THE GAME OF ROMANCE...

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

Remember:

You do NOT get points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game of romance is played.

The following is the official guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed: +1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows: 0

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets: -1

You leave the toilet seat up: -5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty: 0

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex: -1

When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom: -2

You go out to buy her extra-light panty-liners with wings: +5

At night: +8

In the rain/snow: +10

But return with beer: -5

And no liners: -25

You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing: +1

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something: +5

You pummel it with a six iron: +10

It's her cat: -40

AT A PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party: 0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy: -2

Named Tiffany: -4

Tiffany is a dancer: -10

With breast implants: -18

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday: 0

You buy a card and flowers: 0

You take her out to dinner: 0

You take her out to dinner and it's NOT a sports bar: +1

Okay, it is a sports bar: -2

And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3

It's a sports bar, it's "all-you-can-eat & $1 pitcher" night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10

A NIGHT OUT WITH A FRIEND

Go with a friend: 0

He is happily married: +1

You go to your church's BINGO night: +15

You go to the O'Club: -25

The friend is single: -7

She drives a cherry-red Ferrari: -25

With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED): -50

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie: +2

You take her to a movie she likes: +4

You take her to a movie you hate: +6

You take her to a movie you like: -2

It's called "BIT 7": -3

Which features cyborgs that eat humans: -9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans: -15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly: -15

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it: +10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy

Hawaiian shirts: -30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.": -800

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" And you...

Hesitate in responding: -10

Reply, "Where?": -35

Reply, "No, I think it's just your butt": -100

Any other response: -20

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem you

listen, displaying a concerned expression: 0

You listen, for over 30 minutes: +5

You relate to her problem and share a similar experience: +50

Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying, "Well, what

do you think I should do?": -50

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV: +100

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep: -20

VACATIONING

You plan to take her to Samui for a long weekend vacation: +50

It's the same weekend your old squadron's reunion is being held: -100

(And don't even think of the points lost if you spend more on beer than she does shopping!!!)

THE GAME OF ROMANCE...

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies:  Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

Remember:

You do  NOT get points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game of romance is played.

The following is the official guide  to the points  system:

SIMPLE  DUTIES

You make the bed: +1

You  make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows: 0

You throw  the bedspread over rumpled sheets:  -1

You  leave the toilet seat up: -5

You replace the toilet paper roll when  it is empty: 0

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to  Kleenex: -1

When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom:  -2

You  go out to buy her extra-light panty-liners with wings: +5

At night:  +8

In the rain/snow: +10

But return with beer:  -5

And no liners:  -25

You  check out a suspicious noise at night: 0

You check out a suspicious  noise and it is nothing: +1

You check out a suspicious noise and it  is something: +5

You pummel it with a six iron: +10

It's  her cat:  -40

AT  A PARTY

You stay by her side the entire  party: 0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a  college drinking buddy: -2

Named Tiffany:  -4

Tiffany is a dancer: -10

With breast implants:  -18

HER  BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday:  0

You buy a card and flowers: 0

You take her out to  dinner: 0

You take her out to dinner and it's NOT a sports bar:  +1

Okay, it is a sports bar: -2

And it's all-you-can-eat  night: -3

It's a sports bar, it's "all-you-can-eat & $1 pitcher" night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team:  -10

A  NIGHT OUT WITH A FRIEND

Go with a friend: 0

He is happily  married: +1

You go to your church's BINGO night: +15

You  go to the O'Club: -25

The friend is single: -7

She drives  a cherry-red Ferrari: -25

With a personalized license plate (GR8  NBED):  -50

A  NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie:  +2

You take her to a movie she likes: +4

You take her to a  movie you hate: +6

You take her to a movie you like:  -2

It's called "BIT 7": -3

Which features cyborgs that eat  humans: -9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans:  -15

YOUR  PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly:  -15

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of  it: +10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans  and baggy

Hawaiian shirts: -30

You say, "It doesn't  matter, you have one too.":  -800

THE  BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make  me look fat?" And you...

Hesitate in responding:  -10

Reply, "Where?": -35

Reply, "No, I think it's just  your butt": -100

Any other response:  -20

COMMUNICATION

When  she wants to talk about a problem you

listen, displaying a concerned expression: 0

You listen, for over 30 minutes:  +5

You relate to her problem and share a similar experience:  +50

Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying,  "Well, what

do you think I should do?": -50

You listen  for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV: +100

She realizes  this is because you have fallen asleep:  -20

VACATIONING

You plan to take her to Samui for a long weekend vacation:  +50

It's the same weekend your old squadron's reunion is being held: -100

(And don't even think of the points lost if you spend more on beer than she does shopping!!!)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You have been reading my private diary