Help! My Wife Wont Go Back To Thailand

[Livinginexile]

It has always been my priority to get my wife her permanent resident visa for Australia so we can return home when our son is aged 9 or 10 to complete his secondary education and also as a backup for my family incase we ever need to return home in an emergency.

It has always been our plan to move back to Thailand when all the visa requirements have been met and start a business that I have been planning.

Now I’ve got a big problem. My wife doesn’t want to go back to Thailand!

She has become close to my sisters and my family and has taken to farang land like a duck to water!

I new there was something wrong for the past couple of months because every time I mentioned our plans she would go silent. It all came to a head last night when she told me how she really felt. She asked “can’t we just go back for a holiday for 2 weeks a year?” My sisters have been in her ear too! Shit.

I love my wife very much and I am extremely lucky to have her for my wife. Non of that salary to the family rubbish, everything has been great.

Oh what to do, what to do?

[jackr]

Perhaps she has another interest there.

[anothertorres]

well, you could drug her and fly here over here or... come back for holiday for 2 weeks a year

[SMEEERE]

My wife is exactly the same, mainly as she wants our daughter educated there and prefers it ,simple really, and to the poster that says maybe she has another interest there, get a life, tw@t, ! we dont all have ex/current bar girls,.

Edited June 6, 2009 by SMEEERE

[Livinginexile]

well, you could drug her and fly here over here or... come back for holiday for 2 weeks a year

At the moment that's option C

[cathyy]

I think your son's education would be better done all in one country, preferably not Thailand. Switching at 9 or 10 would be rather traumatic, because of the different basic expectations about things like asking questions and rote memorization vs. actual understanding of material.

There are many men who wish they had your problem! Their wives have been unable to adjust to farangland, but they can't yet return to Thailand due to visa issues (not old enough for retirement, etc.) or due to the need to earn farangland wages. Your wife did not know what living in farangland was like when she agreed to return to Thailand after she got her permanent residency. Now that she has lived there and knows what it is like she wants to remain in farangland. It's hard to live with a miserable wife, which is what you would have if you make her move back to Thailand. If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

You are blessed with a happy wife and a good marriage. I presume you would like to keep both. Visit Thailand for a couple of weeks a year.

[Livinginexile]

I think your son's education would be better done all in one country, preferably not Thailand. Switching at 9 or 10 would be rather traumatic, because of the different basic expectations about things like asking questions and rote memorization vs. actual understanding of material.

There are many men who wish they had your problem! Their wives have been unable to adjust to farangland, but they can't yet return to Thailand due to visa issues (not old enough for retirement, etc.) or due to the need to earn farangland wages. Your wife did not know what living in farangland was like when she agreed to return to Thailand after she got her permanent residency. Now that she has lived there and knows what it is like she wants to remain in farangland. It's hard to live with a miserable wife, which is what you would have if you make her move back to Thailand. If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

You are blessed with a happy wife and a good marriage. I presume you would like to keep both. Visit Thailand for a couple of weeks a year.

Thanks Cathy, you are right, our son's future and education will come first.

I was thinking it would be OK if he started school in Australia at age 9. The reason being that was my age when I started school in Australia after my family migrated here from England. I had little trouble adjusting. I understand it would be different coming from Thailand.

That is my wife's concern too, she doesn't want our son to even start schooling in Thailand.

At what age do you think a child would have little adjusting from a Thai school to a western school?

Our son has just turned 3.

[SoCal]

HA HA.

I worry about the same thing, if I ever take my wife back to the US long term (5-7 yrs.)

That is why 1) I have considerable investment over here (property, house, bank accounts) and nothing over there except bank accounts. 2) I make her life easy over here (doesn't work, maid, nanny.) Back home not so easy, as she would have to do everything herself.

Hopefully I will get a sigh of relief from her, when I tell her its time to move back.

Does your wife work? If not, try getting her a job in a sweat shop.

[G54]

It has always been my priority to get my wife her permanent resident visa for Australia so we can return home when our son is aged 9 or 10 to complete his secondary education and also as a backup for my family incase we ever need to return home in an emergency.

It has always been our plan to move back to Thailand when all the visa requirements have been met and start a business that I have been planning.

Now I've got a big problem. My wife doesn't want to go back to Thailand!

She has become close to my sisters and my family and has taken to farang land like a duck to water!

I new there was something wrong for the past couple of months because every time I mentioned our plans she would go silent. It all came to a head last night when she told me how she really felt. She asked "can't we just go back for a holiday for 2 weeks a year?" My sisters have been in her ear too! Shit.

I love my wife very much and I am extremely lucky to have her for my wife. Non of that salary to the family rubbish, everything has been great.

