Geekfreaklover Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 (edited) I tried to explain the concept of jealously to an ex once. It went something like this. 'Your being jealous is like holding onto a glass, inside that glass is some water. The harder you hold onto the glass, the more your grip tightens, the more likely the glass will break and you will not be able to drink the water... If you squeeze the glass too tightly... it will break and you will have no glass and your first will not be quenched.' Needless to say it fell on deaf ears and I dumped her. Edited July 28, 2009 by Geekfreaklover Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krading Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Jeezus ma creesus. I don't have these problems. What do you guys do that sets your women off on these 'jealousy' benders. I can go anywhere, do anything (sorry if I sound like a 'Who' song) and she trusts me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastEgo Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 (edited) i have tried simpler words but meaning the same same result as you oh well 2 years down the sh1tter the worst thing is she seemed relatively normal when i met her must be me lol Edited July 28, 2009 by PastEgo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geekfreaklover Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 (edited) i have tried simpler words but meaning the samesame result as you oh well 2 years down the sh1tter the worst thing is she seemed relatively normal when i met her must be me lol A word of advice. I'm not saying you should break up the realtionship. But if you decide to do it after thinking it through. Plan it carefully in advance. Jealousy can often turn into violence in a heart beat. Edited July 28, 2009 by Geekfreaklover Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaimai Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I tried to explain the concept of jealously to an ex once. It went something like this. 'Your being jealous is like holding onto a glass, inside that glass is some water. The harder you hold onto the glass, the more your grip tightens, the more likely the glass will break and you will not be able to drink the water... If you squeeze the glass too tightly... it will break and you will have no glass and your first will not be quenched.' Needless to say it fell on deaf ears and I dumped her. Frankly, Gfl, I would have dumped YOU after an explanation like that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geekfreaklover Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I tried to explain the concept of jealously to an ex once. It went something like this. 'Your being jealous is like holding onto a glass, inside that glass is some water. The harder you hold onto the glass, the more your grip tightens, the more likely the glass will break and you will not be able to drink the water... If you squeeze the glass too tightly... it will break and you will have no glass and your first will not be quenched.' Needless to say it fell on deaf ears and I dumped her. Frankly, Gfl, I would have dumped YOU after an explanation like that - Well, I thought it was one of my finer moments. There goes my ego! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiangmaibruce Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Quite a lot of good advice here. I might just reiterate a few points: I would second the idea of getting hold of a copy of "Thailand Fever" (Paiboon Publishing), but from the sounds of it you BOTH need to read it. There are definitely some cultural issues underlying your problem. Yes Thai women tend to be a bit jealous - for understandable reasons - but yours does seem a bit "over the top". We can only speculate why. * Thais like noise and to be around people. They don't understand why farang need/want time alone and often interpret it as rejection. Also understand that others in the community seeing you out and about alone may gossip that she is maybe "not taking care of you". This will get back to her and hurt. * There is lot of playing around by thai men (hookers, mia moi, casual friends) and there are a lot of thai ladies that would like to get their hands on a nice farang .... so there is a reason why we get watched fairly closely. I'd do the same in their place * Being in a relationship with a Thai after relationships with farang women you do need to un-learn a few traits. Once aspect of this is the need to grow a pair as they say, and take control. As noted this is what most Thai guys do (in some cases a little too much). The husband is the front legs of the elephant - you set the direction and the pace. But pussyfoot around and the back legs may step on you. See the other threads in Thaivisa about dealing with the "silent treatment". If the jealousy thing is really bad then you need to very clearly state that to your wife (not via ultimatum) ... and definitely not before you (and she) get more of a handle on the cultural difference aspect (via Thailand Fever for e.g.) * I also like the idea of counselling via the monk as a further step Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanmiguellight Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Im not sure it is jealousy more that Thai chicks are just clingy and like to be with you far too much. Youve made the mistake of not stamping this out from day one, your life is now doomed to having to hang around with a women for the rest of your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackdanielsesq Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 bkkjames - amen Sir - nice piece!! BR>Jack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geekfreaklover Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 (edited) bkkjames - amen Sir - nice piece!! BR>Jack Hmm. Me thinks Bkkj's mrs might be the jealous type who reads his posts on Thaivisa, and his comment simply a clever ruse. Edited July 28, 2009 by Geekfreaklover Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastEgo Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 hey i know about timing it right i do not want to be another poor falang with his dick chopped off i will do it properly i do not give a dam_n about my personal belongings, as long as i have my bank cards/passport and some clothes i will be happy i will just disapear maybe i lost a couple of thousand bucks on personal items left but better that get done over by her or one of her family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackdanielsesq Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Amazing how