Wife Won't Give Me A Divorce. Help!

[torrenova]

Cut her off to the level of necessary support for the child.

You were had over when he put the condo in her name. A house perhaps but not a condo.

I would also go for the condo and the child. You can get half the condo for sure and she'll know that so if say the condo is Bt2m, then ask her for Bt1m !

You need to keep a record of her inability to budget.

Unless I missed something, you don't seem concerned about the kid ? You seem rather more interested in dumping the ex and marrying the new GF. Providing a stipend is not being a father. You've got to get your priorities right. Sod the divorce and get a stable environment for your kid. I'd want that first and you have some evidence already that she is unable to support the child, has no control over money and is wilfully keeping the child out of school (and perhaps pocketing the fees ???).

[wolfmanjack]

so you married a thai women, had a child, then moved to another country to work but in the mean time cheated on & left her & your child for this Japanese women? You then cut the agreed allowance by half & want to divorce your wife to marry the women you cheated with, who is threatening to leave you if you don't marry her & take her to Canada? Wow talk about out of the frying pan & into the fire. I would be more worried about the new gf, who seems ok with putting unecessary pressure on you which could potentially destroying the relationship with your child & his mother, seemingly for her own benefit.

Your ex sounds idea seems logical to me tbh, she is left with the child & who's to say that with your new wife wont come new kids, so in her eyes there will be even less reason to trust you will continue to support your son. You currently give her 16k baht a month, not exactly a kings sum so IMO, find a way to give her the lump sum money she wants & get your divorce, at least that way they will have chance to move on & so will you.

This doesn't happen very often but I am with Boo on this one. Then again i have never been on the side of people who cheat on their marriage except for in extreme circumstances.

[wolfmanjack]

There is a very good lesson for us all to learn from this : those Thai girls who all want a foreign man are not doing so because they find foreigners' bodies irresistibly attractive, but because they can't resist their big wallets.

I have had several girlfriends from different Asian nationalities : the Japanese and Taiwanese ones shared all costs with me; the Chinese ones contributed a small amount or even all sometimes at first and then expected me to pay the brunt and usually all of the cost thereafter, but they always ordered the cheapest item on the restaurant menu; but, even a Thai female friend of mine always ordered the most expensive item on the menu apologising for having done so and not paying for anything even the first day we ever met.

I think the moral of the story is that you should file divorce proceedings that give you the maximum benefit from your divorce despite your infidelity and stop giving her money immediately despite her having your son. Otherwise, she will never sign those divorce papers. To all other readers, I suggest you be extra careful with those Thai girls as they are only after one thing and it's not your body.

I think the fact that he is the one that cheated on her takes all the blame from her greed. ANY woman will punish ANY man for cheating on her and rightfully so. I would only agree with your post if he had not cheated on her.

[ArranP]

You have to put your life first and live it they way you choose to do as your happiness or unhappiness will reflect onto your son and others... "let the chips fall where the may" and deal with the consequences as and when they happen in the best way you know how, this is all you can ask of yourself. You cannot control what she is going to do 5 or 6 steps down the road, you can only know what you want or are going to do next!

You can get a divorce by reaching an agreement between yourselves, if this is not possible then you need someone else to arbitrate for you ie. a judge.

Continue to pay child support if you want to keep an access to your son, if you don't pay child-support (I maybe wrong) but this would increase the risk of you loosing access to your son, the amount changes on circumstance and location but 16K is one of the larger amounts I've heard.

Edited July 27, 2009 by ArranP

[jeffjpn]

I would have no problems with a judge telling me I have to pay 16K a month child support. In fact I have offered to pay much more if she will only give me the divorce. As I said I have been paying her about 35K a month for the past three years and have only reduced that recently because I lost my job. For all of those who think that 35K a month is not enough for someone who is living rent free when I am also paying for my son's school well I guess you are probably a Thai woman!! And to Eurozhongguo yes I enjoy very much having a partner that actually wants to contribute to the relationship. I don't need or want a maid, cook or nanny but it is sure nice having a partner that you can actually enjoy life with.

