Becoming A Nun Before Marriage

[Pakeha]

I'm getting married in two weeks and my fiance became a Nun yesterday . But I'm really quite happy about it. She tells me doing this before we get married is good karma for her parents.

So she has been a Nun for one whole day and one whole night and the Monk has told her she has to finish today or on Tuesday. Any other day in between is unlucky. She had wanted to do three days which I thought seemed reasonable. Until next Tuesday is too long for her. One day seems a bit short - I've had longer hangovers!

Apparently it's worked out according to her birthday and other such things.

Does anyone else have any knowledge of this? I wondered if she just got hungry last night and decided herself one day was enough.

[SeerObserver]

The woman ordaining is very good merit for her parents as is the ordination of the man for his. There's really no right or wrong answer, but she should take advantage of the monastic stay, temporary and short as it may be, to gain some insight and clarity. This will be useful regardless of how much of a practicing Buddhist one is.

With respect to the duration, one day is definitely too short. A week seems good. Three days would be okay, in my opinion if it covered the weekend or some major merit-making holiday where practitioners would be in attendance. A monastic stay wouldn't be incomplete without this, but taking part in a merit ceremony of some sort would definitely help round it out well.

As for the monk's advice? Humbly accept it, but do not put too much weight on those folk superstitions unless that's your thing. That is not really a part of Buddhist doctrine and does not have to be factored in if that's what your criteria is.

[fabianfred]

Did she actually become a Nun and shave the head.... if she didn't shave the head then she was just the usual Upasika taking the eight precepts.

As for what days must be done or not is just the usual local customs, which are often not really of any consequence.

It is said that one who keeps the eight precepts for a single day and night earns more merit than one who builds a dozen temples......

Digging into one's pocket to make merit by giving, Dana, is far easier than making the effort to keep the precepts..... the eight precepts being stricter than the usual five.... giving up they normal pleasures in life.... sex, food, comfortable beds, entertainments, cosmetics and beauty products...

[Pakeha]

Thanks SeerObserver. I think the start and finish days does sound like superstition.

FabianFred - She did not shave her head so she must be, as you say, Upasika. I like the saying you mention about keeping the 8 precepts. Now that she has finished it appears that is exactly what she did for a single day and night. It is very fitting and seems to clarify my query. Thank you.

edit: spelling

Edited March 27, 2009 by Pakeha

[thesyndicate]

well she is not a nun thats for sure it take for ever to become a nun in Thailand. You need to train and take the rules with a wat and it does not take 1 day. Most girls do this going to the temple and and dress in white. They can not sleep in the temple so they stay outside in the garden in tents. Nothing special really most thais do it many times in their lives. Just like making merit with a twist.

What they say about 1 or 2 days just normal Thai BS if you go to another temple they say another thing.

[bina]

just curious, am thinking of doing same for one day/night to three days/nites , question being if i can at the local wat at my husbands village? will ask him (he would like for me to do this also as he was a monk for a long time and his first cousin has been a monk for the past 20 yrs)...

me being a farang woman of course, but buddhist (though jewish nationality living in israel) for past 25 yrs at least.... maybe i would go with his sister or mother? ... any ideas?

bina

israel

i will be in korat /soeng soong for three weeks in may as anon will be for two months visiting parents etc... we will not be doing any siteseeing or stuff so have the time and patience for three days of 'retreat' type thing...

[SeerObserver]

just curious, am thinking of doing same for one day/night to three days/nites , question being if i can at the local wat at my husbands village? will ask him (he would like for me to do this also as he was a monk for a long time and his first cousin has been a monk for the past 20 yrs)...

me being a farang woman of course, but buddhist (though jewish nationality living in israel) for past 25 yrs at least.... maybe i would go with his sister or mother? ... any ideas?

Do it for at least 3 days. Attend both morning and evening chanting sessions for your time there.

Depending on the Wat, you being a westerner should not be an issue. There are many westerners who stay at Wats and the like now either as ordained or monastic, so other monastics and some ordained generally speak English. But if it makes you feel better to have someone who can serve as a guide or something, then his sister or someone like that would be appropriate. It would be a good and meritorious experience for you both. Sadhu.

[Beacher]

It seems strange to become a nun for a day or 2, and it reflects one of the things that bothers me about this country -- superficiality. Thais seem very good at going through the motions to to show how proper and devoted they are. Things like building spirit houses and such gestures are only that - gestures. When someone enters the clergy as a nun or priest, it's supposed to be a choice of a lifetime of abstinence and pious worship -- not a little whim that's carried out for a day or 2.

[camerata]

When someone enters the clergy as a nun or priest, it's supposed to be a choice of a lifetime of abstinence and pious worship -- not a little whim that's carried out for a day or 2.

