Someone Please Explain The Dating/boyfriend/girlfriend For Thailand

[Shotime]

I have a friend who never needs to get a room in most cities, he has the ability to go and find

a non-bar girl and make her want to take him home. Rarely seen it fail to my shock.

And he treats them very nicely, never leads them on, and speaks decent Thai

and that is always the clincher. Sweet, sexy, sober and honest seems to go a long way.

I have a friend too...that is very 'successful' in being liked by women. First of, he never takes any girl out that he doesn't like or just wanna trick or something like that, so there is genuine emotions there. He is always complemented as handsome (but so are most decent men here), dress nice and have a local job with decent pay. But the clincher is to not be too forward (often let one initiate the first contact to signal interest) and to a genuin nice guy. Even to the chaperon, if any. (Unless they are truly rude of course, never be a push-over.)

He has had dates with chaperon that ended with the date sending their friend home and then them taking him back to a hotel, even paying for the room and staying all night with him. All because they truly wanted to. (As a gentleman he normally pays for room, if any, but it still has happened.)

So this makes me say that Thai girls aren't impossible to date, but some girls are. A lot of women (22-35) are starved for a decent man. If you can truly offer them that...well...

Don't give up, there is always someone out there that match you.

And as I said in a BG thread - don't fall for the first one that smiles to you. Even if you are recently divorced and just moderately attractive. Maybe you have other qualities to offer.

Why can't some understand this? Very nicely done, and a very handsome baby, too.

[1960apache]

I am not sure if this is the right post and I am sure there is no specific answer, but it is worth a try!

I am assuming in most cultures other than Thailand, the dating is about the same? Boy meets girl, ask's girl on a date, they go have fun, split the bill or the guy pays, and they do it again and again until they see if they are compatible right?

Which leads me to trying to figure out Thai girls/women. I am out and about and have no trouble meeting 2-5 girls a day, get their phone numbers, try to meet out at a restaurant, since I don't go pick them up with my car like "WE" do. This is where it goes about a thousand different directions with the Thai girls! The main problem is, whatever their agenda is, they just assume since I have lived in Thailand for awhile, I am able to "guess" their specific agenda out of a thousand different directions, but, they are all under the belief that "All" other girls have the same exact agenda! If you can understand what I am saying.

So that is where the fun begins. Some show up with another family member, girlfriend etc, that seem to nose their way into the date, and want to order everything on the menu and only eat 1/4 of it. So what should have been a $500baht date, is now $2500baht, plus the, "no more bus, need pay for taxi" from the uninvited party! Right, she just went to the bottom of my list, but it is not her fault, or is it? Or, the girl comes alone, we have an OK, time, no talk about exclusivity, future plans, dating etc, no response good or bad, and then I don't see them because I get the SMS, "I busy now, take care" Huh? What the heck is that all about! So I leave them alone, then a week later get the "Why you dont call me, why you dont take care me" and 100 other responses that are similar.

But, I am finding a bit of a pattern, in that many of them just assume since you went on a date, that you are now boyfriend/girlfriend and are willing to "Take care lady", which is not specific to anyone but "That" particular girl!

I guess what I am looking for, what is really the norm for Thailand, because I have heard, seen and had a hundred different outcomes and request, from "must meet family" to "see you next time"

What I am trying to figure out is, maybe how many dates? What does "Take care lady" mean to them, because I have no clue and they are too shy to tell me which of the 1000 different directions it should go? Are some actually expecting me to support them, marry them, meet the family after 1-3 dates??

Like I say, I am kind of looking for a solution to know what I am getting into, and what is the reasonable norm? Or should I just become a monk now and get it over with???

A good question, very interesting post and the replies I have read are as interesting as they are vairied.

Might I ask if you are well versed in Thai history , culture and more importanty.... are you fluent in the thai language and able to hold and understand full conversations with your dates as you would in English?

Please dont think Im being cheeky but in your opinion why do you think, if not for reasons financial, genuine Thai ladies want to date you as opposed to a Thai gent?

Might I also add previous posts suggesting Thai men are gambling, alchoholic wife beaters maybe somewhat of a sweeping generalisation.

After reading all posts further, you come across as a very considerate dude and I only hope your future dates give you and this matter as much consideration as you have.

Good luck my friend

I am speechless, thanks for paying attention! I guess that, on top always smiling, and dressing well are the main reason's I seem to hit it off with a lot of Thai girls. And for the 5 phone numbers a day, I am not trying, 50% of the time the Thai girl is making an effort to make a connection of some type. I live pretty much in the "Thai" area, far away from the Asok/Nana/Falong areas, so the women/girls I meet are not used to seeing a ton of foreigners every day. I am not bragging, but I guess it is just reality, that these girls know they don't meet a decent foreigner every day, that they can talk to, and I am clear that I am taking my time and not being a butterfly, and they seem to respect that.

