Dear Husband

[Mr Jones]

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Dear Husband,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.

I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to

show for it. These last two weeks have been hel_l.

Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails

done, cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.

You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching

the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or

anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what

ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving

away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

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Dear Ex-Wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that

you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far

cry from what you've been.

I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You

look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't

say anything nice. When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten

me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the

pricetag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother

had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was

$49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it

out. So when I discovered that I had hit the Lotto for $10 million dollars, I

quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you

were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the

filling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my brother Carl was born

Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As hel_l and Free!