Unable To Get A Date

[britmaveric]

eek, never said western women have to, but you need to get a date. The chased becomes the chasee!! Once you have the foot in the door the rest takes care of itself.

No worries Eek, I'm not asking any women to be something she is not - obviously you don't want to throw yourself at any lad. You need an opportunity and only way you can do so is put yourself out there and show you are different then all the other competition.

Edited August 2, 2009 by britmaveric

[eek]

eek, never said western women have to, but you need to get a date. The chased becomes the chasee!! Once you have the foot in the door the rest takes care of itself.

Well..fair point!

Edit: and reading over what i wrote, i do feel bad that it seemed like i was gunning for you or something!! *gulp* ..ill exit now..hopefully gracefully (gotta keep up with the competition eh? )

Edited August 2, 2009 by eek

[samran]

Just the shoe is on the other foot syndrome, not your fault - but this is the way of the world in Thailand. You are at disadvantage two fold from the very start - being western and Asian. At least a western woman in Bangkok has an edge of being different and can use that to her advantage. I'd suggest hanging out in establishments where westerners tend to congregate - join social clubs ect. The thing is you need to sell yourself to the lads here and show that you are special. I know its probably something you are not use to, but if you want to snag a lad then you need to work hard for it.

Bah..no thanks. I dont expect a man to grovel for my attention, and im not going to do the same. What happens further down the line then? If she doesnt pander to his every whim hes off to pastures green? Better to find someone you can have a normal healthy relationship with. Of course that means give and take and mutual consideration. I actually think im fairly traditional in my outlook in relationships. I ENJOY doing things for my partner. At the same time, im not going to be pander to him 24/7. If he wants that, he can look elsewhere. Thailand or not, there is no way I would let a man think that he could belittle me in that way. He will always have my respect, so long as i have his.

..and im of the opinion that i dont agree with the shoe on the other foot syndrome that men often talk about here. Yes, there are some differences, as in, many men who come here are attracted to Asian ladies, and many may get attention from girls that may not give them a second glance in a western country. Many like the Thai girls ways/mannerisms and many are just enjoying the novelty. That doesn't mean western women, or western educated women should now be some kind of 1950's throwback where they should accept anything a man throws at them. I guess i will get labeled a feminazi now, when in fact im often told how feminine i am. I just believe in a loving caring sharing relationship where although some extra effort (on BOTH sides) is par the course when meeting someone new, people really shouldnt need to put on an act. But heck, if the men enjoy (possibly fake) fuss,makes them feel like a stud, and gives some feeling of accomplishment, then go ahead and enjoy.

I don't think there is any grovelling that needs to be done. It is a supply and demand issue. For the expat women, supply is low, and well, demand exceeds supply! (Trust me, me and my NZ wife met here in BKK...she and a bunch of her friends agrees). I think an ex.expat woman has recently written a book about her dryspell in BKK.

When supply becomes available, very little grovelling needs to be done (the expat girl can be rather agressive actually...), and no 1950's throwback-ing needed!

[eek]

.. my fingers just sorta flew in rant mode across the keyboard. Must have been possessed

[jackdanielsesq]

Already we have a mini war developing - not a lot to do with helping the OP - my nickel.

No matter where I am, dont give a rat about culture, origin, language, I get the same responses from all the ladies.

I have seldom, if ever been blown-off - spanked & slapped - yes - deservedly so, but never been snubbed.

One has to be a total lowlife, or wear ya clothes backwards to get snubbed, even on the funny farm.

But, I do use a simple chemistry test - always have, and it has never failed me.

No matter whom is in the room - there is always somebody out there fishing - someone is hunting.

Ya have to find that chemistry - if its not there, move on, live to fight another day.

Once you have that eye-contact its real easy - a smile, a nod, a simple gesture, and the game of love is on.

Plus, its reciprocal, it is not a one-way street. 10 seconds of eye-contact says more than 2 volumes of Shakespeare.

Happy hunting!!

