object to me going on the bike trip ? Answer = No.

Would she think because its a female going with me I am automatically gonna be shagging her ? Answer = No.

When I asked why, she replied, " I trust you, and I am secure enough in our relationship to feel confident you wouldn't hurt me " ( she speaks good English )

I said, of course I wouldn't hurt her and her trust in me is well founded.

So now I'm planning a trip with some 18 year old crackerjack that I met on the internet,

Sod the bikes, we're flying, cos we're both into aircraft !!!

Yes, yes, yes...all well and good. But to the important stuff...what about your GF's 20 year old sister?!?!

[Bjamie]

Trust is the foundation of a relationship. Once broken, it's hard to mend but it's not impossible.

Trust is like climbing a ladder. You don't have a foundation to support you. If you slip, you fall all the way to the bottom.

That's how trust works. It's unforgiving. Rebuilding trust takes a lot of time and openness.

Go have another talk with him after his trip. Ask questions and when answered, ask yourself, do you trust his words.

You yourself will know what is the best for yourself.

I think you're pretty much in a same situation as me. I will do what's best for me.

I wish you all the best.

[Birdman]

Maybe he wants Candy to ride with him in the first place and this is his way of saying that.

or maybe it's not true, that he rides with another female in VN. It could be a diversion from the real happening.

or maybe it's a surprise party for Candy

[poothai]

Learn to cycle with him or tell him bye-bye.......................

Agreed

[Bjamie]

Maybe he wants Candy to ride with him in the first place and this is his way of saying that.

or maybe it's not true, that he rides with another female in VN. It could be a diversion from the real happening.

or maybe it's a surprise party for Candy

Exactly! There's so many maybe.

Stop torturing yourself with endless questions. Go have a bit of fun while as he's doing the same.

I hope it's a surprise party for Candy.

Be positive. =]

[eggomaniac]

All the Posters who say she 'should dump him'; that makes absolutely no sense!

There are only 2 logical possibilities.

A. He should dump her. He cannot even enjoy his favorite passtime without her freaking out. He tells her where he is and with who, being honest, and she makes a big scene. No wonder his travel buddy was scared to meet her. Was she supposed to change her travel plans and come all the way to Thailand? likely she had a flight home from VN!!!

B. He already has dumped her. He even let her know he is messing around. Maybe after 1.5 years the glow is gone? stale Candy? He either told her about the farang woman, because A. she was an innocent travel buddy, or B. he wanted her to know he was messing around.

There is one other possibilty. - he does not know they are an 'item'???

---------

Cheats hide the affairs, not set them on the table.

[jayjayjayjay]

All the Posters who say she 'should dump him'; that makes absolutely no sense!

There are only 2 logical possibilities.

A. He should dump her. He cannot even enjoy his favorite passtime without her freaking out. He tells her where he is and with who, being honest, and she makes a big scene. No wonder his travel buddy was scared to meet her. Was she supposed to change her travel plans and come all the way to Thailand? likely she had a flight home from VN!!!

B. He already has dumped her. He even let her know he is messing around. Maybe after 1.5 years the glow is gone? stale Candy? He either told her about the farang woman, because A. she was an innocent travel buddy, or B. he wanted her to know he was messing around.

There is one other possibilty. - he does not know they are an 'item'???

---------

Cheats hide the affairs, not set them on the table.

Cheats hide affairs, he has hidden this girl from Candy, exactly her point, why??????????????????

[sbk]

Trust is earned, not just bestowed. There is no guarantee that he has earned this trust that she clearly no longer has, is there? So, assuming its all because she's jealous and insecure is making just as many guesses as assuming he's cheating on her.

What is the real problem to me here, is that he is unwilling to show respect for her concerns.

A man who dismisses my concerns as being foolish is 1. not listening and 2. unwilling to look at things from anything other than his own point of view.

And you are right, 1+1 does not always equal 2

[DC1066]

Being British is sufficient grounds for a dumping in my book (but the topic of "Why exactly the British suck" is a subject for a different thread)...

Well subby, lots of us are waiting for that thread. Don't just talk about it, post it.

the USA not bailed them out during WWII, they would be speaking German right now.

This is a myth. In both World Wars, the USA waited until it had bled the UK dry of reserves and extracted as many concessions in its empire as it could and then it came on the scene to 'save' europe. A bit like Iraq in that what the USA is brilliant at is war profiteering in the guise of 'saving the world', 'freedom' and 'democracy'.

Ahem. No. 7= "Refuse to admit had the USA not bailed them out during WWII, they would be speaking German right now." Sprechen Sie Deutsch? No? Well, you better thank the USA for that one.

I will also add

11. "Great Britain". What's so 'great' about it? Everyone knows the USA is great, so no need to 'advertise'.

12. British Comedy. It's just not funny. Graham Norton? How come he has his own T.V. show? None of Hugh Grant's movies have ever made me laugh. Ever. Not once.