If I were back in the States, and a beautiful Russian, French, Spanish women gets on the train next to me, your right, I am going to be turning up the charm because I know it wont happen again for years, if ever again. So I understand the Thai girls, the hard parts is keeping the distance until you can get to know them better, but I am normally able to meet them for lunch and some for dinner. 15-60 minutes is normally enough to know if there is anything worth persuing, and often, we just end up friends! I am actually amazed how many try to hook me up with other friends to see if I hit it off with them. I like Thai girls, but they are generally a bit reserved, and having spent a lot of time in Latin Countries where the women are a bit agressive and spicy, it is hard to find a Thai girl to equal that. I seem to have a ton of Thai Girl, Friends, it helps to get them used to falong's and an opportunity to get out and meet other good foreign men, and for me to meet other Thai women! It is the same old story, you go somewhere alone looking to meet someone, you never do, but when you are with a lady, they come out of the woodwork for some reason. My best friend came to Thailand and really hit if off with one of the girls I met, but we just never hit it off, but are great friends, so I guess a lot of thing come from the meetings!

Anyway, I am glad we are all seeing eye to eye finally, and this hasn't turned into a pee-ing match like most other post due to certain people! Ahem, you know who you are and we can smell your stench from a mile away!

[MrHammer]

Might I also add previous posts suggesting Thai men are gambling, alchoholic wife beaters maybe somewhat of a sweeping generalisation.

Why Thai Girls Would Date Farang Men If Not For Money:

Taller, Stronger, Light Skin (You know, pretty babies), More Masculine, Bigger

(Hopefully) Successful, Experienced (not meaning old), Traveled, Independent, Indivduality

Actually there are plenty of reasons why a thai girl would date a normal farang man, and I suspect that those thai women that do one time continue to do so. Just like many of us prefer to date thai/asian/black/whatever women.

I think many thai women who dont date foreigners would do so if there were no social stigma. Like when you meet japanese or chinese women on holiday, then they are VERY interested in meeting the gaijin.

[Lickey]

If a couple dating can hold eye contact for 30 seconds or so, there is something there to be explored.

[kjhbigv]

Might I also add previous posts suggesting Thai men are gambling, alchoholic wife beaters maybe somewhat of a sweeping generalisation.

Why Thai Girls Would Date Farang Men If Not For Money:

Taller, Stronger, Light Skin (You know, pretty babies), More Masculine, Bigger

(Hopefully) Successful, Experienced (not meaning old), Traveled, Independent, Indivduality

Actually there are plenty of reasons why a thai girl would date a normal farang man, and I suspect that those thai women that do one time continue to do so. Just like many of us prefer to date thai/asian/black/whatever women.

I think many thai women who dont date foreigners would do so if there were no social stigma. Like when you meet japanese or chinese women on holiday, then they are VERY interested in meeting the gaijin.

A great reply.....the world is changing and Thai girls are looking for more than what SOME Thai guys can offer ie. drink too much, gamble to much, visit 'Karaoke' too much, 2nd wifes etc etc....I can see why a Thai girl could be attracted to a Falang. The problem is does she want a 'Falang' or does she want 'Falang money'? Always a tricky one, but if she is 21 and your 55, I think you will fall into the latter category....it's a minefield! Just tread carefully and if you hear those rarely used words ( ) 'you look after me?' after a couple of dates, time to lay down some ground rules or move on!

Edited April 24, 2009 by kjhbigv

[smallprawn]

Might I also add previous posts suggesting Thai men are gambling, alchoholic wife beaters maybe somewhat of a sweeping generalisation.

Why Thai Girls Would Date Farang Men If Not For Money:

Taller, Stronger, Light Skin (You know, pretty babies), More Masculine, Bigger

(Hopefully) Successful, Experienced (not meaning old), Traveled, Independent, Indivduality

Actually there are plenty of reasons why a thai girl would date a normal farang man, and I suspect that those thai women that do one time continue to do so. Just like many of us prefer to date thai/asian/black/whatever women.

I think many thai women who dont date foreigners would do so if there were no social stigma. Like when you meet japanese or chinese women on holiday, then they are VERY interested in meeting the gaijin.

I must agree, well said, all very reasonable points.

As far as being ''Bigger'' goes... I'll just have to take her word for it

[goodheartman]

One needs to realize in all this discussion the amount of quality farangs living in thailand is very miniscule. Good family men are just not attracted to thailand.

Im sure the fine issan women would rather have same age, no fat, non boozer womanizing farang as husband, but they realize since good thai men dont want them they have to settle for aforementioned farang type.

Thailand is not a magnet for the goodhearted men of the world. Cheap sex, booze and all night parties is available here, things goodheart men shy away from.

PS One advantage farang has is their sex organ is a lot bigger than the ag. thai sex organ. Many bad girls have told me this.

[easethesqueeze]

Might I also add previous posts suggesting Thai men are gambling, alchoholic wife beaters maybe somewhat of a sweeping generalisation.

Why Thai Girls Would Date Farang Men If Not For Money:

Taller, Stronger, Light Skin (You know, pretty babies), More Masculine, Bigger

(Hopefully) Successful, Experienced (not meaning old), Traveled, Independent, Indivduality

Actually there are plenty of reasons why a thai girl would date a normal farang man, and I suspect that those thai women that do one time continue to do so. Just like many of us prefer to date thai/asian/black/whatever women.

I think many thai women who dont date foreigners would do so if there were no social stigma. Like when you meet japanese or chinese women on holiday, then they are VERY interested in meeting the gaijin.