Oh what to do, what to do?

See, when they flock together, man stands no chance

You could stay happy with such a lovely woman and bow down to the majority wishes of the females around you. On the other hand, make that two weeks a month or so and once back here she might change her mind and want to stay on.

[Lancelot]

Is it really so bad that she likes Australia? Maybe she was growing tired of the ongoing domestic Thai political crisis and economic situation. Despite the reputation of being "The Land of Smiles" the Thais aren't always so nice to each other. Maybe Australia is a refreshing change for her.

In the mean time you can both save a nice nest egg to start a new life where ever you live. Give it some time; I bet that at some point she will be willing to return to Thailand

[Dakhar]

Lets see, if I had the OPs problem, I'd still have:

My BMW M3

6 figure job

house bought and paid for

OH but we have to live in Thailand, to enjoy life with the in-laws....

[ozsamurai]

Perhaps point out the benefit of establishing some kind of base in both countries, if for nothing else financial security, so she can enjoy Farangland even more. Women love to be the boss, get a venture going here and let her develop it using her newly acquired 'farang skills'. BTW....... I hate it when sisters do that too!! Especially Aussie girls...

Oz

edit typo

Edited June 6, 2009 by ozsamurai

[CHdiver]

Now Australia is a very beautiful Country, one of the best to stay. Why move to Thailand? And the beer and vine are much better there too.

Stay there, be happy and enjoy your live back home.

[myauq]

I love my wife very much and I am extremely lucky to have her for my wife. Non of that salary to the family rubbish, everything has been great.

Oh what to do, what to do?

you're a very lucky guy, as she's obviously a smart gal, and even smarter for making the cultural adjustments. congratulations

you've got to see things from her perspective. she's got some great aussie friends (even better that they're your sisters), and now lives in a country where her skills, intellegence, talents and social difference are respected without all the bullshit of social class or face getting in the way. she can earn heaps of money and raise her family in a clean, relatively corrupt-free country.

why would she want to come back here to the land of fake smiles to live?????

[spysee]

I was in same situation as you mate. We lived in Australia and I wanted to move to Thailand and she wanted to stay in Australia.

Well I can see some reasons why she would like to stay in Australia, the air is clean, can drink from the tap etc etc.

But our move to Thailand (even I was not so sure) was a great move. Australia is somewhere I would like to move back to next if I change destination. But Thailand is so much better, the people are really nice here, much better then Sydney.

People in Sydney are just miserable, my wife has been racially abused there many times. If I go back I will probably go to Brisbane as the weather is abit better there.

[Macx]

A friend of mine had a similar problem; however, the salary of his physically demanding job stateside was rather low. He said his Thai wife could see how draining it was for him just to provide for her and their son. She went to vocational school, and then she went to work. They toiled for five years, saving everything they could. While he would have been happy in the US or in Thailand, it was his wife who suggested that they moved back to Thailand so they could enjoy quality time together as a family.

She also wanted their son to grow up in Thailand and develop stronger family ties. While in the states, she looked around and saw how many elderly lived alone or in retirement homes. My friend said the thought of her growing old alone in a foreign country where her son won't live with her or take care of her was very frightening.

So they decided to save up for the kid's college education and live in LOS where they could be comfortable on a budget.

He said that the turning point in his wife's perspective was when she became fully immersed in both work and culture.

It's a tough situation. Best of luck.

[cpofc]

Well, well well, another one.

As one who commenced his Far East and Sth East Asian 'Tour' in 1970 at the tender age of 16, let me just provide you with a few clues as to why you find yourself in this predicament.

I was married in Bangkok in 1985, I have a 100% 34 YO Thai Step Daughter and a 22 YO Ha Sip/Ha Sip son. My wife really doesn't want to return to Thailand permanently either. In fact a few years ago she vowed that she didn't care if she never came back at all, ever. Although she has softened that stance and has returned a couple of times for short visits/holidays. She finally renewed her Thai ID Card after more than 20 years of having niether a Thai Passport nor ID Card. She has been a fully fledged Australian Citizen since 1988. A very easy process all round. No discrimination whatsoever, no fees or charges, even given a present on behalf of the government at her Citizenship Ceremony.

Australia has afforded her things she could only have dreamed of in the Kingdom of Thailand. She is 50 years old now and in her day things we a little bit different than they are now. She had only 4 years of formal schooling in her life - All up. The remainder of her large family are mostly Uni Educated and are doing OK with very good jobs etc. but these offspring came along alot later than my wife did, when things were changing and the family moved to Bangkok and became somewhat 'affluent'.

