Zorne Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I realize offcourse that there is no such thing as a perfect break up. And the way people break up varies a lot depending who we are and what circumstances etc. Anyway, here goes... I find myself in a, for me, totally new situation. My mind is set up on breakin up with my thai girlfriend. I just havnt done it yet. I would appreciate any help you can give me in this matter. Some background. This is my first thai girlfriend. We meat about a year ago in the bar where she worked. She is 19 and has worked in a bar for about 5 months total. We didnt become a "serious" couple until a few months ago, ie when I came here to Thailand for a longer visit. We have been living together since. I know she loves me a lot. I have met her family and we all got along very well. The resons for breakin up is not that she has done anything bad or that I have found someone new. The reasons are purely cultural. We have tried to overcome cultural and educational differences but it doesnt seem to work. You can call me impatient or whatever but this is how it is. I can not change what I feel and I am not willing to put more effort in it than I already have. There are however a few things that makes it difficult for me to break up. She is young, thai and a former bar girl. I can imagine some of the reactions and I fear a little bit what might just happen. Also, I genuinly care about the girl but I do not feel the kind of love for her that I think she should have from a boyfriend. I worry that she would go back working in the bars again. Offcourse I realize it is highly likely and that I cannot do anything about this. But I feel bad about it though. What would be my best approach to break up? Are there any things I should be aware off? What kind of reactions should I anticipate? All help is appreciated! Thank you! Concerned Zorne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yabaaaa Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 When I first came here i met a few girls and all were nice. 2 in particular I really liked and had a hel_l of a job deciding which was best for me. In the end I chose the one I thought i would have the best chance with long term. This is what i told the one I didnt choose . I didnt like doing it but I told them both right from the off what i was doing. The one I didnt choose was very very nice but i thought long term there would be problems because of her personality. I may have been wrong but I made my choice and all is fine. Did she take it badly.......... yes a bit but then seeing how she took it made me see i had chosen the best for me. I did feel sorry for her I know she liked me a lot but what can u do? Rejection isnt so nice. I just hope she found a nice man she was ooooooooooooh very nice, haahahaha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Great first post! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorne Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 Did she take it badly.......... yes a bit Please elaborate. More experiences and tips are greatly appreciated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaimai Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Great first post! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorne Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 Great first post! Sorry, but I do not see the fun in this. You are very welcome too elaborate on your very constructive post. As for my opening post I do see that I might look like a very novice and inexperienced person. And yes this is true. I do not have any experiences in these matters here in Thailand. I do however have loads of expereince of "normal" western relationships with Eurpoean women, both short and long ones. My reasons for this post is not more complicated than that I want to extract as much information as possible about the customs over here. Why not try to avoid unnessassarry complications? Breaking up is never an easy issue. If you think so, then my friend you do have a problem and I fell very sorry for you. I agree though, that it might sound funny asking about "how to break up". But again, I am more interested in the customs over here. This beeing a forum with people with loads of expereince in these matters I do belive there is help to be had. Zorne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaimai Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I worry that she would go back working in the bars again. Offcourse I realize it is highly likely and that I cannot do anything about this. But I feel bad about it though. It is not your job to 'save' her from bar work. You have to decide what is best for you, and her, for the long-term. Any doubts now are probably well-founded and splitting up is best done sooner rather than later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meom Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 The reasons are purely cultural. As long as she's good in bed who cares about culture? Flame away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samuibeachcomber Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 what a load of twaddle.the two ladies you two offloaded probably got the better deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorne Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 I worry that she would go back working in the bars again. Offcourse I realize it is highly likely and that I cannot do anything about this. But I feel bad about it though. It is not your job to 'save' her from bar work. You have to decide what is best for you, and her, for the long-term. Any doubts now are probably well-founded and splitting up is best done sooner rather than later. Never thought of it to be my job to save her. All I said was that I feel bad for here having to go back there. Also I am completely clear of what I want to do. I want to break up. I know this is the best for me. For her I don't know. She might get a better "deal" with sombody else or not. I can probably not do anything about that. I appreciate the support in breakin up but that is not really what I am looking for now. I am interested in some experiences in this from the people here. How did you guys go about? What happened when you opened pandoras box? Zorne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john b good Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I worry that she would go back working in the bars again. Offcourse I realize it is highly likely and that I cannot do anything about this. But I feel bad about it though. It is not your job to 'save' her from bar work. You