I've always been very suspicious about why any decent Thai girls would want to get involved with a foreign man for any other reason than money.

So the other day i asked one of my thai friends why she doesn't go for thai guys in the hope of catching her out.

She's a very attractive, young fairly well off girl in her mid twenties from a chinese/ Thai family.

Expecting the usual horror stories about thai guys being mean, drunk abusive, butterflies etc something i know alot of thai guys not to be,

I was pleasantly surprised by her answer.

She explained to me that she thought foreign men were genuinely more affectionate and romantic and was attracted by some of the foreign ideals that seem to be attached to relationships.

Romantic dinners, walks on the beach, bunches of flowers, nights spent indoors watching movies, even stuff as simple as holding hands in public seemed to really appeal to her, all of this apparently stuff she was unlikely to get from a Thai guy.

She said from her experience farang guys had made her feel much better about herself and had been less controlling or jealous, even though the relationships hadn't worked out in the end.

She liked the way foreign men were were more adventurous, interested in traveling and exploring different cultures something she was hoping to do more of in the future.

She seemed to think that by being involved with a foreign guy she would have a more "interesting experience" and time with foreigners would help her to develop as a person and expose her to another world even if she was unable to visit other countries due to visa restriction or a lack of someone to go with.

Well anyway i was touched by this answer and thought i'd share it.

[TaoNow]

1960apache, you seem sincere in your post, but it is a bit implausible that you've spent several years in LOS and haven't developed any close friendships with Thais or Farangs who are knowledgeable about Thai-Western communication (and dating). Instead you resort to an anonymous chat forum like TV which, as you point out, is infested with trolls of ill-intent. Also, you say you have "two choices": find the right girl or quit Thailand. This doesn't seem like a solid criterion for settling in Thailand. At your age (40?) I would think that career interests in Thailand and/or a love of the culture and people would be the important reasons for deciding to stay or not. And through those two (job and love of the country) you would quickly be introduced to eligible co-workers or friends-of-friends with whom to pursue an intimate relationship. Language/communication would not be too much of an issue if you share the same values about use of money, how to treat others of lower socio-economic status, and common hobbies. However, if you're just looking for the hottest bod at the salon, then you belong with the trolls.

[1960apache]

1960apache, you seem sincere in your post, but it is a bit implausible that you've spent several years in LOS and haven't developed any close friendships with Thais or Farangs who are knowledgeable about Thai-Western communication (and dating). Instead you resort to an anonymous chat forum like TV which, as you point out, is infested with trolls of ill-intent. Also, you say you have "two choices": find the right girl or quit Thailand. This doesn't seem like a solid criterion for settling in Thailand. At your age (40?) I would think that career interests in Thailand and/or a love of the culture and people would be the important reasons for deciding to stay or not. And through those two (job and love of the country) you would quickly be introduced to eligible co-workers or friends-of-friends with whom to pursue an intimate relationship. Language/communication would not be too much of an issue if you share the same values about use of money, how to treat others of lower socio-economic status, and common hobbies. However, if you're just looking for the hottest bod at the salon, then you belong with the trolls.

Huh?? What did he just say?? I am sorry, that was far too intelligent for my unintelligent small brain, and where did I say I was looking for the "Hottest Bod at the Salon?"

[Lickey]

Huh?? What did he just say?? I am sorry, that was far too intelligent for my unintelligent small brain, and where did I say I was looking for the "Hottest Bod at the Salon?"

I think the OP has just answered as to why he doesnt have any friends in Thailand,

[1960apache]

Huh?? What did he just say?? I am sorry, that was far too intelligent for my unintelligent small brain, and where did I say I was looking for the "Hottest Bod at the Salon?"

I think the OP has just answered as to why he doesnt have any friends in Thailand,

OK, since you 2 seem to have an agenda to sidetrack this post and be "D*&k's" about it!

Where did I say I have no Thai or Falong friends in Thailand? If you would "READ" the post's instead of just jumping in to be a "D*&k about it, you would have read:

"I seem to have a ton of Thai Girl, Friends, it helps to get them used to falong's and an opportunity to get out and meet other good foreign men, and for me to meet other Thai women! It is the same old story, you go somewhere alone looking to meet someone, you never do, but when you are with a lady, they come out of the woodwork for some reason. My best friend came to Thailand and really hit if off with one of the girls I met, but we just never hit it off, but are great friends, so I guess a lot of thing come from the meetings!"

Not clear enough for you, so I am assuming that is why you didn't understand the:

"Huh?? What did he just say?? I am sorry, that was far too intelligent for my unintelligent small brain, and where did I say I was looking for the "Hottest Bod at the Salon?"

Was too complicated for trolls to understand that you were being "Slapped" in the face. Laugh!

I have never associated with a Thai's, or Falong's that would respond or make such statements on a forum if that is the answer you are looking for?

And, if you are not wise enough to find your own women and friends, and you rely on present friends to "Set you up" then be my guest. And how do you deal with your Cupid friend, when the "Perfect girl" you were set up with is not what "you" expected, or you do hit it off, but it goes sour in 1-3 months, then what? Kind of mess to all parties involved right?

