Tips for a pattaya holiday

[markt]

Syd,  when are you off on your holiday ?   Soon ?

[nathansouthall]

My advice to Syd is to stay at home, and download some Thai music from the internet.

Once you have this, download a large .jpg picture of a naked Thai girl from the internet. Make sure it is a girl first. If the girl in your picture has a pussy, this is no guarantee "she" is the real thing.

Print out this picture on the printer next to your computer. Colour is better.

Next, cut the head off the picture and paste it onto your well used, life sized, rubber blow up doll. You now have a Thai girl in your bedroom.

Turn on the Thai music, turn down the lights.

Squirt baby oil all over the doll and all around the room. You can use whipped cream if you prefer.

You can throw your leg over this "Thai beauty" as many times as you want without using a condom, without paying money and with no worries about picking up an STD. You can also have your kinky way and poke this thing in your preferred style. Just be careful not to puncture the doll with any over-enthusiasm.

You won't have to worry about being ripped off or drugged by your doll, and as you are already in your bedroom, you won't have to worry about getting a taxi home.

I just hope that when you blow your bolt at the end of your little adventure, you don't blow out that last small portion of your brain through your dick.

FUNNY!!

WE were all newbies once...

(nearly all)

Thanks M/M, made me laugh out loud!!  My family think I am even more crazy than before, they are 'tutting' again...

Keep up the good work with the foil and Wy everyone...  

[wilson steer]

Syd, check out Soi 7 and 8 for fun bars, but the beach is not too bad when the tide goes out.

[markt]

And the US Navy come in.  

[Davidcharles]

Sure all is not well in Pattaya. Nor is anywhere else I have ever been on this Planet. But there are some lovely, disease free, sweet, intelligent ladies there, and I and happy to say that I found one earlier this year. Can't wait to be with her again in December. Who cares about the Bloody Beach anyway

when you are in the arms of a lovely lady?......

[taxexile]

disease free

how are you so sure?

[markt]

Because she told him so.  

[chonabot]

It hasn't dropped off ....yet!

[markt]

What are those little white spots, love?

Pen eng!  Pen eng!  Mai pen rai.

[OzzieMan]

gee they give you a hard time, don't listen to them

Okay never been to pattaya in fact have some friend going there soon so will be a guru on this shortly after

But from a genuine Ozzie here are the answers you need

1. Will I need an air con room in October-November?

Yes you have been conned if you think there is fresh air in Bankok, watch all the traffic police they wear masks and they should no

2. Is the beer alright to drink, or should I stick to spirits?

Never drink a bottle of beer, the go go girls insert these into themselves during shows, 100% spirit is best it kills the germs from the girl you just kissed and after 4 or 5 you just aint that choosey any way

3. I am nervous about taxis, will I be alright at night time?

never catch a taxi at night with out a bright light in your hand, there s a big problem in Thailand whith taxi's headlights

4. Can I phone international calls o.K.?

Thailand is great for making calls overseas they need more of your money

5. What are the best bars for finding a lady?

Best bars for ladys are the non katoey bars

6. Do I negotiate a price for a night with a lady first?

Nah why your money is worth so much more just take pot luck, after all your drunk and won't know what a 500 baht note looks like, or is that a coin hic hic

7. I like certain 'acts' do I negotiate these first?

Acting stupid is always better than acting smart

8. How can I spot a ladyman?

use your eyes

9. Will a girl from a bar drug me and rob me?

Ah ha it sound like you really are into differnt things, if you are lucky i guess you can find someone who will

10. How prevelent are sexual diseases, I prefer no condom for some 'acts'.

All thai girls are VD free as of today, and as long as she does not see any one for the rest of the day she will also be tommorrow. never use a condon when having sex, it will be to smelly when you use it as over your head in the shower

hang on a sec, does that come up with a good name for my friend with the questions

[dr_Pat_Pong]

I wonder why he worries about some things and not others, Death is so #### permanent...      I wonder what kink stuff he's into...we could offer to look after him if we get to watch

                                       

[OzzieMan]

Sure all is not well in Pattaya. Nor is anywhere else I have ever been on this Planet. But there are some lovely, disease free, sweet, intelligent ladies there, and I and happy to say that I found one earlier this year. Can't wait to be with her again in December. Who cares about the Bloody Beach anyway

when you are in the arms of a lovely lady?......

met a guy last night who met the same girl and she turns a 101 tomorrow, gee the days before go go and beer bars,

She even knew what a condom was

Now thats intteligent