Do Not Touch A Thai Lady?

[thaibear1]

Cross-gender touching.....In our culture, for a man to touch a woman is considered not polite and for some conservative woman, it is very insulting.

http://www.apmforum.com/columns/thai8.htm

first see where you touch a "conservative woman" I guess they rather are not in night clubs etc.!!! Take it as game as long you are not in a conservative society

[coalminer]

I know this lady as she is a good friend of a Thai male I know. ( I have known her about a year or so. She will stop and talk to me if she sees me out. ) It was in a club, the music was loud and she was there with her female friends.

I touched her on the arm to get her attention and had to stand close to hear her talk.

A few years ago, I was travelling from to Bangkok for my 90-days report on a "511" bus.

These busses stops every "10" miles to pick-up passengers, and in no time the bus was overloaded and some passengers need to travel standing in the bus.

The guy who was collecting the faire, running the bus up and down all the time, touched a "lady" from behind on the shoulder and asked her to let him pass thtough.

The "lady" started to shout and was clearly offended by this.

She took her cellphone and started to shout on the phone, but I could not understand anything she said.

A few miles later, between Sarabury and Bangkok, at the point were all busses need to check (statue of a fish), a police car was waiting for the bus.

As soon as the bus stopped, the policemen get on the bus, grasped the guy, and braught him away.

Moral of the story:

When in Thailand, NEVER touch a woman and NEVER speak to a woman first or rude.

Unless you want to loose lot's of money and spend a few weeks in the Bangkok Hilton.

[BlueSmurf]

Just a general observation..Thais consider themselves dirty people thats why they do not shake hands or touch in public but once you have taken them back to your room let them have a shower feel free to do what you want to them !

Its called double standards! lol..

Plz read this as a joke...........

[desmondf]

sorry I know this is off topic, which clubs do you guys go to ?

I just arrived in Thailand for work, is there any nice place to hang around?

[raylo]

We (farang) often tend to touch. A hand on the shoulder, the arm or whatever, in a friendly way and this comes natural to most of us and we tend not to think about it.

But for Thais, it's considered not the thing for a man to touch a woman in a friendly way, though women can touch men without being frowned upon.

Finally - the correct answer though the over reaction factor is astronomical

[longstebe]

She obviously didn't like what you had to say.Even though you were just passing a message on.It wouldn't surprise me if she had made a big deal over it and lied to the 3rd party.As far as I'm concerned he trusted you to pass the message on.But not now.

Erm, let him go .Find another friend.

[G54]

Let me say that I am coming to the conclusion of two parties here.

I am distancing myself from the friend.

Also on reflection do not really want anything to do with the lady in question either from her overreaction. Has caused some hassle over the weekend.

No problem though. Life goes on

[sbk]

Posts have been deleted. Please read the forum rules again as derogatory and demeaning comments are not allowed.

[AceCafe]

Let me say that I am coming to the conclusion of two parties here.

I am distancing myself from the friend.

Also on reflection do not really want anything to do with the lady in question either from her overreaction. Has caused some hassle over the weekend.

No problem though. Life goes on

Well done you...... rise above it and show your class! Sounds like your friend and his lady are well suited to each other and you'd be better off without 'em!

[huma79]

You didn't do anything wrong or unusual at all. You shouldn't touch a Thai lady in a normal environment, but assuming you just touched her lightly while talking.. and in a CLUB, it's not a problem. Actually, most clubs i've been at in Thailand are so cramped that it would be impossible NOT to touch other people.

[Birdman]

That's the way it is. Touching a decent Thai lady is a no no.

Wonder how that ladies would feel on the streets of New Delhi. They would be touched all over by quick hands out of the anonymous crowds.

[OldenAtwoody]

Maybe she was diverting attention to YOU to avoid having to explain to her "friend" why she was out past two "clubbing". Next time you're asked to pass on a message to this <deleted>, tell them both to piss off.

I would've done exaclty what you did, innocently, and would be suffering for it now as you are.

Immensely childish behavior on their parts.

Apologies for my lack of clarity on who phoned. It was the same friend who asked me to pass on the message. Seems she phoned him at about 2 a.m. after the club had shut. So maybe an hour after I passed on the message.

Seems to me as SBK says, an overreaction. I could understand it if I had not known the lady at all. The gist of the phone call was not to touch at all and that does seem over the top, but also something I have to respect at the end of the day.