But hey, if you want to keep injecting your own assumptions and not actually read the thread's, I will be more than happy to slap you again, and put you in your place, which is not on a public forum! Do you understand "That" or is that not simple minded and clear enough for you?

Ok, the show is over, now back to letting the great people on this forum give their intelligent responses!

[runner]

Oh wait. You mean fuglies still want my money even though I'm 28?

Me thinks that no woman is going to sleep with you unless you've got dosh. You might be able to find a wife/gf, but the question is: how much will she put out?

[1960apache]

Huh?? What did he just say?? I am sorry, that was far too intelligent for my unintelligent small brain, and where did I say I was looking for the "Hottest Bod at the Salon?"

I think the OP has just answered as to why he doesnt have any friends in Thailand,

Since you want to go there Lickey, this is just for you!

1378 post in a bit over 2 years?? That's almost 2 post's per day!!

Versus 18 post in a few months? Which one of us appears to be out and about enjoying life with Beautiful Thai women and great friends? And who appears to be living a secluded, miserable life trolling forums looking for someone to be a "D*&k" to? Sorry if that is too complex for you! I am not bashing or making direct insults to any forum members, I am just stating the obvious! I thought forums were for people to share ideas and gather information about things in life, no for forums to become their life!! I am assuming most people in the world don't just take for Gospel everything their friends tell them and would like to find some unbiased opinions, which is what I come here for. I don't come here because I enjoy dealing with trolls! Now please, be a good troll and go away!! Laugh!!

[Lickey]

I dont have to go out enjoying thai women, i already have one, and if i want some eye candy, i sit in the mrs salon and enjoy, if not i go to our farm and work in the heat, the salon is open 14 hours a day,7 days a week, hence my posts, but i shouldnt have to explain that to you, you might or might not understand that the internet is a way of communicating with with other falang in thailand, if you live out in the sticks like i do, perhaps its weeks before i speak my native tongue again,

Ive read all your posts and others, and i think we are all wondering why you cant pull a decent thai girl, some of your answers are a bit obnoxious, are you the same with the girls?

[RAZZELL]

I've always been very suspicious about why any decent Thai girls would want to get involved with a foreign man for any other reason than money.

So the other day i asked one of my thai friends why she doesn't go for thai guys in the hope of catching her out.

She's a very attractive, young fairly well off girl in her mid twenties from a chinese/ Thai family.

Expecting the usual horror stories about thai guys being mean, drunk abusive, butterflies etc something i know alot of thai guys not to be,

I was pleasantly surprised by her answer.

She explained to me that she thought foreign men were genuinely more affectionate and romantic and was attracted by some of the foreign ideals that seem to be attached to relationships.

Romantic dinners, walks on the beach, bunches of flowers, nights spent indoors watching movies, even stuff as simple as holding hands in public seemed to really appeal to her, all of this apparently stuff she was unlikely to get from a Thai guy.

She said from her experience farang guys had made her feel much better about herself and had been less controlling or jealous, even though the relationships hadn't worked out in the end.

She liked the way foreign men were were more adventurous, interested in traveling and exploring different cultures something she was hoping to do more of in the future.

She seemed to think that by being involved with a foreign guy she would have a more "interesting experience" and time with foreigners would help her to develop as a person and expose her to another world even if she was unable to visit other countries due to visa restriction or a lack of someone to go with.

Well anyway i was touched by this answer and thought i'd share it.

Excellent post and some good observations. I think a half decent guy does well in LOS. Like they do in most countries

RAZZ

[Sabum]

Japanese women are currently all in a craze over Korean guys because culturally (at least in their soaps) Korean men are much sweeter and more romantic than Japanese guys.

[1960apache]

I dont have to go out enjoying thai women, i already have one, and if i want some eye candy, i sit in the mrs salon and enjoy, if not i go to our farm and work in the heat, the salon is open 14 hours a day,7 days a week, hence my posts, but i shouldnt have to explain that to you, you might or might not understand that the internet is a way of communicating with with other falang in thailand, if you live out in the sticks like i do, perhaps its weeks before i speak my native tongue again,

Ive read all your posts and others, and i think we are all wondering why you cant pull a decent thai girl, some of your answers are a bit obnoxious, are you the same with the girls?

If getting back in "Your" face when you jump on my post's, make statements based on your own ideas, insecurities, that were not even something I mentioned, and on top of it, you are not "Reading the thread", because if you were, you would not have made the ridiculous statements that you are making, then yes, I "Am" obnoxious as charged. Why do you feel the need to make a pie throwing contest out of other peoples post's? If you have nothing to offer, just plain move on to another thread, it is very simple!

And about the comment about "Me" being obnoxious to Thai women, I have been very respectful toward them and also Thai people in general, again, if you would "Read the thread" you would already know that!

And one last word of advice to hopefully help you out with your life in Thailand!! Don't accuse someone else of being obnoxious, when you use language like "Pull a decent girl" or "If I want some eye candy" in regards to Thai ladies, they aren't cattle or commodities, so have some respect, if anything, do it for the good Karma!! You might just want to look in the mirror some time!