Sick of laziness, indifference and the insane belief that throwing your money away (or should I say my money) will someday bring you luck. Sick of the <deleted> lottery. Sick of excuses of about having to take a taxi instead of the bus, why I only bought a new TV and washing machine because I can pay for it monthly, why i buy a ton of new clothes and then give them away to the neighbors for free. Nice to a philanthropist when it is with other peoples money.

[Bakeman]

EASY FIX MATE

First you must put yourself in her shoes. You found someone else for what ever reason and now she is alone, with your child and possibly wants to hang on to her commodity (you).

The fix

Time to play hard ball. Stop sending money. Get a lawyer and have him contact her. Bluff to take half of everything. Hire an investigator to track her for a few months to see if she has a new special friend. If she does you can take half. Time is on your side for she will not fair well without your cash and eventually will give in especially if you offer money for child support to relieve her ever growing financial troubles. Then you can take care of your child. If your new girlfriend loves you she will understand your predicament and if not she is not the girl for you and you are in a vicious cycle to marry and divorce the wrong woman again.

[aussiebebe]

I'm married to a Thai woman and we have a three-year old son together. I'm living in Bangkok only on a non-immB visa so I often think about having to travel abroad for whatever reason. It must be heart-breaking to leave your child in Thailand and if the OP is going to Canada he may see his son rarely unless he gets custody. The OP mustn't underestimate the effect this is having on his judgement - it must be a real strain on his emotions. I don't think severing payments is the option but it sounds like a tough situation to be in. If I had to leave my son I'd always worry about what he was doing, eating and what he was learning - the OP's situation sounds very hard to me, but I think continued support is necessary for the time being.

[dbrenn]

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post and I am desperate for any help I can get. I am married to a Thai woman but we have been separated now for 4-years. WE have a child together and when things were good I was sending her close to $1000 a month. I bought a condo in Bangkok which is in her name (and she can keep) so she lives rent free. This whole divorce is mostly my fault (I was unfaithful and found a new partner) but she will not sign the papers. She wants money and lots of it which I just do not have. I lost my job at the end of last year but have still been giving her $500 per month and I have said I would sign an agreement giving her the condo and a minimum of $500 per month as that is what I can afford right now. She still says no. Wants me to give her a lump sum of something stupid like a million baht. I have been living my my new girlfriend for the past three years promising her a divorce and she is now getting to the point where she is going to give up on me. The thing is I think/ know I am being very generous to her but she still refuses to sign. Our son needs money for his school and I said I wouldn't pay until she signed and she has now said (and done) that she will keep him out of school for a year!!!! Any advice would be VERY much appreciated.

Under Thai law, four years separation is grounds for a divorce, and there is nothing that she can do to stop you from what is your legal right. However, you will need to take her to court, and in giving you the divorce the court will divide assets and also expect you to make provisions for supporting your child.

Find a reputable lawyer to take you through the process, which may take several months to complete, but you will end up divorced.

[StatlerandWaldorf]

I have read the divorce law before and it seems only the aggrieved party can initiate a divorce. We have been separated for more than 3-years but it was mostly due to finances. I was living in Thailand but as a lot of you will know it isn't all that easy to support a family. We decided that I should go back to Japan to work (no argument from her). This wasn't the first time we had to be separated and I guess it was just too much for me. I didn't get married because I wanted to live alone. Anyway, during my absence I met someone else and it turned into something serious. I really don't want to use my son as a pawn but if I just keep giving her money she will never give me the divorce. The big reason I want the divorce is because I have gotten several good job offers in Canada but will not be able to take my current GF (Japanese not Thai) unless we are married. I am trying to explain to my wife that the better I do the better she will do as well but it is to no avail. She thinks if she can get some kind of lump sum payment out of me that she can start a business to take care of herself. I think she will blow through the money likes she always does and come asking for more. I want to provide a good life for my son and they are not living in poverty by any means. They have a decent sized condo with nice furniture and my son attends (was attending) a bi-lingual school. She hasn't worked since we were married and I have paid for everything including her debt of a previously failed business.

ANYWAY>>>> I just can't believe in this day and age that you might have to stayed married even if you don't want to.

This must be very saddening and frustrating for you, especially as you are trying to do the right thing by your Son. It seems that some people are so obstinate that they cannot see what is the best solution.

