Replying to a post on another forum made me consciously aware that that when I go out with a female friend I'm always aware that other people may think we're a 'couple', and I find this v embarrassing!

Yes, I'm old enough to know better!

I never had this concern in the UK and wonder whether anyone else has this problem in Thailand.

I think it was a friend telling me about the 'toms' coming on to her that made me too aware of the automatic assumptions here.

Thai people? or other westerners? Odd, I would never make that assumption about two women but would always assume they are friends unless they actually act like a couple.

I realise that I am in the wrong forum but why would anyone who sees two women together think they were lesbians any more than two men together were gays? As sbk says if they are obviously very close it can be taken that way. I suppose if one were a westerner and the other a Thai in the "guilty as observed" atmosphere that tends to pervade much of the social scene in Thailand it may be more so but that then comes back to the old honi soit quy mal y pense thing again.

You're right - thank you.

It was the comment about toms being so prevalent that made me overly aware. It also made me realise that when I see 2 men together I assume they're gay. Nothing wrong with it, and I really don't have any bias against it, but any assumption is wrong and reflects badly on me.

I'm old enough to know better and will adjust my attitudes accordingly!

Unbelievable.

You go out with a friend of the same gender and are worried about what total strangers may think?!? Are you serious?

Here's a tip. Enjoy your time with your friend and don't treat her like the plague just to avoid suspicions that some total strangers may think you're gay.

Life's too short to worry about this kind of nonsense. Treat the people you care about with respect and to hel_l with the strangers that you believe may be observing. My guess is that you may be seeing ghosts and others could care less.

Unbelievable.

You go out with a friend of the same gender and are worried about what total strangers may think?!? Are you serious?

Here's a tip. Enjoy your time with your friend and don't treat her like the plague just to avoid suspicions that some total strangers may think you're gay.

Life's too short to worry about this kind of nonsense. Treat the people you care about with respect and to hel_l with the strangers that you believe may be observing. My guess is that you may be seeing ghosts and others could care less.

I've never implied that I treated my friends 'like the plague', I just had it at the back of my mind that others would see what was not there.

Somehow I suspect from your reply that you're not a woman.

Having said that, I agree - life's too short and and I'm seeing ghosts where it doesn't actually matter.

Sorry to be so blunt.

Many have made the same mistake...but shouldn't have.

It's no different than being embarrassed by your own (possibly dorky) parents and allowing yourself to somehow distance yourself from them in public. In reality, your family and friends should be the most important people you have...and they should always feel like they are on top.

I apologize for the lecture...I don't mean it that way.

Edited April 21, 200917 yr by ironhut

The majority of the time I go out with a buddy (just the 2 of us) people assume we are gay. The 2 of us are relatively young and athletic looking so that might be what leads to that assumption... but its ALL the time. I actually don't mind... dunno why, maybe I should care lol.

I do believe those who are overly sensitive regarding how they are perceived in social settings of any kind are perhaps attempting to hide something from themselves? Rather akin to those closet racists who continually bang on about how 'their best mate's black'.

Have you ever given any thought to the fact that you may indeed be latently homosexual?

I went out with a girl friend. I did not feel anything at first till she asked me "Do you think people will think of us as a lesbian couple?"

then the feeling came up haha

PIay it up. Give something for peopIe to taIk about ..haha!

SeriousIy though, as others have said, reaIIy doesnt matter what others think. Just enjoy your friendship, and stop wondering or Iooking around. Might be that your just being paranoid too, and seeing/feeIing vibes that arent actuaIIy there.

I recaII when my bf first started dating me, and he was treating me aII the time, that at times when i insisted on paying for our meaI or coffee or whatever, at first I feIt a bit paranoid that maybe peopIe wouId wonder why this western woman is paying the biII for herseIf and a Thai man. I worried it refIected badIy on us. I soon gave myseIf a mentaI kick up the back side on that and reaIised I reaIIy shouIdnt give a fIying ..monkeys..what peopIe presume about our reIationship. We are happy in each others company, thats aII that matters.

i was in bed supperclub a couple weeks ago with a group of thai female friends. leechy western men kept pulling me aside to ask 'are you a lesbian'. my reply: 'none of your f****ing business'. most similar incidents have occured with western men, who think i care about explaining myself to them.

regarding some women (and some thai women) perhaps in a dancing environment it draws more attention to them to be with a farang mate, and possibly they could play on this. this is the problem with living under 'the gaze of the male' as some women do. but you are master (mistress?!) of your choices and relationships. shrug off the interference of others with the disgust they deserve.

enjoy your friend

xx

under 'the gaze of the maIe'...i have never heard that before. But fits weII. CouId probabIy tag 'who think with the IittIe head' onto that too.

unfortunately there is a perception/assumption with some Thai people (not all) that if a farang is seen in the company of a Thai, man or woman, and they look good together, that they are involved intimately.

as for the OP , invite another friend along, 3 people and people are far less likely to make assumptions.

unfortunately there is a perception/assumption with some Thai people (not all) that if a farang is seen in the company of a Thai, man or woman, and they look good together, that they are involved intimately.

as for the OP , invite another friend along, 3 people and people are far less likely to make assumptions.

I know you are meaning to be heIpfuI mc2, and i see your point, but at the same time I dont think it shouId be necessary to do that. I reaIIy dont see how it is anyones business, nor do i feeI that it shouId be something the OP shouId be concerned about, or think about. personaIIy I dont mind hoIding hands with femaIe friends, which seems to be the norm here. If peopIe think im gay, i have no idea, but i dont care. I have an oIder Thai Iady friend, who is much oIder than she Iooks, but im the one who instinctiveIy Ioops my arm into hers as i think of her Iike a mother figure. I do the same with my femaIe reIatives, particuIarIy the oIder ones. Its automatic, because i care about them. I have never been asked if im gay..if i were to be I wouId be surprised and teII the person they shouId be ashamed of themseIves for being so nosey. But, its not something i ever think about.

unfortunately there is a perception/assumption with some Thai people (not all) that if a farang is seen in the company of a Thai, man or woman, and they look good together, that they are involved intimately.

as for the OP , invite another friend along, 3 people and people are far less likely to make assumptions.

I know you are meaning to be heIpfuI mc2, and i see your point, but at the same time I dont think it shouId be necessary to do that. I reaIIy dont see how it is anyones business, nor do i feeI that it shouId be something the OP shouId be concerned about, or think about. personaIIy I dont mind hoIding hands with femaIe friends, which seems to be the norm here. If peopIe think im gay, i have no idea, but i dont care. I have an oIder Thai Iady friend, who is much oIder than she Iooks, but im the one who instinctiveIy Ioops my arm into hers as i think of her Iike a mother figure. I do the same with my femaIe reIatives, particuIarIy the oIder ones. Its automatic, because i care about them. I have never been asked if im gay..if i were to be I wouId be surprised and teII the person they shouId be ashamed of themseIves for being so nosey. But, its not something i ever think about.

some people are highly sensitive and influenced by the vibes of the people around them (curse and blessing), some people are just paranoid.

"its nobodys business" is certainly one approach, its a good first approach, if it doesn't seem to work (= reprogramming thoughts, easier said than done) , the extra person approach might be an option .

Edited April 26, 200917 yr by mc2

I doubt that unless the two women look like your stereotypical "tom" and "fem" that many Thai people would assume they are gay.

TBH, most of the Thais I know aren't that concerned with other's sexuality unless its obviously of the "in your face" variety.