have to decide what is best for you, and her, for the long-term. Any doubts now are probably well-founded and splitting up is best done sooner rather than later. I didn't see anything in his post that he considered it "his job" to "save her from bar work" From what I read it appeared that he was facing a dilemma as to how to how to "break up" in the least painful way (for both parties) But then to some the easiest way might just be to push them out the door with a direct <deleted> off and "I don't want to see you again" I don't think he was/is that sort of guy. Maybe you know better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorne Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 I worry that she would go back working in the bars again. Offcourse I realize it is highly likely and that I cannot do anything about this. But I feel bad about it though. It is not your job to 'save' her from bar work. You have to decide what is best for you, and her, for the long-term. Any doubts now are probably well-founded and splitting up is best done sooner rather than later. I didn't see anything in his post that he considered it "his job" to "save her from bar work" From what I read it appeared that he was facing a dilemma as to how to how to "break up" in the least painful way (for both parties) But then to some the easiest way might just be to push them out the door with a direct <deleted> off and "I don't want to see you again" I don't think he was/is that sort of guy. Maybe you know better Thank u! I am not that kind of a guy and yes this is the dilemma I have Any input anyone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
t.s Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I worry that she would go back working in the bars again. Offcourse I realize it is highly likely and that I cannot do anything about this. But I feel bad about it though. It is not your job to 'save' her from bar work. You have to decide what is best for you, and her, for the long-term. Any doubts now are probably well-founded and splitting up is best done sooner rather than later. Never thought of it to be my job to save her. All I said was that I feel bad for here having to go back there. Also I am completely clear of what I want to do. I want to break up. I know this is the best for me. For her I don't know. She might get a better "deal" with sombody else or not. I can probably not do anything about that. I appreciate the support in breakin up but that is not really what I am looking for now. I am interested in some experiences in this from the people here. How did you guys go about? What happened when you opened pandoras box? Zorne should you be publicly divulging her name? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorne Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 should you be publicly divulging her name? Sorry, I dont get it (not a native English speaker) . You referring to her name being Pandora or what hehe..?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mc2 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 some Thai guys just pack their bags, change their phone numbers and leave with out a trace never to be seen again why dont u try thai style ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dumball Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 some Thai guys just pack their bags, change their phone numbers and leave with out a trace never to be seen againwhy dont u try thai style ? This is most likely to be the sanest advice you will get around here . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travel2003 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Great first post! Sorry, but I do not see the fun in this. You are very welcome too elaborate on your very constructive post. As for my opening post I do see that I might look like a very novice and inexperienced person. And yes this is true. I do not have any experiences in these matters here in Thailand. I do however have loads of expereince of "normal" western relationships with Eurpoean women, both short and long ones. My reasons for this post is not more complicated than that I want to extract as much information as possible about the customs over here. Why not try to avoid unnessassarry complications? Breaking up is never an easy issue. If you think so, then my friend you do have a problem and I fell very sorry for you. I agree though, that it might sound funny asking about "how to break up". But again, I am more interested in the customs over here. This beeing a forum with people with loads of expereince in these matters I do belive there is help to be had. Zorne Hi Sorry, but I can understand why some smile when they read your post pal. "This is my first thai girlfriend" you said. How many do you intend to have? May I know your age? She is 19 you stated. And you have already loads of experience from back home? Im sorry, but you indeed seem like "a novice and inexperienced person". But then again, it might be the way you write the post. Not being a native English speaking person. I know have fallen in that trap before as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tb86 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 There is no painless way to do it, here or in the west. Just sit her down and do the deed no playing around or trailing her on. Just do it qucikly and decisively. No late night phone calls, dont answer when she calls,,,, and get sucked back into the lets have another go kind of trap. Its really just that simple, nobody likes to do it but this is life sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UncleFrank Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 (edited) Speaking from experience, some can go berserk. The behavior is ingrained from years of watching soap operas. The best thing to do lie. Say you have been transfered or something and don't go back to that bar. Good luck. Edited February 15, 2009 by UncleFrank Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tb86 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 or you can always tell her you have finaly decided to embrace your homo erotic urges Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 No such thing as a perfect breakup - feelings are involved and she will be hurt. Well could set her up with a mate and maybe she will break up with you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorne Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 Great first post! Sorry, but I do not see the fun in this. You are very welcome too elaborate on your very constructive post. As for my opening post I do see that