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Men Are Just Happier...

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MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.

A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bin, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night. (God how true!)

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes.

There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

The reason those a funny is because many of them are true. I've read those before and always get a laugh.

The one about marriages and expectations is true in most cases.

"A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. "

Pretty sure something along these lines has been posted here before....

..yes, was posted before in the joke section.

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. - And will still have no idea about each others problems or thoughts at the end of the night, unlike the women.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. - funny, but rubbish! In my experience some men are as bad as some women at being tight-fisted.

MONEY

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.

A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. True

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. - True

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. - Men really haven't a clue about what women are thinking!

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Any man who finds a wife who is looking to spend his money has made a serious mistake and needs to consider his inadequacies in marrying such a poor choice.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. - True.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bin, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. - Absolute rubbish.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night. (God how true!) - Only a man could possibly think they wake up looking good-looking!

I realise this is supposed to be funny, but its not that funny and is far better posted elsewhere! I've seen far more accurate 'funny' emails about male/female differences that made me laugh - unlike this.

Why is it posted here?

Good question, I have no idea. There is no point moving it to the jokes forum since its already long been posted there so I will just close it :)

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