The Mistress, Aka Number 2

[eek]

Hmm..just to add to venturalaw's post, you could also pose in indirect question something along the lines of 'I am worried that sometimes my boyfriend goes to another woman'. Ask her her opinion. If she thinks he may be doing this.

But..i have to say, it seems unlikely that she will be honest with you. IF she is occasionally sleeping with your bf, but claiming to be now a good friend to you, then she isnt much of a good friend in my opinion. If she can sleep behind your back with your bf, she obviously isnt considerate to you (..and of course your bf too!).

Maybe a different friend who is a mutual friend to them can help.

But anyway, if you strongly suspect this, and your boyfriend is fobbing you off when you ask this question (which implies either guilt or at the least a lack of consideration for your concerns), then it may just be better to reconsider your relationship.

:/

[Vang2x]

This isn't a troll, its a genuine question.

I've seen this on soap operas, and also a couple of the extended family are number 2s. I know it is prevalent all around the world but here it is far more prevalent and part of the culture.

In on of the general topic threads, a guy has got his second g/f pregnant...

As I said, two of the extended family are mistresses, to thais actually. Many thais have mistresses it seems, well, the rich ones, lol.

It's not just a affair either, some of these relationships last years, one I know of 6 years.The guy pays for her upkeep, she doesn't go out or anything, just sits at home waiting for her thai "bf" to come round.

The girls invariably are in total love with the guy, but he will never leave the wife and kids, yet she waits in vain, and if she makes to much of a fuss, she gets dumped for another girl.

What are your views, as I want to get a perspective from the ladies point of view.

Ernest

and personally, one lady is more than enough !

It's a timing my lady Thai friend spoke about the subject days ago. This practice was used to be a taboo but it's a fact these days and is widely accepted and practiced. If I were to use the words exactly, the term was "IT'S OKAY". I validated the info with other Thai friends and they have supported it. Have asked some foreign women who married the locals (just four I personally know) But I have to clarify that the activity is never beyond the wife's knowledge. The respective wives know about the other relationship and not just other one actually and they(husband and wife) still both live under the same roof. No plan of getting a divorce either.

To add, I had some few activities with some Adult students and many expressed that being a "playgirl" or "playboy" is something to be proud of and being not is a weakness. It signifies being "unattractive" or in some words..a "loser".

FInally, I just spoke with what I gathered first hand, it would be unfair to make any generalizations.

Good day!

[DaleBlue]

Hmm..just to add to venturalaw's post, you could also pose in indirect question something along the lines of 'I am worried that sometimes my boyfriend goes to another woman'. Ask her her opinion. If she thinks he may be doing this.

But..i have to say, it seems unlikely that she will be honest with you. IF she is occasionally sleeping with your bf, but claiming to be now a good friend to you, then she isnt much of a good friend in my opinion. If she can sleep behind your back with your bf, she obviously isnt considerate to you (..and of course your bf too!).

Maybe a different friend who is a mutual friend to them can help.

But anyway, if you strongly suspect this, and your boyfriend is fobbing you off when you ask this question (which implies either guilt or at the least a lack of consideration for your concerns), then it may just be better to reconsider your relationship.

:/

The only reason why she didn't marry by bf was because her family object to her marrying a Thai with incompatable social status (I hope you know what I mean). Being a wealthy Chinese daughter, she comply to her parents wishes. I do not wish to discuss race issue here.

But I knew that they were still best friends. They went to the same school since they were 7 to 17. My bf was not the study type. Just manged to pull thru a not so famous uni, and now just an assistant store manager of an international chain. Miss X however went overseas and return with a qualification that envy by most. She is now a senior manager of one of the international oil refinery that light up the sky around here at night.

I think the problem is that Miss X and I get along real well over the past one year. She is the reason why my Thai improve so quickly (as my bf doesn't talk much). She gets very shy when I openly joke about sex. Never even dare to put on 2 piece bikini in public. When I bought it for her birthday, it was the most conservative piece in Central.

So, Miss X and I are good friends. Miss X and my bf are best friends. My bf and I are lovers. My bf never own up if he have ever slept with her, they don't even hold hands for more than a few seconds when I am around. I suspect they might have a hidden relationship, hidden especially away from me and her parrents.

[venturalaw]

Hmm..just to add to venturalaw's post, you could also pose in indirect question something along the lines of 'I am worried that sometimes my boyfriend goes to another woman'. Ask her her opinion. If she thinks he may be doing this.

