How Good Is My Lady Should I Marry

[neverdie]

I think you have to turn this situation around and try to look at from her perspective...

Imagine you were 22 years old again, right out of college but with lots of student loans to pay off, and credit cards to keep up with.

You're in Australia and a 52 year old Asian woman comes to your country to seek out better health care and/or a long-term nurse/helper/aide. This woman is obviously declining in condition...and you're young, sprightly and feel like you should be having fun every night with your mates, going bar-hopping...travelling, seeing the world.

Can you for even a second imagine that you would want to take care of her? Realistically? Can you imagine that your relationship could be about anything BUT money? Could you imagine how happy/grateful/overjoyed you'd feel after you could get rid of this responsibility and move on with your life? Could you imagine being happy (long-term) making roughly minimum wage for the "priviledge" of taking care of her? Why is it okay to ask something out of someone else that you wouldn't do yourself?

This isn't about lack of sympathy/empathy. If a family member was in your condition (or future condition), it would be taken care of, no questions asked. My mom is going to be 80 and I would leave Thailand in a heartbeat to take care of her to the best of my abilities, even though I'm not a trained caregiver and/or mental health practitioner.

I feel sorry that it doesn't seem your family has shown much willingness to help you out...maybe you believe you are in love with her and have the fantasy her "care" has grown or evolved into more for you...but I don't think you should take advantage of her poverty or lack of education, either. You never mentioned why hiring a nurse (Thai or Aussie) wasn't possible. Money?

Well, at least do this...if you're going to continue in this situation, the very LEAST you should do is also send her to school and/or teach her English or something practical (see the story before about the woman who learned a Nordic language and was able to apply it to her benefit) that will help her family both in the short and long-term, something that will be sustainable.

Great post.

[caulfield2]

The other thing I'm thinking is that this, at some point, will transcend money.

Your condition will deteriorate to the point where she will give up 1) because she's incapable of dealing with it anymore, 2) she cares for you and doesn't want to see you suffering and 3) the money won't be enough to compensate.

Things are relatively easy now...but imagine that you're one year into the "debilitating" condition and she wakes up and realizes its all not worth it...then what would you do? Who would be responsible enough to take care of you?

The only thing (and I keep coming back to it) that you can really count on in life is your family...if you're counting on a foreigner or girl/woman, that just seems like there are too many possibilities of things going awry...and leaving you in a precarious position.

It reminds me of the story of the farang who was handicapped/in a wheelchair and his Thai wife left him for a younger man (think it was Thai)...but luckily her family had the kindness in their hearts to take him in and to care for him, perhaps to equal/level out the bad karma from the actions of the daughter, or simply because they felt it was the right thing to do with him in such a vulnerable state/condition.

[beechguy]

Beechguy,

I appreciate you saying that. The guy came in asking about how good is his lady and should he marry her. Sort of thing I wouldnt ask a group of strangers over the net, but thats up to him.

Irregardless of whether or not they marry, she probably wont get a visa.

If he had come in here posting about his health condition & asking for comment on it, I don't think anyone would have wanted to be critical about the poor man. He finds himself in a very unfortunate situation, my heart goes out to him. Hopefully he makes the right decisions & doesnt make matters worse for himself. If I was a religious man I would go to church and pray for him, nobody sane wants to see anybody suffer.

Only he really knows what the right answer is, hes the one that knows exactly what is going on, he's probably aware of the stories where people have been burnt.

Just wanted to clarify my responses. Your comments were pretty much a realistic assesment of the situation and you voiced an opinion. I don't have a problem with with that and I don't consider that judgemental. I do question whether it is fair or not, to ask, or let someone, take on that kind of responsibility, but regardless of the ages involved.

But, some people, like pop_corn, are only looking at the age difference. What next? A caucasian shouldn't marry an asian? A rich person shouldn't marry a poor person. A protestant shouldn't marry a Buddhist? I say let people live the way they want, as long as they aren't hurting anyone in the process.

[jackr]

Ok so your not trolling but this is a real thing in your life?

Please mate no one can be that stupid can they???

I really cant believe how a human being is being so stupid? what have u been doing for the past 30 years or more?

Clueless if your story is true

I will not answer all the posts one by one, because is just a waste of time. Why? Because I bet MANY of you here are in the same boat. To my consideration, when you are in a age where you are about to consider your self a "senior" and date a girl who is a little bit more than a "teenager" YOU ARE TOTALLY SICK. So, yeah.. He still have a brain that works, it may sound quite hard to hear this, but I think he should use it while he can, and think about it.

Now.. all of you, yeah... hate me, reply to me or whatever, I totally don't care, it doesn't change the fact that you all very much know inside. YOU ARE PAYING FOR SOMEONE TO BE WITH YOU. and thats it. how sad..

Last post here, enough of attention to the seniors... ha!

What a pair you are and particularly you at the top pal. TV could really do with more like you... NOT. <deleted> has it got to do with you what the age difference is! Surely it's better to have a nice young filly than some old dragon to look after you. I hope I'm doing the same when I'm the op's age.

The op is asking for advice if his girl sounds like a good un or not; not whether you think his intentions are morally right or whatever else you righteous so and sos can spew forth. I also don't go with the burdening issue; she wouldn't be forced into anything, it's not like her hands are tied and if she does up sticks and bog off elsewhere sometime down the line, so what, shit happens. If the op can get a bit of attention in his last years and the doll also makes a bit on the side to help out her family, then good enough. She sounds ok, despite the ref to perhaps finding another farang if this didn't work out.