We are successful Thai Restaurant Owners in OZ - The family owns 3 of them in the Melbourne area, we have been in Business, successfully, since '94 and still going well. My wife has a nice new car, nice house, good money and unlimited access to slot machines and casinos! She speaks English well and enjoys the freedoms, non discriminatory policies of our culture and government and receives reward for effort. She is looked up to within the local Thai Community in Australia and is the Defacto 'Yai' for many young Thais visiting or coming to live in Australia. She has status, experience and brains. She does not drink or smoke and never has. Our daughter, whose future in Thailand would not have been great in these days, has also done well for herself, Uni Educated in Aust, again with nice possessions, an affluent lifestyle and a good business.

My wife's recent return to Thailand, where the family renewed the house paper and where she obtained a new Thai ID Card was a 'nightmare'. Talk about a hard time and given the runaround. And looked down upon and treated with contempt by a large number of Thai Officials at various Government Departments. You see, she is now considered a defacto farang. She even has a farang 'accent' now, and that didn't go down well either. One Thai Female Government Officer even accused her of being a Burmese Refugee!!!!!! And was extremely rude to her mother - much her senior in years. Not very Thai you might say. Many Thais seem to resent those who 'fled' the country to make a better life for themselves and their children, and did, but this is only because of jealousy and envy. Decidely un-buddhist too.

I could go on. But you probably get the picture. In Australia my wife has 'Status', noone wants to know about her educational qualifications and she gets treated the same as i do, as a 5th Gen Australian.

Australia is accused often of being a 'racist' country. But you will get away with saying that about most countries really, much of it due to mere parochialism. You will always find pockets of racism and examples if you go looking hard enough. But on the whole my wife knows which side her bread is buttered on. A return to Thailand would see her revert to a 2nd Class Citizen in her own country. Another pleasing aspect is that she does not have to pay double or extra for anything in Oz, unlike us farangs do everyday in the LOS, she pays the same amount as anyone born in Australia.

Anyway - It didn't stop me moving here. I live here on a (Semi) Permanent basis and my wife now regualry visits for 'holidays' - when she is not busy being wheeling and dealing in Melbourne. We are good mates, the family, whilst dysfunctional to a degree, is intact. i live with my Mother In law and everyone is happy.

As an Ex Sailor, we have an old saying - You can take the boy from the navy, but you can't take the navy out of the boy. it is the same with many Thais. Deep down my wife is a Thai at heart and one day, when she is to old to keep up the frantic pace she lives at in Australia, she may just apply for a retirement Visa, like me, and return to see out her final years. But we shall wait and see.

Chok dee krab.

[jimsextourist]

no offenses to anyone.

but i can imagine thai land not so great if you an avg thai.

you just cant get anywhere. ok for them since they dont know any better.

but for those who have a taste of the west i can see how it woiuld appeal to them, especially w such a good support system.

[TAWP]

Why don't you want her to like your home-country and prefer it? It means you prefer Thailand, and the question is why?

There in lies the key to this issue.

[jimsextourist]

Why don't you want her to like your home-country and prefer it? It means you prefer Thailand, and the question is why?

There in lies the key to this issue.

maybe he dont like an empowerd women.

in los he the boss

[spysee]

no offenses to anyone.

but i can imagine thai land not so great if you an avg thai.

you just cant get anywhere. ok for them since they dont know any better.

but for those who have a taste of the west i can see how it woiuld appeal to them, especially w such a good support system.

I agree too, the average Thai would probably prefer Australian support system and everything that comes with it. But when you have a bit of money and come to Thailand being above the average Thai, Thai life is great. But everyone has different goals and expectations in life, so there is not just 1 correct answer

[Neeranam]

,

our son's future and education will come first.

Will you live in a country that you hate for 20 years until he turns around and tells you to bugger off and he ain't going to college.

I've known a lot of guys have a baby and it dictates their lives.

I want to be in Thailand so my kids will just have to 'put up' with it and accept a selfish father.

My daughters do have the option of going to either OZ or Uk when they have finished Prathom 6.

[sbk]

Well, it sounds like she has your child's best interests at heart. I don't have children for many reasons but one of the big reasons is that I would not want to put my children through schools in Thailand. Being a selfish person, I know that I am not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to give one's child the best opportunities in life.

[Lancelot]

My wife's recent return to Thailand, where the family renewed the house paper and where she obtained a new Thai ID Card was a 'nightmare'. Talk about a hard time and given the runaround. And looked down upon and treated with contempt by a large number of Thai Officials at various Government Departments. You see, she is now considered a defacto farang. She even has a farang 'accent' now, and that didn't go down well either. One Thai Female Government Officer even accused her of being a Burmese Refugee!!!!!! And was extremely rude to her mother - much her senior in years. Not very Thai you might say. Many Thais seem to resent those who 'fled' the country to make a better life for themselves and their children, and did, but this is only because of jealousy and envy. Decidely un-buddhist too.