BR>Jack

[beerchang]

.. my fingers just sorta flew in rant mode across the keyboard. Must have been possessed

eek. In the words of the almighty Mr Paul Weller: 'Stop apologising for the fings you never done'

I'm sure brit's not on suicide watch after your comments!

[britmaveric]

^no I take things on the chin especially when it comes from such a lovely lady as Eek!!!

[beerchang]

Already we have a mini war developing - not a lot to do with helping the OP - my nickel.

No matter where I am, dont give a rat about culture, origin, language, I get the same responses from all the ladies.

I have seldom, if ever been blown-off - spanked & slapped - yes - deservedly so, but never been snubbed.

One has to be a total lowlife, or wear ya clothes backwards to get snubbed, even on the funny farm.

But, I do use a simple chemistry test - always have, and it has never failed me.

No matter whom is in the room - there is always somebody out there fishing - someone is hunting.

Ya have to find that chemistry - if its not there, move on, live to fight another day.

Once you have that eye-contact its real easy - a smile, a nod, a simple gesture, and the game of love is on.

Plus, its reciprocal, it is not a one-way street. 10 seconds of eye-contact says more than 2 volumes of Shakespeare.

Happy hunting!!

BR>Jack

So true Mr Daniels. However, where I come from 10 seconds of eye contact usually results in a smack in the mouth! The women are tough 'round here!

[thaiman]

I am in my forties, and in extremely good shape.

Thanks.

You're competing with young fit women in BKK. The odds are stacked against you.

[beerchang]

^no I take things on the chin especially when it comes from such a lovely lady as Eek!!!

Youz a creep dude!

[beerchang]

I am in my forties, and in extremely good shape.

Thanks.

You're competing with young fit women in BKK. The odds are stacked against you.

Yeah. Chances are she wont end up with a fat, bald, toothless, chainsmoking, alcoholic as a boyfriend. She's doomed f'sure.

[beerchang]

Bet the OP hasn't got a sick buffalo either.

[G54]

My apologies for the SWF tag. Not sure where my brain cell was at the time of posting. Maybe that solitary brain cell went looking for a mate also

[ozzieovaseas]

Hello there...I see you have no shortage of nonsensicle, over-exagerated advice that seems to focus on what YOU should be doing!

IMHO, in any other country an attractive english speaking woman like you would never have to look very hard, and you definately SHOULDNT be concerned about what YOU have to do...but, this is thailand!!

Sadly most farang women here assume that guys are all sexperverts who have came to BKK for deviant purposes, hence every male (to some extent) has to bare the brunt of suspicion and seemingly have to justify their prescence here to overcome the stereotype.

The tyical attitude of indifferance and sour body language that is metered out to any guy that approaches them is usually enough to make most guys not even bother with farang women again.

SO..in that regard i guess you can blame your fellow farang women who have come before you!! to bad they have spoilt it for all you good ones!!

In my experience (39y.o,single,physically fit) thai women dont always offer very satisfying company, firstly because of the lack of communication to be had, and the off-putting attitude of just hanging around for money...

Funny that no-one has offered you the obvious solution though...then again G54 hasnt been here yet!!

STILL...Im not to shy to put my hand up to show the good lady some good conversation over coffee

private message is your friend!!!

[ozzieovaseas]

sorry G54...i didnt see you there!!

I knew it wouldnt be long before a fine gentleman like yourself sniffed out this thread

[beerchang]

Hello there...I see you have no shortage of nonsensicle, over-exagerated advice that seems to focus on what YOU should be doing!

IMHO, in any other country an attractive english speaking woman like you would never have to look very hard, and you definately SHOULDNT be concerned about what YOU have to do...but, this is thailand!!

Sadly most farang women here assume that guys are all sexperverts who have came to BKK for deviant purposes, hence every male (to some extent) has to bare the brunt of suspicion and seemingly have to justify their prescence here to overcome the stereotype.