For me, I am taking my time to not make any of the previous mistakes that I have made with Thai women, again, you would know that if you would actually read the thread!! Am I getting through!!

OK, enough of the pie throwing BS, and thanks for the great input from you all!

From what I gather from the responses, there seems to be as many people saying that the "Sin Sod" is BS, as there are that it is not BS, and we may or may not have to pay it. I guess it is all going to come down to the individual girl and her family as far as to which way it goes. I have a few great ladies that I am hitting it off with, but the more conservative Thai girls don't jump into a relationship with anyone without taking their time to get to know them and make sure he is not a player, butterfly, cheat, liar etc, the same we do with them? Are they honest, unselfish etc! It is actually funny because of what I have learned on this post! One girl explained how she feels about the Sin Sod, because of family members who have married. The other girl says it is just for the "HiSo" Thai people, and another girl says it is not necessary. And yes, they are University Graduates, don't come from Isaan, (nothing against Isaan, but I feel far too many people refer, or compare everything to Isaan or Isaan girls) or the north, have good jobs, good families with parents that are still married etc, so that is again, one of the main reasons for coming to this forum. TV is about the only forum I have found with this much specific, informations about things of this nature in regards to Thai culture, Thai women etc!

Also, I have been tied up in a long term relationship with a Thai girl that is not worth getting into because it is water over the dam, but what I thought, was right or wrong in that relationship, is not going to be anything like the relationship with the next Thai girl, which I now understand by all the varied responses! So at least I don't beat myself up about it anymore, and I don't let other's try to beat me up about it either when they are the kettle calling the pot black!

And sorry to get in your face Lickey, just trying to give some friendly advice is all, but feel free to throw pies at anyone else that you please to!! Laugh! I am roasting you, and just having fun and trying to add some bad humor to the situation to lighten things up ok!

[tchk]

I don't believe this.

[goodheartman]

Japanese women are currently all in a craze over Korean guys because culturally (at least in their soaps) Korean men are much sweeter and more romantic than Japanese guys.

you sure about this. rude, crude, loud, obnoxious comes to mind. source thai girl: they interact with them , i dont

[MiG16]

Im getting really close to closing this thread

if you want to continue discussions, then stop with the personal attack.

is that possible?

[Deez]

A lot of worthless comments here in my opinion. Let me try to help. You are getting pointed in a lot of directions because at the end of the day, it depends on the girl. Same as back home. Back home you are probably used to dating from your same social class level so the rules tend to be the same. If you are going to date poor girls in Thailand or girls much younger than yourself, then anything goes. It will depend on the girl.

Unfortunately there are too many idiots (in my opinion), that just throw money at these "poor helpless" girls and feel sorry for them and eagerly hand over money. But if you talk to the "real" Thai girls that have never had any exposure to foreigners, they behave by rules very much the same as back home. They share the cost of the dates, they don't order more than they can eat, they take the bus home, etc, etc. Basically if a girls is expecting more, you are being scammed. Thais just don't date outside their social class for this very reason.

I think the behavior of foreigners and reckless spending has tainted the girls image of us and some of them are very good at taking advantage of that. Yesterday I went on a date with a beauty salon girl. She makes very little money and I expected to pay for the date. But... I didn't expect that she would show up with 2 of her friends. Immediately they picked the bar they wanted to go, and when the cover charge bill came, I asked them all to fork out the money. The were angry and wouldn't talk to me the rest of the night. Personally I don't care and never want to see them again because their behavior was disrespectful and out of line, even to Thai culture standards.

I don't believe the lie's about "man always pays, Thai culture, etc". That is old school. I date many middle class girls (and poor uni students), that don't act like this. Choose your girls wisely, and don't be afraid to push back when you see a scam.

Spot on. There is your best advice right there.

[MrHammer]

Might I also add previous posts suggesting Thai men are gambling, alchoholic wife beaters maybe somewhat of a sweeping generalisation.

Why Thai Girls Would Date Farang Men If Not For Money:

Taller, Stronger, Light Skin (You know, pretty babies), More Masculine, Bigger

(Hopefully) Successful, Experienced (not meaning old), Traveled, Independent, Indivduality

Actually there are plenty of reasons why a thai girl would date a normal farang man, and I suspect that those thai women that do one time continue to do so. Just like many of us prefer to date thai/asian/black/whatever women.

I think many thai women who dont date foreigners would do so if there were no social stigma. Like when you meet japanese or chinese women on holiday, then they are VERY interested in meeting the gaijin.

I've always been very suspicious about why any decent Thai girls would want to get involved with a foreign man for any other reason than money.

So the other day i asked one of my thai friends why she doesn't go for thai guys in the hope of catching her out.

She's a very attractive, young fairly well off girl in her mid twenties from a chinese/ Thai family.

Expecting the usual horror stories about thai guys being mean, drunk abusive, butterflies etc something i know alot of thai guys not to be,

I was pleasantly surprised by her answer.

She explained to me that she thought foreign men were genuinely more affectionate and romantic and was attracted by some of the foreign ideals that seem to be attached to relationships.

Romantic dinners, walks on the beach, bunches of flowers, nights spent indoors watching movies, even stuff as simple as holding hands in public seemed to really appeal to her, all of this apparently stuff she was unlikely to get from a Thai guy.