The point is that most of us are not able to commit to a lifetime as a monastic, so even a couple of days of strictly observing the precepts and doing meditation is better than none at all.

[Beacher]

When someone enters the clergy as a nun or priest, it's supposed to be a choice of a lifetime of abstinence and pious worship -- not a little whim that's carried out for a day or 2.

The point is that most of us are not able to commit to a lifetime as a monastic, so even a couple of days of strictly observing the precepts and doing meditation is better than none at all.

If you say so.

It still seems superficial to me, but I must admit that if she shaved her head and eyebrows to fulfill her "duties" that would be significant. (to the OP: Did she do that?)

[camerata]

As the OP already said, she became an Upasika (formally took 8 precepts) rather than a nun (mae chi). So shaving her head was not a requirement and anyway would not have made sense 2 weeks before her marriage. Strictly observing precepts for a period is quite a common way to make merit and get one's head together, particularly since women can't take full bhikkhuni ordination.

[bina]

thanx, i thought so too; his sister or mother would really like to do something like that with me im sure, especially his mother.... the village wat has no english speakers but did meet his cousin the monk when we married as he gave us a little talk along with my daughter too, a very nice guy... im sure the whole village would discuss me for years after wards as i am practically the only farang to ever go there and for sure the only farang woman in their history of the village....

as for beachcomber: dont christians do retreats? jews also do shabbaton retreats, and there are those that do vipassana weekends, or going off to the mountains for a few days to chill out. same same... and spirit houses are not buddhist but animist adaptations of a sort of 'just in case there are ghosts' type thing for most thais. same as bar mitzva services and church prayer days.... to each his own

i think i would like three days; not sure about eating one meal a day do to slight medical problems but wont die either...

will discuss with anon... as he has always thought my personality suits becoming eventually a mee chi ...

bina

israel

[SeerObserver]

i think i would like three days; not sure about eating one meal a day do to slight medical problems but wont die either...

will discuss with anon... as he has always thought my personality suits becoming eventually a mee chi ...

Just think it's sort of interesting how you refer to anon by his first name. It makes me feel like I'm talking to you about people I know.

Anyhow...the one meal per day thing isn't always the case or has become lax in some ways. This is due to a few different reasons. One reason is interpretation. Some interpret the rule as not to eat after midday. The second reason is due to medical conditions that weren't prevalent at the time the rules were written. So many monastaries now allow you sustenenace as long as it doesn't involve chewing (yogurt, etc.) Milk and honey tea is always a good filler too. The possible third reason is something along what Beacher has been talking about. That is due to societal decline and the like.

So really double check with the Wat.

[Beacher]

As the OP already said, she became an Upasika (formally took 8 precepts) rather than a nun (mae chi). So shaving her head was not a requirement and anyway would not have made sense 2 weeks before her marriage. Strictly observing precepts for a period is quite a common way to make merit and get one's head together, particularly since women can't take full bhikkhuni ordination.

Oh, well when the OP said, "My fiance is a nun." I somehow got the the impression that his fiance was a nun. Silly bit of confusion on my part

Edited April 8, 2009 by Beacher

[imaneggspurt]

A friend of mine had his intended go to a temple for a week, she said it was to ask forgiveness for her past, they married ,moved to the uk where 6 months later she went off to work in a gentlemans club in leeds,.

[SeerObserver]

A friend of mine had his intended go to a temple for a week, she said it was to ask forgiveness for her past, they married ,moved to the uk where 6 months later she went off to work in a gentlemans club in leeds,.

Exactly the type of thing Beacher was thinking of when he posted...

It seems strange to become a nun for a day or 2, and it reflects one of the things that bothers me about this country -- superficiality. Thais seem very good at going through the motions to to show how proper and devoted they are.

How much saddha could she have really had in the whole temple experience if she became a stripper so soon after? The "girl of the night" seems not to have put her past behind her.

[camerata]

Oh, well when the OP said, "My fiance is a nun." I somehow got the the impression that his fiance was a nun. Silly bit of confusion on my part

And he subsequently said, "She did not shave her head so she must be, as you say, Upasika." I guess the confusion is that most farang don't know the term Upasika, so they call any woman taking precepts and/or staying at a temple a nun. However, in Thailand a mae chi (nun) is treated little better than a monastic serf (according to some critics of the Sangha). Either way, there is nothing superficial about it.

[BEDBANDIT]

well I'm really confused ......my GF has been in a temple for 2 months now ( see my post about 100 days in a temple) shes not shaved her head , dressed in white and when i visited her last week seemed to be really enjoying it . cant help thinking I'm losing her to religion , but that's another story .