The tyical attitude of indifferance and sour body language that is metered out to any guy that approaches them is usually enough to make most guys not even bother with farang women again.

SO..in that regard i guess you can blame your fellow farang women who have come before you!! to bad they have spoilt it for all you good ones!!

In my experience (39y.o,single,physically fit) thai women dont always offer very satisfying company, firstly because of the lack of communication to be had, and the off-putting attitude of just hanging around for money...

Funny that no-one has offered you the obvious solution though...then again G54 hasnt been here yet!!

STILL...Im not to shy to put my hand up to show the good lady some good conversation over coffee

private message is your friend!!!

OMG! To the OP, your gonna get a date from this forum f'sure! BTW, I'm 21 years old and love older women. Brad Pitt is ugly compared to me and I have a fantastic sense of humour and am very very clever. I have millions in the bank and want to give it all to you before i've even met you. I can tell from the way you write that you are sensitive, creative and I honestly feel a connection between us just from your words on the screen. Maybe we could OW! Aw sh*t! The wife just caught me. Hate it when she creeps up behind me like that.

[F1fanatic]

First post of OP, This is serious?

Yes, quite serious. Definitely not a troll. Just looking for advice. And many thanks to all those who replied.

As you are serious, I would suggest that you have a few nights out with some workmates. Once people get to know and understand you better and realise you are single and looking you might get a few responses.

A SWF in BKK who cannot get a date seems odd to me. Especially as I have SWF friends 20 years your senior who come over here and have no problems finding male company.

No offence intended but are you coming across as some fierce harridan, even though you may be beautiful and sexy? Many a man can quake in his boots at the thought of an independent lady on the prowl too. It can do the power of the small head a lot of damage and turn it into a shrinking (wilting) violet for some men

Ummm... you know SWF of 60 (you talk about women 20 years the OP's senior) who "come over here and have no problems finding male company"!

Presumably you're not talking about 'dates', just company. Otherwise money is generally involved. A 60 year old (male or female) would have to be very lucky to find a Western partner in a foreign country!

Coming across as "some fierce harridan" is always the Western male excuse for preferring Thai women. Ignore it, they obviously need an excuse (any excuse!) 'cos they know that their choice of partner is laughed at in the West. They will only accept that they are loved for their money when it all goes horribly wrong.

Having said that, as a fit, 40 year old you will find men who find you attractive. Just give it time and get out and meet people. There are lots of nice men out there who have been through the normal experiences and would love to meet you!

[Thaifan2]

OP , pm me i need a rich old lady to take care of me .It does not matter if you are bossy and have no personality ,or sence of humour .

[eek]

40 = old lady? .......

[ozzieovaseas]

Having said that, as a fit, 40 year old you will find men who find you attractive. Just give it time and get out and meet people. There are lots of nice men out there who have been through the normal experiences and would love to meet you!

HEY YOO OP,HANSUM LADY, ME ME...I LUV YOO LONG TIME

EEK..40=old....NO WAY....at least we hope not,otherwise many would consider you ancient

how do i know?....neverdie told me ...just joking!!

[typhoon]

I don't really have the answer for the op.Thailand is a very male dominated place.

[Datsun240Z]

Just the shoe is on the other foot syndrome, not your fault - but this is the way of the world in Thailand. You are at disadvantage two fold from the very start - being western and Asian. At least a western woman in Bangkok has an edge of being different and can use that to her advantage. I'd suggest hanging out in establishments where westerners tend to congregate - join social clubs ect. The thing is you need to sell yourself to the lads here and show that you are special. I know its probably something you are not use to, but if you want to snag a lad then you need to work hard for it.

Bah..no thanks. I dont expect a man to grovel for my attention, and im not going to do the same. What happens further down the line then? If she doesnt pander to his every whim hes off to pastures green? Better to find someone you can have a normal healthy relationship with. Of course that means give and take and mutual consideration. I actually think im fairly traditional in my outlook in relationships. I ENJOY doing things for my partner. At the same time, im not going to be pander to him 24/7. If he wants that, he can look elsewhere. Thailand or not, there is no way I would let a man think that he could belittle me in that way. He will always have my respect, so long as i have his.