She said from her experience farang guys had made her feel much better about herself and had been less controlling or jealous, even though the relationships hadn't worked out in the end.

She liked the way foreign men were were more adventurous, interested in traveling and exploring different cultures something she was hoping to do more of in the future.

She seemed to think that by being involved with a foreign guy she would have a more "interesting experience" and time with foreigners would help her to develop as a person and expose her to another world even if she was unable to visit other countries due to visa restriction or a lack of someone to go with.

Well anyway i was touched by this answer and thought i'd share it.

As my friend told me: Be different in a positive way. Your post sums it up nicely.

Its funny that much of the things you mention would make many western women feel uncomfortable, the 'nice guy' thing.

[Pyraxiate]

My Thai wife says the first part ( bringing a friend / relative) is a test of your character. Its to see how you will react to certain people and certain situations and this part is completely the norm for the first date or two. If they are all ok with you ( the family / friends) , they will try to get you two to go out alone together to enjoy the day. The girls that act like you owe them something, arent really the good girls you think they are.

Just remember that the GOOD Thai women will always test you and your intentions and to see if your interests match hers.

Sincerely,

Wayne

P.S.

Happily married here in the states and recently the father to an extremely adorable little guy. Life cant be better Keep looking. Good women are hard to find, but they are certainly out there!

[marsteele]

MSingh,

The only "problem" I have is the family want to interfere (in the typical thai way) and busybody with the newborn, thats the only gripe with them. They dont ask for money, no strange illnesses, help needed etc, I live with the wife in HER house, her sis gives us lifts , takes us shopping, her mum cooks for the wife, her other sis goes shopping for food for us (to the local cafes for farang style food for me), i just pay a few bills. No sin-sot thingie. Yes shes isaan, so crap education, but hey i cant have everything, her ex hubby was a coke head, so shes happy for someone who doesn't smoke, drinks very little. She's also a good friend, a great cook and bloody gorgeous, no I wasn't desperate, I just fancied her rotten

And I am not living in cloud cuckoo land. If ever I property / land it will be in my babies name - no amount of persuasion. The wife tells me not to be generous to the family or they will get greedy, I give a very small allowance (in western terms) for food to the wife, she looks after it, any spare she banks, I have the bank card details/PINS for her bank and she shows me the book every time. All my money is overseas anyway and I will never move a penny here, I just dont trust the thai economy or the banks. Her mum tells her off if we get in any sort of "discussion", the family is not rich, but they dont ask for any dough. Its upto me if I want to give them any money, I do, but very small amounts and infrequently.

good for you, lucky guy

[OldenAtwoody]

I would listen to ThiThi

by the way....if this gets into a general insult against thai women...the thread will be closed, and offenders will be given warnings, possibly suspension of your posting rights.

Im gonna be less tolerant of such posts given that Ive already given public warning here.

Thank you moderator! I am not sure why people with low self esteem and are miserable with their lives, need to troll forums to make nasty comments to make them feel better about themselves, high jack threads to take the spotlight, and then add nothing of any substance? It is very obvious who they are!

And to answer a few questions, I am 40, the ladies are normally 25-35, and enough of the "Weakness" BS, we are living in their Country and culture, so lets be a bit more respectful.

I guess I was not clear enough judging by the "Obvious" responses! What I am asking is, let's say I do find someone who seems perfect, I am trying to gauge the time frame and amounts that are reasonable to all parties involved. I don't see successful Thai men getting away with not giving money to his lady, at some point supporting her until they get married, and then giving the family money and supporting them forever! All of this I would rather not participate, because it is not in our culture. But again, I don't need the "Take control" BS, because that is not correct either, if you come off as stingy, you will be silently hated forever, and from what I have seen, can be the doom of the marriage/relationship, so let's keep it in perspective. On the other hand, if you are too generous, they will take advantage of you! Dating and marrying a Thai girl is not like walking into a car dealership and seeing the window sticker price to know exactly or roughly what you should pay within means? And to answer some of the other questions, some of the women I have known 2 weeks to 2 years and have been more like friends because of the no kissing, no touching Thai thing, and they obviously know that successful, handsome, clean, non-alchoholic, American men to not show up on their doorstep every day, so they are putting the squeeze on me at some point, whether it is 2 dates, or 2 years. They are like any girl from any Country, they know a good thing when they see it.

The other hard part is knowing which ones are sincere, or just fantasizing and just think I am Brad Pitt or whoever I may be in their imagination, and their imagination of the type of like they think they would have if they went to America! This not my first Rodeo, but Thailand is a whole new play book, so to speak! So mostly, help me out with the time frames and $$ amounts that are reasonable, I have read a bit about the Sin Sod, but it is not like their is an instruction manual that comes with the lady to know how she operates! I am sure their are no concrete answers, but someone has to at least be able to give me some guidelines. The other reason I am asking is that about 5 months after I first got here, I met a nice girl, dated her exclusively, and then was hit with needing to pay $400,000 baht to marry her and take care of her, I thought "what the heck, am I just an ATM machine?" is this just all about "Money"

Needless to say, it killed what was probably the best relationship I have had since I first came to Thailand, and I we have even given things a second try, but like I say, the "Sting" never seems to go away with Thai women or even people in general! It is a slap in the face to everything the know and believe in, so again, stop with the weakness and control BS, I am not looking for a relationship where I have to constantly be in complete domination of the lady and relationship!