I might look like a very novice and inexperienced person. And yes this is true. I do not have any experiences in these matters here in Thailand. I do however have loads of expereince of "normal" western relationships with Eurpoean women, both short and long ones. My reasons for this post is not more complicated than that I want to extract as much information as possible about the customs over here. Why not try to avoid unnessassarry complications? Breaking up is never an easy issue. If you think so, then my friend you do have a problem and I fell very sorry for you. I agree though, that it might sound funny asking about "how to break up". But again, I am more interested in the customs over here. This beeing a forum with people with loads of expereince in these matters I do belive there is help to be had. Zorne Hi Sorry, but I can understand why some smile when they read your post pal. "This is my first thai girlfriend" you said. How many do you intend to have? May I know your age? She is 19 you stated. And you have already loads of experience from back home? Im sorry, but you indeed seem like "a novice and inexperienced person". But then again, it might be the way you write the post. Not being a native English speaking person. I know have fallen in that trap before as well. My age and how many girls I intend too have is somewhat irrelevant to the topic of this thread. But for the record, I am 35 and honestly have no idea how many relationships I will have before I settle down. It depends on the girl. I clearly say I am inexperienced in thai relationship customs. Is my English really that poor that so many of you misinterpret my initial post . I am not born behind a rock and I know offcourse that girls, being thai or whatever, have a lot of things in common. I also realize breakin up is in many aspects done the same way here in Thailand as elsewhere. But once again, that was NOT my intention with this thread. I want to know what differences I can expect. I have heard some really horrible stories from break ups in Thailadn that really dont apply in the same quantity in western countries. Thai girls ARE different than the girls westereners are acustom too, especially those who have been unfortunate too be working in bars. *Sigh* .... Zorne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0Mix1up Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 are you sure she likes just you that much? sorry but out of a bar can/usually means a list of "likes" she may just turn tail without a care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorne Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 Speaking from experience, some can go berserk. The behavior is ingrained from years of watching soap operas.The best thing to do lie. Say you have been transfered or something and don't go back to that bar. Good luck. I have seen a few of the soap operas over here and I can honestly say it scares me... Please elaborate more on your experiences . Zorne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorne Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 are you sure she likes just you that much?sorry but out of a bar can/usually means a list of "likes" she may just turn tail without a care Well you never can be too certain can you. She has told me several times she genuinly loves me but it might just be my money that she likes. I dont really care about that right now as I already decided on what I am going to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorne Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 No such thing as a perfect breakup - feelings are involved and she will be hurt. Well could set her up with a mate and maybe she will break up with you? I agree and I am aware of it as you clearly see if you read my opening post. Thanks for the tip but I doubt it would work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaimai Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I didn't see anything in his post that he considered it "his job" to "save her from bar work" Try this part of the OP "I worry that she would go back working in the bars again" I would argue that this suggests that he is indeed 'saving' her from working the bars and by breaking up she would have to return that wanton lifestyle. Some people haven't sussed out that many girls actually enjoy the lifestyle of bar work and their lives (plus their parent's lives) would literally be much the poorer without it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorne Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 or you can always tell her you have finaly decided to embrace your homo erotic urges Good tip that probably will work and with little hassle . But I am a little worried though it will become clear to her very soon that I am lying as she (or friends of hers) most likely will see me again with another lady. Just dont like the idea of lying to much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorne Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 I didn't see anything in his post that he considered it "his job" to "save her from bar work" Try this part of the OP "I worry that she would go back working in the bars again" I would argue that this suggests that he is indeed 'saving' her from working the bars and by breaking up she would have to return that wanton lifestyle. Some people haven't sussed out that many girls actually enjoy the lifestyle of bar work and their lives (plus their parent's lives) would literally be much the poorer without it. Up to her if she goes back working in a bar. Me beeing worried is more of the nature that I hope she would consider other options. I, as a person, dont work in the way that just if I break up with her doesnt mean I wouldnt want good things to happen to her. Her family is not extremely poor and she has the oportunity to do other things if she really wants. I do not intend to save anybody from the bar. It is my intention though to minimze the pain of the break up process for both parties. Zorne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaimai Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 It is my intention though to minimze the pain of the break up process for both parties. Zorne You have made your mind up, your hurt will be minimal because you have already come to terms with the decision. I suspect that she will get over it quickly as well. I am sure that once you have conveyed your decision you can both move on. Out of interest what bar did she find you in ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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