..and im of the opinion that i dont agree with the shoe on the other foot syndrome that men often talk about here. Yes, there are some differences, as in, many men who come here are attracted to Asian ladies, and many may get attention from girls that may not give them a second glance in a western country. Many like the Thai girls ways/mannerisms and many are just enjoying the novelty. That doesn't mean western women, or western educated women should now be some kind of 1950's throwback where they should accept anything a man throws at them. I guess i will get labeled a feminazi now, when in fact im often told how feminine i am. I just believe in a loving caring sharing relationship where although some extra effort (on BOTH sides) is par the course when meeting someone new, people really shouldnt need to put on an act. But heck, if the men enjoy (possibly fake) fuss,makes them feel like a stud, and gives some feeling of accomplishment, then go ahead and enjoy.

edit: Oh and expatlady, i hope you find some good venues to go to, where you will meet some decent normal guys. For those are the ones worth making an effort for, and hanging on to.

edit2: Brit..sorry if my response to what you wrote sounds overly harsh. I realise that you were just being honest and trying to give some advice.

I do find ladies in general these days, have higher demandings off what they want in a relationship, this many times causes the relationship to fail.

[eek]

^no I take things on the chin especially when it comes from such a lovely lady as Eek!!!

EEK..40=old....NO WAY....at least we hope not,otherwise many would consider you ancient

how do i know?....neverdie told me ...just joking!!

Uh? Have a good few years to go till i reach 40

Anyway, got to go. Have an errand.

"Oi!...NEverDIe!!! "

[monekyface]

Be nice to people. Old, young, farang, Thai...just be nice. Smile. Offer a hand in help when one is needed. There isn't enough of this in the country lately (or any country for that matter) and the smallest things get noticed by someone who is looking for a caring love interest. I think you will get a lot of propositions with this very simple method, and in the meantime you not only feel good yourself but you also have a positive impact on people.

Politics are a mess right now, tourism is down, jobs are at stake and life is hard for people here. Everyone notices a mushroom growing out of the dung or a bright soft swatch of fabric in an otherwise crusty feedsack texture city. I am no prize- overweight, not rich, and I am crabby sometimes. But I managed to hook a lovely woman who will be my bride soon, and not only is she beautiful outside with pouty lips and big dark eyes, but she laughs easily and sees the good all around her. It will happen for you. I would bet on it.

[F1fanatic]

Just the shoe is on the other foot syndrome, not your fault - but this is the way of the world in Thailand. You are at disadvantage two fold from the very start - being western and Asian. At least a western woman in Bangkok has an edge of being different and can use that to her advantage. I'd suggest hanging out in establishments where westerners tend to congregate - join social clubs ect. The thing is you need to sell yourself to the lads here and show that you are special. I know its probably something you are not use to, but if you want to snag a lad then you need to work hard for it.

Bah..no thanks. I dont expect a man to grovel for my attention, and im not going to do the same. What happens further down the line then? If she doesnt pander to his every whim hes off to pastures green? Better to find someone you can have a normal healthy relationship with. Of course that means give and take and mutual consideration. I actually think im fairly traditional in my outlook in relationships. I ENJOY doing things for my partner. At the same time, im not going to be pander to him 24/7. If he wants that, he can look elsewhere. Thailand or not, there is no way I would let a man think that he could belittle me in that way. He will always have my respect, so long as i have his.