Apache:

You ask about "time" and "money".

What are you dating for? Wife? Bed partner?

I think if you were really meeting the right, devoutly Buddhist woman, she would never ask you for ANYTHING. She will accept what you chose to give (or not).

Treat your dates to a small meal, and a Temple visit. Does she try to teach you to pray? To explain the practices? If this woman prays, or "wais" at the some of the sidewalk shrines, you are on to something.

There is no money required to be with a Thai woman. Not one that you'd want to be around all your life.

As for "time", you have only the moment you are with her. Dharma. There's no anticipation of the ”right time" to do this or that. Your "time" is when you are with her, eating, walking, reading in the same room.

To answer your question, there is no time or money required.

What is required are better choices.

[OldenAtwoody]

A lot of worthless comments here in my opinion. Let me try to help. You are getting pointed in a lot of directions because at the end of the day, it depends on the girl. Same as back home. Back home you are probably used to dating from your same social class level so the rules tend to be the same. If you are going to date poor girls in Thailand or girls much younger than yourself, then anything goes. It will depend on the girl.

Unfortunately there are too many idiots (in my opinion), that just throw money at these "poor helpless" girls and feel sorry for them and eagerly hand over money. But if you talk to the "real" Thai girls that have never had any exposure to foreigners, they behave by rules very much the same as back home. They share the cost of the dates, they don't order more than they can eat, they take the bus home, etc, etc. Basically if a girls is expecting more, you are being scammed. Thais just don't date outside their social class for this very reason.

I think the behavior of foreigners and reckless spending has tainted the girls image of us and some of them are very good at taking advantage of that. Yesterday I went on a date with a beauty salon girl. She makes very little money and I expected to pay for the date. But... I didn't expect that she would show up with 2 of her friends. Immediately they picked the bar they wanted to go, and when the cover charge bill came, I asked them all to fork out the money. The were angry and wouldn't talk to me the rest of the night. Personally I don't care and never want to see them again because their behavior was disrespectful and out of line, even to Thai culture standards.

I don't believe the lie's about "man always pays, Thai culture, etc". That is old school. I date many middle class girls (and poor uni students), that don't act like this. Choose your girls wisely, and don't be afraid to push back when you see a scam.

That is one of the examples I gave. Was the girls name "On" or "No" something like that from Khorat? laugh!

She cut my hair for months, and I would ask her to grab something to eat after her work, so one day she said "OK" so I go to meet them, she say's "Friend come with" actually 3 (1 was the most unattractive personality Thai girl I have met, attached herself to the date) the Friend was the one ordering everything on the menu while grilling me the whole time, "How long you stay Thailand, how much you make, you Butterfly, all Falong Butterfly, you have many lady, I know" needless to say I was ready to leave after 10 minutes, but I felt bad for my Salon friend, and tried not to hold it against her, but I never went back to see her shop again! What should have been 100 baht for noodle soup, which is what she said she wanted when I asked her out, turned into 2900baht. But, I did run into her on the BTS and told her how I felt about what happened, she obviously looked hurt, but, she gave me the "New shop address". Anyway, I tried, but just didn't seem to hit it off with her as cute as she is, just too quiet!

Thanks for the responses, I guess there is no concrete answer, but most of what I am getting just confirms what I already know, but don't want to accept, that a nice, attractive Thai girl is taught to extort as much money from the Falong as possible, I now call it the "Falong Tax" it applies to everything. And, whether it is legit or not, most families are going to try the Sin Sod thing. The hard part is, I could waste a year with a girl, only to find out that the girl, either hates sex, or her and her family just want to extort as much money out of me as possible. At this point, and with my past experiences, I guess I have 2 choices, just deal with it, or get the heck out of Thailand!

I actually do feel bad for the Thai girls and the pressure they are under and the brain washing they go through!

I have to say at this point, the 3rd option of becoming a Monk is not looking so bad after all!!

And thanks again for the intelligent responses! The never ending troll's looking for misery to join in on because they appearantly have such miserable existances, crack me up!

You are trying WAY too hard.

Fantasizing for months about the salon girl while she cuts your hair, and then you get disappointed to find out she's only a working-class salon girl. Hel-lo!

Sounds like you need a new hobby, other than chasing women. Try taking a class.

[OldenAtwoody]

I dont have to go out enjoying thai women, i already have one, and if i want some eye candy, i sit in the mrs salon and enjoy, if not i go to our farm and work in the heat, the salon is open 14 hours a day,7 days a week, hence my posts, but i shouldnt have to explain that to you, you might or might not understand that the internet is a way of communicating with with other falang in thailand, if you live out in the sticks like i do, perhaps its weeks before i speak my native tongue again,

Ive read all your posts and others, and i think we are all wondering why you cant pull a decent thai girl, some of your answers are a bit obnoxious, are you the same with the girls?