But..i have to say, it seems unlikely that she will be honest with you. IF she is occasionally sleeping with your bf, but claiming to be now a good friend to you, then she isnt much of a good friend in my opinion. If she can sleep behind your back with your bf, she obviously isnt considerate to you (..and of course your bf too!).

Maybe a different friend who is a mutual friend to them can help.

But anyway, if you strongly suspect this, and your boyfriend is fobbing you off when you ask this question (which implies either guilt or at the least a lack of consideration for your concerns), then it may just be better to reconsider your relationship.

:/

The only reason why she didn't marry by bf was because her family object to her marrying a Thai with incompatable social status (I hope you know what I mean). Being a wealthy Chinese daughter, she comply to her parents wishes. I do not wish to discuss race issue here.

But I knew that they were still best friends. They went to the same school since they were 7 to 17. My bf was not the study type. Just manged to pull thru a not so famous uni, and now just an assistant store manager of an international chain. Miss X however went overseas and return with a qualification that envy by most. She is now a senior manager of one of the international oil refinery that light up the sky around here at night.

I think the problem is that Miss X and I get along real well over the past one year. She is the reason why my Thai improve so quickly (as my bf doesn't talk much). She gets very shy when I openly joke about sex. Never even dare to put on 2 piece bikini in public. When I bought it for her birthday, it was the most conservative piece in Central.

So, Miss X and I are good friends. Miss X and my bf are best friends. My bf and I are lovers. My bf never own up if he have ever slept with her, they don't even hold hands for more than a few seconds when I am around. I suspect they might have a hidden relationship, hidden especially away from me and her parrents.

You said the problem is that you are good friends with Miss. X. If you were enemies or strangers to each other, there would be no problem? The way you phrased it was as if you perhaps have an issue with your bf being sexually involved with your good friend Miss. X, not that she is so potentially involved with him. In support of this you point out her achievements and his lack of same. As an aside, it appears that he is not worthy of you (it is not appropriate for a lover to laugh or make light of the concerns, whether based in reality or not, of their mate).

The important question is why are you with him and not whether or not he is sleeping with your good friend.

[AnnieLim]

Love triangle; how typical.

I support Venturalaw's view; he is not worthy of you.

However, keep your friendship with Miss X.

Men in Thailand are a dime a dozen. Friendship is a lot harder to come by.

[venturalaw]

Love triangle; how typical.

I support Venturalaw's view; he is not worthy of you.

However, keep your friendship with Miss X.

Men in Thailand are a dime a dozen. Friendship is a lot harder to come by.

Boys are a dime a dozen - so are girls - and not just in Thailand. Good stable men and women, and great friendships, are very difficult to find. However, if Miss. X is secretly involved with your bf knowing that it would devastate you (would it?), is she really a true friend?

[imaneggspurt]

Well for me too 1 is enough, but this is the deciding factor,."Many thais have mistresses it seems, well, the rich ones," ...yes only money limits how many you can have it seems and a lot of thai women will tolerate anything for money,. ,i personally dont feel sorry for them as for some it ( money ) seems more important than love,.

[imaneggspurt]

My Thai bf and I are not married, we just stay together. He has a very close childhood lady friend in Chonburi. Let just call her Miss X.

Miss X come from a wealthy chinese family. Since my bf introduce us, Miss X and I have been very good friend, and we often go to do the usual lady things together.

I suspect my bf and Miss X do have sex form time to time. Some time I slip in the question when he is least expected, he just joke and change the subject (which he is very good at).

I am not sure if I should ask Miss X about this. What if I am wrong? Will I upset Miss X? She is now a good friend of mine, and I do not know if that will be an insult to her.

This way of thinking would never exist in the west !

[Datsun240Z]

Well for me too 1 is enough, but this is the deciding factor,."Many thais have mistresses it seems, well, the rich ones," ...yes only money limits how many you can have it seems and a lot of thai women will tolerate anything for money,. ,i personally dont feel sorry for them as for some it ( money ) seems more important than love,.

for some? 75%!!!!

[IanForbes]

The only reason why she didn't marry by bf was because her family object to her marrying a Thai with incompatable social status (I hope you know what I mean). Being a wealthy Chinese daughter, she comply to her parents wishes. I do not wish to discuss race issue here.