someone will covet thy blu ray BR>Jack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanForbes Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I know it's no comfort to the OP, but what I've always found amusing is my hooker friends get jealous over "MY" time. They can have as many customers as they want, but I'm supposed to wait for the day when they are available for me... otherwise it is me that is being unfaithful. My first wife was not jealous at all, and neither am I, and we got along well except for her spending habits. But, my second wife was very jealous and I constantly had to be aware not to do ANYTHING that might cause conflict. It eventually was one of the two things that broke us apart. The other was her druggie adult son who I was supposed to be more tolerant of... even though he was stealing my stuff to sell for more drugs. I now thank my blessings for being single and only having to pay for one. No more "honey-does" to keep the peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harcourt Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Jealous behaviour is a form of abuse. Normally the jeaously is a result of childhood insecurties and difficult to treat even by a good psychiatrist. It can seem very suffocating and it is good the OP has recognized that he is not being treated fairly. I know many men that accept jealous behaviour as the norm and live pathetic lives tip toeing around their wives and making up exuses so they can go out for a beer once every month. Sad. Especially when they are paying the bills, supporting extended family etc. My only advice would be to put your foot down the same way a Thai husband would. What has paying the bills got to do with it? You pay the bills so you rule the roost and do what you want, regardless of your partner's feelings? Give and take. Lets turn it around. If you and your extended family were being supported by a rich foreign woman, would you let her out of your sight on occasion? Maybe you would if you knew she loved you. Or, maybe you wouldn't in case some other man took your meal ticket. Paying the bills has a lot to do with it. No, you have spun this. You implied that because they are paying the bills, they shouldn't have to tip toe around. Which in turn implies that the bill-payer should be able to do what he wants BECAUSE he pays the bills. It's a rather old-fashioned, patriarchal attitude. Instead of "Don't annoy me with your irritating jealousies because I'm the bill-payer.", surely "Don't annoy me with your irritating jealousies because it's bad for our relationship." is a more forward-thinking attitude? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
longstebe Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I tried to explain the concept of jealously to an ex once. It went something like this. 'Your being jealous is like holding onto a glass, inside that glass is some water. The harder you hold onto the glass, the more your grip tightens, the more likely the glass will break and you will not be able to drink the water... If you squeeze the glass too tightly... it will break and you will have no glass and your first will not be quenched.' Needless to say it fell on deaf ears and I dumped her. I like this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanmiguellight Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 (edited) It's a rather old-fashioned, patriarchal attitude.Instead of "Don't annoy me with your irritating jealousies because I'm the bill-payer.", surely "Don't annoy me with your irritating jealousies because it's bad for our relationship." is a more forward-thinking attitude? What is wrong with being old fashioned? Forward thinkers aka middle class liberals with their do and think as i say attitude are the problem! Edited July 28, 2009 by sanmiguellight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzaa09 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Of course she's jealous. She knows very well how many women there are out there desperate to find a farang man, and that they have no scruples about whether he's married or not.You can hardly blame her. Not if she understands that he is true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harcourt Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 It's a rather old-fashioned, patriarchal attitude.Instead of "Don't annoy me with your irritating jealousies because I'm the bill-payer.", surely "Don't annoy me with your irritating jealousies because it's bad for our relationship." is a more forward-thinking attitude? What is wrong with being old fashioned? Forward thinkers aka middle class liberals with their do and think as i say attitude are the problem! The problem with old fashioned thinking is that it is stuck in a time warp and does not help itself by considering new ideas. I do not equate forward thinkers to middle class liberals......however I could agree with you that middle class liberals with their do and think as i say attitude can be a problem! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BEENTHEREDONETHAT Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 This seems to be a common trait amongst Thai woman - 'jealous of nothing', (ie - they actually have nothing to be jealous about because you are a faithful and loving partner).Us farangs do like to spend time alone sometimes, mulling over the issues of the day. Thai people seem to love being in the company of others - 24 hours a day! I took up cycling as a solution. I got fit by the exercise and it gave me an hour or so away from my partner. Initially she was not keen on the idea, but she could see the health benefits. I always invited her to cycle with me, but I also knew that the thought of cycling 30km in the hot sun and getting a browner skin would be like torture to her! So I got time to myself and no problems from my partner.... Simon After reading all of the above I think Simon has the best solution. If you don't want to cycle tell her you are going jogging and just take a walk. Thais seem to hate exercise and the sun so no chance she will go with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bakeman Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 EASY FIX MATE Start fishing again and take her with you. Once she finds that there are no women around she will begin to not want to go fishing. Ease her jealousy by showing her effection primarily when other prospects (women) are around. You may not be a meal ticket but you are a commodity that is highly sought after in Thailand. One day when she builds her trust for you and is not jealous you will