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Posted

Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says "Why the long face?"

Okay, can you beat that with a shorter joke?

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Posted

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, ''I'll just have the eggs Benedict.'' His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hub-cap. He asks the waiter, ''What's with the hub-cap?'' The waiter sings, ''Oh, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!''

Posted

Kermit the Frog walks into a bank looking for loan and wants to talk to the Bank President.

The bank teller, Miss Patty Whack, tells Kermit they can't give a loan to just any frog that hops in and asks him: "Do you have any collateral?"

Kermit reaches into his frog pocket and pulls out a key chain with Miss. Piggy's picture on it. "I have this" he says in his scratchy Kermit the Frog voice.

The bank teller sighs heavily, grabs the key chain and goes into the bank president's office. "Excuse me sir, but Kermit the Frog is here and he would like a loan. He brought this key chain as collateral" she says as she rolls up her eyes.

The bank president glances up from his paperwork and says..... "That's a knick knack Patty Whack, give the frog a loan."

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  • Haha 1
Posted
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, ''I'll just have the eggs Benedict.'' His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hub-cap. He asks the waiter, ''What's with the hub-cap?'' The waiter sings, ''Oh, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!''

Okay warfie, that gets a "Make it Stop" groan rating of 9 here!

Posted

A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned orange.

The doctor looks at it and says, “I haven't ever seen any thing like this before in my entire medical career. What do you do for a living? Do you work around any hazardous materials?” The man says no.

The doctor asks the man what he does all day. The man responds, “Nothing.” The doctor is really puzzled now and says, “You can't not do anything. What do you do at home all day?”

The man replies, “Honestly, doc, I don't do anything. I just sit around, watch porno flicks and eat Twisties.”

<---- take THAT Daffy! ---->

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Posted
A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned orange.

The doctor looks at it and says, “I haven't ever seen any thing like this before in my entire medical career. What do you do for a living? Do you work around any hazardous materials?” The man says no.

The doctor asks the man what he does all day. The man responds, “Nothing.” The doctor is really puzzled now and says, “You can't not do anything. What do you do at home all day?”

The man replies, “Honestly, doc, I don't do anything. I just sit around, watch porno flicks and eat Twisties.”

For the Brits that would be Twisties Wotsits :)

Posted

What do you call a bloke doing his housework at midnight with the lights off and two birds of prey on his shoulders?

HAWK KESTREL MAN HOOVERS IN THE DARK

Re: the 80's band.

I'll find my coat again....taxi!

  • Like 1
Posted

86 Year old guy walks into the Pharmacy and askes if they stock Viagra

"Yes we do sir" said the Pharmacist. In that case can you cut one ito 4 asked the man.

Yes we can do that for you but you wont get a Full erection with 1/4 of a pill

I dont want a full erection said the man, I just want it to stick out far enough so I dont Pee on my shoes.

  • Like 1
Posted
Two Palestinian women chatting over tea and biscuits:

A - "How's your son, Jamal?"

B - "Oh...he would be 19 if he was still alive. Remember the bus massacre 3 months ago? That was him, he is a martyr now"

A - "I see! Well how's Shaqueel, your youngest?"

B - "Oh...remember the border crossing massacre? 15 dead? That was my little Shaqueel. He would have been 14 if he was not a martyr already"

A - "So, how's Ismael? Your middle son?"

B - "You don't remember!? He caused the huge explosion at the mosque last week! He was only 18 and we are so proud of his matrydom."

A - sigh - "I see. Don't they blow up quick nowadays" :D

:)

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