In regards to giving the World George Bush--I did not vote for him. Ever. In fact the first time, the majority of the U.S. population never voted for him.

Michael Jackson? Keep in mind we tried to imprison him twice for pedophilia. I'm not saying it makes up for him completely. But we did try. What did the British ever do about "Becks and Posh"?

For such a small country, you sure do have something of a hang up over us. If we are such a small, unimportant nation of tea drinkers, why do we get so much of your attention? If we have never achieved anything, why do you have this compelling need to keep talking about us?

Why is that? Are you showing your own inadequacies and self doubt? I mean, look at your user name, you can't call yourself a complete maniac, rather just "sub"

Are you substandard Submaniac?

Are you somehow lacking in self esteem, wrought with self doubt that your only joy in life is to have a go at others? Or is it that you are secretly jealous, and lay awake at night wishing you had been born British?

And as for all this Brit' bashing that goes on - and seems to be on the increase - around here, well I'm a big boy and can handle it, but just a couple of points:

Firstly, if it was Thai's/Thailand on the receiving end of some of this sh%t, it would be jumped on all over by mods and other protectors of all things Thai.

Secondly, the one thing I do take offence to is how easy it is to roll out the line that America 'saved our sorry asses' in WWII.

America made a great and telling contribution to the war and suffered themselves, but it takes a cheap hack lto belittle what Great Britain achieved.

For more than two years 'our little island' stood alone against the might of Hitler's fascism whilst America slept in comfort. How comfortable do you think you would have been in your beds if we hadn't held Hitler, largely unaided, for all that time. It's one of those lines that is easily trotted out without any thought to it and as I said, pretty cheap and disrespectful.

Oh - and Terence Trent D'Arby was American, you idiot

[Maigo6]

Isn't it strange how the Thai girl is now being defended by the majority of Farangs here.

Yet when a Thai girl does wrong to a Farang thread comes up, supposedly posted by a Farang, she is dragged through the dirt and the whole Thai female population is branded as being no good.

Now a Thai girl posts a thread about a Farang, is he also dragged through the dirt ?

Not as much, notice no Farang here is saying that all Farangs are cheats, all Farangs are no good etc etc etc...

If this was a Farang being done wrong by a Thai girl thread we would certainly have those sentiments expressed, no matter how wrong they are.

Candy, you will never have unbiased opinions from a bunch of biased posters, kow jai bor ?

[DC1066]

Hi Candy,

Sorry to get side tracked, but now the last one is out of my system.

I feel for you and hope you can get it worked out.

My view is that he is not respecting your feelings on this one. He should decide, which is most important, you or his road trip.

Did you try challenging him and saying that you wanted to go on the trip with him? If everything was ok he should be happy for you to go with him and his 'mate'.

If not, you'd have to question why.

A relationship has to be about mutual respect and if one side lets the other get away with being disrespectful, then in the long run the relationship can't last.

Make him understand how important this is to you. If he does and you can move on then get over it, but if he doesn't - then just move on, he's not worth it.

Hope it works out for you.

[jayjayjayjay]

Questions for candy

8. would you still be jealous about him spending time alone with another woman if you were 100% certain it wasn't sexual?

I'd like to highlight another point where this post goes completely wrong. Women are far far less concerned with a mans sexual desire than they are about his hearts desire. It's not about this guy going to Vietnam to possibly or not possibly screw this woman, it's about the possibility he is attacted to her in a way Candy would not feel comfortable. This comes back to him not allowing or arranging for a meeting between three. It would not have to have been an interigation as you so put it, it would have been quite easy for them to have "accidently" met etc whilst Candy and Brit where in a pub that the girl "happened" to be at. Not so difficult for a caring partner to have arranged. He has not settled this issue with Candy. Dump his little ass.......

I've known of women that could handle a man having sex with another girl and the relationships survived, but when that same man had an emotional affair with another woman the marriage ended right there and then!

Edited January 26, 2009 by jayjayjayjay

[Maigo6]

A man who dismisses my concerns as being foolish is 1. not listening

and 2. unwilling to look at things from anything other than his own point of view.

And 3: If he's a member of ThaiVisa I'll ban him if he don't agree with me.....

[redscouse]

Questions for candy

8. would you still be jealous about him spending time alone with another woman if you were 100% certain it wasn't sexual?

I'd like to highlight another point where this post goes completely wrong. Women are far far less concerned with a mans sexual desire than they are about his hearts desire. It's not about this guy going to Vietnam to possibly or not possibly screw this woman, it's about the possibility he is attacted to her in a way Candy would not feel comfortable. This comes back to him not allowing or arranging for a meeting between three. It would not have to have been an interigation as you so put it, it would have been quite easy for them to have "accidently" met etc whilst Candy and Brit where in a pub that the girl "happened" to be at. Not so difficult for a caring partner to have arranged. He has not settled this issue with Candy. Dump his little ass.......