I could go on. But you probably get the picture. In Australia my wife has 'Status', noone wants to know about her educational qualifications and she gets treated the same as i do, as a 5th Gen Australian.

If they are honest, my hunch is that many Thais would agree with your wife-every thing is not sabai, sabai here in Thailand for the average citizen. Thailand is a great place to live-if you are rich and connected. However, for the average person its a struggle to just get by. I think you are lucky to have a Thai wife that can adjust -and enjoy- a life outside the "LOS"...

[loong]

....I was married in Bangkok in 1985, I have a 100% 34 YO Thai Step Daughter and a 22 YO Ha Sip/Ha Sip son. My wife really doesn't want to return to Thailand permanently either. In fact a few years ago she vowed that she didn't care if she never came back at all, ever. Although she has softened that stance and has returned a couple of times for short visits/holidays. She finally renewed her Thai ID Card after more than 20 years of having niether a Thai Passport nor ID Card ................................................................................

... Deep down my wife is a Thai at heart and one day, when she is to old to keep up the frantic pace she lives at in Australia, she may just apply for a retirement Visa, like me, and return to see out her final years. But we shall wait and see.

Chok dee krab.

I'm a bit confused. If your wife has a Thai ID card, why would she need a retirement Visa?

[spysee]

My wife's recent return to Thailand, where the family renewed the house paper and where she obtained a new Thai ID Card was a 'nightmare'. Talk about a hard time and given the runaround. And looked down upon and treated with contempt by a large number of Thai Officials at various Government Departments. You see, she is now considered a defacto farang. She even has a farang 'accent' now, and that didn't go down well either. One Thai Female Government Officer even accused her of being a Burmese Refugee!!!!!! And was extremely rude to her mother - much her senior in years. Not very Thai you might say. Many Thais seem to resent those who 'fled' the country to make a better life for themselves and their children, and did, but this is only because of jealousy and envy. Decidely un-buddhist too.

I could go on. But you probably get the picture. In Australia my wife has 'Status', noone wants to know about her educational qualifications and she gets treated the same as i do, as a 5th Gen Australian.

If they are honest, my hunch is that many Thais would agree with your wife-every thing is not sabai, sabai here in Thailand for the average citizen. Thailand is a great place to live-if you are rich and connected. However, for the average person its a struggle to just get by. I think you are lucky to have a Thai wife that can adjust -and enjoy- a life outside the "LOS"...

So true, being in Thailand with not much money would be the pits, but having alot of money with no kids its a dam great place.

[wasabi]

Sounds to me like you have a great sensible wife. I can see little benefit to living in Thailand over Australia. You are lucky and don't even know it.

[tb86]

It has always been my priority to get my wife her permanent resident visa for Australia so we can return home when our son is aged 9 or 10 to complete his secondary education and also as a backup for my family incase we ever need to return home in an emergency.

It has always been our plan to move back to Thailand when all the visa requirements have been met and start a business that I have been planning.

Now I've got a big problem. My wife doesn't want to go back to Thailand!

She has become close to my sisters and my family and has taken to farang land like a duck to water!

I new there was something wrong for the past couple of months because every time I mentioned our plans she would go silent. It all came to a head last night when she told me how she really felt. She asked "can't we just go back for a holiday for 2 weeks a year?" My sisters have been in her ear too! Shit.

I love my wife very much and I am extremely lucky to have her for my wife. Non of that salary to the family rubbish, everything has been great.

Oh what to do, what to do?

Ha, we have the exact opposite problem mine lived in aus for ten years, and 10years in nyc where we met, she missed mom and dad so much we just had to return to thailand for a year or two, now that were here i dont want to go back,,,, not a day goes by that i dont hear the whine about i miss manhattan, or if we were in the us we could be going to miami for the weekend.... she made such a big deal before we moved here about me not liking it. She is constantly upset that i like it here too funy.

[BigSnake]

Can you really blame her for not wanting to return here to live? Whatever, have a long talk with her try to see more of her side, me I concur with her on the two weeks a year things or if possible you can come along for six months if time permit and you really love live here so much. Think it Over, she and your sister my just be on to something. By the way my wife was likewise for years, then out of the blue she was ready to return here to live, you figure IT

[OxfordWill]

That would really, really suck. You had a plan, and now she wants to change it. So you have to make a choice. Have you let her know how you feel about this situation?