question yourself if she still loves you. A hobby or girlfriends for her will also ease her mind. I have a Thai girlfriend and I like when she is jealous. Though it seems like a negative attitude at least you know she still wants you. Be careful what you ask for and enjoy her clinginess. One day you may want her to be clingy particularly when the roles are reversed and another farang is near-by. Good luck in your choices to change her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkkjames Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 bkkjames - amen Sir - nice piece!! BR>Jack Hmm. Me thinks Bkkj's mrs might be the jealous type who reads his posts on Thaivisa, and his comment simply a clever ruse. My mrs doesnt read. she contemplates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a2396 Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 I have never really encountered this problem. My current GF of sorts (known her for 2 years) said she doesn't care if I have other girls. I know she has one other guy, that she has been seeing for 6 years. I don't particularly like the deal, but she has other redeeming qualities. A lady as jealous as the OP's would get short shrift from me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
najman Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Jealous behaviour is a form of abuse. Normally the jeaously is a result of childhood insecurties and difficult to treat even by a good psychiatrist. It can seem very suffocating and it is good the OP has recognized that he is not being treated fairly. I know many men that accept jealous behaviour as the norm and live pathetic lives tip toeing around their wives and making up exuses so they can go out for a beer once every month. Sad. Especially when they are paying the bills, supporting extended family etc. My only advice would be to put your foot down the same way a Thai husband would. Since psychiatry itself admits it has no cures and is wholly ineffective a ridiculously over priced why would anyone recommend them? Seriously. Sound guidance from a monk would be 100X more effective. psychiatry is one multi billion dollar industry asia doesnt need. Not to mention the west as well. have a look at www.cchr.org for the facts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geekfreaklover Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Jealous behaviour is a form of abuse. Normally the jeaously is a result of childhood insecurties and difficult to treat even by a good psychiatrist. It can seem very suffocating and it is good the OP has recognized that he is not being treated fairly. I know many men that accept jealous behaviour as the norm and live pathetic lives tip toeing around their wives and making up exuses so they can go out for a beer once every month. Sad. Especially when they are paying the bills, supporting extended family etc. My only advice would be to put your foot down the same way a Thai husband would. Since psychiatry itself admits it has no cures and is wholly ineffective a ridiculously over priced why would anyone recommend them? Seriously. Sound guidance from a monk would be 100X more effective. psychiatry is one multi billion dollar industry asia doesnt need. Not to mention the west as well. have a look at www.cchr.org for the facts Haha. I had a look at your link. It's a joke right? You didn't fall for it did you? Must be the worse conspiricy theory yet. Nice one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harcourt Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Jealous behaviour is a form of abuse. Normally the jeaously is a result of childhood insecurties and difficult to treat even by a good psychiatrist. It can seem very suffocating and it is good the OP has recognized that he is not being treated fairly. I know many men that accept jealous behaviour as the norm and live pathetic lives tip toeing around their wives and making up exuses so they can go out for a beer once every month. Sad. Especially when they are paying the bills, supporting extended family etc. My only advice would be to put your foot down the same way a Thai husband would. Since psychiatry itself admits it has no cures and is wholly ineffective a ridiculously over priced why would anyone recommend them? Seriously. Sound guidance from a monk would be 100X more effective. psychiatry is one multi billion dollar industry asia doesnt need. Not to mention the west as well. have a look at www.cchr.org for the facts Haha. I had a look at your link. It's a joke right? You didn't fall for it did you? Must be the worse conspiricy theory yet. Nice one. Hahahaha. I wasn't of a mind to look at the link until I saw your comment Gfl. I agree with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dondraper Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 not the jealousy but the overall smothering for sure, but then again, you also have the utmost in terms of commitment and love so i think its a fair trade off. i do at times which she had more hobbies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mahtin Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 [My mrs doesnt read. she contemplates. ....with a subdued rumbling sound like Krakatoa? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anon7867763 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Jealousy often is fired by inactiveness , does she have a life outside your marraige ? Maybe if she had a job or studied or something she would make freinds and feel better about herself , more usefull and secure.Everyone must have their own life and something to motivate them other wise they feel insecure and all she can do is concentrate on you and her , beleive me I have been there.I am insisting that my present wife has her qwn life and she is now studying.I am a very active person and I need to be with an active wife , if not i would probably walk good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GungaDin Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 not the jealousy but the overall smothering for sure, but then again, you also have the utmost in terms of commitment and love so i think its a fair trade off. i do at times which she had more hobbies. Never heard of a Thai girl with a hobby. What hobbies does she have? Typo? Hubby? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heng Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 How is your own personal time and personal space something someone else has to give you? Alot it to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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