I've known of women that could handle a man having sex with another girl and the relationships survived, but when that same man had an emotional affair with another woman the marriage ended right there and then!

my questions are actually for candy and i would like to know what she thinks as it is her with the problem, to be fair I am not too concerned about your opinion of what you think she is thinking and your assumption that I don't have a clue about what I am talking about.

Candy clams she is neither jealous or possessive yet tells us all she is uncomfortable with the situation, so is it jealousy or possessivness that is causing this discomfort?

let candy speak for herself as it is candy with the issues

thanks

[LadyHeather]

Questions for candy

8. would you still be jealous about him spending time alone with another woman if you were 100% certain it wasn't sexual?

I'd like to highlight another point where this post goes completely wrong. Women are far far less concerned with a mans sexual desire than they are about his hearts desire. It's not about this guy going to Vietnam to possibly or not possibly screw this woman, it's about the possibility he is attacted to her in a way Candy would not feel comfortable. This comes back to him not allowing or arranging for a meeting between three. It would not have to have been an interigation as you so put it, it would have been quite easy for them to have "accidently" met etc whilst Candy and Brit where in a pub that the girl "happened" to be at. Not so difficult for a caring partner to have arranged. He has not settled this issue with Candy. Dump his little ass.......

I've known of women that could handle a man having sex with another girl and the relationships survived, but when that same man had an emotional affair with another woman the marriage ended right there and then!

my questions are actually for candy and i would like to know what she thinks as it is her with the problem, to be fair I am not too concerned about your opinion of what you think she is thinking and your assumption that I don't have a clue about what I am talking about.

Candy clams she is neither jealous or possessive yet tells us all she is uncomfortable with the situation, so is it jealousy or possessivness that is causing this discomfort?

let candy speak for herself as it is candy with the issues

thanks

And yet, you seem very intent on speaking for her yourself with your continued posts suggesting she is possessive and jealous.

[CharlieB]

Add me to the, "dump him" gang. If there was nothing but a cycling holiday to this, why didn't he mention it before he even booked it? Why let you think it was just him and the guys? If he wanted a female companion on his trip, why not ask you? Why doesn't this woman want to meet you, possibly too guilty to look you in the eye? I don't suppose he has thought to let you in on the sleeping arrangements on this holiday. Then, when all is revealed he won't cancel to save your feelings and wants to carry on anyway. He' snot bothered about your feelings or whether his actions upset you. Tell him to piss off and find someone with who will be bothered how you feel and won't sneak around behind your back arranging cycling holidays with other women. I've had close female friends in the past, but I'd never have done something like this and his utter disregard for your feelings about the whole thing show him up for waht he is, an arsehol_e. Get rid of him and find a better bloke.

[KamalaLove]

He's definately going to bone her. Make sure he wears condoms and get him HIV tested before you shag him again.

[Birdman]

Candy should forward this thread to her bf - if he is not already a TV member - and to the female, who rides with him in VN and tell him, that we all, except one, are very concerned. And if he and the female, who rides with him in VN are willing to participate, we all, except one, can solve the crises together.

[redscouse]

Questions for candy

8. would you still be jealous about him spending time alone with another woman if you were 100% certain it wasn't sexual?

I'd like to highlight another point where this post goes completely wrong. Women are far far less concerned with a mans sexual desire than they are about his hearts desire. It's not about this guy going to Vietnam to possibly or not possibly screw this woman, it's about the possibility he is attacted to her in a way Candy would not feel comfortable. This comes back to him not allowing or arranging for a meeting between three. It would not have to have been an interigation as you so put it, it would have been quite easy for them to have "accidently" met etc whilst Candy and Brit where in a pub that the girl "happened" to be at. Not so difficult for a caring partner to have arranged. He has not settled this issue with Candy. Dump his little ass.......

I've known of women that could handle a man having sex with another girl and the relationships survived, but when that same man had an emotional affair with another woman the marriage ended right there and then!

my questions are actually for candy and i would like to know what she thinks as it is her with the problem, to be fair I am not too concerned about your opinion of what you think she is thinking and your assumption that I don't have a clue about what I am talking about.

Candy clams she is neither jealous or possessive yet tells us all she is uncomfortable with the situation, so is it jealousy or possessivness that is causing this discomfort?

let candy speak for herself as it is candy with the issues

thanks

And yet, you seem very intent on speaking for her yourself with your continued posts suggesting she is possessive and jealous.

Well I am not speaking for her, i am asking her a question so she can explain it herself, I thought that was obvious.

[redscouse]

I am sure this uncertainty is horrible for candy, but what is worse is the way the majority of you have this guy hung, drawn and quartered as an adulterer without ever meeting him or speaking to him, if anything your actions will make the situation worse by assuming the worst, I am sure candy feels a lot worse now that when she posted the initial post. All some of you have done is fuel the unsettled feeling that she has that he doing something, yet some of you feel the need to have a go at me for pointing out that her unsettled feelings are probably wide of the mark. some of you need to be ashamed, maybe you think you are helping but constant 'ditch him' jibes are unfair on both of them