But I knew that they were still best friends. They went to the same school since they were 7 to 17. My bf was not the study type. Just manged to pull thru a not so famous uni, and now just an assistant store manager of an international chain. Miss X however went overseas and return with a qualification that envy by most. She is now a senior manager of one of the international oil refinery that light up the sky around here at night.

I think the problem is that Miss X and I get along real well over the past one year. She is the reason why my Thai improve so quickly (as my bf doesn't talk much). She gets very shy when I openly joke about sex. Never even dare to put on 2 piece bikini in public. When I bought it for her birthday, it was the most conservative piece in Central.

So, Miss X and I are good friends. Miss X and my bf are best friends. My bf and I are lovers. My bf never own up if he have ever slept with her, they don't even hold hands for more than a few seconds when I am around. I suspect they might have a hidden relationship, hidden especially away from me and her parrents.

I have a "slightly" different viewpoint than Venturalaw or AnnieLim. First you have to accept that whatever you find out about your boyfriend's relationship with Miss X it is not going to change things between them. Only you could be the possible loser. You've already said he will never marry her. You have to ask yourself if you DID find out that they had or are having sexual relations with each other then how would you feel about it. Most women can't handle having a husband or boyfriend having sex with other women. Only in certain circumstances does that happen... but it is unusual.

Personally, I think if it was a past "fling" that is now over then no harm has been done. That is probably the most likely scenerio and it's better not pressing the issue. By pressing the issue you could likely lose both a good friend and your boy friend as well. However, it is a different story if they are having an ongoing sexual relaionship and are deceiving you. In that case neither are worthy of your time. I'm still friends with ex girl friends and previous lovers, but have no intention of taking up with them again.

[venturalaw]

The only reason why she didn't marry by bf was because her family object to her marrying a Thai with incompatable social status (I hope you know what I mean). Being a wealthy Chinese daughter, she comply to her parents wishes. I do not wish to discuss race issue here.

But I knew that they were still best friends. They went to the same school since they were 7 to 17. My bf was not the study type. Just manged to pull thru a not so famous uni, and now just an assistant store manager of an international chain. Miss X however went overseas and return with a qualification that envy by most. She is now a senior manager of one of the international oil refinery that light up the sky around here at night.

I think the problem is that Miss X and I get along real well over the past one year. She is the reason why my Thai improve so quickly (as my bf doesn't talk much). She gets very shy when I openly joke about sex. Never even dare to put on 2 piece bikini in public. When I bought it for her birthday, it was the most conservative piece in Central.

So, Miss X and I are good friends. Miss X and my bf are best friends. My bf and I are lovers. My bf never own up if he have ever slept with her, they don't even hold hands for more than a few seconds when I am around. I suspect they might have a hidden relationship, hidden especially away from me and her parrents.

I have a "slightly" different viewpoint than Venturalaw or AnnieLim. First you have to accept that whatever you find out about your boyfriend's relationship with Miss X it is not going to change things between them. Only you could be the possible loser. You've already said he will never marry her. You have to ask yourself if you DID find out that they had or are having sexual relations with each other then how would you feel about it. Most women can't handle having a husband or boyfriend having sex with other women. Only in certain circumstances does that happen... but it is unusual.

Personally, I think if it was a past "fling" that is now over then no harm has been done. That is probably the most likely scenerio and it's better not pressing the issue. By pressing the issue you could likely lose both a good friend and your boy friend as well. However, it is a different story if they are having an ongoing sexual relaionship and are deceiving you. In that case neither are worthy of your time. I'm still friends with ex girl friends and previous lovers, but have no intention of taking up with them again.

It was because of this statement that I replied as I did:

I suspect my bf and Miss X do have sex form time to time.

I completely agree with Ian if the sexual relationship is in the past.

Edited July 8, 2009 by venturalaw

[eek]

It was because of this statement that I replied as I did:

I suspect my bf and Miss X do have sex form time to time.

I completely agree with Ian if the sexual relationship is in the past.

If its in the past, i agree also. But seems like DaleBlue is concerned its ongoing. I hope your fears are not realised DaleBlue. Best of luck.

[sbk]

Unfortunately, I am quite sure DaleBlue is not a woman and is one of the serial trolls that delights in visiting the ladies forum. I wouldn't waste any of your concern there, eek

[eek]

..actually ive noticed quite a few members banned recently..i guess thats why. Life must be dull.