We (farang) often tend to touch. A hand on the shoulder, the arm or whatever, in a friendly way and this comes natural to most of us and we tend not to think about it.

Maybe she wanted to divert attention away from another subject. I honestly do not know. But now it means I have to take care even on a simple touch. Sigh.

[TheWalkingMan]

Let me say that I am coming to the conclusion of two parties here.

I am distancing myself from the friend.

Also on reflection do not really want anything to do with the lady in question either from her overreaction. Has caused some hassle over the weekend.

No problem though. Life goes on

Perfect.

Scratch their names out of your memory an move on.

Have a good day!

TheWalkingMan

[OldenAtwoody]

Hmm... many reasons IMO...

- How do you look like? Keanu Reeves? I guess she gets hit on you, so exaggerated told she called your friend.

- Your male friend is jealous of you, he gets hit on her?

- How old is she? An old Thai lady who never had BF? Sorry, I am irony..but if so, it is no surprise...

- What is your message about? Sexy one? If so..haha..

- You said just your few fingertips on her back...but where on her back? upper or lower?

I think this is funny for her complaint, person can be close by accident at least...

she was in club and that place could be really easy to get touching and I can be sure it would not be only fingertips as you did also..

Well, whist you been blamed, next time touch her ass leii...OK? lol...haha..

Midori makes a good point. You've already been sentenced and convicted. The next time you see this vestal virgin, don't even say a word but give her the old Hollywood "swept-backward-off-your-feet-lip-lock", and then a couple of melon squeezes while you're at it. Don’t forget the exploratory hand slide over her nether regions either.

Hopefully, this will occur in the presence of a group of her female friends, and if you're smart, just turn, depart quickly and leave her speechless to explain it all to them. hahah

[hamishgillan]

Just never contact the piece of shit again, no great loss.

[valentinob29]

As long as i've been here i have never experienced something like this nor heard of this rule that farangs can't touch thai women in a public place. I've done it and i see thai do it all the time, never any problems. I think it's a made up thing with some basis in old fashioned etiquette, wouldn't worry too much about it.

Agreed. The woman in question just obviously hates foriegners or the OP.

at the root of this is the sad fact that she, and all of those pathetic clingers to hi-so style nonsense really hate themselfs

they know they are nothing and have serious issues in their life to deal with

and project their misery onto others and buy something that has no price and they can never obtain by their own merits- class

I hope the OP washed his hands!

[Freddie_fly]

Let me say that I am coming to the conclusion of two parties here.

I am distancing myself from the friend.

Also on reflection do not really want anything to do with the lady in question either from her overreaction. Has caused some hassle over the weekend.

No problem though. Life goes on

Good for you mate, although frankly after coming here for 30 years, I havnt ever been in this situation. In fact many of my Thai female friends always greet me with a hug and a peck on the cheek.

I guess it helps that a lot of them call me "Loong' (ลุง ) :D

regards

Freddie

[G54]

Hmm... many reasons IMO...

- How do you look like? Keanu Reeves? I guess she gets hit on you, so exaggerated told she called your friend.

- Your male friend is jealous of you, he gets hit on her?

- How old is she? An old Thai lady who never had BF? Sorry, I am irony..but if so, it is no surprise...

- What is your message about? Sexy one? If so..haha..

- You said just your few fingertips on her back...but where on her back? upper or lower?

I think this is funny for her complaint, person can be close by accident at least...

she was in club and that place could be really easy to get touching and I can be sure it would not be only fingertips as you did also..

Well, whist you been blamed, next time touch her ass leii...OK? lol...haha..

Midori makes a good point. You've already been sentenced and convicted. The next time you see this vestal virgin, don't even say a word but give her the old Hollywood "swept-backward-off-your-feet-lip-lock", and then a couple of melon squeezes while you're at it. Don't forget the exploratory hand slide over her nether regions either.

Hopefully, this will occur in the presence of a group of her female friends, and if you're smart, just turn, depart quickly and leave her speechless to explain it all to them. hahah

- Your male friend is jealous of you, he gets hit on her? They shaggy shaggy on and off

- How old is she? 35 (ish) and getting fatter

An old Thai lady who never had BF? Sorry, I am irony..but if so, it is no surprise...

- What is your message about? Sexy one? If so..haha.. No

- You said just your few fingertips on her back...but where on her back? upper or lower? Upper

Hells Bells, this topic still going?