..and im of the opinion that i dont agree with the shoe on the other foot syndrome that men often talk about here. Yes, there are some differences, as in, many men who come here are attracted to Asian ladies, and many may get attention from girls that may not give them a second glance in a western country. Many like the Thai girls ways/mannerisms and many are just enjoying the novelty. That doesn't mean western women, or western educated women should now be some kind of 1950's throwback where they should accept anything a man throws at them. I guess i will get labeled a feminazi now, when in fact im often told how feminine i am. I just believe in a loving caring sharing relationship where although some extra effort (on BOTH sides) is par the course when meeting someone new, people really shouldnt need to put on an act. But heck, if the men enjoy (possibly fake) fuss,makes them feel like a stud, and gives some feeling of accomplishment, then go ahead and enjoy.

edit: Oh and expatlady, i hope you find some good venues to go to, where you will meet some decent normal guys. For those are the ones worth making an effort for, and hanging on to.

edit2: Brit..sorry if my response to what you wrote sounds overly harsh. I realise that you were just being honest and trying to give some advice.

I do find ladies in general these days, have higher demandings off what they want in a relationship, this many times causes the relationship to fail.

Yes, couldn't agree more. Its so sad the way women nowadays want to have their own life that doesn't just revolve around looking after their husband. Once this happens of course it will cause the relationship to fail.

[Boo]

lmao F1fanatic.

[Phatcharanan]

Hi - y'all might be looking for love in all the wrong places, honey.

Most guys are wuzzes - they are slobs who expect every bar-bimbo to make all the moves.

Maybe you overdress - way too successfully - tone it down a bit. Flaunt it a little.

Most guys are threatened by single, successful female executives who are cruising.

They cannot get beyond the '' how much for short time ....''

Try taking one of your junior office buds out for dinner - make sure he is good looking and that all his future

promos are at stake, etc ... gives you rites of passage also.

Easier to socialize - I do this in LA - take my gay ladies out - we tag-team - both win.

Yacht Clubs, Flying Clubs, Polo Clubs, Sports Clubs, Horse Racing, etc, all are great places to meet folks.

Visit them on the pretext of meeting someone there or joining up ...

Forget the misfits, lonely hearts, singles clubs, AA, I need a date, nonsense.

Bubba

PS Call me.

Are you for real? Threatened by single successful female exec types? Wooooooooooooo Bring them on !!!

Edited August 2, 2009 by Phatcharanan

[thaiman]

40 = old lady? .......

Hate to break it to you, but yes!

[IanForbes]

Many men come to Thailand hoping to find a full time partner. Unfortunately, they get taken in by the dazzling array of lovelies working in bars. Never having experienced anything like that in the western world they don't know how to react when they truly do meet a nice woman who doesn't work in the "trade". What they see in the bars they take as the norm in Thailand... it's not. From the mens point of view the bars are an obvious place to meet women, and most of the available men go there. Unfortunately, the odds of finding Mr Right or Miss Right in a bar is highly suspect. Only a small percentage of the bar women will make a good, long term partner. The most attractive, sexy ones will be the least likely to make good, long term partners. Their hearts have been broken too many times and they are usually hard as nails.

This makes it difficult for any western woman to compete in Thailand... even if they are attractive. The only solution is to go outside the bar scene and join clubs or social groups where it's possible to meet similar minded men on a casual basis. Any woman over the age of 40, and trying to compete with the younger gals in the bar scene is a hopeless adventure.

Yes, I've met dozens of lovely women who worked in bars, but I had to sort through hundreds to find the nice ones that suit me. I certainly wouldn't want to be a 40ish woman hoping to meet a nice man in a bar. The tourists are only there for a short time and the expats already know the scene.

[sbk]

Well, and lets be honest here, there aren't many "nice" women (Thai included) who are interested in the kind of men who go to bars for partners. The men who've been here awhile figured it out, as did Ian, the newbies aren't ones a woman would be interested in anyway.

There are quite a few social clubs, facebook has some great pages, and frankly, to be on the hunt for a man for a date will come across as desperate. And there aren't too many men (or women for that matter) who find desperation attractive. To be honest, you'd be better off cultivating friendships among the people you meet. Develop a social network, be friendly (as has been suggested) and get as far away from the "bar" scene as possible. There are plenty of nice men in Thailand who find an interesting, intelligent woman attractive. Thai men included I might add.