[IanForbes]

..actually ive noticed quite a few members banned recently..i guess thats why. Life must be dull.

And some of us have learned to dance a very narrow line...

I learned my technique as a log scaler walking on logs floating in the ocean. You know, the ones that spin and bob around as you walk on them. Yah gotta be nimble to stay upright. As soon as you get cocky you go for a bath. The mods get just as smart knowing who is playing games and who isn't.

It doesn't matter really. It's all just entertainment and keeps everyone on their toes. If the posts get too dull everyone goes home. A couple of fishing forums I used to belong to were so heavily regulated that everyone stopped visiting. Others had the opposite problem and turned into a jungle that nobody sensible ventured. Everyone has their own style and I'm sure the mods learn who the bad boys are and recognize them when they return as someone else.

[Yoshitaka]

"And some of us have learned to dance a very narrow line... "

Pardon my English, but I don't seems to understand this statement.

[njpski]

I am allowed to have a mia noi, on one condition, that I lose some weight - two stones in fact

[bkkjames]

..actually ive noticed quite a few members banned recently..i guess thats why. Life must be dull.

And some of us have learned to dance a very narrow line...

I learned my technique as a log scaler walking on logs floating in the ocean. You know, the ones that spin and bob around as you walk on them. Yah gotta be nimble to stay upright. As soon as you get cocky you go for a bath. The mods get just as smart knowing who is playing games and who isn't.

It doesn't matter really. It's all just entertainment and keeps everyone on their toes. If the posts get too dull everyone goes home. A couple of fishing forums I used to belong to were so heavily regulated that everyone stopped visiting. Others had the opposite problem and turned into a jungle that nobody sensible ventured. Everyone has their own style and I'm sure the mods learn who the bad boys are and recognize them when they return as someone else.

I know I am off topic but Ian's fishing reference is interesting. So tell me Ian, what was the problem on the fishing forum - too many fish stories. Not enough lures to satisfy the mods.

Back to this topic, what was it again? oh yes the dreaded 2nd.

Interesting topic to say the least. Got a mate whose Chinese Thai older wife said to him, "I dont care if you have one, as long as she doesnt get any money". Seems stereotypically typical.

The guy not only has one, he as a baby with her as well. A total mess IMO. Not sure how much face one gains by trying to hide that fact all the time.

For me, not interested in a mia noi although I do like sound of the word gig. Problem is the attachment, as a male (last time i checked) from time to time one does notice the opposite sex and depending on my liquor intake and vision, those of other persuasians (sorry, blame it on Mr Toad).

The point is, (yes i getting to it, hang on), it took me XX years to find the right one. Am I a saint no? But I know my hearts in the right place - and thankfully so does she.

Moral of the story: A wank in the bank is better than a happy meal from an establishment that doesnt wash their hands.

Edited July 30, 2009 by bkkjames

[sbk]

Moral of the story: A wank in the bank is better than a happy meal from an establishment that doesnt wash their hands.

you make that up James or you nick it from somewhere?

[VSteve]

This isn't a troll, its a genuine question.

I've seen this on soap operas, and also a couple of the extended family are number 2s.  I know it is prevalent all around the world but here it is far more prevalent and part of the culture.

In on of the general topic threads, a guy has got his second g/f pregnant...

As I said, two of the extended family are mistresses, to thais actually. Many thais have mistresses it seems, well, the rich ones, lol.

It's not just a affair either, some of these relationships last years, one I know of 6 years.The guy pays for her upkeep, she doesn't go out or anything, just sits at home waiting for her thai "bf" to come round.

The girls invariably are in total love with the guy, but he will never leave the wife and kids, yet she waits in vain, and if she makes to much of a fuss, she gets dumped for another girl.

I have been living here for over a half a year. Let me tell you, I can't begin to tell you about the relationships I've heard about and seen over this short period of time. So many people lying to eachother and not commiting to one person. It's a trip. I have some close friends (females~thai) that have been with their partners for years even though they stray sometimes. They just tell me that it hurts, but in the end they love their men and will stay with them.

I couldn't do it personally. My view: If you want to play around, play around. If you get married. Make the effort. But this seems to be a culture where they don't really talk about it, but it's everywhere and there are random family members everywhere.