[Chaimai]

My, my. Much ado about something. I take a slightly conservative approach, since some locals are that way, too. I never make the first touch. Male or female, young or old, even in a gay sauna with nearly naked Thais, I wait for them.

There's a new waiter at a restaurant that I frequent. He started playfully touching me on the hand, poking me on the side. I do the same now. It matters not if he's gay or has any 'intentions.' He started it, and therefore it's okay.

I believe that this is called old-fashioned 'common decency'. Gender, age, persuasion or status is irrelevant - do not touch unless aksed or encouraged to do so.

A long time ago a friend told me "I know when a woman is saying "no" but I am not sure when they are saying yes !" - be sure.

[Freddie_fly]

I believe that this is called old-fashioned 'common decency'. Gender, age, persuasion or status is irrelevant - do not touch unless aksed or encouraged to do so.

A long time ago a friend told me "I know when a woman is saying "no" but I am not sure when they are saying yes !" - be sure.

Oh I dont know, Old fashioned common decency for many hundreds of years was to kiss a ladies hand. I think way too many people on this thread have really over-reacted

to what was no more than an innocent gesture to attract someones attention in a crowded noisy room. The common theme seems to be Whoa this is Thailand, you dont touch someone here.

What surprises me is that after 30 years of innocently touching someone to attract their attention, I have never been pulled up for it, either by my Thai friends or anyone else.

I suggest many are projecting their own ideals on how Thai's think, and, as the OP has probably realised by now, there was more to this than meets the eye....or arm.

regards

Freddie

[gigiman]

Having lived here along time I have had this same thing happen to me many times ,, but without the phone call.

My thoughts are as follows, 50 % of it was old culture kicking in , cause that dictates you DO NOT touch a woman like that in public ,

and the other 50% could be a combination of a few factors ,, the girl liked you, she is really stuck up and was trying to throw her weight around by pulling the " culture card " on you which has happened to me a few times,,, or it was the ingrained secret feeling theat most Thais have of falan , that they are inferior beings and should not be touching them.

I had an experience 5 years ago where I had a business meeting with a Thai business woman that I had met only a day before and at the end of the meeting I reached out to shake her hand to say goodbye and she took a fit ,, all upset ,, how dare you try to touch me bla bla bla. I apologized and she stormed off.

Three days later ,, out of nowhere she was knocking on my apartment door at 230 am unannounced and in 30 seconds she was jumpng my bones and we were having sex .

So I don't know ,, go figure ,, sometimes there is alot of politcs and inuendo in what they say and what they are really thinking

[G54]

Having lived here along time I have had this same thing happen to me many times ,, but without the phone call.

My thoughts are as follows, 50 % of it was old culture kicking in , cause that dictates you DO NOT touch a woman like that in public ,

and the other 50% could be a combination of a few factors ,, the girl liked you, she is really stuck up and was trying to throw her weight around by pulling the " culture card " on you which has happened to me a few times,,, or it was the ingrained secret feeling theat most Thais have of falan , that they are inferior beings and should not be touching them.

I had an experience 5 years ago where I had a business meeting with a Thai business woman that I had met only a day before and at the end of the meeting I reached out to shake her hand to say goodbye and she took a fit ,, all upset ,, how dare you try to touch me bla bla bla. I apologized and she stormed off.

Three days later ,, out of nowhere she was knocking on my apartment door at 230 am unannounced and in 30 seconds she was jumpng my bones and we were having sex .

So I don't know ,, go figure ,, sometimes there is alot of politcs and inuendo in what they say and what they are really thinking

[spongeman]

Tell the truth.

You were doing the slow set with her and you dropped the hand during the first song.

Should have waited until the fourth at least.

[keithaustin]

It is not only farangs that cannot touch a 'good' Thai lady (i.e. not a bar type), it is totally not etiquette for Thai men to touch a Thai lady. 99% of real Thai women (i.e. not Cambodian or Laotian) are 'good' women and no men are allowed to touch them. The reason why it is worse if a farang touches a 'good' Thai lady is that everybody will assume she is a bar type. I knew of a farang who got arrested for molesting a Thai girl. He assumed, like many ignorant Westerners, that all the women in Thailand are the same. Thailand, overall, is a FAR more moralistic country than Britain, if you stay away from the Cambodian/Laotian dominated tourist areas. I had a Thai wife and when I met her parents I put my hand on her father's shoulder and gestured to shake hands. He smiled, but he gently brushed my hand away and pretended not to notice my outstretched hand.