Go for it and best of luck.

[bensalu]

I would like to thank all you people on tv for your comments and input.

The point about leaving something for her when i pass does not worry me if it assists me in being able to stay in my home for a few years before going into a nursing home.

Living on your own and going through an incurable illness isn't that much fun but at the same time I should not expect this girl to waste years without being rewarded.

My heart tells me that it will be to much for her and i have shown her a lot of information about what is required to care for me , she is still very keen stay with me , we will sort it out soon.

once again thanks everyone for your kind words

bensalu

[patklang]

Ok so your not trolling but this is a real thing in your life?

Please mate no one can be that stupid can they???

I really cant believe how a human being is being so stupid? what have u been doing for the past 30 years or more?

Clueless if your story is true

I will not answer all the posts one by one, because is just a waste of time. Why? Because I bet MANY of you here are in the same boat. To my consideration, when you are in a age where you are about to consider your self a "senior" and date a girl who is a little bit more than a "teenager" YOU ARE TOTALLY SICK. So, yeah.. He still have a brain that works, it may sound quite hard to hear this, but I think he should use it while he can, and think about it.

Now.. all of you, yeah... hate me, reply to me or whatever, I totally don't care, it doesn't change the fact that you all very much know inside. YOU ARE PAYING FOR SOMEONE TO BE WITH YOU. and thats it. how sad..

Last post here, enough of attention to the seniors... ha!

What a pair you are and particularly you at the top pal. TV could really do with more like you... NOT. <deleted> has it got to do with you what the age difference is! Surely it's better to have a nice young filly than some old dragon to look after you. I hope I'm doing the same when I'm the op's age.

The op is asking for advice if his girl sounds like a good un or not; not whether you think his intentions are morally right or whatever else you righteous so and sos can spew forth. I also don't go with the burdening issue; she wouldn't be forced into anything, it's not like her hands are tied and if she does up sticks and bog off elsewhere sometime down the line, so what, shit happens. If the op can get a bit of attention in his last years and the doll also makes a bit on the side to help out her family, then good enough. She sounds ok, despite the ref to perhaps finding another farang if this didn't work out.

Go for it and best of luck.

Bygon has got a real gob on him and i have never read a good post from him.He is hi-so and H-SO white girl.should have stayed in europe they are 10 a penny there.He is miserable cos he is spending a fortune on whitener for his toy

[sassienie]

I have a long story that I'm too lazy to write so I'll shorten it up as much as I can. A friend of mine came to me and asked if I knew anyone who would be willing to play nurse to an old man in a wheelchair. It happened that I did and we arranged a meeting for the next day. The old man was a big guy and very crotchety. The reason he was in Bangkok was because his family didn't know what to do with him. He was thrown out of a number of nursing homes in his home country and insisted that he wanted to go to Thailand. A younger friend of his told his family that he would take him to Thailand and see to it that a suitable nurse was found. So the story starts.

The girls biggest problem was helping him to go to the toilet and helping him shower because he was so big and heavy. She managed to come up with ways to get that done. After a couple of months the old man wanted to move to Jomtien because he could rent a nicer place for less money and so he could get out more. A few months after the move I spotted him out of his wheelchair and hobbling down a Jomtien soi. With his nurse and a cane, he was actually moving right along. He was grinning. A couple of months after that I saw him with his cane walking alone. I don't speak his language so couldn't talk to him other than to say hello and how are you.

A couple of days later I saw his nurse by herself. I asked her about the old man and she started to cry. I immediately thought the old man died, but no, that wasn't the case. He told the girl that he wanted to see different girls and that he wanted to butterfly. To butterfly were her words. She had saved up some money so other than looking for another job she was fine.

I never saw the old man again after that but there was a happy ending for her. She could now speak that Scandinavian language of his pretty well and one of the old man's much younger friends had fallen in love with her and married her. They now have a lovely daughter. As far as I know the old man is still being a butterfly. I still see her from time to time and she is still in Jomtien doing very well.

The point of this story is that the young lady ended up with the short end of the stick. I'm glad she was able to end up happy. I might add that she was paid quite well while she took care of him.

In this case the old man did nothing wrong.

She provided a service and he paid well for it. If she was there only as a nurse, why would the woman care if the old man wished to see other women?

Once the old man dispensed of her services, she soon hooked up with another Farang for financial support.

[M555]

sorry i forgot to mention she is 22

Shame on you. You could be her father. Don't you have any self respect at all? what does your own children think about this?

and honestly.... Do you think she is with you because what? uh? get a nurse, have a bit of respect for your self, if not for your family, I would be TOTALLY embarrassed if you were my father. "Yes, yes.. take me to Australia, I take care of you for a short while take all the money I can, while I look for a real guy in falangland" ha!

Pop Corn I thnk you are right maybe you should take care of him. I know you will do a good job and his kids will not be ashamed of him.

[MiG16]

I would like to thank all you people on tv for your comments and input.

The point about leaving something for her when i pass does not worry me if it assists me in being able to stay in my home for a few years before going into a nursing home.

Living on your own and going through an incurable illness isn't that much fun but at the same time I should not expect this girl to waste years without being rewarded.

My heart tells me that it will be to much for her and i have shown her a lot of information about what is required to care for me , she is still very keen stay with me , we will sort it out soon.

once again thanks everyone for your kind words

bensalu

based on latest post by OP, I read that he has appreciated the constructive inputs and will be evaluating the situation with the girl in question.

seems the thread has served its purpose. mean time Im closing this thread to stop any further bickering.

Op, I wish you all the best.