If getting back in "Your" face when you jump on my post's, make statements based on your own ideas, insecurities, that were not even something I mentioned, and on top of it, you are not "Reading the thread", because if you were, you would not have made the ridiculous statements that you are making, then yes, I "Am" obnoxious as charged. Why do you feel the need to make a pie throwing contest out of other peoples post's? If you have nothing to offer, just plain move on to another thread, it is very simple!

And about the comment about "Me" being obnoxious to Thai women, I have been very respectful toward them and also Thai people in general, again, if you would "Read the thread" you would already know that!

And one last word of advice to hopefully help you out with your life in Thailand!! Don't accuse someone else of being obnoxious, when you use language like "Pull a decent girl" or "If I want some eye candy" in regards to Thai ladies, they aren't cattle or commodities, so have some respect, if anything, do it for the good Karma!! You might just want to look in the mirror some time!

For me, I am taking my time to not make any of the previous mistakes that I have made with Thai women, again, you would know that if you would actually read the thread!! Am I getting through!!

OK, enough of the pie throwing BS, and thanks for the great input from you all!

From what I gather from the responses, there seems to be as many people saying that the "Sin Sod" is BS, as there are that it is not BS, and we may or may not have to pay it. I guess it is all going to come down to the individual girl and her family as far as to which way it goes. I have a few great ladies that I am hitting it off with, but the more conservative Thai girls don't jump into a relationship with anyone without taking their time to get to know them and make sure he is not a player, butterfly, cheat, liar etc, the same we do with them? Are they honest, unselfish etc! It is actually funny because of what I have learned on this post! One girl explained how she feels about the Sin Sod, because of family members who have married. The other girl says it is just for the "HiSo" Thai people, and another girl says it is not necessary. And yes, they are University Graduates, don't come from Isaan, (nothing against Isaan, but I feel far too many people refer, or compare everything to Isaan or Isaan girls) or the north, have good jobs, good families with parents that are still married etc, so that is again, one of the main reasons for coming to this forum. TV is about the only forum I have found with this much specific, informations about things of this nature in regards to Thai culture, Thai women etc!

Also, I have been tied up in a long term relationship with a Thai girl that is not worth getting into because it is water over the dam, but what I thought, was right or wrong in that relationship, is not going to be anything like the relationship with the next Thai girl, which I now understand by all the varied responses! So at least I don't beat myself up about it anymore, and I don't let other's try to beat me up about it either when they are the kettle calling the pot black!

And sorry to get in your face Lickey, just trying to give some friendly advice is all, but feel free to throw pies at anyone else that you please to!! Laugh! I am roasting you, and just having fun and trying to add some bad humor to the situation to lighten things up ok!

"And sorry to get in your face Lickey, just trying to give some friendly advice is all, but feel free to throw pies at anyone else that you please to!! Laugh! I am roasting you, and just having fun and trying to add some bad humor to the situation to lighten things up ok! "

Nope, that's newbie talk. An accomplished flamer would never have to point out he was "roasting" someone.

[G54]

I would listen to ThiThi

by the way....if this gets into a general insult against thai women...the thread will be closed, and offenders will be given warnings, possibly suspension of your posting rights.

Im gonna be less tolerant of such posts given that Ive already given public warning here.

snip for brevity

Apache:

You ask about "time" and "money".

What are you dating for? Wife? Bed partner?

I think if you were really meeting the right, devoutly Buddhist woman, she would never ask you for ANYTHING. She will accept what you chose to give (or not).

Treat your dates to a small meal, and a Temple visit. Does she try to teach you to pray? To explain the practices? If this woman prays, or "wais" at the some of the sidewalk shrines, you are on to something.

There is no money required to be with a Thai woman. Not one that you'd want to be around all your life.

As for "time", you have only the moment you are with her. Dharma. There's no anticipation of the "right time" to do this or that. Your "time" is when you are with her, eating, walking, reading in the same room.

To answer your question, there is no time or money required.

What is required are better choices.

Please explain your thoughts on that, as to why and excuse my obvious ignorance.

[F1fanatic]

I would listen to ThiThi

by the way....if this gets into a general insult against thai women...the thread will be closed, and offenders will be given warnings, possibly suspension of your posting rights.

Im gonna be less tolerant of such posts given that Ive already given public warning here.

snip for brevity

Apache:

You ask about "time" and "money".

What are you dating for? Wife? Bed partner?

I think if you were really meeting the right, devoutly Buddhist woman, she would never ask you for ANYTHING. She will accept what you chose to give (or not).

Treat your dates to a small meal, and a Temple visit. Does she try to teach you to pray? To explain the practices? If this woman prays, or "wais" at the some of the sidewalk shrines, you are on to something.

There is no money required to be with a Thai woman. Not one that you'd want to be around all your life.

As for "time", you have only the moment you are with her. Dharma. There's no anticipation of the "right time" to do this or that. Your "time" is when you are with her, eating, walking, reading in the same room.

To answer your question, there is no time or money required.

What is required are better choices.

Please explain your thoughts on that, as to why and excuse my obvious ignorance.

Ignore it. The more experienced (or desperate) ones know that the farangs will think this shows that they are v spiritual and not bg's at all.