From my experience, even if you go through the divorce proceedings (and I believe when you have been estranged for a certain length of time, blame is not an issue) then your wife still needs to sign papers. It could get difficult if she refuses to do this.

I think she is doing the wrong thing making your Son suffer and miss School just to try to get this 'lump sum'. I really feel for you and I hope you can sort this out.

Good Luck

[caf]

Mortgage the Condo (in her name) and give her the proceeds?

You can't take out a mortgage in someone else's name. !!!

Unless you forge her signature and get a copy of her id card

[Paddleshifter]

To OP,

You seems like a good guy. Supporting and thinking about your sons future.

We all know that many of these crazy thai wifes can make you wanna loose your interest in them for various reasons and fast.

The OP went for another girl for some reason. Emotionally or whatever its none of our business. It happened and it happens all the time.

OP has a question about how to solve this.

Here is my solution to it and I think it will work out just fine.

Your case sounds easy to fix. The main reason for this is because you`re fine about her keeping the apartment alone. I can see you`re doing this as being a kind man and also for making sure she can provide a safe home for your son. Thats good thinking.

Anyway, the apartment is your ace card. I understand money is an issue here so to keep the costs low, start with cutting off her support to get her talking and then make sure she gets a lawyer. Why a lawyer for her is important is beacuse so many thai girls are influenced by friends and family members who doesnt know what the heck they are talking about when it comes to legal matters. Bad bad bad ideas everyday from all of them.

When she has a lawyer you make an apointment with her at her lawyers office. There you can tell her the facts and her lawyer will support you with the facts. Things like a 50/50 split of the condo or even a scenario of you taking the apartment all alone if you can prove it was your money and not hers, leaving her with nothing. She doenst work, never has and can not show proof of income.

The point is that she needs to get these possible scenarios straightened out to her by her OWN lawyer!

After this the horn will sound different.

Your next step then as you dont want the apartment is to negotiate details regarding your son down in some kind of aggreement over letting her having the apartment all alone.

The school money you can pay directly to the school, one problem out of the way. Tell her lawyer that you`re going to pay directly to the school and have him confirm to her that the right thing for your sons future is to let your son attend school as normal.

In fear of losing her apartment, expensive lawyer bills in which you will not pay for you will be able to negotiate and get it all the way you want. Belive me!

Then you must also seek support from her lawyer that its not normal for young people to not work. She must also sign up for some kind of job to support the family too. The lawyer will see she has a bad case and when you have left the office he will tell her that she should be very happy to have made a deal about keeping the apartment. Probably he will encourage her to go and get a job too.

Also dont negotiate any stupid things like a monthly payment for her into an agreement. Leave that out. Give what you plan to give. Things may change i nthe future. Your son might be living with you at the age of 13 and you would still have to support her as of an agreement. Dont want that..

She will in fear of losing the condo agree to almost anything. Just push that condo button everytime she shakes her head and you will be fine.

The strength is all at your side as you are gentle about the apartment.

Good luck with it.

PS! If you settle for something like this, please let us have a piece of the story at her lawyers office.

Edited August 10, 2009 by Paddleshifter

[getgoin]

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post and I am desperate for any help I can get. I am married to a Thai woman but we have been separated now for 4-years. WE have a child together and when things were good I was sending her close to $1000 a month. I bought a condo in Bangkok which is in her name (and she can keep) so she lives rent free. This whole divorce is mostly my fault (I was unfaithful and found a new partner) but she will not sign the papers. She wants money and lots of it which I just do not have. I lost my job at the end of last year but have still been giving her $500 per month and I have said I would sign an agreement giving her the condo and a minimum of $500 per month as that is what I can afford right now. She still says no. Wants me to give her a lump sum of something stupid like a million baht. I have been living my my new girlfriend for the past three years promising her a divorce and she is now getting to the point where she is going to give up on me. The thing is I think/ know I am being very generous to her but she still refuses to sign. Our son needs money for his school and I said I wouldn't pay until she signed and she has now said (and done) that she will keep him out of school for a year!!!! Any advice would be VERY much appreciated.

Stop sending her money. Take the kid.