[spongeman]

Having lived here along time I have had this same thing happen to me many times ,, but without the phone call.

My thoughts are as follows, 50 % of it was old culture kicking in , cause that dictates you DO NOT touch a woman like that in public ,

and the other 50% could be a combination of a few factors ,, the girl liked you, she is really stuck up and was trying to throw her weight around by pulling the " culture card " on you which has happened to me a few times,,, or it was the ingrained secret feeling theat most Thais have of falan , that they are inferior beings and should not be touching them.

I had an experience 5 years ago where I had a business meeting with a Thai business woman that I had met only a day before and at the end of the meeting I reached out to shake her hand to say goodbye and she took a fit ,, all upset ,, how dare you try to touch me bla bla bla. I apologized and she stormed off.

Three days later ,, out of nowhere she was knocking on my apartment door at 230 am unannounced and in 30 seconds she was jumpng my bones and we were having sex .

So I don't know ,, go figure ,, sometimes there is alot of politcs and inuendo in what they say and what they are really thinking

Was her name Demi Moore by any chance

[Freddie_fly]

It is not only farangs that cannot touch a 'good' Thai lady (i.e. not a bar type), it is totally not etiquette for Thai men to touch a Thai lady. 99% of real Thai women (i.e. not Cambodian or Laotian) are 'good' women and no men are allowed to touch them. The reason why it is worse if a farang touches a 'good' Thai lady is that everybody will assume she is a bar type. I knew of a farang who got arrested for molesting a Thai girl. He assumed, like many ignorant Westerners, that all the women in Thailand are the same. Thailand, overall, is a FAR more moralistic country than Britain, if you stay away from the Cambodian/Laotian dominated tourist areas. I had a Thai wife and when I met her parents I put my hand on her father's shoulder and gestured to shake hands. He smiled, but he gently brushed my hand away and pretended not to notice my outstretched hand.

Rubbish, I dont know what circles you mix with but I have never had this problem. My Wifes father has never had a problem shaking my hand, nor his sons. My wifes mother does look a little embarassed when I give her a hug, but I can see she isnt upset by it, and my wifes parents are, I would say, some of the most conservative Thai's I have met.

Have you tried changing your soap????

regards

Freddie

[G54]

Tell the truth.

You were doing the slow set with her and you dropped the hand during the first song.

Should have waited until the fourth at least.

I never go that low with my lips in public!!! I just want that understood. OK??

[barrybike]

sounds like a big over reaction to me........

[amasus]

unless you are handsome (just kidding)!

[MaiThaiMai]

Story is, I was asked to pass a message on to someone, a Thai lady, after she was not answering her phone and the belief was she could not hear it because she was in a club and the music was blasting. It was on my way home, so was no problem for me to pass on the message.

I know this lady as she is a good friend of a Thai male I know. ( I have known her about a year or so. She will stop and talk to me if she sees me out. ) It was in a club, the music was loud and she was there with her female friends.

I touched her on the arm to get her attention and had to stand close to hear her talk.

I am finding it a bit strange that I received a phone call today and have been 'told off' for holding that Thai lady last night.

The conversation went along the lines of, 'You understand last night you hold lady. You are a Farang and she is Thai. This is not good for her.'

So to be told I am not allowed to do that because I am a Farang seems crazy. If I was a total stranger to her and her friends, I could understand it.

On recollection, I did put my fingertips on her back for a second or two as I spoke to her, but have never had a problem with this before. It was not a cuddle type touch or anything romantic. I was in the club about 10 minutes in total and most of that time was spent locating her. The whole conversation took maybe two minutes.

Is this such a bad thing all things considered?

Thoughts anyone?

You're in a soap opera of a different flavor, a bit more dicy (spicy) like everything else in LOS...

Only 3 things I KNOW about Thai (working) girls in my 3 visits totalling almost 4 months in the last year and a half;

1. *ALL* Thai (working) girls lie BIG and lie badly...even when they know it leads to another's heartbreak

2. Thai working girls make promises and NEVER keep them...

3. Once farang piss-off Thai (working) girl for whatever many reason (you may NEVER know reason either :jerk: ) an apology will NEVER BE ACCEPTED - NEVER!!!

Anyone feel free to argue with my opinion all day but these are not opinions, they are pure experience and more than once on each of them...the great thing about heartbreak in LOS is it can be mended, usually within the half hour