I have another close friend that's divorced. She found out her Thai husband took another lover and kicked him out. She worked for herself, cleaned, and cooked all of the food...she came home to him drunk all the time and when he found another she called it quits. I admire her courage.

All in all, I now know what I don't want. That's for sure.

[bkkjames]

Moral of the story: A wank in the bank is better than a happy meal from an establishment that doesnt wash their hands.

you make that up James or you nick it from somewhere?

purely made up (wank in the bank is not new though)

[John_Rambo]

I can see the benefits of having a Mia Noi, and although not married yet, i intend to go down this road in the future. There is no point in me pretending that one woman will be enough to satisfy me for the rest of my life, so i will be quite up front about it when the time arrives that i wish to enter into such an arrangement. It is, after all, only natural.

[IanForbes]

"And some of us have learned to dance a very narrow line... "

Pardon my English, but I don't seems to understand this statement.

It means to stay on topic, be provocative, but never step over the line and break a forum rule. Dancing around a topic is what politicians do. They reply to a question but never give a hard and final answer. Here you will get answers, but many with tongues stuck firmly in our cheeks.

[harrry]

Here you will get answers, but many with tongues stuck firmly in our cheeks.

Which cheeks?

[Cnxman]

"my pen drai" welcome to LOS

[F1fanatic]

I have been living here for over a half a year. Let me tell you, I can't begin to tell you about the relationships I've heard about and seen over this short period of time. So many people lying to eachother and not commiting to one person. It's a trip. I have some close friends (females~thai) that have been with their partners for years even though they stray sometimes. They just tell me that it hurts, but in the end they love their men and will stay with them.

I couldn't do it personally. My view: If you want to play around, play around. If you get married. Make the effort. But this seems to be a culture where they don't really talk about it, but it's everywhere and there are random family members everywhere.

I have another close friend that's divorced. She found out her Thai husband took another lover and kicked him out. She worked for herself, cleaned, and cooked all of the food...she came home to him drunk all the time and when he found another she called it quits. I admire her courage.

All in all, I now know what I don't want. That's for sure.

You've been here for a whole six (or seven) months!! Believe me, you've no idea. You've barely scratched the surface. Once you've been here a few years you'll be able to laugh about it and, more importantly, ignore it.

You will eventually be able to laugh at your 'close' female Thai friends who've told you that they were unfaithful, even though they loved their (farang) men so much.

[Yoshitaka]

Why do men want to keep a mistress.

Would it not be better, cheaper and hassle free, just go for a paid sex if needed.

It will also hurt the wife, Aka Number 1, less.

[midasthailand]

Hmm..just to add to venturalaw's post, you could also pose in indirect question something along the lines of 'I am worried that sometimes my boyfriend goes to another woman'. Ask her her opinion. If she thinks he may be doing this.

But..i have to say, it seems unlikely that she will be honest with you. IF she is occasionally sleeping with your bf, but claiming to be now a good friend to you, then she isnt much of a good friend in my opinion. If she can sleep behind your back with your bf, she obviously isnt considerate to you (..and of course your bf too!).

Maybe a different friend who is a mutual friend to them can help.

But anyway, if you strongly suspect this, and your boyfriend is fobbing you off when you ask this question (which implies either guilt or at the least a lack of consideration for your concerns), then it may just be better to reconsider your relationship.

:/

Sorry, I do not normally post in the ladies forum but since I do have some experience regarding this subject, thought I would comment. I think one errs when one ascribes western thought processes to Thai women. Miss X being Thai, would not have the slightest guilt about sleeping with a "friend's" bf. In my experience Thai women regard sex as another bodily function (albeit an enjoyable one) and if they are attracted to a man (and he sends out the appropriate signals) they won't hesitate to jump his bones. Please understand that I do not have any problem with this attitude and am not slagging off Thai women in general. I understand that their thought processes are not the same as those of western women and they see nothing wrong with a friendly romp with a friend's bf. No disrespect intended to those ladies of Thai heritage that do not agree.

[sbk]

I think it depends on the women, midas. I know many Thai women who would find your characterization offensive. Just because that has been your experience does not mean its universal.

[bkkjames]

I think it depends on the women, midas. I know many Thai women who would find your characterization offensive. Just because that has been your experience does not mean its universal.

I think in Midas' last sentence he covered this off. And previously he did qualify it by saying it was 'his experience'.

But hey, what am I doing sticking for him in a ladies forum.